ConfusedHurting2632
Student
- Dec 22, 2021
- 162
Always looking forward to "the end" of the day...
"The end" of the week...
"The end" of the month...
"The end" of the year...
I WOULD say "the end" of the decade, but I'm only 24 so that's only like 2 decades, heh...
Always looking forward to my next birthday because it means I'm 1 year closer to death statistically speaking...
Looking forward to "the end" of even good things so I can say I "completed" it. A nice meal. A nice TV show or movie I'm watching. A nice video game. Etc.
And it basically goes on like that for LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
Realistically I'll probably never be able to go through with suicide, even though I really want to, for a large variety of factors. Killing yourself is actually way more complex and complicated than you'd think, takes lots of planning, time, gathering the right stuff, etc. Probably also explains people who have been here on this site for years without a good solution. And I'm an incredibly lazy person who never likes to lift a finger or plan or put thought into anything. I also have an insanely low pain tolerance and low pain threshold by default. And I'm the type of person who literally can't do anything on my own and relies on my parents for anything and everything. So my parents would never willingly buy suicide tools for me. And I am unable to work or make my own money due to my mental illnesses. And any jobs I DID try I was basically already fired on like the first, second day max.
But hey...the more years I'm able to get through the closer I am to death! So that's something I guess! I'm 24 currently. I really hope I don't make it past 30, as at age 30+ is when the excuse of you being an immature kid who's accomplished nothing in their life starts to wear off. People can accept a useless child, teen, 20 something year old, etc. But 30+ is when people expect you to have your shit more together relatively speaking. But either way, if I do make it to 30+, at least I'm closer to death! And I've also been struggling with some physical health problems too, like Acid Reflux/GERD, high blood pressure, some difficulty breathing, painful hiccups, so sedentary I can barely take a few steps without sweating and getting tired, being kind of overweight, I got COVID twice (though I healed), etc. To a "normal" person this would all be horrible, but to a suicidal person, yay I guess, cuz it means I'm more likely to die at an earlier age...?
"The end" of the week...
"The end" of the month...
"The end" of the year...
I WOULD say "the end" of the decade, but I'm only 24 so that's only like 2 decades, heh...
Always looking forward to my next birthday because it means I'm 1 year closer to death statistically speaking...
Looking forward to "the end" of even good things so I can say I "completed" it. A nice meal. A nice TV show or movie I'm watching. A nice video game. Etc.
And it basically goes on like that for LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
Realistically I'll probably never be able to go through with suicide, even though I really want to, for a large variety of factors. Killing yourself is actually way more complex and complicated than you'd think, takes lots of planning, time, gathering the right stuff, etc. Probably also explains people who have been here on this site for years without a good solution. And I'm an incredibly lazy person who never likes to lift a finger or plan or put thought into anything. I also have an insanely low pain tolerance and low pain threshold by default. And I'm the type of person who literally can't do anything on my own and relies on my parents for anything and everything. So my parents would never willingly buy suicide tools for me. And I am unable to work or make my own money due to my mental illnesses. And any jobs I DID try I was basically already fired on like the first, second day max.
But hey...the more years I'm able to get through the closer I am to death! So that's something I guess! I'm 24 currently. I really hope I don't make it past 30, as at age 30+ is when the excuse of you being an immature kid who's accomplished nothing in their life starts to wear off. People can accept a useless child, teen, 20 something year old, etc. But 30+ is when people expect you to have your shit more together relatively speaking. But either way, if I do make it to 30+, at least I'm closer to death! And I've also been struggling with some physical health problems too, like Acid Reflux/GERD, high blood pressure, some difficulty breathing, painful hiccups, so sedentary I can barely take a few steps without sweating and getting tired, being kind of overweight, I got COVID twice (though I healed), etc. To a "normal" person this would all be horrible, but to a suicidal person, yay I guess, cuz it means I'm more likely to die at an earlier age...?
