Venting Is it possible to be too lazy to live?

[Final Escape]

I know this message isn't directed at me, and in respect, I ask. But did you personally have a medication you take, or a solution to this fatigue? Because I hear a lot of people mention this kind of thing....

The one thing that really helped me was hormone replacement with testosterone. Yes women need some as well especially as we get older. Ours drops much worse as soon as we hit like age 30. But it's kind of expensive to go to a hormone speciality place. The other thing is I still use adderall and modafinil especially now because I'm more depressed during the lockdown. Those meds are not great for u though and habit forming. But I'm hopelessly addicted lol! Other than this u can try to eat better and exercise most days.

 

[maru.]

You say you're tired a lot. Do u think could be diet possibly? Many of us don't eat the best because it's easier to eat shitty food lol! The other thing, have u had thyroid checked? Many guys have low testosterone because of crap they put in food, surely the flouride in water does not help. I remember feeling in a fog a lot in my 20's and the medical establishment just prescribed me legal meth to deal lol! But yea it's not normal to feel the way u do that lack of drive. Flouride in our water actually has serious health consequences especially as we age but most people don't really realise it. Same stuff they add to the tooth paste that's bad too. Have u had any vaccines lately? Gotta look at everything in your environment that might be causing this fatigue and lack of motivation.

I always tell myself to check my testosterone, but never actually do it haha, perhaps that could be it, especially with my porn addiction. Maybe i should do nofap as well, but im unsure about how much it would help, and it's hard to give up on one of my main sources of pleasure, same thing goes for garbage food, im a hedonist ano have no discipline at all i guess. Still, thanks for the advice, the testosterone could be it.

 

[Otter]

do you want to specialize, and if so, what in?

 

[maru.]

do you want to specialize, and if so, what in?

Well, that's the problem, i don't care much about this career, or nay career actually.
But let's say, somehow, i make it. Well, i guess i'd go with something mental health related, cuz i'd be able to emphasize a lot with my patients i guess...
I hate going to doctors talking about how much i wanna die only for them to not even look at me and just give a bunch of meds.
Once i even had a doctor, that i went to so i could lose weight, make fun of me for being fat, not even kidding right now.
I guess i could be a decent doctor, not because of knowledge, cuz like i said, i'm too lazy to study properly, but at least i don't think i'd treat my patients like garbage.

 

[Otter]

Have you ever thought about chiropractic?

 

[maru.]

Have you ever thought about chiropractic?

Not really. Why?

 

[Otter]

It seems like the courses might be easier for good pay. I know it's a personal interest, but I just find the field fascinating.

 

[Sensei]

At times, I think, "If I would kill myself, I wouldn't have to do this." It can be something as simple as cleaning my home. I wonder if laziness in it itself could push people over the edge, but I certainly believe that a death wish can turn into a kind of laziness.

 

[maru.]

It seems like the courses might be easier for good pay. I know it's a personal interest, but I just find the field fascinating.

Well, it doesn't really interest me too much tbh (sorry if this comes off as rude, not my intention), i don't like having to touch patients, look for stuff, i feel awkward haha, it's just not for me, perhaps that's why i like mental health stuff. If i were to quit med school, i'd propably go for psychology, but i don't know if my parents would let me go to college again, and even if they did, idk if i have the disposition to go through entrance exams again, they fucked my head beyond repair. And i can't study and succeed now, a different course probably wouldn' t change that. I appreciate the suggestion tho! Thnx :D

At times, I think, "If I would kill myself, I wouldn't have to do this." It can be something as simple as cleaning my home. I wonder if laziness in it itself could push people over the edge, but I certainly believe that a death wish can turn into a kind of laziness.

Damn, i relate to this so much. At around 2018 i started having suicidal thoughts for the first time, and to this day, when i feel horrible, i think "If i had killed myself then, i wouldn't be feeling this right now."

It's a toxic way of thinking, but it's hard to avoid.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Well, it doesn't really interest me too much tbh (sorry if this comes off as rude, not my intention), i don't like having to touch patients, look for stuff, i feel awkward haha,

What, do you mean to tell us that you don't want to inspect the genitals or anuses of elderly people for cancers or other disorders? You don't know what you're missing!

 

[maru.]

What, do you mean to tell us that you don't want to inspect the genitals or anuses of elderly people for cancers or other disorders? You don't know what you're missing!

Haha, i know right? I'm crazyyyyy

But seriously, it's awkward to me sometimes, especially since i'm insecure about what i know, i get the feeling i'm making the patient uncomfortable for no reason, cuz i'm not actually getting anywhere, it's terrible. And of course, having to touch and old lady's breast having no idea what i'm even doing while bunch of classmates watched is not my proudest memory haha

 

[Sensei]

Damn, i relate to this so much. At around 2018 i started having suicidal thoughts for the first time, and to this day, when i feel horrible, i think "If i had killed myself then, i wouldn't be feeling this right now."

It's a toxic way of thinking, but it's hard to avoid.

Toxic indeed. It's like getting lost in Antarctica and wade through the snow without direction in the bitter cold, hour after hour. At some point, you will start thinking, "If I lie down now, I don't have to do this anymore."

 

[itsamadworld]

At times, I think, "If I would kill myself, I wouldn't have to do this." It can be something as simple as cleaning my home. I wonder if laziness in it itself could push people over the edge, but I certainly believe that a death wish can turn into a kind of laziness.

I think this is my soul issue my whole life. I've have the motivation, but then a whip to the opposite extreme; I just suddenly crash because I start to feel really resentful, tired, and mentally overwhelmed.. the dreams in which I'm dying become the best option for my future...I want to ctb in my 40's, not sure I can do it, but I don't want to do another 25- to- life in the workforce, and I hate the way society throws aside the elderly and glorifies youth...another reason to leave...the system forces us to live long, to humiliate us when old and feeble!

 

[cjruhand]

Just to give some context:

Right now i'm in med school, you know, to be a doctor and stuff, and i feel completely dislocated from all of it.
I see classmates and friends talking about all of the subjects and stuff, that they studied and did research on, answering the teachers' questions and having medical discussions, sounding like actual doctors, like adults, while i haven't learned a thing 3 years in, and spend all of my days doing pointless garbage and procrastinating.

I don't know if anyone ever experienced this, but like, i can't fantasize about the future, i can't see myself as a 30 or 40 year old, working in this field, or any field for that matter. I can't stand the fact that i grew older, and that this is all life is.

If it wasn't for the first 2 years being simple in the university i go to, i wouldn't have made to the 3rd year at all.
I used to be an ace student in high school you know, but since i entered college, which coincided with my mental health deteriorating and me having depression, i went from being one of the best in every class, to being the absolute worst, that everyone sees as a joke.
I have a friend that goes to a different med school, and he always tells me about how easy our lives are: "Just sit down and study, it's simple.", he mentions friends of ours that were born in worse financial conditions, that have had to work from a young age: "Their lives are actually hard, not ours".
Looking at it from this perspective, fuck, what am i complaining about, right?

Still, for years i've spent all of my days doing nothing, except things that i know are easy and will give me pleasure (food, vydia, porn, internet, etc...), perhaps i've fried my dopamine receptors beyond repair, idk. What i do know is, that even tho i do nothing at all, i feel tired all of the time, and as a result i'm sure it won't be long before i have to drop out and, i honestly can't see myself living after that, my family is gonna despise me for wasting their money on education for years. And i'll have to live a mediocre life despite having every opportunity possible handed to me, despite showing so much promise at first, while everyone that used to do so much worse than me will graduate and be sucessful.

Idk, it's like, if i just put in the effot, perhaps i would be able to live normally, graduate, maybe even be happy at some point, whatever that means...

But i have no disposition to do anything, at all, read those endless pages, memorize those endless concepts, watch those endless hours of class, do those endless hours of work... Is it possible to be so lazy that you're willing to waste your entire life because of it?

Well, whatever, at least SN is a thing, i've got it all planned out, when the consequences of me being a piece of shit start catching up to me, i'll run away from responsibility like i always do. I just hope it's as painless as it sounds.

Are you sure what you've described is laziness? You could have a condition that you're not aware of. I'm not suggesting what it is, only that it might not be that you're lazy.

 

[alongertripbackhome]

I might've missed it but I haven't seen anyone suggest looking into ADHD yet. Executive dysfunction is such a bitch.