NSFW Let's be honest about sex boys and girls

[idiotstillwantstodie]

Sharing meals together, sharing times together with family and friends- holidays and other get togethers, someone to talk to about things that go wrong in your life, someone to talk to about things that go well in your life, possibly raising kids together if you both want to, sharing experiences with pets, someone to laugh with and joke around with, someone to go to moviues with or work out with, etc- all of these experiences make the relationship richer if it is a good relationship- then it's not only about sex, though sex is clearly very important in a relationship.

Yeah but the whole point of having a relationship is that I can do all of the above, save for having kids, with other people!

I made the post because i wanted to talk about my inability to enjoy close, physical relationships. I hate the thought of using people. And i hate the thought of getting used. But it seems that every relationship will eventually lean to one or the other.

Maybe I'm really naive, but I don't think that all romantic relationships simply have to be all about the struggle for power. It's possible to be equals. Compassion might be rare, but it exists.

Of course they don't have to be about that struggle. It's possible that two people who desire to be equals are brought together. And sometimes they really might enjoy their illusion of equality. But that doesn't make them equals.

Sometimes the stronger person carries the weaker one without any sinister ulterior motives.

This might be true but let me ask you this, do you really want to be the one carried? Or the one who does the carrying? Let's say that ideally, you take turns. Does it usually work like this in real life?

 

[Bleak]

I really don't think all your theorizing and intellectualizing about relationships is productive. They are messy and complicated things that vary wildly depending on the individuals involved. All you are doing is torturing yourself by making all these theories.

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

I really don't think all your theorizing and intellectualizing about relationships is productive. They are messy and complicated things that vary wildly depending on the individuals involved. All you are doing is torturing yourself by making all these theories.

Not theories really, more like observations.

 

[Bleak]

Not theories really, more like observations.

Whatever you call it. Clinging so strongly to this idea that relationships can be reduced to power dynamics, driving yourself to despair and rage over it before even experiencing a relationship, it's a lot of effort for nothing but self torture in addition to giving disturbing vibes.

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

Whatever you call it. Clinging so strongly to this idea that relationships can be reduced to power dynamics, driving yourself to despair and rage over it before even experiencing a relationship, it's a lot of effort for nothing but self torture in addition to giving disturbing vibes.

Relationships can absolutely be "reduced" to power dynamics, just because you don't want to admit it doesn't mean it's not possible. There are people who do nothing but observe power dynamics between themselves and other people, they are called psychopaths. Not a one but have learned from some.

I have experienced numerous relationships, just not a one that involved having sex. It's really not that different, except for, well, the sex. Which is not that special or great in the end, but i do have a strong craving for it.

 

[Bleak]

Relationships can absolutely be "reduced" to power dynamics, just because you don't want to admit it doesn't mean it's not possible. There are people who do nothing but observe power dynamics between themselves and other people, they are called psychopaths. Not a one but have learned from some.

I feel like I must be misunderstanding something here. Are you saying that the thing that you are doing is the same thing that psychopaths do?

I have experienced numerous relationships, just not a one that involved having sex. It's really not that different, except for, well, the sex. Which is not that special or great in the end, but i do have a strong craving for it.

If it's not that special or great then why worry about it so much.

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

I feel like I must be misunderstanding something here. Are you saying that the thing that you are doing is the same thing that psychopaths do?

Perhaps I'm instinctively trying, perhaps to not to end up being on one's plate.

If it's not that special or great then why worry about it so much.

I find myself asking the same quite often.

 

[blueclover_.]

There are tons of women who humiliate themselves by letting hot men treat them like shit just because they're sexually attracted to them.

I mean i do simp for Timothee Chalamet so... yeah..

 

[motel rooms]

It's possible that two people who desire to be equals are brought together. And sometimes they really might enjoy their illusion of equality. But that doesn't make them equals.

This might be true but let me ask you this, do you really want to be the one carried? Or the one who does the carrying? Let's say that ideally, you take turns. Does it usually work like this in real life?

I have no choice but to occasionally be the one carried since I have C-PTSD. He has his demons too & only I am willing to help him deal with them. We're the ideal couple.

Listen, I'm 40 & I get where you're coming from, I know you're wounded & bitter, I know it's frightening to make yourself vulnerable by starting a real relationship with someone. I choose to believe in love & I don't care if that makes me a fool. I don't even care if it kills me, I'm half-dead anyway. Better a heart bruised than a heart unused.

Love is blindness
I don't want to see
Won't you wrap the night
Around me?
Oh, my love
Blindness...

 

[Ta555]

I developed a biting disorder as a kid and nobody did anything about it because nobody cared about my existence and well-being, so i ended up being an ugly adult. I was always pretty sensitive and despite of always being quite interested in sex, i used to think i would eventually find real love and only then have sex. This until i finally realized at 25 that i was really not attractive enough and paying for sex would be the only way for me to get any.

Thing is, ive been looking around and it seems to me that a even a lot of the attractive men pay for sex. And even when there is no money involved it almost seems like there is always something extra in for the women, some ego or status sort of a thing. I mean do women generally even want to have sex with men just for the sex? Is it that.. "meh" for women?

This is a pretty important question for me since i feel self-destructive and it has a bit to do with the fact that i can't get any without paying for it.

To put it bluntly, It would be pretty easy to find someone poorer than me and bring her to my country, where she can have a better life with the downside of having to take my dick every now and then. But i already know that i wont be enjoying any of it if I'm feeling ashamed for it all the time. So i'd rather just ctb.

Have no idea what you mean by ego or status thing and feel you may be projecting. Most every day women just want a partner who loves them and to have sex in an emotionally stable environment. They want connection and affection and love, not status or an ego trip. Not sure where you picked this up from.

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

Have no idea what you mean by ego or status thing and feel you may be projecting. Most every day women just want a partner who loves them and to have sex in an emotionally stable environment. They want connection and affection and love, not status or an ego trip. Not sure where you picked this up from.

Well for one, it's much more common for women to pair up with men who are in a higher socioeconomical position than vice-versa. I believe there have been a lot of studies made about this. Why are men being so generous, i wonder?

I have no choice but to occasionally be the one carried since I have C-PTSD. He has his demons too & only I am willing to help him deal with them. We're the ideal couple.

Listen, I'm 40 & I get where you're coming from, I know you're wounded & bitter, I know it's frightening to make yourself vulnerable by starting a real relationship with someone. I choose to believe in love & I don't care if that makes me a fool. I don't even care if it kills me, I'm half-dead anyway. Better a heart bruised than a heart unused.

I might be wounded and bitter in general, but i have nothing against women. Personally I do care about being a fool, i've been a fool enough for one lifetime.

Love is blindness
I don't want to see
Won't you wrap the night
Around me?
Oh, my love
Blindness...

Indeed..

 

[motel rooms]

Well for one, it's much more common for women to pair up with men who are in a higher socioeconomical position than vice-versa. I believe there have been a lot of studies made about this. Why are men being so generous, i wonder?

I don't know, you're the realist here. What's your theory?

Personally I do care about being a fool, i've been a fool enough for one lifetime.

Then swallow that sweet black pill already... I'd rather spend the time I have left being an idiot with someone to love than studying the ways of psychopaths in the hope of attaining wisdom.

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

I don't know, you're the realist here. What's your theory?

Supply and demand, differences in sexuality and average libido levels between different sexes. For the same reason there are a lot of women out there successfully making a living selling sex and not so many men.

Then swallow that sweet black pill already... I'd rather spend the time I have left being an idiot with someone to love than studying the ways of psychopaths in the hope of attaining wisdom.

But you're not really being an idiot with someone if you are aware of being an idiot? You are just submitting to them.

 

[motel rooms]

Supply and demand, differences in sexuality and average libido levels between different sexes. For the same reason there are a lot of women out there successfully making a living selling sex and not so many men.

Who's the winner in this transaction? Do the poor little men get nothing when they buy a wife?

But you're not really being an idiot with someone if you are aware of being an idiot? You are just submitting to them.

Nobody is submitting to anyone in our relationship. He gives me more than enough affection & intimacy, which are very important things that your cold analysis/worldview completely ignores...

 

[Midgardsorm]

Anything sex related in this forum goes crazy. We might as well create a sexion for it.

 

[Meditation guide]

If you only want sex continue to hire sex workers and stop feeling ashamed of it.
You never mentioned a loving relationship, which is much more fulfilling than only two bodies getting together. It makes me sad to think women are only seen as a means to get sexual relief. Sad for you.

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

Who's the winner in this transaction? Do the poor little men get nothing when they buy a wife?

It varies i would say.

Nobody is submitting to anyone in our relationship. He gives me more than enough affection & intimacy, which are very important things that your cold analysis/worldview completely ignores...

Well then what did you mean with being an idiot with someone? That doesn't sound very idiotic to me. Affection & intimacy can also be used as means of manipulation, just saying.

If you only want sex continue to hire sex workers and stop feeling ashamed of it.

No i wont, it's too expensive.

You never mentioned a loving relationship, which is much more fulfilling than only two bodies getting together. It makes me sad to think women are only seen as a means to get sexual relief. Sad for you.

Love is just a word, used in too broad contexts for it to really mean anything.

 

[Someone123]

Yeah but the whole point of having a relationship is that I can do all of the above, save for having kids, with other people!

I made the post because i wanted to talk about my inability to enjoy close, physical relationships. I hate the thought of using people. And i hate the thought of getting used. But it seems that every relationship will eventually lean to one or the other.

Yes you can do all of the above with other people, but all of the above experiences are much richer when you share them with someone you are in love with. Also, it is unlkely you are going to share meals and laughs and other experiences every day with one other person unless it is a person you are in love with, unless you have a sexual relationship with them.

 

[lost_ally]

Yes, definitely a straight thing. It's brutal out there being a straight guy of lower social status/poor

Ah man, I actually find these traits more attractive in a man. I've found they are less materialistic and more in tune with nature and love.

As a female who hasn't had sex in years..it's a difficult one. It's hard to think positively in this way too I guess as it can really impact on how we look and feel about ourselves.

What I've learned is there is someone for everyone. Even if they're in another country, they still exist and it can happen.
But...I say this and I'm regularly singing the song - Love Stinks. Haha. Oh to be intimate for one last time...

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I have experienced numerous relationships, just not a one that involved having sex. It's really not that different, except for, well, the sex. Which is not that special or great in the end, but i do have a strong craving for it.

I have a friend who's not so good looking, and is high on the autism spectrum. He has a couple sex dolls and is extremely happy with his life. If you're looking into exhausting all options, this could be a viable solution for you, since you seem to have a sex addiction and don't seem to care much about the emotional connection

 

[motel rooms]

Well then what did you mean with being an idiot with someone? That doesn't sound very idiotic to me.

I was just being hyperbolic...

Affection & intimacy can also be used as means of manipulation, just saying.

What part of this don't you understand?
"I choose to believe in love & I don't care if that makes me a fool. I don't even care if it kills me, I'm half-dead anyway. Better a heart bruised than a heart unused."

I'm not a silly teen, I'm 40. I am fully aware of everything that can go wrong in a relationship & I'm not afraid because I have nothing left to lose in life except my partner. I choose to be trusting & vulnerable, I refuse to be paranoid & cynical.

Love is just a word, used in too broad contexts for it to really mean anything.

You could say the exact same thing about hate & all the other abstract nouns. I'm sorry you think love is just a word, I believe in it because I'm experiencing it & it's keeping me alive. Philosophizing & nitpicking are cool, but they can't look deep into your eyes, make love to you, wash your hair, slap you on the butt for no reason, tell you a joke that's so bad that it's good or hold your head against their chest when you feel like it's gonna explode...

 

[Insomniac]

It would be pretty easy to find someone poorer than me and bring her to my country, where she can have a better life with the downside of having to take my dick every now and then.

woman from a poor country here.

usually, the in this kind of scenario, the woman's family disown her completely (explicitly if it's a religious country, implicitly if it's a non religious environment). So if you're going to get a woman from a poor country because you think it's easy, you should think again. most people chose their family, that's why you don't see a whole of interracial marriage between beta ugly western males and beautiful poor third-wold girl.

 

[Ihadagoodlife]

Yes when you're gl you don't have to do anything to get it and they enjoy it. Personality matter too but it's more important for a serious relationship and it's things you don't control imo, look into socionics intertype relationships it's a theory but i believe it's real to a good extent. There is simply some peoples you will always connect with better than other it's the way your brain is set you can't change it. If you're really gl you can get sex with most women without trying anyway regardless of your personality

 

[Starryeyes]

There's no shame. Men end up paying for sex one way or another. Whether it's the food at a restaurant, the gas in your car, the tickets to the movies, etc

I always pay for myself. Never rely on anyone for those things

 

[Julgran]

All of you have interesting perspectives.

As I see it, the sex drive itself is not all-inclusive, because it doesn't involve love, since the human body doesn't know what love is - apart from the need to belong, which I would think we translate to the feeling of love.

If that's the case, there is only sex drive, and no "love drive" - yes, we will strive to find a partner and feel belonging in their presence, but what I mean is that the body itself needs sex, and our conscious selves need belonging, or love, if we want to call it that.

It's all so complicated, so I wish it was easy to remove those drives completely. Self-castration, perhaps?

I just hope that God exists and is a beautiful woman

 

[Wayfaerer]

I decided on suicide back in mid-2019 and paid for a couple overnight stays with an escort months a part. This was how I lost my virginity and I have no regrets although if I weren't set on killing myself I'm sure it never would've came to that but life has been full of surprises for me. Sure, it's not ideal or romantic but I had been set on not dying a virgin at nearly any cost.

 

[layne2001]

yeah just kill urself bud

 

[demuic]

yeah just kill urself bud

Wtf?

 

[LastLoveLetter]

yeah just kill urself bud

Reported. Telling members to kill themselves is NOT okay.

We should be able to engage in a dialogue without resorting to insults or telling people to kill themselves. It's unfortunately not the first time I have seen comments like this and probably won't be the last, but they'll never be acceptable.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

My bad I should have just said he's pathetic instead

What is your problem? Maybe just don't comment at all then. What's pathetic is feeling the need to insult members and tell them to off themselves, when you could have just scrolled on. Disgusting behaviour.