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Born F 37 looking for a born F lesbian B4 I ctb
Oct 14, 2023
Hi, I am new. Female, lesbian from Brazil. I have been suicidal for about 10 years. I am so scared to kill myself, because deep down I know that all I want is to be happy, the problem is I don't think I will even be. And I am tired, I am so tired. Like turning off my light switch seems too hard tired. I have nothing and no one, no reason to exist, what is the point of keep going? When all that awaits me is more pain and suffering.

I am so sorry to read this. I am also a lesbian and there are lots of us lgbt people here (not so many lesbians) but hey, we have such a high suicide rate, just in general.
I feel like you, empty, no purpose, no reason to live. It hurts so much.
I am from France btw thousands of miles away.
I speak Portuguese, though, in case you need someone to chat with.


Might be Richard Cory... or not
Nov 20, 2023
Hi everyone! Thanks for having me. I'm humbled to be in a group with so many smart, creative people - artists, musicians, authors, wow. I'm not capable of any of that.
50+ male in mid Atlantic state of the USA. Boring office job, suburban life, unhappily married, teen kids. I'm not a modern tech person so please be patient.
I had plans to ctb as a teen in secondary school. Was living rough solo on the streets, eating from dumpsters. Must have been stinky!
Researched methods the old school way: the library had a huge reference volume, the handbook of clinical toxicology, found things I could acquire and had the plan, but didn't because one person in school was repeatedly kind to me. Just that one. I didn't want to hurt her. So I didn't.
So here I am, revisiting that plan again.
I'm working on a way that will make me simply vanish. I don't want anyone to know I'm dead or alive, disappeared mysteriously is all. No fuss, no bother, no mess, and done ecologically friendly too! That's the goal.

No specific time but hoping to be separated and divorced in the next 2 years. After that, and getting things in order.

Sorry for the length. Looking forward to your company in this journey. See you around!


New Member
Nov 30, 2023
I'm male, 56 from Toronto, Canada. 2023 has been a painful year, with misery following me every step of the way. I've tried to convince myself there is hope and potential light at the end of the tunnel, but prospects are increasingly bleak. Looking to connect, and highly considering CTB, but like many others here, am looking for a quick, painless, and sureshot way of going. I'm finding out there are no guarantees no matter what method is used, but as foolproof as possible. SN seems to be a popular suggestion, but obtaining it in pure form seems tricky, as does adminstering it in the right quantity without vomiting etc.

Any thoughts, and suggestions are welcome.


Nov 11, 2023
For now you can call me Koro i guess.
I'm male, very young, german, and have no actual friends.
I find it hard to sleep but once I do I like being in my own dreams.
I'm also a big fan of japanese music and modern technology, and I love playing various types of video games (really I play a lot).
Also I am very introverted so if you intend to contact me I'd probably stick with chatting for a while.


Apr 15, 2023
Hi! I'm dustyrainbow, but just call me dusty.
I chose the name because... you can't get rid of dust. No matter how hard you try. You can temporarily remove it, but not forever. Also it starts to cover everything. Slowly, but if you don't take care, your furniture, your items are covered, you can't see their true colors anymore.
dust is how my depression feels. A race I can't win.
Rainbows... I love rainbows. It represents the bright parts of my life. The hopes, wishes, goals... And there are so many, many aspects of life you'd normally enjoy, love, feel.
But the depression will do everything to ruin it. Yet the rainbow is still there, you can't see its colours anymore. As if you're looking through a very dirty window. After a time you almost forget how a real rainbow looks like.

There's a fact about me: I love metaphors. And meanings behind something. In a way I'm creative! I like photography, painting, drawing, playing piano, produce electronic music...
There are lot of ways to express myself or capture how I perceive the world around me.

As I already mentioned, I suffer from depression. In my personal opinion it's a mix of Borderline, Autism-Spectrum-Disorder and Depression. But I'm not officially diagnosed with autism.
I'd say I have a hard time living; too many and strong emotions, no emotions at all, everything is too much or too underwhelming, I'm struggling with social interactions, yet I need them.
I'm stuck in a cycle of extremes everywhere.

Currently I'd also say I'm at the best situation of my lifetime. I finally have an own apartment; my family supports me; I found 1-2 friends; I have hobbies; I have great educational opportunities;...
There's literally nothing more I want. It's all I dreamed of, over years!
But it doesn't fulfill me anyway. I imagined being finally happy with my life when I achieved everything but I'm not.
And it hurts so much, knowing I could be happy, but I'm not. What's missing? Why can't I just be okay with my existence?
I even feel bad for feeling terrible despite my great life situation. I don't have any right to feel that way...

I don't know if this is a proper introduction. It's more about my thoughts, not about who I am. But I couldn't tell who I am anyway.

I'm definitely in hope for feeling better in future. Tbh most of the time I feel okay; but then there are these 2-3 hours a day where everything crashes and I just don't wanna anymore. It's complicated. But there's a part in me that just wants to end it all and that's why I'm here.
Not to be alone anymore. Maybe find better ways to cope than destroying myself. Maybe find "the way out". Who knows. But I need someone to talk to.

~ dusty


I got no iPhone
Dec 20, 2023
Hello everyone.

I am a 23 year old loser with nothing going for them in life. I am destined to a life of extreme loneliness. I am absolutely certain that I will soon be abandoned by my family and friends once they have their lives established. They're in a much better spot to do so, unlike me.

I have absolutely zero redeeming qualities about myself. I will most likely CTB Shuaiby style before I turn 30. I also like FPS games.
Thomas Kub

Thomas Kub

pursuit of happiness
Dec 25, 2023
Hi people,

I'm a 23yo guy living in europe. I've been suicidal for many years (with a few very little breaks when I actually believed everything's gonna be fine).
I suffer from OCD, love video games, books and all things horror. I'm also interested in ancient history and astronomy.

I've actually spend some time incognito here before creating this account so I already know I can enjoy some chill, quality time here;)

Oh and I love Project X, bet you didn't notice.


Apr 5, 2021

I'm a 33/M from the Baltics.
Developed a pretty severe panic disorder in my early 20s that I'm still dealing with. Very much disabled my life and stuff I could/couldn't do.
Been "depressed" since I can remember myself - nothing really interests me or makes me happy.
Trying to salvage my life atm., seeing if I can find a circle of friends and a sustainable lifestlye so I wouldn't be totally alone as I grow older.
Currently juggling art school, weightlifting and trying to get by so I can keep pretending I like painting (I don't 🙃).


multiple universes believer (it/its)
Dec 25, 2023
ExitWings is a play on X-wing. Use it/its pronouns for me please.

I've been lurking for a few months but my resources are super limited so I decided to sign up to actually ask questions and possibly get resource info that everyone PMs to each other (apparently? I understand why, don't worry.)

some stuff I guess:
  • severe nonlethal chronic illnesses with progressive symptoms = I am in so much physical pain and so exhausted and it's only going to get worse
  • doctors are cowards >:[ (There's a practically risk-free surgery that has a nonzero chance of at least helping my symptoms but they're all too scared to do it)
  • 1 failed CTB attempt -_-;;
  • don't believe I'm ending anything, I'm just trying to escape, because of my personal spiritual beliefs. I know there's a possibility I'm wrong but I have nothing to lose. This isn't a leap of faith, it's a crawl of desperation
  • in my 30s
  • trying to escape physical suffering, severe dysphoria, abusive 'caregiver', etc
  • I really really want fent but I'm too mentally exhausted to get to the part where I can actually see what markets are selling online. (The security capchas are too difficult for my literally damaged brain.) Also I'm housebound.
  • help ^_^;;
I'm probably in the minority on this forum of "absolutely trying to CTB asap but also very optimistic"? I just want to fly home, but the first step is getting the hell out of this hell.


Dec 23, 2023
Hi you can call me Nori.
I am 23, and work as a moderately successful graphic designer in New York City designing brands. I paint on the side and have started getting into doing tattoos.
I've come all this way and I think the connections I have made with people are the one thing that is holding me back from running to CTB. That and that I want to repay my mom for all that she has done for me. It is really hard to keep away from those negative thoughts whenever I am by myself. I try to fill that void of silence by going to shows (skramz and hardcore are my favorite!), collecting books/manga, and watching TV (currently watching Sopranos when I rot).
It is nice to come across all of you.


Just a lost spirit searching freedom
Dec 18, 2023
Hi hi hiiiiiiiiiii !
At first I was just here to find ways to keep myself safe (CTB). But why not making new friends on the ways that I could see up there ! (I'm not religious tho)

I'm french and love to speak about everything, I can be science, litterature, history, video games, anime, series... Whenever you like and are passionate about !

Hope to see you more on the forum, and if you want to talk my DMs are open !

Bye bye !


New Member
Dec 26, 2023
Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!
Hi, call me anything and everything, I don't mind. I bounce between interests, but I'm mostly settled with anime and music.
I was going to add more but I feel like I don't owe people much lol. I'm here and that's all you really gotta know


Mar 2, 2023
Hey I've been lurking for a while now but apparently I need to post more to PM anyone so,

I'm 18 and from texas. I like music, going to shows, skating, anime, makeup, fashion, nature, and cooking.

My mental health's been so shitty for as long as I can remember. I really don't wanna be here anymore but I'm just tryna push through for as long as I can until I figure out how I'm gonna ctb. I look forward to getting to know you guys while I'm here tho <3
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Sele'ne shall guide me to peace and tranquility
Dec 31, 2023
Hey fellow like-minded people, I'm a 26m introverted loner who has no friends, no car, no house, never had a gf as an adult, still lives with his mother caring for her without choice as my sibling left abruptly in the middle of the night, and an absolute disgrace of a human. The only things I liked were things to escape reality which was games and anime and even that stopped helping. My life is trainwreck in which I hope to not survive😅😓


I’m sorry, please just forget me.
Nov 26, 2023
Surprised this passed me by.

Hi, I'm Abyssal. I'm 21 year old female and I plan to die on May 1st of 2024. I cannot afford recovery nor do I have hope in it even if I could, so death it is.

I am pro-choice, but between the world I grew up in as well as the time I've spent studying psychology, I may come off as pro-life to some. Hypocritically I believe in the power behind recovery even if it has failed me.

I try to spend time in both the forum and the chat, but I am often busy from work. If I am active it's because I should be sleeping and I am not.

Fuck trauma, fuck depression, and fuck my life


Curious Soul
Sep 10, 2022
Hi, I am Emi.
I am 29, not going anywhere in life, at least not where I'd like to.
I pulled a gun from an officer once in hopes of him killing me, but I forgot that I am a weak human female lol.

I love cats, chatting on discord, playing video games and immersing myself in spooky topics and watching horror YouTube channels. I don't mind random chats♡


Jan 5, 2024
Howdy, new guy here! Call me whetever you want, and refer to me however you want. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Fair warning: I generally punctuate everything I say with either an emote, a keysmash, lol, or lmao. It's a nervous habit. 😅 May or may not have given myself a massive palp just signing up for an account and getting approved, because anxiety goes wild when you decide to step into a new social sphere. Don't get too attached though! Not necessarily because I'll be dead any time terribly soon, but just because that also gives me a massive palp as it turns out! I uhh... may or may not be a clown. 👌 Responses and notif checking may be inconsistent.
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Water Drinker
Dec 24, 2023
Call me Henry i guess, Howdy 🤠

i have pretty severe anxiety keeping me from doing lots of things, its kind of a huge bummer lol

i'm in my 20's and i kinda wanna die, kinda don't. i have my good days, bad days, and horrible days. i just hope for many more good days going forward (and for you too!).

if you ever wanna talk, ill listen :)


star ✮
Jan 8, 2024
Hiiiii ★
I'm Mia and i'm 19, i love music, my favorite band is arctic monkeys, and i love marina and the diamonds (she's a singer, though), i also love musicals, my favorite is moulin rouge and la la land, i also like anime but just the silly ones like nichijou or lucky star
I tried to kill myself with pills before but it didn't work lol, then i tried to improve and overcome whatever was wrong with me and it worked for a while but i guess things got worse instead of better heh, but that's okay ig, right now i'm not really interested in being alive but i'm waiting for my next mental breakdown to do something, so yeah
I don't like the idea of reincarnation, but if that were the case then i would like to be reincarnated as an ant


Lost kitty
Jan 4, 2024
Hey 👋, I'm Maya, it's nice to meet everyone. I came here from Reddit and ever since then I've felt like I wasn't alone anymore.

I am transgender Mtf, 31 years old. Being transgender sucks and that's part of the reason why I've had 2 failed suicide attempts in the past.

Let's see.. I enjoy reading sci-fi books(though I haven't been in the reading mood a lot). I love everything to do with anime, it's my to go when I need an escape from this world. Some of my favorite shows are Sword Art Online, Naruto, Rising of the Shield Hero, Fairytale, Avatar, Fullmetal Alchemist.
I also enjoy playing videogames, sometimes I play on my phone other times on PC or consoles. I usually play casual games or RPGs.

Right now, I'm just currently waiting for my turn to leave this world 🌎.


We all need and deserve love and empathy.
Jan 8, 2024
Hi. I'm Carlos. I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Disorder as for events occurred when I was 3 to 4 years old. I was tortured and abused in flesh and soul by a woman who was supposed to babysit me, but who was my dad's lover and hated me and my mom. After that, I didn't eat, smile or sleep well, anymore, I really wanted to be dead!

My father died when I was 7, then my mother went totally crazy and violent: she and her mother, my grandma, told me how awful and evil my dad had been and told me that I was "the Son of the Devil".

I choose 2stubborn2die as my nickname because I simply cannot understand why I'm still here.
I know that probably I'm hanging to an illusion, but I still hope... maybe find a woman and feel love again...
I feel so desperately alone!

2024 is my limit to find someone and try to do my best to regain some sort of life purpose. If it does not happen, I'll be quitting myself from the world on 2025.


sick 4ever
Jan 9, 2024
Im a 18 year old female and have been living with unmedicated BPD my entire life, as well as whatever else happens when 2 of your chromosomes nick each other and u receive chemotherapy lol. Currently I am completely isolated in my social life due to my general reputation being ruined from multiple outbursts and an infatuation with some girl/ex friend. I have not had a social interaction in the past 3 months and am helpless in this situation. Currently debating my options. Other than all that boring stuff I enjoy movies, cats, writing, n music!

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