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LonelyKitten

LonelyKitten

Seeking one final escape
Aug 13, 2023
284
There's two people I'm very close to, like family, and have known for years. They still care about me despite how messed up my life is now, and all the mistakes I've made.
I feel really bad in regards to their attempts to help me because I know how much of a lost cause I am.
It feels like I'm wasting their time, energy and resources on someone who can do little more than make things worse or die at this point.

On my end, I really just want to end it all, with as much dignity as still possible.
I'm already suffering a lot each day, and knowing it's gonna get worse... I just can't.
Starting to become a real burden makes me think it's better for anyone I (would) interact with, too. Maybe it's just a problematic cycle each way.

But I struggle to say no to them. I keep engaging with their efforts as much as possible. Maybe I'm just lonely. I miss them so much.
That's my fault then, right... ? Trying to improve things just seems to make it all worse, and cause more and prolonged suffering for everyone involved.
It's also draining what little resources I have left too, and I'm super worried about losing the option to CTB in a good way anymore.
 
Last edited:
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hmskms

hmskms

trying to escape a world governed by sociopaths.
Jun 12, 2023
96
they want to keep you alive yet refuse to provide you the things that would be keeping you here on your own. the only thing you will regret is not following through with your promise to end your suffering.

escape them while you still can. i myself wont be here for long to reassure you.
 
Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Visionary
May 5, 2020
2,980
I wrote a post about a video I just watched and I found it very inspiring, but sad at the same time. I think it all depends on your family tbh. I wish you strength through these trying times X
 
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U

ultrasharpy123456

Wizard
Aug 18, 2022
613
what people need to learn is sometimes if you love someone it's best to let them go.
 
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SolomonKado

SolomonKado

This is taking too long…
Jul 4, 2023
424
There's two people I'm very close to, like family, and have known for years. They still care about me despite how messed up my life is now, and all the mistakes I've made.
I feel really bad in regards to their attempts to help me because I know how much of a lost cause I am.
It feels like I'm wasting their time, energy and resources on someone who can do little more than make things worse or die at this point.

On my end, I really just want to end it all, with as much dignity as still possible.
I'm already suffering a lot each day, and knowing it's gonna get worse... I just can't.
Starting to become a real burden makes me think it's better for anyone I (would) interact with, too. Maybe it's just a problematic cycle each way.

But I struggle to say no to them. I keep engaging with their efforts as much as possible. Maybe I'm just lonely. I miss them so much.
That's my fault then, right... ? Trying to improve things just seems to make it all worse, and cause more and prolonged suffering for everyone involved.
It's also draining what little resources I have left too, and I'm super worried about losing the option to CTB in a good way anymore.
In May my last straw was broken. Everything fell out from under me. I tried to discuss this with my only last friend and my sister. It was the normal "don't talk like that" "what can I do to make it better?". The only "better" I wanted was to finally sleep. I was eternally exhausted and finally just wanted peace from everything I've been through. All those people you see in their 70-90's and even 100 have been through a lot, but have they been through something like I have or anyone on this site? Have they had good support their whole life? Or did they have a normally good life?

I am in my 40's and just want it to be over. I would give anything for the people this will hurt to be supportive and talk about it with me, but they just want me to keep living in this hell I call life for themselves. Does this mean they are going to walk this road every step of the way with me then? Helping me with everything that could come up side by side? No….

I've verbally vomited everything I've ever been through and all I get is "this will pass." Well things have passed…, but then something else comes along and stays with me piling onto the already painful and traumatic events. I want more then anything for them to be apart of this instead of me doing it in secrecy. Causing them to deal with something so traumatic, but if they won't support me then this is how it will be. Can't talk to anyone except those of you here and when I tried to tell a doctor it became a huge matter that could put me in the hospital to "get better." All because most people are "pro life" instead of "pro choice." Most people don't know how to deal with us. Even the medical system. Making it easy for us to feel like a burden.

When I go it will be alone and most of my life has been alone. Even when I was in a relationship with a girl I was alone.

I hope for your sake that you find the peace you look for with any choice you make.
 
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