Hi everyone, i'm a 25 years old paranoid schizophrenic, I like to pass time by browsing and shit posting a lot on forums, playing games, chess, counter strike, I played à lot in my youth, back when things weren't this worse
nowadays I don't enjoy doing those things that much, games doesn't bring me much joy, and chating with people is anxiety inducing
that's the unfortunate thing with mental health, when you're sick, it can only get worse, either the meds makes you kind of a zombie, either your symptoms gets worse, and I'm now at a point where I've tried to CTB 3 times but 2 seriously where I got rescued by police or an ambulance, I don't see the point in living anymore, I would do it right away, if if I could find an easy way, harmless to other people, without chance of failing, and those kind of thing, I don't wan't to hurt people, I'm just tired of living this life that I feel got robbed from me when the schizophrenic symptoms started to appear and when I started to understand that life is full of suffering even if you're a sane person, it's a tough battle, I just don't want to partake in it
the method i tried to CTB weren't so successful, infortunately, because they were my primary choice as they were painless and just, a calm sleep
i'm now actively looking for ways to CTB in peace, leave this earth in a calm and peaceful way is important to me, i'm very scared of the more painful common ways people talk about, it's just not a good way to go, i don't want to suffer in my last moments
on a brighter note, I hope I can give some advice and help people that need to be heard, especialy schizophrenic since we must have some things in common, I found that chating and trying to help people kind of help me aswell, at least to get trough the day, it is way easier to talk to people online on a forum than on discord or real life