Just talking I guess. Part four :)

[Coconteppi]

Hey y'all I'm a "long time listener first time caller" type. I understand that to be able to PM for SN sources I gotta chit-chat some. I kinda like the idea of possibly running into someone who thinks like myself yk. But anyway I guess ask away and I'll try to keep up. :)

To get the ball rolling I guess I should say something. But feel free to say whatever you'd like. (Please nothing mean)

Currently, the way I think of my view right now is like. Life went pretty stale since childhood (<8yr old~) Theres only really so much to this world at this point. Not that life is horrible. Just real boring with so much work for things that just don't bring sufficient satisfaction / fulfillment. So, I've kinda decided to just check out a bit earlier than most. Not that life was all that horrible. Life was just a bit worse than nothing.

(From part two)
A big part of my reasoning for having stayed for so long is living for other's meaning/happiness. I try to look at my apathy in a good way through saying that if I it nothing feels different to me then I should help everyone else in whatever makes them feel fulfilled/happy since aparently it makes life worth living to them. But even helping them is pretty meaningless to me but just makes the most logical sense. But I kinda just decided its time because I don't care enough anymore to carrying out the meaningless tasks anymore and would just rather just see if death has anything to offer bc even if it doesnt at least I can just chill without the negative things in life (i.e. emotions,making others lives worse,pain)

Anyways, I'd love to hear y'alls thoughts on things. :)

(I did not spellcheck any of this. So go easy on me lol)


This is the fourth time I'm posting this. Pretty neat right, got a lil thing going lol. Probably would make more sense If I added to the leading paragraph each new "Part"... Oh well, maybe next time. Sorry, if I'm spamming please let me know. :P

 

[shekindabadtho…]

same thing here tbh. I've given up on almost every aspect of my life. My reason for being here is because I don't want my family to know that I was just too tired to keep going, that I was just weak. My reasons for leaving are of course being disinterested in living + being tired but also because I'm the kind of person that will not ever really "deserve" happiness or comfort no matter how bad I want it. I've actually learned to live without it pretty well but I've got nothing else going for me, or at least nothing that motivates me to keep going.

same thing here tbh. I've given up on almost every aspect of my life. My reason for being here is because I don't want my family to know that I was just too tired to keep going, that I was just weak. My reasons for leaving are of course being disinterested in living + being tired but also because I'm the kind of person that will not ever really "deserve" happiness or comfort no matter how bad I want it. I've actually learned to live without it pretty well but I've got nothing else going for me, or at least nothing that motivates me to keep going.

I've always tried to give others love and happiness but it's just never wanted from someone like me. But I've always wondered if they never took it because there was something wrong with me or my approach or they could tell I was only trying to make myself feel less useless
(If that makes sense?)
At this point I could fix myself but I really can't be bothered anymore lol

 

[2ndme]

At this point I could fix myself but I really can't be bothered anymore lol

i have this exact same mentality~ i know theres options i can take to make my life //bearable// but i dont want to~ i just dont want to engage with my life anymore

 

[Coconteppi]

same thing here tbh. I've given up on almost every aspect of my life. My reason for being here is because I don't want my family to know that I was just too tired to keep going, that I was just weak. My reasons for leaving are of course being disinterested in living + being tired but also because I'm the kind of person that will not ever really "deserve" happiness or comfort no matter how bad I want it. I've actually learned to live without it pretty well but I've got nothing else going for me, or at least nothing that motivates me to keep going.

I've always tried to give others love and happiness but it's just never wanted from someone like me. But I've always wondered if they never took it because there was something wrong with me or my approach or they could tell I was only trying to make myself feel less useless
(If that makes sense?)
At this point I could fix myself but I really can't be bothered anymore lol

Thank you for joining the conversation! :D
I don't think your weak for getting tired. You mentioned deserving happiness/comfort, why do you say you don't deserve it? Is there something thaf makes you less deserving than others, or simply no one deserves it? Or something else entirely?

 

[theboy]

I am sorry you had to go through these difficult processes in your life.

 

[Coconteppi]

i have this exact same mentality~ i know theres options i can take to make my life //bearable// but i dont want to~ i just dont want to engage with my life anymore

I relate to this a bit. I personally thing its easy to make life bearable. (Watching movies, playing games, working hard, eating, sleeping, dealing with others problems, etc.) These allow me to zone out for bits and pieces of time. But none of it feels worthwhile when I take time to really think on it yk. I could spend my whole life doing a bunch of stuff that only matters because it makes the time pass faster. But what's the point if it has zero fulfilling value.
Its cool and whatnot knowing I only have one life and allows me to put a lot of deep thought into stuff like this. But if I simply don't have anything that makes it feel worth living (not even in a negative light) then I'll just simply check back out. Like that "Okay I had fun looking around for a bit it's neat but I'm gonna head out now." Feeling

I am sorry you had to go through these difficult processes in your life.

Thank you for joining! I couldn't tell if you were replying to me but I'll take it as such lol. (Sorry if you weren't :P)
Thank you for your care and kindness :) It's not so bad. Depression is faced by a lot of people and does suck pretty donking bad at times. But I think its pretty par for the course. Life isn't so much "difficult/bad" as it is unfulfilling. Sucks that I don't see in it what others do. But I don't take it personally yk. Everyone's got different tastes in things.
How are you though? What brought you to this forum/chat (idk what the right wordage is lol)
:)