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DiabolicDiabetic

DiabolicDiabetic

Member
Nov 19, 2023
10
Hi everyone. I'm 31/M from New York trying to adjust back into the world after two severe diagnoses. I was introduced to the world of Bipolar 1 after having a manic episode that lasted all of 2022 and ruined my entire life. I spent all of my money and lost most of my friends. I've found myself learning how to live with Type 1 Diabetes after bloodwork for Lithium treatment showed elevated glucose levels. Day-to-day it's been really rough. My days revolve around pills and insulin injections. Currently unemployed and living with my mom. Yeah my adult life is mostly a pathetic mess but that's the gyst of what I've been dealing with recently.
  • I like listening to music
  • I like hiking
  • I like studying geography and traveling
  • I'm passionate about animal welfare
 
daze

daze

Waiting for a sign
Nov 11, 2023
15
Hello, i'm daze (19f). I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was a kid and it ruined my life because all my life goals have pointed towards commiting ctb as soon as possible. Didn't plan to last this long so now i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing in life. Failed a few ctb attempts but planning on trying again in the near future.

I like cats, manga, manhwa, anime, cnovels/knovels, cooking, and drawing. Im not really good at articulating my thoughts but i hope we can get along :)
 
penguinl0v3s

penguinl0v3s

Wait for Me 💙
Nov 1, 2023
573
Hello, i'm daze (19f). I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was a kid and it ruined my life because all my life goals have pointed towards commiting ctb as soon as possible. Didn't plan to last this long so now i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing in life. Failed a few ctb attempts but planning on trying again in the near future.

I like cats, manga, manhwa, anime, cnovels/knovels, cooking, and drawing. Im not really good at articulating my thoughts but i hope we can get along :)
Omg we like the exact same things and are the exact same age+gender. Hit me up if you want to be friends! Once you get PM permissions of course.
 
binturong

binturong

shining of stars calls me home
Jul 4, 2019
64
Hello! I finally decided to introduce myself and try to chat here.
As a child, I dreamed of super powers and travel.. I am currently diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder, I have sensory and emotional super sensitivity and I am almost invisible, travel around the internet. I'm also a collector.
I have a collection of deviations, I am otherkin (something like a werewolf kitten), antisexual (I don't impose my beliefs) and agender (he, him), I love it (except for the side effect - mild dysmorphia). I also have a large collection of internal conflicts, I'm constantly adding to it, I hate it.
I think I could write a trilogy about my problems with communication. Among other things, I'm too infantile to communicate with adults, too serious to communicate with children, I couldn't find an conversation partner even among AI characters. Usually, there is nothing to talk about with others, politics, celebrities, fashion, sex, relationships, family, career, and other social stuff are not interesting to me. I sincerely love solitude, but being a social creature I have to suffer from a lack of communication.
I don't want to brag, but I'm also a professional procrastinator and escapist, I'm so good at it that I've never worked a day in my life and I've earned a sense of guilt.
In connection with the above, I have a vast collection consisting of mental and physical health problems. And now I have a side collection of official and unofficial medicines that I have tried on myself (very unsuccessfully). Probably the main reason is that I cannot accept the way the world works, and the world cannot accept the way I work. That's why only death will heal me.
Fun fact, I got rid of panic attacks when, cornered by the unbearability of my own life, I decided that death was not a loss, but a liberation, and finally decided that I would rather kill myself than one day grow old or slowly die from an incurable disease. Suicidal thoughts are the best sedative for me since then.
I spent most of my life collecting stones, shells, feathers and other cute little things, now these are scientific articles, songs, memes, a list of literary works and films about suicide.
Even as a child I dreamed and thought about death, not because of depression, but because of curiosity and love for extreme.
I understand this is sad for many, and was chosen out of hopelessness, but for me it is an intriguing extreme adventure, a unique and probably (I am agnostic) the last experience.
I'm looking forward to this day, but I plan only in more than 10 years, I would like to leave earlier (because I'm tired of my meaningless uncomfortable life), but this is a compromise for family and friend. But I'm ready to leave earlier if my mental or physical health deteriorates significantly.
Now I'm not sure about the method, maybe I'll combine several, but I know for sure that it will be somewhere in the wild, and in such a way that no one finds me. I was not part of the social world during my life and I don't want to be after. Now I'm looking for a ways to improve the quality of life and the quality of death.
I'm interested in a lot of things: nature, science, art, psychology, learning new tastes and sensations, contemplating new places, but I'm so tired, I rarely feel real depression, but almost always tired, mental and physical. I have a place to live, but I have no place in this world, I have loving family, a faithful friend, an affectionate cat, but I am so lonely. As if stuck on an alien planet, I while away the time collecting collections and waiting for my magic bus.

I don't mind chatting, but I can't maintain communication, but if someone is ready to initiate a conversation, I will definitely answer as soon as I can (I'm not always able to formulate thoughts).
 
urwelcomelb

urwelcomelb

There was nobody there.
Nov 23, 2023
39
Haiii! idk if I need a fake name on here, but just call me Roses
Though I act pretty cheery online, I do have a lot of problems that led me here. Ultimately I'm kinda just looking for a place to scream into the void, and if I get nice responses, then I'm happy with that too. I found this site through the one youtube video I'm sure most people on this site have heard of.
Other than that, I mostly really enjoy pokemon, and a lot of other fictional media, mostly video games and anime. Unfortunately, one of my biggest interests makes me very trackable since it's quite niche, so I'm not sure if I'll share it anytime soon. But I'm practically always engaged in pokemon as its one of my favorite things ever. Currently, the other things I'm very into right now include Persona, Ensemble Stars, and Tokyo Ghoul
I also greatly enjoy drawing, animating, making ocs and stuff like that. I'm also very interested in my own personal ocs right now, which I unfortunately cannot share on here, alas.
 
cobalt_moth

cobalt_moth

Cobalt
Aug 12, 2023
3
Hi, you can call me Cobalt. I'm young and live in Wisconsin. I've been to the mental hospital three times now and don't think I can get better. Many people are confused as to why I am depressed. I have friends and am conventionally attractive. I know it's a mixture of stuff, a lot of it being genetics and home life. I also suffer from chronic pain and get treated differently because people think I look too young and healthy for stuff like that.

My home life is not good. I've had to lie to convince mandated reporters not to call authorities in the past. I've gotten very good at lying about how bad things are.

I've wanted to die for a very long time. Anyone here understands how hard it is to die. So I'm here learning. I've already been taught a lot. Thank you all for sharing what you know and your experiences. It's been helpful for me and many others. Good luck to all, love and hugs from the midwest
 
D!psh!tMcgee

D!psh!tMcgee

First Zealot in the Cult of John Moses Browning
Nov 28, 2023
27
Shotguns are my only friends well that and my fellow dipshits
Firm believer in fuck around and find out
Been shot 3 times had a home made incendiary go off in my hands (can't feel my hands now)
Laughs in the face of death (bring it on chucklefuck)
Who cares do whatever dude just don't bother others with it
Oh yeah and all hail our lord John Moses Browning hail John (he made cool guns i'm not that much of a lunatic yet)
Oh yeah and megadeth is fucking dope
Blessed be the Holy M1014
Joining the USMC if i don't CTB (might CTB after wards anyway cause why not)
Build a Lutty today the ATF can't stop you if you just say no
Anyway back to working at a gun range
And one last thing pull the trigger coward
 
dejaentendu

dejaentendu

die young and save yourself!
Nov 28, 2023
7
Hello, i'm 18, female, and i'm just here until life takes me i guess. i enjoy music(especially emo), art, makeup, and fashion. i didn't have the best childhood and it still sort of kills me to this day. life has brought me to this point. i like seeing the good things and attempting to get better, but it's pretty hard. i love beautiful things, kind people, and concerts. my love of god, few friends, and favorite bands are what sort of keep me going. speaking of bands, i love brand new, my chemical romance, thursday, glassjaw, and overall lots of emo, post hardcore, and pop punk adjacent stuff. Anyways, i just think there's something wrong with me deep down and I don't know how to make my heart feel whole. I just want to love and be loved I guess.
 
Ces-io

Ces-io

Student
Nov 27, 2023
101
Hi I'm Ces-io, 18 m. My life has been a downhill spiral since it started. No motivation, no energy and no friends. I mostly spend my time playing video games, watch anime/YouTube, listen to music or just sleep the day away.

Im usually quite optimistic but it gets harder and harder to stay happy the worse everything gets. I'm also incredibly shy and just wanna lock myself in my room and never leave. I skip school very often and have no lost all my motivation to do any work when I'm probably just gonna CTB anyway.
 
daocreator

daocreator

Unstable uni student
Nov 29, 2023
45
Hello, been a lurker and decided to make an account this week.

I'm 18/M. I have been struggling with anxiets and many issues (to which I addressed some of on another post) and it ruined my life because all my life goals have now been fixated towards CTB as soon as possible. Didn't plan to last this long, as I thought I'd already be dead 3 years ago. i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing in life, although I'm trying for a uni degree to keep latching onto such a glimmer of hope.

Failed a few ctb attempts, idk if I should try again in the near future as it already gave me brain issues and any more would make it even worse; unless, of course, its an immediate way to CTB.

I'd love to meet new peeps who have some similarities in my train of thought!
 
adrestia

adrestia

i wish i were a bird...
Nov 25, 2023
9
hi, i'm adrestia. i'm 19 and a student. been thinking about ctb since maybe last november, and i've had a previous history with si. i first failed to ctb at 15 iirc. i enjoy hiking, music/live concerts, video games, and sketching. one of my favorite games (of recent memory) is probably class of '09.
 
stonerexia

stonerexia

worst anorexic
Nov 26, 2023
4
hi. ive been lurking for a bit , but now i have finally signed up lol. ive wanted to ctb ever since i was 9. ive always struggled with my mental health. ive been an addict before, and i have an addictive personality, which caused me to spiral into an eating disorder. idek what im doing anymore LOL

i love writing,composing and listening to music, playing videogames, working out and baking.
 
stagnatedhostage

stagnatedhostage

doesn't feel like partying anymore
Dec 2, 2023
20
i just saw this haha. im 19, have been a lurker for quite a while before joining.

i failed ctb at 15 (bc i had no idea what in the world i was doing, i just chugged as many pills as i could)

i like reading, dull colors and i love the outdoors (but cant bc my parents are like hawks) and i also like socializing (only if i want to)
 
Zora099

Zora099

i am just waiting till i fall asleep
Dec 3, 2023
10
Hey, my nickname here is Zora. I am an 18 year old girl/woman(?feels weird to call myself that ngl). I like painting, drawing, pretty much any art technique there is. I also love songwriting and Ive been writing for some years now.

These two things are pretty much all that is keeping me alive.

Tried to ctb a few times in the past, as you can guess it failed. These last few weeks my mental health is getting worse and worse, looking forward to my next try, maybe ill finally catch it.
 
K

KafkaF

Experienced
Nov 18, 2023
201
The short version?

Was emotionally abused by both of my parents. Had depression on and off ever since I was a teenager (over a decade now). Been through a total of 6 depressions. Currently in my 6th after my girlfriend, who I thought was my soulmate, broke up with me very suddenly. I am unemployed, don't have a diploma due to having had to drop out due to mental health problems, am single, living with my parents and I miss her constantly and it hurts so much I can't take it. My dream has been for almost my entire life to become a professional writer but I feel like even after over a decade of practice I still suck and because of my depression getting so bad I've barely been able to write since the start of 2022. I also consider myself worthless and unattractive. I have body dysmorphia, no self-esteem, social anxiety and failure anxiety (on top of the depression).

I essentially feel that I have no hope but I have found it hard to end things because I'm afraid of non-existence. And I've been trying to come to terms with that so I can finally end it.
 
D

DeathPaloma

Member
Sep 30, 2023
7
Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!
Hi, I am new. Female, lesbian from Brazil. I have been suicidal for about 10 years. I am so scared to kill myself, because deep down I know that all I want is to be happy, the problem is I don't think I will even be. And I am tired, I am so tired. Like turning off my light switch seems too hard tired. I have nothing and no one, no reason to exist, what is the point of keep going? When all that awaits me is more pain and suffering.
 
A

Alvamar

New Member
Dec 3, 2023
2
Hi all, I'm 32, from York, UK. I enjoy acting, writing piano music, learning languages and spending time with a few close friends. I have suffered from depression to a lesser or greater extent since my early teens and I have made 2 serious attempts on my life. There were 7 years in the interim where I was OK, no meds, and feeling as though I'd overcome it but recent changes in circumstance have shown this not to be the case. I have resorted to self-harm (which does help to reduce any suicidal thoughts) but, more and more, I feel myself inching towards what I feel is now only a matter of time. And I've had enough of talking to people IRL, as I've had enough of being told not to cut myself, that I'm a danger to myself, that I should see a doctor, that suicide is never the answer etc. etc.
I then came across this forum. And, from what I have seen, it seems a great place. There doesn't appear to be any judgement. Suicide doesn't appear to be encouraged, but it is not discouraged either, which is very comforting. So thank you for this and for accepting me into the forum.
 
Y

Yaffle

Life’s a bitch
Nov 9, 2023
402
Hey, my nickname here is Zora. I am an 18 year old girl/woman(?feels weird to call myself that ngl). I like painting, drawing, pretty much any art technique there is. I also love songwriting and Ive been writing for some years now.

These two things are pretty much all that is keeping me alive.

Tried to ctb a few times in the past, as you can guess it failed. These last few weeks my mental health is getting worse and worse, looking forward to my next try, maybe I'll finally catch it.
Welcome, sorry your MH is deteriorating. We're all a friendly bunch if you need a chat. What methods have you previously tried?


Hi, I am new. Female, lesbian from Brazil. I have been suicidal for about 10 years. I am so scared to kill myself, because deep down I know that all I want is to be happy, the problem is I don't think I will even be. And I am tired, I am so tired. Like turning off my light switch seems too hard tired. I have nothing and no one, no reason to exist, what is the point of keep going? When all that awaits me is more pain and suffering.
Hi and welcome. SI (survival instinct) is a huge barrier for all of us. I've not attempted to CTB but have experienced SI just thinking about methods.

What would make you happier? If you have a spark to live you might find help in the recovery section.


Hi all, I'm 32, from York, UK. I enjoy acting, writing piano music, learning languages and spending time with a few close friends. I have suffered from depression to a lesser or greater extent since my early teens and I have made 2 serious attempts on my life. There were 7 years in the interim where I was OK, no meds, and feeling as though I'd overcome it but recent changes in circumstance have shown this not to be the case. I have resorted to self-harm (which does help to reduce any suicidal thoughts) but, more and more, I feel myself inching towards what I feel is now only a matter of time. And I've had enough of talking to people IRL, as I've had enough of being told not to cut myself, that I'm a danger to myself, that I should see a doctor, that suicide is never the answer etc. etc.
I then came across this forum. And, from what I have seen, it seems a great place. There doesn't appear to be any judgement. Suicide doesn't appear to be encouraged, but it is not discouraged either, which is very comforting. So thank you for this and for accepting me into the forum.
Hi, I'm in the UK too. I agree this is such a liberating place to be open with one's thoughts. The media give this place a hard time for being actively "pro suicide" rather than "pro choice". I've never seen anyone encouraged to CTB but I have witnessed great compassion when a member says their goodbyes. I'm so thankful for being here myself.
 
Zora099

Zora099

i am just waiting till i fall asleep
Dec 3, 2023
10
Hi, thank you for the kind words. I tried when I was like 12, so I didn't know that my method is not gonna be really effective and tried various pills. One week, I was pretty much trying it everyday, each day taking more and more pills.
 
D

DeathPaloma

Member
Sep 30, 2023
7
Welcome, sorry your MH is deteriorating. We're all a friendly bunch if you need a chat. What methods have you previously tried?



Hi and welcome. SI (survival instinct) is a huge barrier for all of us. I've not attempted to CTB but have experienced SI just thinking about methods.

What would make you happier? If you have a spark to live you might find help in the recovery section.



Hi, I'm in the UK too. I agree this is such a liberating place to be open with one's thoughts. The media give this place a hard time for being actively "pro suicide" rather than "pro choice". I've never seen anyone encouraged to CTB but I have witnessed great compassion when a member says their goodbyes. I'm so thankful for being here myself.
Nothing makes me happier, the happiest I am is in my dreams when I am a sleep. In my dreams I am usually really good at something and have someone that loves me, which is just never going to happen in real life, I don't even know if I would want to fall in love in realife I don't think it would last considering the piece of shit I am and I don't know if I could handle the heartbreak
 
L

lightnings

Hell is here
May 12, 2023
244
Hi, I am back, created the account back in time, but now I am ready to be active in the forum.
Personally I can say that I have no job and still in my toxic family with nothing left to loose. I take though my meds but I feel like existing (other than surviving or "living") is not worth anymore from the position I come from. For God's sake meds help you in the worst moments but in the end no one saves you other than you.
Virtually no one truly cares for me right now.
Everyday you know life is hell, my past limits me to make a better future; distractions that end in the same direction as before, dying inside.
Hope I can CTB soon, already have some plans in mind but I am still confused.
 
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leavingthesoultrap

leavingthesoultrap

terminally online
Nov 25, 2023
706
I might be late but whatever
Im 28, female, from eastern Europe but currently in Canada, I have BPD, depression, anxiety, and possibly aspergers. My life was always hard but after the pandemic it really took the wrong turn. Ive managed to put myself into extremely difficult position through a series of mistakes I made in my personal life. I like esoteric stuff and fringe theories.
 
zrh389

zrh389

Member
Nov 12, 2023
50
i just saw this haha. im 19, have been a lurker for quite a while before joining.

i failed ctb at 15 (bc i had no idea what in the world i was doing, i just chugged as many pills as i could)

i like reading, dull colors and i love the outdoors (but cant bc my parents are like hawks) and i also like socializing (only if i want to)
So you like knowledge? What kind of knowledge do you like?
 
logout_how_do

logout_how_do

Member
Dec 8, 2023
11
Hi.
I'm 20 y/o and mostly use they/he pronouns.
I've tried to ctb a number of times with my first attempt being in third grade. I'm a newbie to here, though I've spent some time lurking and reading through some posts.

My mental health has been better (been clean of self harm for 1 1/2 years now -yayy) but it pretty much took a nosedive in the last few weeks to months.

I love drawing and writing as well as making music (singing, playing different instruments) and being creative in general. I also love winter and snow and I'm a bit excited for christmas because I love participating in the mass with the choir I sing in and I also love to see the joy on other peoples faces when they get gifts.
 
twatingthroughlife

twatingthroughlife

I don't know what I'm doing
Sep 29, 2023
65
Looking for friends I can be close and open with while respecting each others boundaries. Not planning to CTB, but it's really tough, I'll tell you that for free. PM me if interested, must be 19-25, no weird shit.
You will need to post a bit more before people can pm you :)
 
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river

river

Member
Nov 7, 2023
19
hi everyone :) you can call me river

i'm 21/F from asia with terrible mental health. i've been struggling with it since young and tried to ctb twice in 2022 (hanging and pills, both of which were poorly planned cause it was out of impulse). while my life has improved drastically since then, the idea has always been lurking in the back of my mind. it kinda comes and goes in waves, but when it does i don't even have the energy to get out of bed.

i spend most of my free time alone playing games (i'm currently playing little goody two shoes!! it's pretty fun :)) or watching movies. i've been trying to get into more creative hobbies to pass the time though, like clay modelling and stuff.
 
bordermark

bordermark

New Member
Oct 31, 2023
4
You will need to post a bit more before people can pm you :)
ahh ok, thank you. i feel scared about sharing on here so i havent been posting or coming on here much
hello, im mark, im new here. im 21, i like writing and journaling, i'm currently watching kdrama, castaway diva, im on episode 11. im looking for meaningful connections and ppl i can rlly get close to and know, who also know the struggles of mental illness. i chose bordermark because i feel i have strong symptoms of BPD, borderline personality disorder. im from the US. i've been listening to a lot of ambient music, and piano, and soundtracks. but i like so many genres, mainly pop. i dont know if i wanna die soon, but just thought talking abt it would mayb make it easier. i like writing letters, so if i could make trustworthy friends on here and we could penpal or e-penpal, that would be so cute and cool. i do like kpop but im not that much of an avid fan anymore. i am sad abt bts joining the army but im not an active army so i feel more apathy towards it. i like taylor swift, been listening to her a shit ton this year and she's on my spotify recap. i like stationery and scrapbooking. i wanna learn photography and make my own photo albums. im looking for ppl close to my age.
 
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