Venting It really doesn’t get better

[areagarden]

I've been home from college for a few weeks now. I told myself if i made it to summer I wouldn't do it, as it feels wrong to do it in my parents house. Well that's a lovely thought! I don't think i have much longer left. I've tried new meds. I left my shitty friendship. I told my friends about one of my attempts. It doesn't make any difference. I am so fundamentally wired to want to die. It's all I can think about. There's no way i make it through the entire summer. I guess my life is technically better than before. It just means absolutely nothing to me. I wish it would stop without having to end my life to make it happen.

 

[glowing.purple.aura]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I feel the exact same way, especially the "fundamentally wired to want to die" part. I'm always telling myself "It'll get better when this semester ends," "It'll get better when I see a new psychiatrist," "It'll get better when I change my meds" and it never does.

 

[Kokonoe]

it never gets better. it only gets more difficult.

 

[iwkmsssb]

each age i aim to reach is another reminder that it doesn't get better even with time, but i still have hope funnily enough. i still think about ctb everyday though, but the thought of it getting better after just a little more pushing is somehow working. still trying even when life is shit.