Introduce yourself

[second attempt]

Hi. I've been lurking on and off for a few months, and recently signed up. I'm a 70 year old female, currently living in southeast U.S.

First tried to ctb when I was 5 years old due an abusive mother. Continued attempts in my 20s after marrying not one, but two abusive men. Then unexpectedly got pregnant. I love my son very much. He's an adult now. He's disabled. If it hadn't been for taking care of him, I would have successfully ctb'd long ago. But here I am.

I'm very weary of living. Just the process of living has always seemed terribly hard to me. Exhausting mentally and emotionally. But I do need to care for my son for about two more years. Then I hope to find peace.

Oh, and please tell me I'm not the oldest person here. You all seem so young. I feel for you. So many lovely people feeling awful. Know that care, and I'm here to chat if my age isn't off-putting.

Hope this isn't too long.

keep fighting mother, u will get ur rest soon.

 

[nonentity]

Hi. I've been lurking on and off for a few months, and recently signed up. I'm a 70 year old female, currently living in southeast U.S.

First tried to ctb when I was 5 years old due an abusive mother. Continued attempts in my 20s after marrying not one, but two abusive men. Then unexpectedly got pregnant. I love my son very much. He's an adult now. He's disabled. If it hadn't been for taking care of him, I would have successfully ctb'd long ago. But here I am.

I'm very weary of living. Just the process of living has always seemed terribly hard to me. Exhausting mentally and emotionally. But I do need to care for my son for about two more years. Then I hope to find peace.

Oh, and please tell me I'm not the oldest person here. You all seem so young. I feel for you. So many lovely people feeling awful. Know that care, and I'm here to chat if my age isn't off-putting.

Hope this isn't too long.

you're almost there - 2 more years to go after all those years of suffering

i don't think i'll be able to ctb anytime soon unfortunately, so i hope i am able to push on like you did - cheers, mother

 

[she]

Hello there, everyone. I'm new here.
I won't be sharing my real name, but here I go by She.

I'm 21 years old and transgender, and I'm from Florida.
I really enjoy playing Chess, VR Games, and writing.
I've joined this site to learn more about various suicide methods.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you all, as well as to being a part of this community.

Much love.

 

[ash_falling]

Hi,

I've been depressed since I was an adolescent, and lately it has been getting worse.
I'm bad with words, so apologies in advance.
I found this site while looking up a defunct community that was the precursor to SS, called ASH.
I feel like I'm running out of options and if I can't make things better, there might be only one way out.

I've been in some deep pain in the past few months and I'm just so fucking tired now.
I promise that I'll explain further in a future thread, but for now I'll just give you a sense of who I am.

I am male adult above the age of 25(I'm going to try to keep personal details at a minimum to maintain my anonymity)
STEM major, artistically inclined
Depression, Anxiety and ADHD have rode with me for a very long time
more often than not those disorders have negatively impacted my life in some of the most profound ways.
(again I'll explain more later in a future thread)
Well there you have it,

nice to meet you all :)

 

[FadingPossum]

Heya, y’all can call me Allie.

I’m honestly mostly here for recovery and to have a place where I can discuss my occasionally intense suicidal ideation without being judged, shut down, or treated like an active bomb.

All I want is peace and stability- something I just haven’t found yet. When things get tough keeping my demons to myself just causes me to spiral further so having a place where I can hopefully scream a bit without restraint would just be lovely.

Not looking to CTB just yet. Mostly just want to cope, be happy, and support people.

 

[luc]

Hi everyone! I like video games, anime and wasting my time scrolling through social media

I've been struggling with mental problems for some time now

I'm glad I found this site

 

[voc_89]

Hi all. Joined officially yesterday and found this site 09/04/23. In my early 30s. Male. Suffer with feelings of doubt, anxiety, hoplessness. A real loner (I rarely go out... for the most part just for work... I am always home). Always hanging by a thread but trying to fight. Outlets are sleeping, anime/manga and gaming. However, I think that i can add this site to my small list of outlets as the comradery here has been amazing.

 

[arisk krigare]

Hello i am new here.

I am a shut-in who has autism spectrum disorder and suffers with anxiety and depression.

I like Japanese culture internet culture horror movies retro video games and the supernatural.

I can speak Japanese and some German too.

I want to meet and talk with others who are like me and eventually recover or if things don't workout eventually ctb.

You speak Japanese? How did you learn? I'm trying to learn as well right now

 

[Hikikomori1]

You speak Japanese? How did you learn? I'm trying to learn as well right now

The best way to pickup a language is to surround yourself in it. However as a side note in anime and manga the Japanese spoken is often not natural and not how real Japanese people speak since those are cartoons and comic books.

 

[momdontcryplease]

Hello.

I am a suicidal person like you all. Sometimes it gives me comfort that I am not the only one out there feeling this way... but then it makes me sad that humans will probably always have suicidal individuals like ourselves. On days when I feel pretentious enough, I like to think about our suicidal ancestors from way way way back before we even invented agriculture as a species. Despite our massively different upbringings and societies and problems, they must have felt this exact same way, right? Caveman Ugg probably felt as bad as I do before leaving his suicide handpaint on the cave walls, right?

Well, I'm sorry that we all had to meet this way. I hope we can give each other some last comforting words, even if it's only text online, before we all go where we're headed. I hope one day we will all find true peace.

 

[CloudyNight]

Hi! I’m new one of tantacruls refugees but I’d say I’m mentally stable rn at least I enjoy reading and wrestling at my gym

 

[wiltingorchid]

Hi! My name is Scarlett, and I'm a girl from europe. I have bpd, strong hallucinations from time to time and I tend to be easily addicted to substances like alcohol and medicine. In my freetime, I like to distract myself from having to bear to live by listening to or by making music, playing videogames and I also love to spend lots of time with my best friend who i have a big crush on :) I have only been here for a really short time, but the people here are extremely genuine and friendly, and I am very glad that i found this site

 

[angelysium]

Hello, I’m Nana! I enjoy reading classics, and, occasionally, writing. I love music as well ;)

 

[Itz_d3p]

Hi I'm Mar, I don't have a lot to say, my life is kind of boring bc is just me wanting to ctb but not being able bc my mother and pets would have to pay for my stupidity so yeah, I'm waiting a bit more 👍

I love animals, and like to draw sometimes. The thing I most enjoy is food but not the act of eating (now it sounds strange haha)

 

[endless_pain]

Hi,

I am 23 and I suffer with mostly depression, resulting from childhood abuse. This lead me to being bullied at school, mostly in a subtle way, feeling so alone.

Today I still combat for my recovery, although I even struggle to find one of the therapists I'd like to start a plan with, because they're as good and full as their agenda.

I don't know how I will go on with my life, that is the reason I am here. Loving this support community, never found anything like this before. Just toxic positivity at the best.

I like to embrace discipline to reach my goals although the pain sometimes it's too much and gets me distracted easily.

 

[Misaki]

Hello everyone~
I'm Misaki, and I'm here for the same reason that most of you are. I suffer from AN, ASD and schizoaffective (bipolar subtype) disorder.
I enjoy programming and fashion, mainly. I occasionally enjoy anime, manga and videogames. Most of my time is spent listening to music while doing things like schoolwork for university (I'm an IT major), or (barely) maintaining my relationships with others.
I'm looking to CTB in the next 6 months or so after a lifetime of failed and stupid attempts. I'm also not currently medicated although I used to be.
It's nice to meet all of you even though one day we'll have to part ways.

 

[Vikgrim]

Hello, it's nice to meet everyone. I'm in my late 30s and a single mother. I still deal with trauma because my ex was extremely abusive to me. He almost killed me several times and threatened me on a daily basis. Sometimes I have no idea how I'm still alive. His favorite thing to do was take advantage of me in my sleep and I'm still terrified to sleep at times. It took me years to get out. Life is a little better but we live in an absolute shithole that is the cause of most of my depression. I work 7 days a week and still can't get out. I don't think I ever will. I'm just so exhausted. I just want a comfortable place to sleep and my own pet cat.

When I have the energy I try to lose myself in video games. I play Genshin Impact and The Sims. I like to give my sims perfect lives without any drama just happiness, because I've never had that. I also enjoy anime, reality theories, quantum physics, and lucid dreaming. I'm looking forward to returning to the stars.

 

[Kodokushi]

Ayaya, I'm such a doof, this is where I should've written my introduction ☠️

Well, not to repost the same thing over and over, I'll write something new...

I'm Kodokushi, Kodo for short. This nickname is somewhat special to me, I guess, since it means "lonely death" and it's a phenomenon where people die and get undiscovered for long periods of time due to how alone and isolated they were. It resonates deeply, cause it feels like this is what will happen to me if I don't go on my own terms

I'm a rat owner, a rat mommy of Sugar and Marshmallow, my current tiny rat pack, and they've been my last anchor to hold me here for a year+ now. Before my amazing pets I used to hold on to my art and writing, and hoping to one day write an original universe thingie, but that kinda fades away now. I'm very obsessed with escapism, cause current reality is un-freaking-bearable, so I'm mostly online reading nonstop (I talk actively like this pretty rarely) or playing Animal Crossing, Genshin Impact or Sims when I have the energy for it. There's also Youtube and napping for ages, but that's more of like background stuff I need to stop paying attention, I guess

I've been off therapy for a year now all thanks to wār and since then degraded back into strong selfharm and suicidal tendencies I used to have when I was much younger. It's like I traveled 10 years back lol. My medicine disappeared from the shelves and our analogue one has done more harm than good, so at the moment I don't even consider going back to my therapist and just aching

I have a loved one, who keeps yapping like a parrot "it'll he okay, everything is fine" and "I don't think you'll do it" despite knowing of my failed overdose attempts. My closest friends know about the struggles I went through and see my deterioration, but I couldn't find courage to confess I actually did it or think of doing it still. We all struggle strongly in our own way and I simply don't want to be an added burden

All and all, I'm just...relieved I can at least type all this shiet and not be yelled at or lectured. I went through hell, had a short breather and now it's back again, sigh

 

[Mortalist]

Hi, I am Klyde, 23ys.

It is not my real name. But for me it carries an increadably important meaning.
Childhood trauma is an ever present part of me, bullying an inescapeable horror, and depression a well known compainion.
There isn't a time in my life where suffering wasn't included... So far I managed. But, being in this place gives you an idea how well that went, eventually.

To end with something good? Well, some of my hobbies are related to PC. Grafics and 3D Editing/Creaton Software are not yet my strongsuit, but I am getting there.
I also admire local transport, love to ride with trains and busses. This has also been a part of my life. One of the great things I could allways enjoy, even if my headspace had a different opinion, sotospeak.

Well, in short thats me. Glad to be here :)

 

[myfutureismyend]

Hi. I'm new here. There's nothing much I could really say about myself but I've been depressed and suicidal for a very long time now for years and don't feel like I can go on for much longer so I'm glad I came across this site. I used to enjoy listening to music and it could make me feel better sometimes but I don't enjoy anything anymore and it feels like nothing can help me so that's why I joined

 

[cgrtt.brns]

hi o/
im shit at introductions but i'll give it a try.
in my early twenties, which i never thought id get to. genuinely believed i would be dead before 16 so i never planned any further than that. somehow finished school, now im just stuck unemployed and useless.

still live with my parents who, despite providing for me financially, have never been there for me if that makes sense. i feel like a burden on them because of all they do for me, indebted would be an understatement, yet i also despise them for putting me in this world. im a fucking failure because i cant escape it, whether thats moving out or ctb.

as a kid i used to enjoy art and always wanted to be a vet. now i just rot in bed distracting myself from everything in and out of my head because it's all i have the energy for. some of my most frequent distractions include music, twitch streams, youtube, instagram (even tho i fucking hate it it's so hard to stop), smoking, self harm, and just rocking back and forth in bed for hours. sometimes when i have energy i play games like minecraft and stardew, one of my favourite games is viscera clean up detail because of how relaxing it is, which is funny because my room irl is a fucking mess.

ss feels like a sanctuary for me, even tho ive only known of it for a short time. the community here seems so accepting and gentle. it's the perfect place to spend my last moments, however long they may be. i hope everyone here finds their peace someday, whatever may bring it, you all deserve it. <3

 

[mission]

I was born & raised in the US, and have felt remarkable sadness and loneliness from a very early age. I’ve found bits of joy in music and concerts, traveling, and reading. I’ve struggled with addiction, EDs, depression, anxiety, BPD, and other physical chronic issues for 3/4 of my life thus far (I’m nearly 29 while I write this.) While I’m not entirely sure if or when I’ll be able to CTB, I fantasize about it almost daily. My hope is that I can find a way to leave this world soon, when it feels right, as painlessly and peacefully as possible.

 

[humantrash]

hi everyone. i'm pretty bad at introductions but here goes nothing; I'm humantrash, but you can call me danny, I'm a 19yo female from colombia.

i've been a lurker for a long time, I have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis but I don't have the courage to actually do it and I'm unable to access to a mental health professional so i don't even know if i'm actually mentally ill :] anyway, life sucks and I have zero motivation and will to live, besides I don't have any friends, neither online or irl friends, it doesn't help that i'm introverted and very shy and awful at socializing.

i like to draw and paint, pursuing the dream of being an illustrator keeps me alive even if i don't feel as passionate. i also like horror media; games, series, movies, anime, whatever. I love DSBM, it's everything I listen to lately but I like lots of music genres. I don't want it to sound silly but I hope to make friends, so feel free to dm me. Anyway, thanks for reading!

 

[Chocoholic]

Hello!
I don't know what to say because I am terrible at introducing myself.

Anyway, I am 31 gay male. I am from South Korea, but I am living in California now.
I used to like playing video games or watching movies. But I lost all of my joy right now.
If you want to know about me, feel free to PM me. I wish I could make friends!
Thanks for reading:)

 

[terminusalpha]

Hi folks, 30/Canada here. Struggled with depression and fear all my life. Never been able to cope with how scary and painful life is. I am very functional looking on the outside but inwardly I am fossilized by fear, shame, sadness.

I attempted twice when I was 19. Life got a little more stable after that. But I've realized that the longer life goes on, the worse it gets. I've watched loved ones grow older and get sick or die. I hurt others and am hurt by others. "It deepens like a coastal shelf." My chronic health issues have become harder to manage and my relationship is falling apart because I am incapable of being a good partner and my partner is too good to abandon me. The hurting other people is what makes life most unbearable for me. Lately I've been reading a lot about inert gas asphyxiation. I think I would be able to pull that off relatively fearlessly. I still do feel trapped in my life by all the regular things such as professional responsibilities, loved ones, etc. I feel that it would be better for everyone if I terminated my miserable existence. Lots of conflict. Thanks for reading.

 

[Minipute]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

im new here
im sad
i feel alone
thats its

 

[lilmarei]

A new member here.. I'm a slightly depressed Mexican artist, looking for an anonymous space to express myself a bit, I have a rather privileged life considering my context, but I've hated my own existence for a long time and I've been thinking to end my life a lot of times, but art keeps me giving love to my life yet.

And even if I want to die, I still finding things that make sense to me and I want to keep looking for meaning., but I’m just tired to fight sometimes, I’m tired of me. I hate my brain.

i do painting.

Also I love music so, I put here a couple of recommendations..
-my Sputnik sweetheart - from weatherday
-in the lost queen’s eyes - from comus
-time in a bottle - from Jim Croce

 

[unsaiddes]

Hello,

I go by Des. I'm in my mid 20s, and while I've been depressed since I was a pretty young kid, my suicidal ideation and compulsions started strong around 2019 and have been a constant since then.

Fun facts about me not related to wanting to die: I'm pretty sure I'm nonbinary, I like cozy games, indie music, video essays and brain teasers, I'm a neat freak, and I'd much rather hang out with cats than people.

 

[scarecrowbubu]

Hey.
M 21 living around the world.
I recently found this community of beautiful souls and decided this can be a place that I can call home. I have a complicated story and a bad up bringing. I feel like I'm a dead man walking but somehow empathy for others keeps me alive. The numbness makes it very tough but some days this armor gets loose i guess. Hope we can alll hang out and ctb safely. I like listening to people more than speaking, so you already know what to do.

 

[RunRabbitRun]

21 year old Minnesota mtf transgender. Diagnosed bpd, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, unmedicated & unhinged. 5 failed ctb attempts and counting I guess.