Story Lessons from my failed attempts

[ctb_warrior]

Sharing my experience so you get to know what not to do:

I have been trying to catch the bus for the last 2 decades.

I started with strangulation.
I tried drinking phenyl.
I had ratkill 2x.
I thought of train track but I didn't muster the courage for that.
I tried OD, landed up in ICU twice.
I tried to create CO, fire got out of control and I had to extinguish it, my entire room got filled with black soot (i used kerosene)
I tried partial hanging but couldn't find my sweet spot.

I once went to a water park, I was not suicidal at that time, and suddenly the wave hit and I was under water, I felt I could have died. But the moment I let go and gave up, my body automatically came out of water.
I feel drowning could be one technique that can work for me, but i fear the SI and breathlessness will make me abort the plan.

Lessons:
1. OD and chemicals are a big NO.
2. For CO, you must be sure of the method and be completely ready for it. Gas heater may be more helpful.
3. OD is good only if you have peaceful N which is rare to get
4. Partial hanging needs to hit proper sweet spot, otherwise it's a waste of time. I wasted a week with it. No luck.
5. Train track- NO because it'll traumatise the driver for his entire life. Also, it may leave the person handicapped if it doesn't go as per plan.

Never be impulsive to catch the bus. Take a step back, plan and when you are sure, you can think of going ahead.

At this stage, I'm clueless because i live with my family and i have to look for something that's fast, and doesn't need any sophisticated setup.

 

[bloodonmyhands4ever]

Sharing my experience so you get to know what not to do:

I have been trying to catch the bus for the last 2 decades.

I started with strangulation.
I tried drinking phenyl.
I had ratkill 2x.
I thought of train track but I didn't muster the courage for that.
I tried OD, landed up in ICU twice.
I tried to create CO, fire got out of control and I had to extinguish it, my entire room got filled with black soot (i used kerosene)
I tried partial hanging but couldn't find my sweet spot.

I once went to a water park, I was not suicidal at that time, and suddenly the wave hit and I was under water, I felt I could have died. But the moment I let go and gave up, my body automatically came out of water.
I feel drowning could be one technique that can work for me, but i fear the SI and breathlessness will make me abort the plan.

Lessons:
1. OD and chemicals are a big NO.
2. For CO, you must be sure of the method and be completely ready for it. Gas heater may be more helpful.
3. OD is good only if you have peaceful N which is rare to get
4. Partial hanging needs to hit proper sweet spot, otherwise it's a waste of time. I wasted a week with it. No luck.
5. Train track- NO because it'll traumatise the driver for his entire life. Also, it may leave the person handicapped if it doesn't go as per plan.

Never be impulsive to catch the bus. Take a step back, plan and when you are sure, you can think of going ahead.

At this stage, I'm clueless because i live with my family and i have to look for something that's fast, and doesn't need any sophisticated setup.

Look under the drowning methods / Shallow water ... Make sure the water isnt cold to mess it up.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Look under the drowning methods / Shallow water ... Make sure the water isnt cold to mess it up.

I don't have a water body near me, so drowning is not feasible in the near future .:(

 

[Forveleth]

Wow, you basically summarized 75% of the answers to posts about methods. Sorry tiu had to figure all that out for yourself though.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

Drowning feels less violent too but I fear my SI you know. Hope we get lucky finding out and get out of this horrible existence.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Wow, you basically summarized 75% of the answers to posts about methods. Sorry tiu had to figure all that out for yourself though.

So sweet of you to say that. Took 2 decades to learn all this, so thought of sharing with such a loving community of people so they don't do the same mistakes i have done in the past.

Drowning feels less violent too but I fear my SI you know. Hope we get lucky finding out and get out of this horrible existence.

Exactly!!! Si is what makes me feel dreaded about it, though there are a few workaround that I have thought of, like SWB and taking heavy sedatives before attempting. However this is easier said than done. To find a place to do it is the challenge. I wish i had such a spot, then i could have invested my time in figuring out what to do with SI

 

[fitoo5999]

Sharing my experience so you get to know what not to do:

I have been trying to catch the bus for the last 2 decades.

I started with strangulation.
I tried drinking phenyl.
I had ratkill 2x.
I thought of train track but I didn't muster the courage for that.
I tried OD, landed up in ICU twice.
I tried to create CO, fire got out of control and I had to extinguish it, my entire room got filled with black soot (i used kerosene)
I tried partial hanging but couldn't find my sweet spot.

I once went to a water park, I was not suicidal at that time, and suddenly the wave hit and I was under water, I felt I could have died. But the moment I let go and gave up, my body automatically came out of water.
I feel drowning could be one technique that can work for me, but i fear the SI and breathlessness will make me abort the plan.

Lessons:
1. OD and chemicals are a big NO.
2. For CO, you must be sure of the method and be completely ready for it. Gas heater may be more helpful.
3. OD is good only if you have peaceful N which is rare to get
4. Partial hanging needs to hit proper sweet spot, otherwise it's a waste of time. I wasted a week with it. No luck.
5. Train track- NO because it'll traumatise the driver for his entire life. Also, it may leave the person handicapped if it doesn't go as per plan.

Never be impulsive to catch the bus. Take a step back, plan and when you are sure, you can think of going ahead.

At this stage, I'm clueless because i live with my family and i have to look for something that's fast, and doesn't need any sophisticated setup.

Why od and chemical like SN is not?
Drowning could be the worst death possible to be honest with fire.
Drowning could be the worst death possible to be honest with fire.
Drowning could be the worst death possible to be honest with fire.

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

Jumping didn't work. I just disabled myself and I estimate I jumped 100ft.

Don't hit grass maybe?
Pre-plan… I didn't.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Why od and chemical like SN is not?
Drowning could be the worst death possible to be honest with fire.
Drowning could be the worst death possible to be honest with fire.
Drowning could be the worst death possible to be honest with fire.

OD is good if one has N or may be one of the protocols from peaceful pill handbook. Otherwise, most pills are designed to not cause what we expect it to.
SN has been cool as per the posts on this entire site - I have not tried that and I can't try that. It requires stuff and doses in good number as per the bmi and a lot of meticulous planning. So, if one can do that, it's good.

Coming to drowning - i had a thought what if we could suppress the SI with sedative or lots of alcohol. N when the effect is on, just moving into water for eternal peace may be helpful -it's just an assumption though.

Jumping didn't work. I just disabled myself and I estimate I jumped 100ft.

Don't hit grass maybe?
Pre-plan… I didn't.

I'm so sorry to hear that, you are brave enough that you tried that. I would not do jumping or fsh or automobile crash or firearm or anything of that sort as they carry high risk of being disabled.
I understand what it feels like when the method fails despite the desperation we have had.. most of the steps i took when i was young was based on impulses and based on what i could find on google back in those days. There were some websites that guided well, but the stuff they mentioned were not available to common man .
I wish you love light and peace

 

[MrOptions]

Get a gun and git er done!!

 

[ctb_warrior]

Get a gun and git er done!!

I'm not sure you are in which country, but in my country, getting a gun license is impossible

 

[iwanttodie019]

I don't have a water body near me, so drowning is not feasible in the near future .:(

5. Train track- NO because it'll traumatise the driver for his entire life. Also, it may leave the person handicapped if it doesn't go as per plan.

What is the probability of being handicapped if you fail?By handicapped do you mean decapitated?

 

[ctb_warrior]

5. Train track- NO because it'll traumatise the driver for his entire life. Also, it may leave the person handicapped if it doesn't go as per plan.

What is the probability of being handicapped if you fail?By handicapped do you mean decapitated?

Hmm, when a train is coming at a high speed, you never know how it'll collide with the body and if it'll just travel over the body or push the body in any random direction that we can't predict. So, if the train travels over the body, one can get what they want. Though it is going to be incredibly painful at the time of impact. So, it looks easy but can be very dangerous..and if the collision tilts the body, the and randomly chops off the limb, it'll get handicapped. So, I'll regard this method as a non method that one should not try.. same with jumping.. ppl have survived after jumping from great heights.. If one survives, it'll get more depressing .
So, it's best to plan for something that would really give peace the peaceful way. I myself have tried to attain peace in a haste. And i have gone extreme. 40 strips of ativan and nothing happened. Desperation made my drink phenyl, eat rat kill, I'm still here to tell the tale.
So, one can understand, ctb is not a cakewalk and should not be done randomly. If one gets really really lucky, only then it may work out when done impulsively.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. What method(s) would you consider now?

 

[ctb_warrior]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. What method(s) would you consider now?

You are welcome
To be honest, I'm confused right now, because I need something really fast and something that can be implemented without any special setup or any suspicious object. I live with family so that's a big constraint right now.
If i think out loud, i have been thinking of SWB using a bucket. Or may be plastic bag, but i don't know how I'll suppress the breathlessness and SI with plastic bag. I don't have access to inert gases. I once tried to bring helium balloons for the purpose, but helium balloons don't even have proper helium so that plan had failed. Fsh is not on the list as i don't have a good strong anchor point. I have tried and failed with psh, so that's a no.
Night night looks promising in the thread, but almost everyone who tried has failed with night night.
Drowning could work for me may be if i could go into a water body with high dose of alcohol to get rid of Si. I don't have a water body near me where i can even go and look for a possibility. And as my family knows what I'm upto, they'll not let me go for swimming classes.