skyunderthesea
so goddamn tired
- Jul 4, 2026
- 28
This is mainly about one specific friend (lets call him Jay) but it can be extrapolated to various degrees to other friends I may have. Me and Jay have a strange history together. He used to absolutely torment me but had a genuine change of heart and now we're super close. I've told him a lot of awful things that happened to me. I've told him that I feel suicidal but made sure to say I was too much of a coward to ever go through with it. Some strange manifestation of SI has me wanting to say in much more specific terms that I plan on ending my own life soon, that I'm gonna hang myself in the forest. I know that he's gonna take it rough when I do, given he's said that it's his own personal mission to make me as happy as he his. I know he isn't equipped to deal with how fucked up I am but still I feel a strong desire to tell him. I wish I had any easy way to fix myself and fix my life but I just don't and I just want it all to stop. I want to figure out some roundabout way to tell him that this is for the best and that he should just be happy I'm not miserable anymore. I feel bad that he'll definitely beat himself up over everything he could've done to save me or fix me or whatever. But overall, it's easier for everyone if I'm a tragic story rather than a depressing reality.
