Discussion i (20f) will only ctb when i'm 22

[imonadeadline]

hey guys. im a new member and i've come here to talk about my suicide plan and how i'm only doing it after i turn 22. it's some sort of deadline, a last resort to try and find things that will make me stay in this world. i recently turned 20 and i believe that i made this plan when i was 18, just right after my grandfather died. i got the idea from a story that i've seen reposted all over social media. it's a story about how this woman was happy and lived her life to the fullest, but then killed herself after turning 21. i believe that she had previously mentioned to her friends that she does not intend to live past that age. there may be some inaccuracies to my rendition of the story, sorry about that. i haven't seen it posted for a while.

why 22? i chose this age because its a year after i turn 21. 21 is where i get my last "perks" for turning a year older. i might get a car, i might laid, i might even buy cigarettes even if that was never my thing. its my last chance to try and find something to live for without much restriction. some of my friends know about this plan, but only one person is active upon my discussion about it. i post about it frequently on my private twitter account and i guess my irl friends are too bothered to say anything, lol. maybe its because it isn't close yet, but oh well.

giving myself a final deadline also gives me the time to prepare some letters for my friends. i will give my family a way to hide my cause of death, but i will reveal to my close friends the true reason. im planning to do it with scheduled emails as i have some of theirs noted down over the years.

is anyone planning the same thing as i am? what are your thoughts? im sorry if my writing isn't coherent, i swear that i was a good writer. i just lost the spark, or maybe it's the brain abscess growing inside my head, lol.

 

[Gaga786]

hey guys. im a new member and i've come here to talk about my suicide plan and how i'm only doing it after i turn 22. it's some sort of deadline, a last resort to try and find things that will make me stay in this world. i recently turned 20 and i believe that i made this plan when i was 18, just right after my grandfather died. i got the idea from a story that i've seen reposted all over social media. it's a story about how this woman was happy and lived her life to the fullest, but then killed herself after turning 21. i believe that she had previously mentioned to her friends that she does not intend to live past that age. there may be some inaccuracies to my rendition of the story, sorry about that. i haven't seen it posted for a while.

why 22? i chose this age because its a year after i turn 21. 21 is where i get my last "perks" for turning a year older. i might get a car, i might laid, i might even buy cigarettes even if that was never my thing. its my last chance to try and find something to live for without much restriction. some of my friends know about this plan, but only one person is active upon my discussion about it. i post about it frequently on my private twitter account and i guess my irl friends are too bothered to say anything, lol. maybe its because it isn't close yet, but oh well.

giving myself a final deadline also gives me the time to prepare some letters for my friends. i will give my family a way to hide my cause of death, but i will reveal to my close friends the true reason. im planning to do it with scheduled emails as i have some of theirs noted down over the years.

is anyone planning the same thing as i am? what are your thoughts? im sorry if my writing isn't coherent, i swear that i was a good writer. i just lost the spark, or maybe it's the brain abscess growing inside my head, lol.

Hi, welcome. Honestly, same but I haven't really chosen a date yet. I know that eventually I will have no other choice but to leave,so im waiting for that. I was also 18 when I decided that I'll end things, but it didn't work out. Im 20 now. I also – well recently– became a better writer even though I was pretty atrocious in English throughout my life, but I just feel I lost the spark too. Now my messages are all over the place.
Anyways, I wish you the best!

 

[TorturedSoul999]

I worry that the longer I wait the more unreliable the methods will be. SN seems like the only way for me. I don't know if I'm smart enough to set up the Rebreather properly even if I had the money

 

[imonadeadline]

I worry that the longer I wait the more unreliable the methods will be. SN seems like the only way for me. I don't know if I'm smart enough to set up the Rebreather properly even if I had the money

I've seen the price for the rebreather and was appalled by the cost of it. Death is expensive, and I understand your worries. I was advised to research about the tourniquet method and found that it was only around $3 in my country. It is not a peaceful way to go if I do it wrong but it's the most preferable exit at the moment. I hope that you find an alternative to SN.

Hi, welcome. Honestly, same but I haven't really chosen a date yet. I know that eventually I will have no other choice but to leave,so im waiting for that. I was also 18 when I decided that I'll end things, but it didn't work out. Im 20 now. I also – well recently– became a better writer even though I was pretty atrocious in English throughout my life, but I just feel I lost the spark too. Now my messages are all over the place.
Anyways, I wish you the best!

Thank you! I haven't chosen a specific date either. Doing right after my birthday feels wrong, I'm considering on setting it a month or possibly towards the end of the month instead.

I hope that we can rekindle the spark of writing within us, I wish you well.