Introduce yourself

[AerialBoundaries]

I'm Paddy.

32, single man, from Scotland.

I'm an autistic man, in denial, but outwith that, somebody a lot of folks can relate to. I have depression that is never getting better. I just want to live a decent life. That's all I want.

 

[BrknEyes]

Hello, I'm BrknEyes or just Brkn. I'm a 25/m who is pretty close to cbting, found this site roughly a year ago and just lurked for about a year~. I typically don't do much besides take care of my dogs at this point. Hope everyone has a alright day. Ty

 

[slothstar56]

55 - I have put my time in and am ready to clock out. Not a good way to introduce myself, but meh..
I feel trapped, obligated to help when I just want to leave, be done. I know the hardship I would leave people in and it makes me fristrated.
I am taking care of a parent and a sister and I just want to be selfish and think of myself and let the cards fall where they may. Not sure if what I am trying to say makes sense, this is my first time expressing any of my feelings out of from my own thoughts.
Trying to navigate this site as well.

 

[VioletNebula]

Hello, i'm Nebula! 28 trans woman, have a lot of shit fucked up with me brain, life is certainly a struggle :) its nice to meet you all and i hope we can get along

 

[BlackMoon]

Hi, I don't know how to introduce myself but I'll try:

I'm in my 20s.
I live in an european country.
I don't know anything about my gender anymore. Don't know if I'm really MtF or if I'm non-binary.
I love: cinema (especially horror and controversial/disturbing movies), animes & mangas, city pop, (black) metal, hyperpop, video games (mostly JRPGs and FPS), cats, reading controversial books or just good horror/fantastic fictions, german Romantic and pointillist paintings, and cocoa.
I hate: people trying to take control over others, bigotry, norms, injustice, feeling alone.

Outside SI I also tend to have anger problems and I work on them since 1-2 years, they don't really have impact on my SI I just prefer to tell my bad sides too.

 

[Headspace Dweller]

Hi all, call me Noct or Sunny. I'm fairly introverted IRL, so my hobbies kinda reflect that. I play video games, I sew, I take care of my pets, I watch tv shows and movies. I like anime, I'm a big fan of Makoto Shinkai and Mamoru Hosoda. I have a forever soft spot for Digimon. I'm working on completing the pokedex in Omega Ruby, which has turned into a months long project that I'm rushing to try and complete before the 3ds servers shut down in 2024 (the end of the GTS and online trades would full on stop me from reaching my goal).

Nice to meet y'all!

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

Hey guys,

I'm a 20 year old male from the US; average university student, etc. Feels crazy to say 20 - that number kinda snuck up on me as I've been feeling really low. That's what led me here. Been lurking a good while, but figured I'd better make an account as CTB is becoming a very real option lately and you guys honestly seem like a better community for me than anything I can get in "real life".

I am a musician and photographer, or more accurately, was. I haven't had any energy to put into art in a long time.

Never been super good at introducing myself, sorry lolol. If anyone feels like talking one-on-one I'll probably open up easier have more to share.

 

[DearMe]

Hello, you can call me 'Dear'.
Had attempts, and failed mostly because I got caught, saved, and destroyed.

I know I could get better, but there's too much on my plate to sustain myself. I hope I get to know everyone here respectfully.
I know I have serious mental issues. However, everyone doesn't let me get diagnosed or treated by a professional because I'm only being 'too' sensitive. If you're wondering, yes, I live with an Asian family.

My wish was to see a heavy snowfall with hot sweet cocoa and die peacefully. I have yet to see winter. I also want to adopt a pet cat of my own.

 

[LainCry]

I'm Carsy, I'm NB (afab), I'm 21 years old, I'll be 22 on January 10th, and I believe that ctb is inevitable for me. It's simply a matter of time.

I'll spare some of the gorey details as I often tend to feel bad when sharing information about myself, but I have a very extensive psych history going back to childhood. I was on the maximum dosage for an antidepressant by the age of 11. Recently my psych said quite simply, we're essentially out of meds for me to try, and the ones that are left she won't prescribe because despite not having a history she believes I will become addicted. I was potentially going to pursue electro convulsive therapy as a last ditch effort but since my EEGs are abnormal and I am potentially epileptic and on anticonvulsants ECT is no longer a viable option for me.

I've been through a lot of trauma in my life. To put it simply, my ACE score is a 10. I am also autistic. I struggle deeply with making friends and feeling close to people as a result. I feel I cannot typically share information about myself or talk about formative experiences because I feel it's not right to burden people with such depressing information. I technically do have friends, but it's difficult for me to speak to them. All interactions feel shallow. With the exception of speaking to my partner. He is the most intelligent and authentically kind person I've ever met and I could talk to him about anything for hours.

I also struggle with chronic illness which I have a lot of shame about. My biological mother had munchausens and would lie about having conditions such as renal failure, cancer, and even mad cow disease. I'm afraid of ever seeming like her so I often feel deeply alone because I feel like I can't talk about being sick because it reminds me of her. She never shut up about her "conditions".


On a lighter note some of my interests include anime, manga, archiving music genres, alternative lifestyles/dynamics, queer history, DIY music, film, and collecting toys (pathetic I know)

 

[KayGee147]

I'm KayGee a 50 something who has a normal middle class existence.

'normal' people would say that I have nothing to moan about in life, but quite frankly life holds nothing for me. No future thats for sure. Decided to leave on my terms, when I'm ready and not let age or nature take me when it wants

I love reading, my cat, watching cooking shows and spending hours going down Youtube rabbitholes. Love helping people, but just not myself. I have a circle of friends but slowly removing myself from them.

My own company is becoming enough. Say hi if you ever have the time or inclination.

 

[Hard decision]

Hello everyone. I'm a new member who joined the forum this week, although I've been reading the posts for a while. I am a quite introverted to the point that only my psychologist knows about my problems, so I will talk about the positive part of my life. I am a 47-years old Man from Spain, a draftsman by profession, although I have been unemployed for some time. I really like mountain biking, getting lost with it in the mountains in the area where I live, where I can find a temporary escape from my daily life. I also sometimes go running and I like to watch movies and series at home, movies and a little bit of video games. I have joined with the intention of getting information to take the step I am planning to take, I hope not for a long time. After having gone through two really bad years and without the possibility of seeing that I can turn my life around, I carry with integrity decisión of the CTB, which allows me to carry out this final stage of my life with relative peace. Sorry for my English. It is not my native language and I use Google Translator to write here

 

[nimium1]

I don't have the strength to carry on, everything hurts and I am neither physically nor mentally capable of living the life of an adult.

I really tried my best and fought with all my might, but only coming to the conclusion that it will definitely will only get a lot worse.

There has been just too much in life to process, and even in an assisted living project I'm the alien who lacks the will to survive, my whole organism is programmed in a screaming death wish. I'm not the first in my family to commit suicide, so think of it as an incurable illness rather than just some kind of "mental illness", it's my neurological nature.

I'm 30 and really tried to make it work somehow, but only to end up here again after years of torment and misery

 

[MonsieurIsDead]

43 yr old female from Canada

No one will understand when I go... why I would kill myself just because my dog died.

Monsieur, he was everything to me. I would not have functioned in this world for the past 6 years if he had not been here for me, every minute of every day. I don't do well in society... I hate humans. I fear them. They have hurt me so many times that I can not have them in my life anymore. I have been single with no friends for 10 years now. I try to socialize but the minute some person seems to be on the way to becoming a friend, I run away. I have PTSD from 2 abusive relationships and much betrayal from a lot of people in my life.

Monsieur was everything to me. He was only 6 years old and he got diabetes. He died August 24th 2023. I should have had him for at least another 6 to 8 years. This feels like such a betrayal... from life itself. Of course, my life has not been difficult enough... this dog was my only reason for living. Even now that he is gone... I can not even feel bad about leaving my daughter, my mom and my sisters behind. None of them cared for me like Monsieur did.

I just want to be with him.

Up until last week, I had a shrink. He was trying to be supportive as he has helped me now with my social anxiety for a while. But he thought he just had to tell me that he will intervene if ever it becomes obvious that it is eminent. I had told him that day that I was picking a date and mentioned a few dates and... that was a mistake. Now, I have no more shrink to talk to about this. I am not going to let them hospitalise me.

My suicidal thoughts and ideation did not start with Monsieur's death. I've had suicidal thought most of my life. Most recently, this past year I've developed existential depression. His death only gives me what I need to go through with it now. I was here because Monsieur needed me so much (he had severe separation anxiety and generalized anxiety that could not be cured with meds and behavioural therapy). Before that, it was my daughter keeping me here. She never knew her abusive father so I'm all she had. Now, she's all grown up, moved out and can take care of herself.

Now that my only reason for staying alive is gone, I want to go. The only reason I am still here is because I am putting my affairs in order to make it easier on my 23 year old daughter, my mother and my sisters.

I have picked my method (helium asphyxiation) and still need to do a little research to be sure I've got everything down right and will not miss when I execute. I have a back up plan with a second method, but guns are hard to get by in my country and I have a few hoops to jump through (almost there though).

I am hoping to be done with it before Christmas.

I'm not scared to die. I'm excited to die. I have practiced astral projection and have had many many out of body experiences. Enough to know... I am more than my physical body.

I am so excited that at the same time I am actively planning my exit, I am also planning exactly what I intend to do after passing on.

 

[MonsieurIsDead]

I don't have the strength to carry on, everything hurts and I am neither physically nor mentally capable of living the life of an adult.

I really tried my best and fought with all my might, but only coming to the conclusion that it will definitely will only get a lot worse.

There has been just too much in life to process, and even in an assisted living project I'm the alien a who lacks the will to survive, my whole organism is programmed in a screaming death wish. I'm not the first in my family to commit suicide, so think of it as an incurable illness rather than just some kind of "mental illness", it's my neurological nature.

I'm 30 and really tried to make it work somehow, but only to end up here again after years of torment and misery

Hi nimium1, I get it. I'm tired to. It's hard to live an entire life feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. Also hard to keep on going when you feel that all the energy you put into your life is not worth the measly scraps you get out of it. I'm here with similar feeling. Hope we both get what we want or need either to move forward or move out of this life.

I'm Carsy, I'm NB (afab), I'm 21 years old, I'll be 22 on January 10th, and I believe that ctb is inevitable for me. It's simply a matter of time.

I'll spare some of the gorey details as I often tend to feel bad when sharing information about myself, but I have a very extensive psych history going back to childhood. I was on the maximum dosage for an antidepressant by the age of 11. Recently my psych said quite simply, we're essentially out of meds for me to try, and the ones that are left she won't prescribe because despite not having a history she believes I will become addicted. I was potentially going to pursue electro convulsive therapy as a last ditch effort but since my EEGs are abnormal and I am potentially epileptic and on anticonvulsants ECT is no longer a viable option for me.

I've been through a lot of trauma in my life. To put it simply, my ACE score is a 10. I am also autistic. I struggle deeply with making friends and feeling close to people as a result. I feel I cannot typically share information about myself or talk about formative experiences because I feel it's not right to burden people with such depressing information. I technically do have friends, but it's difficult for me to speak to them. All interactions feel shallow. With the exception of speaking to my partner. He is the most intelligent and authentically kind person I've ever met and I could talk to him about anything for hours.

I also struggle with chronic illness which I have a lot of shame about. My biological mother had munchausens and would lie about having conditions such as renal failure, cancer, and even mad cow disease. I'm afraid of ever seeming like her so I often feel deeply alone because I feel like I can't talk about being sick because it reminds me of her. She never shut up about her "conditions".


On a lighter note some of my interests include anime, manga, archiving music genres, alternative lifestyles/dynamics, queer history, DIY music, film, and collecting toys (pathetic I know)

Just came to say... my bday is also January 10th. I've struggled with depression, ptsd and suicidal thoughts my whole life. I do not take meds for it anymore. It's weird to me, you saying your bday is January 10th, like me. My neighbour here... she doesn't know I'm suicidal. She lost her son to suicide about 15-20 years ago. A few weeks ago, I found out his birthday was January 10th. I only know one other person whose birthday is the same as mind, she is 30 years younger at 13 years old and she is also a very sensitive girl. I wonder. I know it's probably meaningless... but I don't understand how my life could have been like this for me... I look at others and feel like I got the short stick. Sometimes, I look for clues about why... so it's weird how in the space of 3 months, I find 3 people with my birthday who have suicidal tendencies.

Nice to meet you. I would have turned 44 next January 10th

 

[clicktokill]

hii
i am tired of not being pretty or skinny enough i am a drug addict i have been since i was 12 i can't be fixed i am so messed up i have no reasons to live :3

 

[D1byRam3n]

Im just nobody in this world and have no one else beside my toxic family. Anime is my only way to escape myself from cruel reality

 

[hanz]

Hi all. You can call me Hanz. I'm in my early thirties and F. I've had two earnest attempts before, once when I was twelve and once in my early twenties. I obviously failed both times and didn't really know what I was doing. Even though I haven't attempted in a while I've thought about it a lot over the years. I haven't decided which way I'm going yet, but I'd like my next attempt to be better planned if I do go that way. In the last month or so the thoughts have really increased due to reasons I won't get into here. I have bipolar 1, gad, and ptsd which obviously doesn't help but also my life just sort of sucks. More than anything I feel lonely. I have no family, no close coworkers, only one friend, and though I have a husband that I love I often feel like I'm a burden to him.


I do have a few hobbies, mostly horror movies and novels, music, makeup, cooking, and a few videogames. I go long stretches without engaging in any hobbies though.

 

[mintgreendolphin]

Hello I'm Alex. I live in Pretoria, South Africa. I'm 34 years old. I'm a black male with a light skin complexion but because of my accent, upbringing, hobbies and interests people consider me a coconut/oreo. My sexual orientation is homosexual. The last time I measured myself was months ago when I cancelled my gym membership and if I'm remembering correctly, I'm 183 cm/6'0" tall and I weigh 137 kg/302 lbs.

I joined SS for various reasons but my main two reasons are: 1) to find and/or discuss a suitable method that I can use to CTB and 2) be around people who are comfortable discussing CTB in general. Thank you for reading.

 

[hiccup]

Hi everyone
19, from the us, want to find a way out soon.
Reach out to me for anything.

 

[reallysleepy]

Hi!
I'm a 27 (in a week 28) years old transfemme from Venezuela living in Argentina. I'm also brown, a heavy drinker and have bpd. I tried to ctb last month but obviously failed and now I'm looking into the inert gas + exit bat method.

If anyone on the same vibe wants to talk my pms are open ❤

 

[fadedphotograph]

I'm a twenty-something year old artist who doesn't make much art at all anymore. Been fighting depression and anxiety since I was a kid, diagnosed with PTSD recently after some stuff happened to me when I moved to a new city. Failed attempt at age 14 and recently been dealing with SI again for the first time in a long time.

Last partner broke up with me last month and stopped talking to me, I guess because my SH habits and worsening mental health got to be too much. I understand it, though they were the only one close to me here I had. So they're gone now.

Sometimes I play video games, listen to music, and sing if my mind allows me to focus on those things. That's all that's coming to mind atm.

 

[2fargone]

Hey. I'm still kind of undecided on whether or not to do it, but I don't see another way out. I've been suicidal for the past 7 years with no end in sight. I'm diagnosed with CPTSD (psych ward abuse x2) and PMDD. Anyways, within the past year I've lost contact with everyone I care about, lost 150 pounds, and can't go a day without spending at least 3 hours in bed sobbing. My dad has cancer, I'm on the brink of homelessness, I can't be happy without drugs, and I've more than exhausted my options. I'm tired of spending all of my time trying not to kill myself and only becoming a worse version of myself in the meantime. My first goal is to make peace with death. Then, I would like to resort to partial hanging, but I don't know if I have the materials needed.

 

[loser098]

- Early 20s
- Terminally online man-child
- Nasty case of neuroticism

Hi, I'm a hikikomori with no real passions, goals, or interests because I drift through life. I've foolishly sought happiness and fulfillment in online connections that eventually become one-sided and lead to an unhealthy level of obsession on my behalf because I don't know how to let go.

Apologies if I say anything weird or idiotic; it seems I'm losing what little mental acuity I had to begin with. I suspect being isolated as a kid and rotting in my bed all day for years has taken its toll.

I wish I found this place sooner, and I hope all of us find peace in some form.

 

[koipu1337]

29, male, USA, college graduate.

Recently divorced & estranged from family. Unemployed, completely socially isolated, in dire housing & financial straits. Extensive history of psychiatric diagnoses and hospitalizations, and I have decent experience with partial suspension hanging. Was "rescued" a decade ago from a near fatal attempt by my former family. Prime suicide demographic; am looking for encouragement in dying from my fellow afflicted

Hey. I'm still kind of undecided on whether or not to do it, but I don't see another way out. I've been suicidal for the past 7 years with no end in sight. I'm diagnosed with CPTSD (psych ward abuse x2) and PMDD. Anyways, within the past year I've lost contact with everyone I care about, lost 150 pounds, and can't go a day without spending at least 3 hours in bed sobbing. My dad has cancer, I'm on the brink of homelessness, I can't be happy without drugs, and I've more than exhausted my options. I'm tired of spending all of my time trying not to kill myself and only becoming a worse version of myself in the meantime. My first goal is to make peace with death. Then, I would like to resort to partial hanging, but I don't know if I have the materials needed.

Buy thin rope from a hardware store and use a doorknob. If you don't have sturdy carpentry in your residence (hollow doors with weak doorknobs) then buy a lintel-mounted pull-up bar and suspend the rope from that

 

[Fuji]

Hi, I'm 27 and from UK, I have autism and recurrent depression. I found this forum from the BBC articles and thought I would like to join so here I am. I have tried mental health services and tbh the depression keeps coming back every few months or so because recurrent. I thought I'd join so I can talk to other people going through the same struggles. I don't have much of an escape from this world tbh, I work and I study and occasionally play games and watch anime. I'm pretty introverted and just sick of life tbh.

 

[aonaran]

Hi, I'm 19 from TN.

I'm also very shy and quiet, so it's kind of hard for me to post thing offline and online. I wanted to get some insight on how to properly kill myself painlessly and effectively. Some of the things I've researched haven't really helped me, so this is the next best thing. I've been thinking about ending my own life for as long as I could remember. I was frequently bullied over my race by my classmates and my family was very mentally abusive about my looks and interests. I really want to die before Feb 1, but I'm okay with anything.

I've been debating on ending my life or not for a while. I think I just need a push to take that step.

Hopefully during my journey towards a peaceful death, I will meet some lovely people! Ty for reading all of this, and any advice will help me a lot, and I hope everyone reading this has a nice day

 

[JKFleck]

What's up guys
What I'd like to be called: Andy
Pronoun: him
Age: 20
Education: currently a 1st year Bachelor of Economics student
I'm a psychology,math in investing, self-help, self-improvement, classical music theory and medical enthusiast. I'm battling depression, serious degrees of self-hate, obsessive compulsive suicidal thoughts, BPD, no self-esteem, recent realized abandonment.

 

[Aburach]

Hi, I'm Scottish, in my mid 40s, long time lurker and reader who finally took the plunge and signed up.

Struggling massively with health anxiety, depression, and a very very difficult health situation (still undergoing tests, things are deteriorating) which terrifies me. I can't claim to have been through anything like the stuff a lot of folk on here have been faced with - but basically my life has completely unravelled in the past 6-8 months. Currently living day to day, trying to keep benzo intake minimal, and overwhelmed by what probably needs to be done in the near future.

Looking for like minds and interesting chat. Lover of music from 80s thrash to altrock to electronica classical. Lover of films, especially foreign language, and especially French. This place is a wonderful haven.

 

[Kore]

Hi all. I've been reading this forum for a long time and only now decided to join.
I'm 22, studying at university, next year will be my graduation year. I love cats, rats, computer games and coffee. I think I could drink buckets of coffee lol.
I also like to watch old films and anime.
I have virtually no friends in real life, so it would be nice to chat with someone here.
Thank all of you for being here, you are great people!

Welcome, I love rats too

Spoiler

 

[DiabolicDiabetic]

Hi everyone. I'm 31/M from New York trying to adjust back into the world after two severe diagnoses. I was introduced to the world of Bipolar 1 after having a manic episode that lasted all of 2022 and ruined my entire life. I spent all of my money and lost most of my friends. I've found myself learning how to live with Type 1 Diabetes after bloodwork for Lithium treatment showed elevated glucose levels. Day-to-day it's been really rough. My days revolve around pills and insulin injections. Currently unemployed and living with my mom. Yeah my adult life is mostly a pathetic mess but that's the gyst of what I've been dealing with recently.

• I like listening to music
• I like hiking
• I like studying geography and traveling
• I'm passionate about animal welfare