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onefixleft

more scared of you
Feb 17, 2024
10
Hi. I'm 39 and I've lived with being suicidal since my early teens. I'm a failure of a person in pretty much all aspects of my life, a useless burden on my family, and I refuse to turn 40. I've lurked here for a while researching, before creating an account. You guys have put together a lot of good information, it's really amazing.

I'm getting together the last few bits of my SN plan and gathering courage. but until I ctb, I hope to be able to share things with people here in a way I can't anywhere else.

Nice to meet you.
 
missmyworld

missmyworld

Member
Feb 18, 2024
23
Hi! I'm in my early 20's and I believe I'm schizotypal or atleast some sort of mixed- non neurotypical stuff. I'm way too "in my own head", if you understand what I mean. I like breakcore, phonk, and loud music in general (it sort of drowns out my thoughts). I have rapid mood swings, so I'm not aware of what I even want honestly. Nice meeting you guys :)
 
tsumihoroboshi

tsumihoroboshi

Lost Impact
Oct 31, 2023
164
HULLO, i turn 32 this year (very unreal), mexican, somewhere on the trans spectrum so I use it/it's pronouns, and I've struggled with SI and SH for over half my life now and I don't see any way of it getting better for me. I was mis-diagnosed with asperger's years ago then got a re-diagnosis that completely removed that and on paper I have schizotypal (now schizoeffective), bipolar with psychosis, borderline personality disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, learning disabilities, thought disorders and (this one is self-dx'd) possibly DID or adjacent to it. Been trying to get an official diagnosis for that.

I like to make comics and sometimes try to enjoy media.

I came here bcus I found there's more people here that can relate to what I go through even more than close friends I have, but I have severe social anxiety so I'm seeing what I'm doing with talking to people.
 
AIbot

AIbot

New Member
Feb 26, 2024
1
Hello! I am a 20-year-old guy. Play musical instruments (piano, flute, guitar, violin). Moreover, I am currently in a college. Majoring in Computer Science.

I moved to the USA a few years ago from Ukraine (before the war).
Speak Ukrainian, Russian, and English.
First self harm thoughts appear during high school.
These thoughts didn't disappear, but only grew.
My migraine worsen overtime, so I started to see migraine aura
For me, most things are fun and I see them as a joke if it is not fun

Nothing much else to say for now...
 
Raven_Nevermore

Raven_Nevermore

Member
Feb 18, 2024
51
Thank you for letting me join. I turned 56 earlier this month. 😳🙄. I was supposed to be forever gone decades ago. However, I continue to fail miserably at suicide too. How ironic and absurd is that now?! Right. There are not enough words to describe just how much I HATE MYSELF.. Guilt and shame continue to consume me more everyday.
 
B

butterball

interior crocodile alligator
Jan 28, 2024
25
hi:) i've lurked for a little bit but decided to start posting. i'm 31 and have struggled with suicidal ideation and severe depression since i was 13 :x

idk what to say, i don't have many hobbies now :/ trying to get back into reading and enjoying good films.

i'm poised between recovery & relapse. i want the best for others but never myself really. so yeah that's me. :)
 
Raven_Nevermore

Raven_Nevermore

Member
Feb 18, 2024
51
hi:) i've lurked for a little bit but decided to start posting. i'm 31 and have struggled with suicidal ideation and severe depression since i was 13 :x

idk what to say, i don't have many hobbies now :/ trying to get back into reading and enjoying good films.

i'm poised between recovery & relapse. i want the best for others but never myself really. so yeah that's me. :)
I'm sending you hugs too.
 
dental

dental

tired
Jan 11, 2024
8
hi - just been lurking infrequently for a little bit lol. i'm 19, most of my problems come from adhd, autism, depression (possibly bipolar but that's not diagnosed) and gender dysphoria. all of which combine to make living way more painful than it's worth. i've struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts for the majority of my life, including one failed attempt.
i currently try to cope with music for the most part. it's kind of its own bubble away from everything else
 
VM08L

VM08L

M
Feb 29, 2024
6
Hello; Like many, I've lurked for some time, but decided to cave and make an account. Particularly after large changes to my current living situation, which ended not as hopeful as I hoped. I deal with chronic pain and life-ruining anxiety that I cannot treat due to a number of circumstances—It's been a lifelong struggle. As a result, the lens that people view me through in life has been quite harsh and judgmental… even though I understand, that doesn't make it any easier. I have made several attempts in the past, and am beginning to view it as an inevitability in my life; as if I were dealt a poor hand time and time again. I'm one of those people that keeps running into the "this is where my life will pick up and straighten out" -moment, and it never quite does. Haha. As for hobbies… I'm a bit of an artist for fun. I always wished that worked out more in my favour, but I'm not the first not the last artist to say that. With my life getting less and less promising over the years, I have not had the heart to draw like I used to… which is sad for me. Anyway, that's about it! I am hoping to get to know some of you maybe, or at least just try to enjoy the forums regardless of what the future holds.
 
rosieposie

rosieposie

New Member
Feb 29, 2024
2
Hello hello! I'm Rosie and I'm 21 from England, my family has a history of bad mental health and I've struggled w/ SI since I was 11 (mix of genetics, abuse, csa and just me being me i suppose) which is kinda crazy! Like thats half my life! Bit bonkers to think about... my plans to ctb usually never come to fruition because I don't want to fail and figuring out an effective methodology has been tricky, for me it's do it right once or don't do it at all. I'm a student (unwillingly, my Mum signed me up when I gave up and was just bedrotting after hs, i love learning but assignments are too much for me haha i found this site after sobbing for hours last night abt life and the future) and I work part time, both in the animal sector! I was on medication for depression after working up the nerve to speak to my GP about mental health but all it did was make me hurt myself and worsen my mood swings so I quit and I don't have the courage to go back. I switch from happy and chirpy to listless to manic and self violent at the drop of the hat so I'll be here lurking and maybe chatting when those darker moods hit me! I love women (lesbians unite!!), animals, playing games (a range of stuff but im SHITE at shooters despite bioshock being my fav game ever) and watching old minecraft youtubers to cheer myself up- like etho in my pfp!
 
A

accidia

New Member
Jan 15, 2022
3
Hey all, I'm an enby person in my 20s. I've lurked for a long time and was even around when the subreddit existed, but this is my first time ever posting on SS. I've had suicidal ideation on and off since I was 12, and I thought posting on here would be a good step towards acting on what I've now accepted is inevitable. Like many people here, I'm autistic and have been struggling with mental illness (anxiety, depression, OCD, etc.) for most of my life. My fucked up mental state used to be really obvious to others in my personal life, but luckily I've gotten better at hiding it, and I hope to keep it that way. When I'm not depressed, I like nature, video games, music, art, and reading. Hopefully I'll be able to contribute more to the forum soon.
 
recat

recat

That is my brain.
Mar 1, 2024
32
Hello everyone. I am just another dude, another brick on the wall, from America, living in Spain at 28 years. An oddity.

I also used to be a furry, or i might still be, eww, cringe, I know. I have disassociated myself from the furry fandom as of late. For 16 years the furry fandom used to be an escape for depression for me, the community always helped, but that effect is long gone now, and I have distanced myself from it all, I don't even use furry profile pictures anymore (what us weirdos call our fursonas) , just have the name as a relic of the past, which I myself hope to be.

Depression, anxiety, autism, and various levels of psychosis have plagued my family on both sides for generations. It appears as no surprise to me that I also have it. My treatment used to work incredibly up until i had a major cycling crash ruining my shoulder and then having my father die unexpectedly at age 55 shortly thereafter. Ever since, nothing has worked, and after many attempts of trying to help myself feel better I was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression. For the past 2 years I have slowly come to accept that my death by my hand is almost certainly inevitable, especially now that I have lost the two closest people in my life, my partner, even though I never felt very loved by him, and my much closer friend who I was almost partners for life with, but decided to leave me because I am too depressed, and they rather just forget who I am and abandon me.

Life has not been worthwhile for me for the past 15 years I have always been told it will get better, it will be worth it, well that is a lie in my case.
I remember my first suicide attempt at 14, trying to breathe in a can of freon i stole from my dad. I remember my last one, I was in ireland shortly after my dad's funeral in 2022, I overdosed on much of my prescription pain medication for my destroyed shoulder only to pass out and wake up perfectly fine the next day, Absolute disappointment. I have been deeply researching for ages for a method that won't fail anymore.

My profile picture is an MRI scan of my brain, from when the doctors suspected me of having epilepsy due to still unexplained seizures that have only been stopped due to prescribed medication. They did not find anything.

I found this place after desperate searching for something like it. Thanks to the stupid BBC news video about it.

The only antidote to my depression is driving, driving fast cars, driving far far away. But before I was mortally depressed, I used to enjoy many things, attending furry conventions, fursuit stuff, ham radio, setting up a home lab with servers and such, programming, working on cars, fixing stuff. I'm an engineer so it is only natural. All goddamn STEM people are furries these days it feels like.
 
Woland

Woland

New Member
Mar 1, 2024
1
Hello, im a mid 20s guy. I knew pretty early on that I didnt like life, since I was 13 in fact so about half my life already. I joined because i was sick of the pro life bullshit I kept seeing online with their "help is available" nonsense at every google search. surely there had to people like me who didnt see it that way? i'm a staunch believer in right to die and i wish it was implemented already. everyday i wake up, i get angry thinking about the decades i still have to fucking live. it pisses me off so much, unfortunately i lack the courage to take matters into my own hand and i probably will never do it. all i can hope for is an expansion of a basic right to die.
 
bugs_for_brains

bugs_for_brains

We can always regroup on the moon <3
Mar 4, 2024
57
Hihihi! I'm an 18 year old British person and I really like bugs. I currently own 2 blue death feigning beetles (my profile picture) and a chocolate millipede though I haven't seen her in a while so I'm hoping she's molting (ie not dead). I spend my time playing video games, listening to music and helping care for my little brother with nonverbal autism and intellectual disabilities as well as helping with my nan who's currently suffering from stage 4B lung cancer.

Have a whole bunch of reasons for my suicidality that can't be eradicated because they're ingrained directly in me, my past or my surroundings. I believe with even just a couple of these problems gone I would at least be able to manage which makes the whole thing so much more frustrating lol. But what can you do. Anyway, hope I can talk with you guys here for a while :)
 
ResidentEvil

ResidentEvil

Student
Mar 2, 2024
111
Hello Everyone.
I think i would be good manners, to introduce myself. I am a male, and i am 30ish year old.
I have been "lurking" on this site for a few months now. And i thought this could be something for me.
I has been some time since i have had any serious communication with anyone, mostly because i was in a toxic relationship, and that brought me in many tough and difficult situations. It almost had everything.
That experience alone with her, really made me think a lot. I didn't know it was possible, to meet a person like who she was.
But enough about that. I am from Scandinavia.
 
Already_dead_inside

Already_dead_inside

Member
Mar 6, 2024
11
Hello everyone! 43 year old female in NY. Im tired of being told to "stay strong" "shake it off" and my absolute favorite "get over it"
For as long as I can remember I never really wanted to be here. I was a depressed, lonely child who attempted suicide at the age of 10. I always felt out of place, as if I didnt belong. As I got older I accepted the fact that I was awkward or "weird" and did not want to belong. I have secluded myself and silence is my only friend. I have crying spells often and not much brings me happiness. I feel like Im going through the motions of life but I am not living. Forced interactions, fake smiles and I even have to force myself to eat.
I just dont want to be here anymore and nothing anyone will say can change that. I want to be free from this body and this person I am. I dont recognize myself when I look in the mirror. Im tired of being used by others and taken for granted. I always wanted to be a social worker so that I can help others. But I decided that I no longer care like I used to.
I am haunted and I cant break free.

This forum has provided me with useful information. Im ready to go. Im calm, and just want to move on.
 
skybox

skybox

Have you ever been jealous of birds?
Mar 6, 2024
66
29 year old lesbian tethered to this world because of my cats and mother. I have MDD, PMDD, and random physical health issues, been on/off meds since 2015. Solid support system, don't have any issues with anyone actively in my life except myself. I have a hard time regulating my emotions and dwell on the past a lot. I joined to discuss things with like minded people and safe means to CTB if the time comes. I don't have many hobbies, but I like photography, reading, and playing Pokemon.

I do enjoy the idea of living. The sun feels good even though I don't go out much.
 
Last edited:
Already_dead_inside

Already_dead_inside

Member
Mar 6, 2024
11
29 year old lesbian tethered to this world because of my cats and mother. I have MDD, PMDD, and random physical health issues, been on/off meds since 2015. Solid support system, don't have any issues with anyone actively in my life except myself. I have a hard time regulating my emotions and dwell on the past a lot. I joined to discuss things with like minded people and safe means to CTB if the time comes. I don't have many hobbies, but I like photography, reading, and playing Pokemon.

I do enjoy the idea of living. The sun feels good even though I don't go out much.
I think we have some things in common. I also enjoy reading and photography has always peaked my interest. I wish I had my cat with me, I miss her. Message me if youd like. Im lonely and have no one to talk to.
 
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skybox

skybox

Have you ever been jealous of birds?
Mar 6, 2024
66
I think we have some things in common. I also enjoy reading and photography has always peaked my interest. I wish I had my cat with me, I miss her. Message me if youd like. Im lonely and have no one to talk to.
I have a small collection of thrifted books (medical, psychology/philosophy) and I've been reading a lot of manga lately. I do amateur photography on my phone when I'm out and about. Not 100% how to message people on here yet but I don't mind chatting. Cats are wonderful creatures, I'm sorry yours isn't with you :(
 
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Already_dead_inside

Already_dead_inside

Member
Mar 6, 2024
11
I have a small collection of thrifted books (medical, psychology/philosophy) and I've been reading a lot of manga lately. I do amateur photography on my phone when I'm out and about. Not 100% how to message people on here yet but I don't mind chatting. Cats are wonderful creatures, I'm sorry yours isn't with you :(
Thank you. :) Shes still alive but I dont have access to her. Shes a black cat with personality and loved to cuddle.
I have not been able to focus on reading for the past few years to be honest. Prior to I had a nice collection of books as well, I lost 99% of everything I owned. Loosing the books hurt me the most. I'd give anything right now to be able to curl up with a good book like I used to. I am unsure of how to PM as well.
 
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skybox

skybox

Have you ever been jealous of birds?
Mar 6, 2024
66
Thank you. :) Shes still alive but I dont have access to her. Shes a black cat with personality and loved to cuddle.
I have not been able to focus on reading for the past few years to be honest. Prior to I had a nice collection of books as well, I lost 99% of everything I owned. Loosing the books hurt me the most. I'd give anything right now to be able to curl up with a good book like I used to. I am unsure of how to PM as well.
"The permissions to create a thread, send and receive PMs, and use the chatroom will be granted automatically after you post a certain secret number of times and are active for at least 24 hours. This is to avoid spam and abuse of accounts." looks like there's a threshold which makes sense.

I'm glad she's still alive, black cats are so sweet. I have 2 boys, a tabby and tuxedo, they hate each other but are very lovable towards me and most people. Do you ever go to local libraries to check out books? I know it's not the same as having your own, but maybe comforting in the moment. I would be defeated losing my trinkets and art gifted to me since a lot of it is irreplaceable.
 
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Already_dead_inside

Already_dead_inside

Member
Mar 6, 2024
11
"The permissions to create a thread, send and receive PMs, and use the chatroom will be granted automatically after you post a certain secret number of times and are active for at least 24 hours. This is to avoid spam and abuse of accounts." looks like there's a threshold which makes sense.

I'm glad she's still alive, black cats are so sweet. I have 2 boys, a tabby and tuxedo, they hate each other but are very lovable towards me and most people. Do you ever go to local libraries to check out books? I know it's not the same as having your own, but maybe comforting in the moment. I would be defeated losing my trinkets and art gifted to me since a lot of it is irreplaceable.
Oh ok, thank you for that information. It makes sense.

I have not visited a library or book store in months. I cant seem to leave the house. I lost my vehicle as well, I felt safe and free driving. Now I can barely summon up the energy to walk downstairs to check my mail. I wont go outside for days at a time. Im glad your fur babies are nice to you! Did they grow up together?
 
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skybox

skybox

Have you ever been jealous of birds?
Mar 6, 2024
66
Oh ok, thank you for that information. It makes sense.

I have not visited a library or book store in months. I cant seem to leave the house. I lost my vehicle as well, I felt safe and free driving. Now I can barely summon up the energy to walk downstairs to check my mail. I wont go outside for days at a time. Im glad your fur babies are nice to you! Did they grow up together?
Might have to check something in privacy settings to make sure someone can PM. I will try when I can, I don't want to derail the intro thread :ahhha:

I feel you, I can't drive so I don't leave the house much unless to run errands which is maybe twice a week. They didn't grow up together, wish they did maybe they'd get along. They have 5 years between them, tabby being older and tux was a later adoption, during covid.
 
DancingDinosaur

DancingDinosaur

New Member
Mar 6, 2024
1
I heard about this forum years ago on incels dot is, held off from indulging my curiosity because I didn't feel interested enough in the topic to warrant it.

Recently though I called an ambulance on someone who I thought might accidentally kill themself in the course of self-harming though, so it led me to wonder if this is a broader topic than I first imagined.

How often do you think it is that people engage in self-harming behaviors (whether that's cutting, overeating, overdosing) because of some subconscious suicidal impulse that they have not consciously embraced?
 
drakflowerfire

drakflowerfire

I just want to find my own happiness
Mar 7, 2024
21
Hello. I'm 30 years old and strugging to be a persiting depression, i've suicide when i was 13 because of all the traumas i need to cope to get much better life.


I love to meet people on real life and online, i like to draw and writing. My life is having lots of stress, trying to think why i am so diferent with my family.

I wished on my life never existed. Because i'm a mess with anyone expections.