Hey everyone!
Male from UK in his late 20s. I suffer from mental health problems (depression, anxiety, OCD, alongside panic attacks, social anxiety and suicidal ideation) and also bowel problems (Irritable Bowel Syndrome apparently caused by my mental health and a possible overuse of antibiotics back in 2013/2014). My life completely turned upside down during my mid to late teenage years (15/16 onwards) after I experienced a lot of bullying and outcasting at school. I also experienced some bullying from a teacher in sixth form college and that had a significant impact on me, which resulted in me getting a lower grade than expected in my course and finally resulted in me having to go to another college to do the course again, which wasted some years of my life. All these experiences of bullying and outcasting must be the bulk causes of my mental health problems.
When it comes to my Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I think I may be able to trace it back as early as during my GCSEs at school (quite important exams for anyone who isn't from UK) I started waking up early in the morning vomiting up stomach acid and bile almost every morning for a few months, not getting much sleep and ever since then whenever I'm severely anxious or stressed out I get diarrhoea or vomit, occasionally frequent urination and sometimes even constipation, too. The doctors prescribed me PPIs (Proton Pump Inhibitors) to reduce my stomach acid and that helped a bit, but I think that may have had overall adverse effects and added onto my IBS. When I was 18/19 I stumped my toe on a door and got an ingrown toenail, which resulted in me having to take antibiotics waaay more than I should have done because the antibiotics didn't seem to do anything about the toenail and they eventually had to surgically remove part of the toenail. I've been to the doctors numerous times about it (my IBS) and they tested me for coeliac disease, kidney problems, liver problems and other things, but couldn't find anything wrong, so they assume it's just the IBS and since then I've done some research of my own and apparently found that antibiotic overuse can cause or make IBS much worse in the long run.
I haven't had a proper job -yet-, but I do have most of my GCSEs and also an Extended Diploma in IT Support and Networking and I went to university for a few weeks, but dropped out and I'm ashamed about the fact I haven't had a proper job -yet-. I feel like a total failure at life and I would rather be erased from existence. Whenever I tell this to family members or friends, they don't seem to understand me or don't take me seriously. They act as though killing myself is some easy and simplistic thing to do, when in reality it isn't at all. Also, my family life wasn't the best, regarding my mother specifically, but I rather not go too much in detail about it all. Finally, my ex fiancee who I moved country for (to Sweden) cheated on me 😶 and yeah, that really shook my world up even more. Hopefully some other people can relate to me and know they're not alone. I want to die, but don't want to experience unnecessary pain in the process.
When it comes to stuff I like... I like music (Drum&Bass, Trance and Metal/Rock mostly, but occasionally some Rap), video games, YouTube, technology, science, philosophy, languages and some TV series (Breaking Bad, Prison Break, Vikings, Walking Dead and a few others). Also, if this is relevant and interesting to anyone, I can understand some Swedish and Norwegian and I can read the Cyrillic Alphabet.