Venting I died in 2020, six years from then there's nothing left of me

[Claymore7274]

Back here again, i've been living just for the sake of it, i'm no longer taking care of myself, sleeping well, working out, i'm so drained i can't do shit.

The thought of hanging myself is always in the back of my mind, i do want to keep on living, maybe one more year, but life has been so tough with me lately, it's been really hard not to think about just giving up now, i haven't done half of the things i want to experience until i'm ready to end myself, last year i tried to hang myself and ever since i've been having issues with sleeping, due to very very bad neck pain, which also brought me to stop working out.

This year i also noticed i may have some sort of chronic pain illness, my body has been hurting a lot since i stopped working out and sleeping well, i feel like i'm in a loop, i haven't completely given up on fixing my sleep schedule though, i have really been trying, but the pain gets worse at night. it's truly a shame because i do love to workout and fitness overall, but i can't do it like this.

it's really fucking me up mentally, that's one of the few things that made me feel like i had a purpose in life, now it's just pain all the time, i have lost everything now.

Ever since 2020 things have only gotten worse, i had hope, and did the effort to better my life, i did, truly. i'm done, right now i'm just trying my best to push through this year with the least pain possible and using the most of the time i have available to try and enjoy, to feel fullfiled.

 

[DarkShadows]

I feel like everything has got worse for me too since 2020. I totally get feeling like you died 2020. For me the pandemic marked a shift in many ways and AI is the next big shift. I was depressed and suicidal before 2020 but I feel way more anxious since then and hopeless.

I hope you get through this and things change for the better.

 

[Claymore7274]

I feel like everything has got worse for me too since 2020. I totally get feeling like you died 2020. For me the pandemic marked a shift in many ways and AI is the next big shift. I was depressed and suicidal before 2020 but I feel way more anxious since then and hopeless.

I hope you get through this and things change for the better.

oh for sure it's been so odd since that year, due to the lockdown i developed extreme social anxiety and i haven't recovered from it since then, though i feel past the feeling of hope, matter of fact i'm sure things will get worse if i keep on living because of a family matter, if i keep on living like i do i'm 100% gonna be in the streets in two years or so, i'm at a dead end.

I wish you don't ever get to a point of desperation like you'e looking directly to the edge of a cliff like i am, my situation is unescapable

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

That's when the world went to shit.

 

[papillon]

I'm so sorry to hear about how you're feeling and also the neck pain. I completely relate to not taking care of myself and feeling drained and thoughts of CTB. Can I ask if it was full or partial hanging that caused the neck pain?

 

[Claymore7274]

I'm so sorry to hear about how you're feeling and also the neck pain. I completely relate to not taking care of myself and feeling drained and thoughts of CTB. Can I ask if it was full or partial hanging that caused the neck pain?

well it's a special case, because i did partial on a wardrobe and that was not it, it fell on me after i passed out, ended up terribly injured, i posted about it about a year ago, you can check it in my profile

 

[papillon]

well it's a special case, because i did partial on a wardrobe and that was not it, it fell on me after i passed out, ended up terribly injured, i posted about it about a year ago, you can check it in my profile

Ah okay, I'm sorry that happened. Sounds incredibly painful :( If only CTB was easier to accomplish