Im 35yo male from Poland. Very smart, I was always best in class, scoring high in competitions, esp. maths and physics.
However my dad has mental illness and was abusing my family since i was a little kid- I witnessed scenes that are worse than any horror.
Since 20+ years i struggle with behavioral disorders and severe depression. 6 years ago I started to self-medicate (used 150+ psychoactive substances) but got hooked on opioids and got severely addicted to oxy and morph. Taking 1g of M daily!
I live with my elderly (75+) yo mom, who loves me, and with my dad, who I think takes his antipsychotics. He still abuses us but not physically like he used to do, but he doesnt help at all in home, doesnt clean after himself, hes a total asshole.
I was in psych ward twice, I had substantial amounts of money which i spent/ lost al, I have chronic problems with my health. I almost dont leave my house due to depression.
Having S thoughts and ideations 24/7, decided to CTB like a year ago, just waiting for the items and occassion now.
I explored a lot of forensic stuff (got med school books, gore, dying methods etc). I think I have big knowledge of that.
Looking for a partner if possible (i wrote in the thread) I got loads of morph, benzos and SN. However I prefer inert gas method or firearms. Shoot me up if you wanna talk...