Introduce yourself

[theslasher]

Hey guys, I'm Slasher

I'm not on the verge of CTB, but most of my life I actually was due to various reasons. The main reason I joined this site is because I saw Tantacrul's video and I was curious to see what's up. I'll admit that It's oddly comforting to see other people who've thought of CTB before as well. I'm not necessarily anti natalist, but i understand that everyone has their own viewpoints and it's definitely nice to see the effort that people on here make to find reasons to live despite the obstacles they may face in life.

Some info about me: I'm a guy, 21 years old from the East Coast.

Things to work on: I am insecure about not being physically strong enough or making enough money. Also I have some social anxiety but I think it's slowly been getting better.

Some of my hobbies: Weight lifting, playing guitar, drawing, graphic design, coding, cameras, all the creative hobbies rly. I even sew & make custom clothes sometimes. I do archery, and I'm learning how to use a bo-staff and nunchaku. What else? I guess I enjoy hiking outdoors and exploring abandoned buildings. Video games are cool too, I've got a PS5 rn so hmu if you wanna play. If you've got PC I'm down for roblox too lmao (idk what type of other games my macbook can handle).

Hobbies I want to get into: 3D printing, making electronics like robots or RC cars. One day it'd be cool to build a real electric car / motorcycle one day.

Some other goals: Learn how to speak Spanish, move out of the US and travel to different countries in Latin America, and reach an income that will allow me to do so within the next 5 years. Currently on track to get a coding internship so I'd say it's possible within my time frame for sure. Not sure about kids though lol, that's a tough choice. I'd only bring kids into this world if I had enough money to support them all, and a loving wife who'd support as well of course. But that's still just a thought for now.

If you have any common interests feel free to reach out. I don't have a lot of people in real life that I'd consider friends, maybe 4 or 5 from previous schools but I hardly talk to them or see them. And then a few at work, but those are just work friends and we probably won't hangout outside of work. So I'd be happy to meet any of you guys out there too :)

 

[theslasher]

hello, i'm in desperate need of attention. My gf left me, so did my only few friends. I've been thinking of ctb for almost 10 years and I am really on the verge of doing this. Have hurt all of my closest friends. I cannot stand my existance now. Wish me a improvement of my state of mind or a peaceful way to the other side.

Don't do it, there's a lot of girls out there and I'm sure one would want you bro. If one girl didn't see your value then it doesn't mean you don't have any. Your value as a human being is not determined by someone else who is unable to see it.



Listen to this story.

And hey, it's your life you are allowed to do whatever you want, but I urge you to not CTB over a girl. Hoes will be hoes my man. If your friends left you over some dumb bs then they weren't real friends to begin with. If you CTB because of those losers then they have power over you. If yall broke up, see it as a weight being lifted off your shoulders. My ex certainly was, I spent way too much money on her man it was like I had a hole in my pocket. Be glad that you're a single man. Take the time to take care of yourself.

But don't make any sudden decisions until you can gain composure over your emotions and think clearly.

 

[luci_lived]

I'm Luci, I'm 33. over the past 4 years I've become a bit of a recluse. I don't leave the house because I'm fat and unattractive. When I get ready to try to leave the house, I just look in the mirror, I get frustrated, and I cry because I was born so ugly. I got exhausted trying to be the funny one, or the girl with the good personality. So now I just sit at home. I'm alive because I'm currently caregiving for my mother and she needs me. She's horrible to me, but I'm too nice to stop caring for her. But caring for her also means I'm away from my small circle of friends which has made me terribly depressed. Man, this makes me sound like a real downer haha.

 

[ubamantus1]

@hashslingingslasher Thank you for your support, but my situation is more complex than my short self-presentation. I have been dealing with depression since 2016, and currently, I'm exhausted with life. I have encountered numerous girls (more than 150, if I were to count), but I have only found two who were truly worth my time. Unfortunately, one of them had a boyfriend, and the other lived with me for three years, but I ended up disappointing her greatly. Most of my friends were mutual friends with her as well. In addition to being a narcissist, I also struggle with OCD and depression. I have adopted a nihilistic outlook and no longer believe in free will. I feel like I am not actively creating my own life; instead, I am merely an observer, compelled to experience it. I'm exhausted.

 

[sensenmann]

Hello all, since I am a very paranoid person, I'll keep personal details as minimal as possible.
Happy to be here to have a safe place to talk with people about mental health/ctb
Tired of these people saying stuff like "it's going to get better".
It brings me great comfort to browse this forum when I'm feeling down.

 

[irregularreconcile]

(So sorry I didn't see this!! I made a forum post; My apologies!!)

Hi! I'm Elli, 21, homeless chronically mentally ill trans guy who likes art and video games.

Nice to meet you all! I hope your day goes as good as possible ^_^

 

[JustLain]

Hello, I am Lain. I am a trans female currently living in an area where transphobia is hash.

I have not transitioned at all and feel fairly hurt about my situation and how it's come to this with how hateful laws and people have become. I seek advice from others on how I could transition or get out of my situation.

Beyond my dooming, I like retro video games, my favorite being phantasy star online for the dreamcast. I also watch anime a little bit.

I'm really bad at humor, I take everything seriously which makes it hard to understand sometimes in specific conversations.

Thank you for spending time reading this, it's nice to meet you.

 

[sadidiot0328]

Hi, my name's Kenny, and I am 18 years old. I've been suicidal since I was a kid so I don't think that's gonna change any time soon.

I struggle with mental health, with autism being one. I didn't have many friends growing up so I'm not good with communicating with people my age. I suffered some traumatic experiences along the way, playing a big role in why I'm this person I am now. I'm not really sure if I'm a person at this point. I live with only my mom, sometimes dad when I was little but he isn't really in the picture.

Well on a lighter note, I enjoy some things like rhythm games, writing, and programming. I love my mother, cat, and dog as well. That's about it.

 

[DiphylleiaGrayi]

Hi, I'm going by Diphy, 30 yr old female. I've been around for a while. Never thought I would post anything.

Dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression for as long as I can remember, when I got to my teen years I was vocal a few times about wanting to die and nothing was done. Numb and living in my own head since forever, always had a hard time connecting to people. Things like hugging or the words 'I love you' even to family seems false, with generations of abuse, neglect, and mental illness that's never dealt with. If I could afford a therapist I probably wouldn't see one anyway, talking about my feelings or being vulnerable seems impossible.

I prefer doing things alone. What's kept me alive then (and now) is my love for art. I like watching horror, action, and martial arts movies. Going to concerts, which somehow doesn't bother me despite not liking people in my space. Favorite book is No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai. I like drawing and writing when I'm not stuck in a depressive fog.

My life is not moving anywhere. A 9 to 5 job dealing with people is draining. No friends since I stopped talking to the only one around last year. Whether a traditional or even alternative lifestyle, it all seems unattainable and alien to me, like wanting to exist at all is bad. If I ctb then I'm thinking of going the way a favorite singer of mine did a few years ago using carbon monoxide, just have to make sure I know what I'm doing. When I'm gone I don't want any trace of me left in this world.

 

[Linda]

Hi, I'm going by Diphy, 30 yr old female. I've been around for a while. Never thought I would post anything.

Dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression for as long as I can remember, when I got to my teen years I was vocal a few times about wanting to die and nothing was done. Numb and living in my own head since forever, always had a hard time connecting to people. Things like hugging or the words 'I love you' even to family seems false, with generations of abuse, neglect, and mental illness that's never dealt with. If I could afford a therapist I probably wouldn't see one anyway, talking about my feelings or being vulnerable seems impossible.

I prefer doing things alone. What's kept me alive then (and now) is my love for art. I like watching horror, action, and martial arts movies. Going to concerts, which somehow doesn't bother me despite not liking people in my space. Favorite book is No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai. I like drawing and writing when I'm not stuck in a depressive fog.

My life is not moving anywhere. A 9 to 5 job dealing with people is draining. No friends since I stopped talking to the only one around last year. Whether a traditional or even alternative lifestyle, it all seems unattainable and alien to me, like wanting to exist at all is bad. If I ctb then I'm thinking of going the way a favorite singer of mine did a few years ago using carbon monoxide, just have to make sure I know what I'm doing. When I'm gone I don't want any trace of me left in this world.

I suppose I should say something different that the usual "Welcome to SS", since you are not new to the site. As you will know by now, you will find lots of useful information here, and you will find support when you need it.

I often prefer doing things alone too, but the trick I learned long ago for acquiring some friends was to join groups (or even just one group) that share similar interests to me. I made a lot of friends in groups that were interested in the outdoors in one way or another, and some are still friends 50 years later. Have you considered finding, and joining, a group of like-minded art-lovers?

 

[DiphylleiaGrayi]

I suppose I should say something different that the usual "Welcome to SS", since you are not new to the site. As you will know by now, you will find lots of useful information here, and you will find support when you need it.

I often prefer doing things alone too, but the trick I learned long ago for acquiring some friends was to join groups (or even just one group) that share similar interests to me. I made a lot of friends in groups that were interested in the outdoors in one way or another, and some are still friends 50 years later. Have you considered finding, and joining, a group of like-minded art-lovers?

Thank you! I've only searched around the site several times, mostly when my depression gets really bad, so I'm still learning new things.

Years ago in college I joined a creative writing class, that crowd can be full of themselves so I quit going. I have went to concerts with old friends and others fans I'd met online a few times. I would do that again. Thanks for the suggestion, it's not something I've thought of in a long time.

 

[seaweed]

hey there, im seaweed

i am here for the many reasons you lot are here and i hope to make some friends, im based in the UK! decided i need to ctb but before that, i would like to chat - about suicide or not. itll be nice to have people who truly understand

my interests, i dont really think i have any good ones. i like shipwreck history and natural disasters sort of stuff and i enjoy the outdoors.

 

[honeydew]

hi everyone, im honeydew

i think i have stress-related suicidal ideation or something. it comes and goes. sometimes it feels like im 2 different people at once, one trying to die and the other actively trying to sabotage it. its nice to have an outlet so thats why im here.

im in university and finding it hard to keep up with life. was a good student in high school but now my grades are trash. i still like learning so im not sure whats up with that.

i love music and listen to it excessively. im finally finding some other hobbies again, learning to skateboard and play guitar. i also like puzzles of any kind, and i absolutely love food.

its nice to meet you all :)

 

[theslasher]

@hashslingingslasher Thank you for your support, but my situation is more complex than my short self-presentation. I have been dealing with depression since 2016, and currently, I'm exhausted with life. I have encountered numerous girls (more than 150, if I were to count), but I have only found two who were truly worth my time. Unfortunately, one of them had a boyfriend, and the other lived with me for three years, but I ended up disappointing her greatly. Most of my friends were mutual friends with her as well. In addition to being a narcissist, I also struggle with OCD and depression. I have adopted a nihilistic outlook and no longer believe in free will. I feel like I am not actively creating my own life; instead, I am merely an observer, compelled to experience it. I'm exhausted.

Yeah I guess once you breakup then the whole friend group can sort of fall apart. That same thing happened with me. Luckily for me I'm happier spending time by myself than to be with others who cause dumb drama. Learning to enjoy my own presence has been very beneficial.

There are many things that you cannot control so I can definitely see where you are coming from when you say you feel like an observer. Whenever i feel like that, I remember the quote, "tend to the garden in your control" which means to focus on what you can control. That exercise allows me to discard any unnecessary anxiety on things out of my control.

 

[angelk]

Hello everyone!



I am delighted to have found this site. The reality is that he fought a lot with life, but I already gave up. I have had many psychological therapies, medication, admissions to psychiatric hospitals... I am 38 years old and I have decided that I want to end this unbearable pain. I guess I'm selfish, because of the pain I'll cause my mother, but it's been many years of fighting without gratification. I no longer remember the last day I smiled. My life is based on pain, suffering, I don't sleep... and I take medication... I have tried to commit suicide 2 times with no luck, maybe if I had known about this site before...



Hopefully I can find people to talk to and not seem like a weirdo. My friends are happy, most of my family has abandoned me, and I practically don't leave the house anymore. Here in Spain euthanasia was given, but not for me, they say I'm young, but I've been changing myself for 20 years.



I want to thank the people who make this forum work. Sorry if my english is bad, it's converted by google.



a hug to all

 

[ForeverBroken]

Hello everyone. New here. I am struggling like everyone else. Just don't know what to do anymore. I have pretty much lost all hope that I will ever find happiness in life. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get there. So here I am, trying to figure out what to do and maybe make a friend or two. Who knows.

Thanks for having me here.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

Hi Everyone,

I never thought I would be back.

A little about myself. Back in 2019, I was actually on this site, I tried to hang myself. I did not succeed despite multiple attempts.

Been struggling with suicide since 2017.

Long story short, I've been struggling with all aspects of my life (parental relationships, romantic relationships, career) for most of my life, and I don't see it getting any better. And to be honest, I don't want it to get better. Just tired of life and want to end it.

Since my failed attempted in 2019, I tried to make things better by pursuing career#2 that I was passionate about. Thing between my parents and I were getting better, and I actually started to date. I made all the logical right moves. Fast forward to 2023, I haven't gone on a date since 2019 due to my failures in dating. My parental relationship has gotten worse. I tried to move out, but doing so meant I had to go back to career#1 for a job. Then, I get fired within 2 months. Now I am in my late 20s, with basically no career. Its not going to get better from here. I have accepted that.

It just sickens me that medically assisted suicide for mental health is not legal. If an adult consents to medically assisted suicide, and the doctor consents to it, then why should it be illegal? I never understood people that say suicide is "bad". What joy do those people get from seeing others suffer?

And I absolutely hate it when people say that you can share anything with your therapists. You can't. What's in every therapy client agreement form? They legally have to report it to authorities if you claim that you have suicidal thoughts. Then afterwards you just get thrown into a psych ward, then you make some bullshit lie to say that you are okay, then they let you out, and the process repeats itself.

Excuse my pessimistic long rant, but that's how I really feel.

I hope to be able to attempt suicide again soon. But until then, I hope to write some discussion threads on why I am so sick of people saying "it gets better".

Thanks

 

[DarknessInMe]

Hi,

I turned 18 some months ago and am living somewhere in Europe.
I struggle with mental illnesses since I was 10 when I first got hospitalised for about a year. In 2021, my depression came back. I'm in therapy, was a bunch of times in the hospital due to suicidal ideation and attempts and tried medication. I know that there is no hope for me, I tried everything to get better. I don't want to fight anymore.

 

[twowaymirror]

hi

i go by minty online, im an 18 year old boy & live in western US. i've had social anxiety and agoraphobia most of my life, probably other things too but i dont bother seeing therapists anymore. SA, religious abuse, blah blah blah you get the point

i like music a lot, not drawn to specific genres.. just artists, too many to list probably. i love art in general very deeply and revolve much of my life around it. i love abstract concepts and delving into strange nonsensical rambling about random shit. been very into splatoon recently and creating/talking about characters in particular .. many other games and media im fascinated with but i am trying to keep this relatively brief.

if you havent connected the dots, i frequently fantasize and get stuck in my head about whatever to cope with this hell. i dropped out and am too mentally ill to get my GED or work, mom is chronically ill, dad is a jackass, i live in a polluted desert wasteland of a city and havent had an irl friend since 7th grade. hoping to CTB before i turn 20

 

[kyxz]

Hi, I'm a 29 year old female from the US and I joined recently (:

I struggled with mental health issues and suicidal ideation since I was 8. As an adult I went on into a career helping others struggling with mental health and truly love my work.

This year my fiance was murdered and although I'd like to continue helping others, I would rather not be part of this world and "do life" without him. Once justice is served and the monster is in prison, I will rest in peace

In the meantime, I've been doing various therapies just to get through the months or years this case will likely take, learning, finishing graduate school, and continuing to help others around me

 

[dernieresolution]

Hi, someone from France. Been thinking of CTB'ing since Jan, heard of the site since February. Guess summer and the anxiety of loneliness is bringing me here now.

I'd like to say my intuition things is roughly right, and its saying that life aint getting better.

You know, its funny, this site, it's allowed me to focus on a goal for once

 

[TheRainyDaysStay]

Hello everyone!

I'm rain, I'm a 20 year old in the US. I've been thinking of going to college lately but have no idea. If I'm not working I'm always at home playing video games, mainly genshin right now. I have a ferret that I love named Ally, I would be gone by now if not for him, he's 5 years old this year and I hope to see him live a long life.
I feel in a limbo on what to do with my life and my social anxiety keeps me from going out a lot so I've been feeling trapped lately.

 

[ItchySychadan]

Hello everyone

First, just i lern english (I am German speaker) i do not all understand and then i use the translator.
Sorry for mistakes.

I am 44, disabled (Osteogenesis imperfecta) and other problems.
Live at home with my Parents (need help caire) , have a dog and other animals.
My hobbys are gaming, reading science books, scifi ....

My live is ok, have home office job, no problem with finances.
I do not make suicide now, or next week or next month.
But i search for option for suicide when i think its time to say goodbey

I will have this option for me for the future.
i think everyone should have the right to end their own life if they want to

 

[markymark03]

UK 23 - male - been on here for ages but haven't posted. Struggled with mental health during Covid, hated Uni. Now back at home. Still struggling. Not much more to say really.

 

[feels_like_rain]

Hi all :)
I'm not new here, but i never really posted much before. I lurked here on SS when my best friend @elizabeth.luck told me about this site, and joined a couple of days after she caught her bus in 2021. I read posts here on and off, but i haven't been in a good head space at all lately, so i'm back.

US, female. I go by Gabriella, or just El. Doesn't matter which. It's not my real name, but i'm more comfortable with this, unless i end up getting to know someone on here.
I love animals/my pets - i have a cat, rats, and fish. I also love reading and skydiving (wish i could go more than once or twice a year though)

I'm extremely bad at making friends but i'd really love to make a friend on here. This is one of the few places where i feel like people understand and won't judge me for talking about the type of shit we talk about on SS.

 

[FinalCountdown]

Hello, I am a lurker who is finally joining SS. I don't know how long my stay will be here, but I look forward having a space where I can express my thoughts with less limits.

 

[kurtis]

The name's kurtis. I love and enjoy Rock. I am a practicing witch. I consider myself an artist and a writer. I want connect with people and understand them, I'm not really understood and being online feels safer since well, people seem nicer. I hope I can make friends and help others.

 

[cryye]

hey! nice to meet you. some stuff about me: i'm mexican. i'm bigender (she/he pronouns). i'm a christian, even though i don't believe in the afterlife (at least not for myself) and i probably sin all the time. i'm unfathomably terrified of the future, i can't decide whether i hate or love my family and the only good thing in my life are blue gummy sharks (also coke-flavored gummies). still working on gathering enough courage to ctb, wish me luck. dm me if you wanna be friends in the meantime. :)

an update: so im a boy now and go by he/him pronouns only. yayy.....

 

[byebyeblondie]

Hello,

I'm new to this website. I'm looking to talk to others about life and my feelings without judgement. I'm very lost right now and I feel so alone and fed up.

I'm hoping this place helps :).

 

[flightlessbutterfly]

Preferably called butterfly in any language is fine,
I'm an atheist, agender and generally do not have any expectations or beliefs. Just here in an attempt to validate my feelings and help myself figure out what and how I want to move on with my life.