ive been told to model before, called hot. problem is i seem to be incapable of making friends. sex, im not interested in, so that part of life is also cut off for me because who wants a "just hugging and kissing" relationship. not honestly many people. not that i care, i really just want to hang out with people and be close.
I do. I've never felt a sex drive. I called myself asexual for a while. But to be realistic, I think I do have a sex drive, it's just driven down like all other drives to do anything by my psychotic depression.
I would honestly rate myself as a 1, maybe 2/10. Lifelong cystic acne, an extremely greasy face because my organs don't work properly, and gross, patchy facial hair growing between the acne scars have rendered me pretty hard to look at for some people. I also have two big moles that grow hair very quickly on my face. I accidentally cut myself frequently while trying to trim the mole hair and facial hair because my face is pretty 3-dimensional at this point, and also because my motor skills have deteriorated due to my mental state. This is pretty hard for me because the sight of blood always tempts me to self harm. Sometimes I will go out into public actively bleeding from my face because my motivation is just too low to care.
(the doctors wouldn't let me go on accutane because I'm deemed a suicide risk)
My lips are weirdly very red and I'm extremely pale. Because of my trauma I find it excruciating to let someone else touch me, so I have to cut my own hair. But because of my poor motor skills and bad vision, it's pretty hard to do so and I make mistakes. The top of one ear is missing.
My ex once called my eyes beautiful. They're a pale silver. I guess that's kind of unique. I like my eyes.
I don't mind about my looks. I don't have time to waste on petty people anyway.
Wanted to say one last thing. Isolation is brutal. I'm sorry you struggle to make friends, I've been isolated for most of my life. I hope that moving forward the people around you are kind, understanding, and loving. Best wishes :)