LonelyKitten
Seeking one final escape
- Aug 13, 2023
- 284
There's two people I'm very close to, like family, and have known for years. They still care about me despite how messed up my life is now, and all the mistakes I've made.
I feel really bad in regards to their attempts to help me because I know how much of a lost cause I am.
It feels like I'm wasting their time, energy and resources on someone who can do little more than make things worse or die at this point.
On my end, I really just want to end it all, with as much dignity as still possible.
I'm already suffering a lot each day, and knowing it's gonna get worse... I just can't.
Starting to become a real burden makes me think it's better for anyone I (would) interact with, too. Maybe it's just a problematic cycle each way.
But I struggle to say no to them. I keep engaging with their efforts as much as possible. Maybe I'm just lonely. I miss them so much.
That's my fault then, right... ? Trying to improve things just seems to make it all worse, and cause more and prolonged suffering for everyone involved.
It's also draining what little resources I have left too, and I'm super worried about losing the option to CTB in a good way anymore.
I feel really bad in regards to their attempts to help me because I know how much of a lost cause I am.
It feels like I'm wasting their time, energy and resources on someone who can do little more than make things worse or die at this point.
On my end, I really just want to end it all, with as much dignity as still possible.
I'm already suffering a lot each day, and knowing it's gonna get worse... I just can't.
Starting to become a real burden makes me think it's better for anyone I (would) interact with, too. Maybe it's just a problematic cycle each way.
But I struggle to say no to them. I keep engaging with their efforts as much as possible. Maybe I'm just lonely. I miss them so much.
That's my fault then, right... ? Trying to improve things just seems to make it all worse, and cause more and prolonged suffering for everyone involved.
It's also draining what little resources I have left too, and I'm super worried about losing the option to CTB in a good way anymore.
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