So the situation is I need to safe myself to make life bearable and I dont know how to do that, so I should just kill myself.
I have been isolated for too long without any purpose for too long an without rrally support.
I have experienced love, I have experienced moments of joy and I had dreams. However there is nothing in the future expect loneliness, poverty and illness. I have a lot of mental health problems and they get worse.
I once was into writing and theater and trying to help other people however I will have a normal life. I currently dont have a life actually. I am just existing and rotting because I am afraid and weak. And also I get mean due to my hoplesness. It is just no way to exist. Even in times I was better than now I always felt bad and suicidal and lonely and sad. And I know that my life could have been good. All my siblings made it. Even the suicidal little brother. And i am very happy for all of them. And at the same time I am sad for myself because I didnt make it and I wont
I dont know why I even wrote it maybe because I want someone to tell me that I still can change even though I dont believe it.
Or maybe I want someone to tell me to do it. And in the end it is my life and I habe to decide whether I try or I just give up.
I have been isolated for too long without any purpose for too long an without rrally support.
I have experienced love, I have experienced moments of joy and I had dreams. However there is nothing in the future expect loneliness, poverty and illness. I have a lot of mental health problems and they get worse.
I once was into writing and theater and trying to help other people however I will have a normal life. I currently dont have a life actually. I am just existing and rotting because I am afraid and weak. And also I get mean due to my hoplesness. It is just no way to exist. Even in times I was better than now I always felt bad and suicidal and lonely and sad. And I know that my life could have been good. All my siblings made it. Even the suicidal little brother. And i am very happy for all of them. And at the same time I am sad for myself because I didnt make it and I wont
I dont know why I even wrote it maybe because I want someone to tell me that I still can change even though I dont believe it.
Or maybe I want someone to tell me to do it. And in the end it is my life and I habe to decide whether I try or I just give up.
