Help Life Choices. WTF to do?

[AnimeSlayersFan]

How do you make choices in life?
I'm about to try medication, which may help a bit, but I don't know what to do then, like in general what to do with my life. What to make of it.
Everything seems just so chaotic, that I don't have a clue on what to do, stay where I am, who to talk to, move? To which part of my country, to another country?
Look for a job? Save money for a van and live in a van with like mobile data internet?
Be social enough to crash in random people's places? Try to get a job? Start a business? What job? What business?
Be openly bisexual or hide it? How should I dress? How do I interact with a corrupt system?
Like EVERYTHING is up for questions. Then, even if I chose to live an "optimal life", working, saving money in a boring and stable job, then what?
Is that a life worth living? Which of all the possible life options is one "worth living".
All the things I valued BEFORE all this shit post covid went down have changed a lot, and I have aged, I have no direction.

What do you do in a moment like this? I do not want to just stumble around either, just taking the path of less resistance, because that feels like it's gonna be baaaaaaad for me.

So that, let's say that I "get better" enough for me to realize that I am an adult, but an adult in a crazy chaotic place, filled with boobytraps.
I'm now afraid of life. About making the wrong choice.
And I know that this is a game that does not end once you enter into it, and I feel that I'm about to really enter into it.
I guess at 25 I have to start being "an adult" not in my interests, but in choices.
I'm terrified. I guess I will have to fend for myself now?

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

How do you make choices in life?
I'm about to try medication, which may help a bit, but I don't know what to do then, like in general what to do with my life. What to make of it.
Everything seems just so chaotic, that I don't have a clue on what to do, stay where I am, who to talk to, move? To which part of my country, to another country?
Look for a job? Save money for a van and live in a van with like mobile data internet?
Be social enough to crash in random people's places? Try to get a job? Start a business? What job? What business?
Be openly bisexual or hide it? How should I dress? How do I interact with a corrupt system?
Like EVERYTHING is up for questions. Then, even if I chose to live an "optimal life", working, saving money in a boring and stable job, then what?
Is that a life worth living? Which of all the possible life options is one "worth living".
All the things I valued BEFORE all this shit post covid went down have changed a lot, and I have aged, I have no direction.

What do you do in a moment like this? I do not want to just stumble around either, just taking the path of less resistance, because that feels like it's gonna be baaaaaaad for me.

So that, let's say that I "get better" enough for me to realize that I am an adult, but an adult in a crazy chaotic place, filled with boobytraps.
I'm now afraid of life. About making the wrong choice.
And I know that this is a game that does not end once you enter into it, and I feel that I'm about to really enter into it.
I guess at 25 I have to start being "an adult" not in my interests, but in choices.
I'm terrified. I guess I will have to fend for myself now?

I don't know what to do but I "hope" you are gonna make it.

 

[AnimeSlayersFan]

Thanks for the kind words.

 

[私はあなたと一緒に飛びます]

I don't know if my words will bring much comfort since I'm absolutely terrible at giving advice, but hell - here I go.

Often times I find myself facing a really tough choice, like shit - I make a mountain out of a molehill and in my mind I make things out to be far worse than they actually are, and when I force myself to do said task, more often than not, it turns out FAR better than I could have hoped, and if it doesn't? I learn from it and move on.

Driving? Shit, I don't do it much do to my extreme anxiety, but when I do it feels liberating. Tough sitchiation at work? Go into it head on and hopefully don't fuck it up. It's usually just a situation of just making me go out of my comfort zone and try new things I guess.

I honestly don't know what I want for myself other than to be happy, so...maybe start with the smallest possible thing that you know what you makes you happy, and then go with that. Keep building through the chaos, and if it gets too much? Step back a bit, then keep going. I've faced this shit for a while and it's worked for me, and believe me - I have exisitential dread about what happens when my Dad is gone.

But in any case, I hope you make it as well, and I'll be rooting for you, for what it's worth!

(and I'm so sorry if this sounds like one of those cheap life advice commercial things, but I promise it came from the heart.)