Is that Beethoven I can hear?

[BipolarGuy]

I have repeatedly banged the drums about undertones that I have detected on this forum that have concerned me.

Having almost ended my life today, and seen the reaction when I didn't, although I remain pro-choice I absolutely understand and support the fixthe26 with what their concerns are 100%.

I uploaded another thread (this one) about ending my life.
Then, when I didn't go ahead with it because people talked me out of it, this is the reaction I get.
Ironically my now "ex" (if she's even worthy of that title) was one of the people who talked me out of it, but who then went on to say about how it's bad that I'm "putting people through this".
As I said, I understand that people can now say that "they didn't mean it that way", but I was made to feel like backing out of it is something wrong and that if I'm going to do it I should just get on with it because it's "not fair" on other people.

Would I have received the same reaction if I had gone ahead with it?
I think not.

Some people on this site are SICK.

I started a thread the other day about working with fixthe26 to campaign for better mental health.
Frankly, if I were them, I wouldn't want to work with the people on this site who have posted such things.

I absolutely 100% understand where they're coming from.

 

[Acopia]

BPG you don't need to explain yourself.
I understand the frustration and emotional turmoil of multiple posts, but I don't feel that BPG's have been excessive at all.

However the stark profanity used wasn't ok, and we do need to speak kindly to one another, even in crisis, even when we have differing opinions.

Side note: I personally don't think it's got anything to do with being bipolar, there are many on here with varying conditions. I think obviously BPG is vulnerable for whatever reason, with whatever illness, and if you can't share your vulnerabilities and plans on here.. where can you?
Speculating on another person's illness and how it may effect them isn't a great road to start going down.

-A.

 

[albino_elk]

 

[BipolarGuy]

BPG you don't need to explain yourself.
I understand the frustration and emotional turmoil of multiple posts, but I don't feel that BPG's have been excessive at all.

However the stark profanity used wasn't ok, and we do need to speak kindly to one another, even in crisis, even when we have differing opinions.

Side note: I personally don't think it's got anything to do with being bipolar, there are many on here with varying conditions. I think obviously BPG is vulnerable for whatever reason, with whatever illness, and if you can't share your vulnerabilities and plans on here.. where can you?
Speculating on another person's illness and how it may effect them isn't a great road to start going down.

-A.

Yes this is a fair post.

 

[Mm80]

Yes this is a fair post.

Are you feeling any better right now bpg seems like youve had a tough few hours?

 

[BipolarGuy]

Are you feeling any better right now bpg seems like youve had a tough few hours?

I don't know how I feel to be honest.

Certainly part of me wishes I went ahead with it.

 

[royalfuzz]

I don't know how I feel to be honest.

Certainly part of me wishes I went ahead with it.

I'm glad you didn't.

 

[Lilacmoon]

sorry bpg. when I first found out you lived I was so relieved.
but seeing you in so much pain makes me feel bad for feeling relieved.
i dunno. nothing i'm saying has value so -shrug-
want another hug?

 

[fluffymuffin]

I don't think you're playing with our emotions for simply backing out. I've been reading your posts for a while and I wish I could offer you more support.

People don't have the right to call you an attention seeker or treat you harshly for not carrying out your plan, it's a bit concerning that they feel this way. It's your life and they have to respect your choice no matter what.

I'm glad your still here with us BPG, you don't deserve this backlash.

 

[AE2021]

Glad that you didn't go through with it and will be here with us for a while. Or at least hope you will stay with SS. Can't blame you if you take a break from it though. Some of the comments were unsettling. I think anyone should say good-bye as many times as they want or need. Hope you find a way to give yourself some care.

 

[SunnyDaze]

So sorry for some of the negative reactions you got from some people. I'm glad you're still here and changed your mind although I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It's always ok to back out and change your mind. And we, as a group, should be 100% supportive of that. you could make 739 goodbye threads a day and change your mind 740. "We" are here to support you.
At least I am.
anyways, PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. I'll try my best :)

 

[BipolarGuy]

After I decided not to go through with it, I thought I ought to fight my way through this if I'm not going to end my life.

But tonight, I'm going to bed in tears wishing I did.

Goodnight everyone.

 

[Ghost2211]

Its to be expected in this group people go through crisis. This is the last place anyone should be called an attention seeker. Someone getting close to the edge of suicide and then changing their mind and deciding to live is a good thing. It's another day they decided to carry on. Life is hard and chaotic at times. I don't think anyone should be shamed for changing their mind regardless how often they step back from the edge.

Sorry I didn't say this sooner @BipolarGuy I'm not feeling well today. I'll be here anytime you say bye, and I'll always be there to talk if you need support.

 

[Astronomer]

After I decided not to go through with it, I thought I ought to fight my way through this if I'm not going to end my life.

But tonight, I'm going to bed in tears wishing I did.

Goodnight everyone.

Goodnight BG hope you wake up feeling better tomorrow. Thinking of you.

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and turmoil. I can't help but feel like from your posts on here that you're very confused and are wanting to ctb on impulse out of intense pain, rather than it being a well-considered decision, or even something that you truly want to do.

I also can't help but wonder if this site is really the best thing for you mentally and emotionally at this time; you seem to be in a crisis, and you seem very vulnerable to the perceptions and words of other users on here. I wonder if this forum is only exacerbating your struggles at this point

I hope whatever decision you make in the end, is one that brings you peace and harmony within. I know bipolar disorder traps you on a rollercoaster that you can't get off of

 

[BridgeJumper]

I feel like you could all be a little more understanding!
I never really talked closely with Bipolar Guy but he seems to be desperate and in pain and he doesnt need stuff like that to be said.
We are human. Sometimes it takes someone pouring their heart out to stop us. I know it would do it for me, because all I want in this world is a long hug and being told Im loved and it will be okay.
This is why Im scared to post a goodbye thread, or 2 over the years, or 3, vor whatever. Because I back out too much and Im not ready to deal with the consequences.

 

[AJ95]

After I decided not to go through with it, I thought I ought to fight my way through this if I'm not going to end my life.

But tonight, I'm going to bed in tears wishing I did.

Goodnight everyone.

I hope things improve for you, it's okay to change your mind

 

[BipolarGuy]

Well I've woken up wishing I did it yesterday, just as I woke up yesterday wishing I went ahead with it the day before.

One thing I'm considering is going through with it and setting up a camera in a hotel room so that people I like from here can watch.
Maybe that will give me the motivation I need.

 

[rt1989526]

Well I've woken up wishing I did it yesterday, just as I woke up yesterday wishing I went ahead with it the day before.

One thing I'm considering is going through with it and setting up a camera in a hotel room so that people I like from here can watch.
Maybe that will give me the motivation I need.

Just promise you don't strip down naked like our buddy Letzte did! lol that was rather strange and unnecessary

Hate to hear you're feeling shitty bud, you aren't alone in that regard

 

[BipolarGuy]

Just promise you don't strip down naked like our buddy Letzte did! lol that was rather strange and unnecessary

What?
Why did he do that?

 

[hypnotizing chickens]

It's not a meme!
Beethoven's Ode to Joy (9th symphony) is the thread I said I'd CTB to :)

Just promise you don't strip down naked like our buddy Letzte did! lol that was rather strange and unnecessary

Hate to hear you're feeling shitty bud, you aren't alone in that regard

That's gotta be a German thing

 

[rt1989526]

What?
Why did he do that?

We got lucky when he passed out his leg ended up covering him up so we didn't have to stare at his pecker for the rest of the observation haha

he was an interesting dude

 

[whywere]

I am wishing you a fast,safe and pleasant journey. All the eternal love to you!!

 

[BipolarGuy]

We got lucky when he passed out his leg ended up covering him up so we didn't have to stare at his pecker for the rest of the observation haha

he was an interesting dude

Yes well I wouldn't do that.
I would need help making the video work though as I'm no tech guy.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

We got lucky when he passed out his leg ended up covering him up so we didn't have to stare at his pecker for the rest of the observation haha

he was an interesting dude

That made my day.
I wish I knew him, he really seemed like a nice unique person. There's like 0.01% chance that I accidentally passed by him when I was in Switzerland lol.

 

[woxihuanni]

About Dani: it is not too private to watch him die so we can benefit from the information, but too private to see him naked? He has no right to be comfortable at the literal end of his life because nobody knows what a human body looks like and it is offensive? Wow.

 

[rt1989526]

About Dani: it is not too private to watch him die so we can benefit from the information, but too private to see him naked? He has no right to be comfortable at the literal end of his life because nobody knows what a human body looks like and it is offensive? Wow.

I had no problem with it, just joking around is all. The last thing I was expecting was to see him get buck naked so it was funny.

No doubt he was a great guy and I hope he's at peace now. Wish there was a way to view his obituary if there is one.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I had no problem with it, just joking around is all. The last thing I was expecting was to see him get buck naked so it was funny.

No doubt he was a great guy .

Would you be willing to help me set up the video?

I know that's a tall ask and perhaps emotionally draining.

 

[rt1989526]

Would you be willing to help me set up the video?

I know that's a tall ask and perhaps emotionally draining.

I have no idea how that stuff works. There was another user here who helped him with it, I'll try and dig around and see if i can establish who that was.

But ya Letzte was a total character throughout the whole thing. Gave a cheers to camera before he drank it like a whisky, sat back against the wall and lit a cigarette like he didn't give a single fuck what was happening.

 

[Sensei]

BipolarGuy, I'm bipolar too. I get the impression that you're having a depressive episode now. If so, are you sure you want to go when you're not fully in your right mind? I mean, it is an important decision, arguably the most important one you'll ever make.