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maybemonday

maybemonday

surviving but not thriving
Mar 28, 2023
49
Hello everyone 🤠
I'm Monday (not really) I'm 21 and live in Ontario Canada. I've been suicidal for almost a decade, made many attempts (and failed). I'm like a cat with 9 lives. I have a long list of issues, both mental and physical. I don't really do anything or enjoy stuff anymore so I don't really have hobbies. I just kinda lie in bed all day waiting to fall asleep. I'm going to school in the fall and if that doesn't work out I'm out.
 
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Certain.Magic

Certain.Magic

stones erode, and so do i
Mar 29, 2023
5
Yo everyone! I'm Certain.Magic, or just Magic (if you're really feisty you can call me Yulien, another one of my aliases). After a few years of lonely pondering about this and that I hope I can meet some people to talk to here and to just get along with everybody! Since I've also already accepted my bus ride in the foreseeable future I hope we can have some fun till I have to catch my ride. Oh and P.S: I come with all the baggage included. ;)
 
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SickandTiredMimikyu

SickandTiredMimikyu

Big Juicy OwOs
Mar 28, 2023
9
Hi i'm sickandtiredmimikyu but please call me Ven. A lot of stuff has pushed me to the point where I want to recover but I also feel like I don't have a future, so I'm one of those people unfortunately hanging in the balance. Though yesterday I've been pushed to try to ctb at the end of April...so I thought I at least try to make some friends before I go. I already had to push away my ex-gf and some of my other friends. So yeah.

I turn 24 in May, but I guess I'm not gonna be alive to celebrate it I guess. Um...I also like Mimikyu! And i like video games, it helps me cope with being alive. I come with a lotta baggage so...yeah. Nice to meet you all! :D
 
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theocean

theocean

Member
Mar 30, 2023
9
Hello everybody. I've lurked around this place for a long time, going back to the Reddit days actually. I'm generally really reclusive and introverted so I never had the confidence to actually make an account or anything, but I figured now's the time to do it if there ever was a time.

With that out of the way, I'm a mid 20s trans girl living in a bad part of a bad city. I grew up heavily abused, was homeless for a long time, and have various mental illness. I'm medicated as of now, for the first time in years, and despite that sometimes I feel like I'd rather be back on the streetcorners. I can barely afford medication and a roof over my head, so I might end up back there anyways. Its funny, now that theres a degree of physical and mental stability in my life, I realize just how much I regret not getting to ctb when I was younger and had better resources.

I love music, and I listen to it whenever I can. There's a beautiful set out mountains on the outskirts of the city where I live, and I spend most my time up there these days. I don't have friends really, its always kind of just been me and whatever is under my feet. I'm sorry if this is long winded or boring, people say I talk a lot when I get the chance and I guess that's just because I so rarely do. I look forward to getting to know some of you, and especially getting to be part of a community for the first time if you'll have me
 
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young Werther

young Werther

Member
Mar 30, 2023
7
Hello to everyone, wow intros are hard. I've sat staring at the screen for too long now though so here goes....

I am British, nearly 50 (only on the outside) and am here so I can be honest, over time I have learnt to loathe platitudes, rhetoric and general verbal filler when talking about mental health, after a period of lurking I think there are people here who aren't afraid to point out that the Emperor is absolutely naked and how foolish it is to go on pretending.

I'm a single parent carer of a very disabled child, a position I will hold for the rest of my life and I know that I can't go on forever, I'm desperately lonely and just a chance to talk to anyone (ANYONE) regardless of comparable experience is a chance I should seize. particularly people who are beyond the "things will get better" "permanent solution, temporary problem" nonsense spouted by certain support groups and publications.

The truth is that for many of us this is all awful, brightly blindingly awful and we are just taking the requisite number of breaths to get from point A to point B.

And pointing that out needs to be ok, it needs to be taken seriously and I'm thinking you guys might just be what I need right now. I likewise am here for anyone who wants to talk.

Peace
 
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corazon

corazon

"a heart's a heavy burden"
Mar 30, 2023
94
Hi everyone.

I'm not sure how to introduce myself, so I'll just say a few things about myself. I'm female. I'm a big cat person, and my cat is my whole world. She always makes me feel better. I have social anxiety and naturally, no longer have any friends. I'm a self-proclaimed "self-sabotagist" and not a big life-enjoyer, which I imagine you guys can relate to.

Glad to be here and get to know you all,

corazon :)
 
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D

didn't-it-rain

Member
Nov 5, 2022
47
hello everyone! please call me mile. 24, she/they, purveyor of puppy pics even though i don't have one right now and am simply living vicariously through people with their own dogs.

long-time lurker here as i was mostly hellbent on looking for more effective methods and have been wanting to dip my toes in the pool for a while now. been ready to CTB since 2019 and did attempt by jumping, but my mostly military/police relatives intervened and it got immensely messy lol. got institutionalized, locked in house arrest, mandated to deplete my wallet for meds and therapy -- you name it, i've been through it.

now, i'm finally away from my abusive family and in a different country for work and post-grad. have no intention of finishing, of course. there's liberation in the knowledge that hopefully, hopefully i'll be able to get my own bus ticket this year.

anyway, some stuff i like: queer/queer-coded thrillers (hannibal, killing eve, beyond evil, strangers from hell, etc.), baking, learning new languages, indie comics, overwatch, literally All genres of music (i review music for a living), the SN i keep by my bedside

looking forward to making friends and talking to you folks here. <3
hannibal is fantastic. i feel silly that i never picked up on the queer coding though. apparently hitchcock's strangers on a train was also queer-coded aha

i used to try to review music for real but my imposter syndrome eventually got in the way, plus i think depression just obliterated my creativity? shame, i listen to so much music too
 
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bonez22

bonez22

Wish you all the best
Mar 31, 2023
8
Hello my name is(n't) bonez & I don't really have any direction in my life. I'm f26 & currently going nowhere. I live with my boyfriend at his moms house & I hate it here. I have severe sexual trauma & that's why I want to ctb. I'm thinking about it pretty much every day & I need more motivation to either go through with it or get my life up off the floor. Anyone that wants to talk can try.
 
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scamper

scamper

Nice to meet you
Mar 31, 2023
66
Hi, I'm scamper. It's nice to meet you all.

I'm glad I've found a place where I can have mature discussions about suicide as well as meet some new like-minded people. I choose to ctb later down the line, but until then, I hope I can get to know some of you.
 
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W

WonderfulWeatherDIE

Got all my sources lined up.
Apr 2, 2023
84
Hi im a 25yr old male from Australia
I work a dead end low paying job and dont have a family or girl or friends
 
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szk

szk

voe
Apr 1, 2023
94
salutations! i go by the name of vo. i'm a huge slut for music and will listen to pretty much anything.

my pronouns are they/them.

i use this forum to let out all my lingering thoughts i have that all come and go all at once.
 
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SpiderLink

SpiderLink

they/them
Apr 3, 2023
353
Hello.
My pronouns are they/them
I'm aroace.
I like anime such as Death Note (I'm a huge nerd for it lol)
I like marvel, Star Wars, video games.
I don't know what else to add, but glad I found out about this community!
 
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killingtime

killingtime

Member
Apr 2, 2023
5
Hello. I sort of like everything and nothing so there isn't much to say. There's probably a few wheels missing in my head, meaning I'm not very likeable but I'll try my best I guess. I've been struggling with suicidal tendencies / self harm since I can remember.

Sorta just joined because I have nobody to talk to. People tell me it's ok to talk to them but when I bring up the y'know it gets cold and eerie pretty quick. Hoping it'll be better here- either way nice to meet you all.
 
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nureinFuchs

nureinFuchs

Whatever happens, happens...
Apr 1, 2023
29
Hello, it is on this beautiful night that I decided to introduce myself.

I'm nureinFuchs, I'm just another night traveler in this sea we know as the internet.
Most of my time I find myself alone, surrounded by my insecurities and doubts about what tomorrow will be like.
I'm absolutely sure that one day I'll CTB, I just don't know when or how, but as long as I'm not sure of the decision I won't do anything.

I'm 24 years old and I can't see myself having a bright future, with each passing year I'm just sure I'm one step closer to leaving.
So I found this forum and I believe I found a more comfortable place to hang out, a place where I can help and be helped
I believe that everyone has the right to do what they want with their own body, even if it's CTB.

Thank you for reading this simple presentation and see you in bright nights
 
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U

Unending

-
Nov 5, 2022
1,517
I've had an account here for a little while now but am feeling unusually active tonight mentally so figured I'd do a late introduction with why I'm here and a few things about me.

Why I'm here:
I've been suffering from debilitating mental illness (mdd, anxiety disorders, cptsd, borderline personality disorder, agoraphobia, etc) for a large portion of my life and been through essentially every treatment except for ect without any success. Sort of just haven't been able to get the thought of opting out of existence out of my head for a pretty damn long time at this point, although I imagine I'll be around for a while unfortunately since my level of guilt and hesitation is pretty much effing me over.

A few random facts:
I'm quite interested in philosophy, music, art, videogames, and caffeine/nicotine lol
I'm a big introvert so don't get around to talking to people much and have sort of dropped out of all my old friend groups from years ago. Am doing the whole solitude thing for better or worse because I have a pretty hard time keeping up with a simple one on one conversation let alone anything more.

Okay yeah I don't know what else to add but I suppose that suffices.
 
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aitouka

aitouka

calm
Apr 5, 2023
76
Hi! I'm aitouka, pronouns are they/them.

Joined this community because I have been suicidal since childhood, and I want to find more people who share my views which are rather nihilistic and antinatalist. Currently struggling with depressive symptoms (I haven't gotten a diagnosis because I am unable to get one as of now), self harm and caffeine addiction. And a lot of stress in life.

I love rhythm games (especially Arcaea), occasionally baking (because they take up too much money), figuring out peaceful ways to die, debating, politics, and just random things.
For music, I like hardcore music from rhythm games, Taylor Swift, and a lot of J-pop/rock artists.
Sometimes I watch anime, my favourite is Violet Evergarden as of now.
My MBTI is ENTP. Nice to meet you all.
 
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RoundaboutResolved

RoundaboutResolved

Stuck in a roundabout with no exits!
Apr 5, 2023
820
Yo... so depression is a b!tch & life mostly sucks. Like being stuck in a roundabout, a carousel ride, an infinity loop. Just going thru the motions til I die.

However... I was in the hospital for a week & almost died, a few years back now. Woke up my SI & cracked my depression open so that I now try & enjoy life here & there where I can. Mostly books, movies, music, games. Ya know, the usual distractions while waiting in life's airport lounge.

Almost no friends, just go thru the motions & try to ignore everyone at work (cause I don't want to be homeless & need $$$). Antisocial usually & just want to be left alone, until I don't. Roommates (old friends & their kids) are f@cking annoying most days. They became maga religious extremists! Was raised Christian but they take it too far & are now bible thumpers imo. Work swing shift so only have to put up with them on the weekends, thank god!

Saw that losers youtube vid & found this site, so here I am. More to come later, maybe, idk...

[EDIT]
So my roommates consider themselves political warriors of god & that we are living in the end times! I want to point out some facts of how trump could be considered the antichrist, but they'd probably throw me out in the streets. Best to keep my mouth shut. With covid, inflation, housing costs & ww3 about to happen any day now, feel trapped here for who knows how many years, ughh! :/

Think I'll start a vent post/journal to get this stuff outta my brainpan so I don't explode ya know.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/driving-in-circles-my-2c-life.114524/
 
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d.va

d.va

love, d.va
Apr 5, 2023
5
i'm d.va.
i'm in college and have dealt with depression, anxiety, bpd, and anorexia since i was young.
college has been hard for me, i feel more lost than i ever have and i don't see the future i've wanted ever coming for me. i've spent most of my life comforting my shortcomings with the knowledge i always have a way out, something i've never had anyone understand until i found this place.
my confounding variables have always been fear of the pain it would cause others, and my own complicated religious and spiritual views.

i'm into philosophy (existentialism and absurdism are my personal cups of tea, and what i'm most well read in), psychology (that's what i study. i'm mostly just into biological psych and the way mental illness and other psychological issues and occurrences affect the body biologically, my research focus in this is the effects of grief (which i got into by chance and ended up being a painful coincidence over time…)), and religion (i'm currently really into paradise lost and other forms of what i call "biblical fanfiction" lol)
 
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Spoon_Selfharms

Spoon_Selfharms

Member
Apr 6, 2023
17
Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!
HI! I'm Spoon, I like to talk about music (Kpop), Self-harm and games.
 
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Memento

Memento

I refuse to succumb
Apr 6, 2023
408
Hello everyone, I'm Memento,

I have generalized anxiety disorder and suffer from depression. I was raised as a Jehovah Witness and find it hard to cope with the reality of getting shunned by my family if I leave. It truly feels like an impossible situation, but I hope I can get through it; I know I have to for my own sake.

I'm glad to be here and looking forward to talking with you all.
 
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aniara

aniara

Member
Apr 6, 2023
10
Hi all,
I'm in my mid 20s. I used to lurk on here years ago and had an old account but never really used it.
I tried to CTB a couple of years ago and was almost successful but was found unconscious and taken to a hospital. Surprisingly the 6 months immediately afterward was the happiest time of my whole life but you know how it is, stuff happens and life started falling apart again. Now I'm doing "okay" (not actively planning to CTB) but I'm here to talk to like minded people who don't appreciate platitudes.

A little more about me, I love English lit (Frankenstein is one of my favorites), all kinds of music (there's nothing I won't listen to) making art, and playing pc games. I have a stressful job. I'm a sober individual. I believe in the existence of god (shout-out those of us who are religious and still tried to CTB and will probably do it again lol). I can be very antisocial at times. My favorite movie is Aniara, hence my username.
 
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hypertext

hypertext

unstuck in time
Feb 19, 2023
20
hi all

i'm a 20yo college student. i'm in art school doing stuff with video, coding, and AI.

i have severe OCD and spend most of my day giving into compulsions. i have constant, horrible intrusive thoughts and it makes it impossible for me to form relationships with other people or do anything i really want to do in life.

in high school my best friend CTB. she attempted almost every month for years until she finally found a method that worked before anyone could "save" her. i witnessed her constant suffering first hand. her life was never going to get better but no one would let her go peacefully, and it resulted in the destruction of her body and mind. that's why i believe in SS.
 
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nonentity

nonentity

professional fool
Apr 5, 2023
64
hi everyone o/

29 | artist | male | great at making myself sad

i'm here because i found out about this and it intrigued me. it's cleared my mind seeing so many people decide to take their lives in their own hands and others being supportive for their choice. it makes me happy that i can talk about the horrible things that i've done/had happen to me/plague my mind. everyone has been so friendly

i like video games (escapism), music (all genres), being obsessed with my paramour, and pretending to be decent at mentioned video games

diagnosed with: C-PTSD, GAD, Bipolar II, PMDD, Clinical Depression

hope to chat - dm's open

cheers :heart:
 
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W

Well-hung

Member
Dec 12, 2019
7
29 | m
I'm well-hung (it's a suicide double entendre, I'm not making penis jokes lol), I install/service 2-way radios and other emergency services equipment by day, and by night I wonder where everything went wrong. I like games, the woods, languages (currently trying Mongolian for no particular reason), anime, and weird internet humor.

I guess I'm here because I have no friends, (likely thanks to undiagnosed autism and probably a personality/mood disorder), no talents and really no hobbies. Feel pretty alone in the world and even lonelier with people, and I don't feel like things are getting better whether or not I try. Sounds kinda lame and whiny compared to peoples actual problems but it is what it is.
 
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second attempt

second attempt

Member
Apr 3, 2023
22
Hola, transgender and suffering from anxiety, depression and recently lost ability to function in society due to massive trauma and abuse. i attempted sui a while ago and was unsuccessful. this time i have someone there who's willing to be there for me but i still need to research my ideal method. would be interested in chatting with anyone who wants someone to listen to them. if anything i am an excellent listener :3
 
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hag

hag

Member
Mar 29, 2023
80
Hi. I've been lurking on and off for a few months, and recently signed up. I'm a 70 year old female, currently living in southeast U.S.

First tried to ctb when I was 5 years old due an abusive mother. Continued attempts in my 20s after marrying not one, but two abusive men. Then unexpectedly got pregnant. I love my son very much. He's an adult now. He's disabled. If it hadn't been for taking care of him, I would have successfully ctb'd long ago. But here I am.

I'm very weary of living. Just the process of living has always seemed terribly hard to me. Exhausting mentally and emotionally. But I do need to care for my son for about two more years. Then I hope to find peace.

Oh, and please tell me I'm not the oldest person here. You all seem so young. I feel for you. So many lovely people feeling awful. Know that care, and I'm here to chat if my age isn't off-putting.

Hope this isn't too long.
 
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second attempt

second attempt

Member
Apr 3, 2023
22
Hi. I've been lurking on and off for a few months, and recently signed up. I'm a 70 year old female, currently living in southeast U.S.

First tried to ctb when I was 5 years old due an abusive mother. Continued attempts in my 20s after marrying not one, but two abusive men. Then unexpectedly got pregnant. I love my son very much. He's an adult now. He's disabled. If it hadn't been for taking care of him, I would have successfully ctb'd long ago. But here I am.

I'm very weary of living. Just the process of living has always seemed terribly hard to me. Exhausting mentally and emotionally. But I do need to care for my son for about two more years. Then I hope to find peace.

Oh, and please tell me I'm not the oldest person here. You all seem so young. I feel for you. So many lovely people feeling awful. Know that care, and I'm here to chat if my age isn't off-putting.

Hope this isn't too long.
keep fighting mother, u will get ur rest soon.
 
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nonentity

nonentity

professional fool
Apr 5, 2023
64
Hi. I've been lurking on and off for a few months, and recently signed up. I'm a 70 year old female, currently living in southeast U.S.

First tried to ctb when I was 5 years old due an abusive mother. Continued attempts in my 20s after marrying not one, but two abusive men. Then unexpectedly got pregnant. I love my son very much. He's an adult now. He's disabled. If it hadn't been for taking care of him, I would have successfully ctb'd long ago. But here I am.

I'm very weary of living. Just the process of living has always seemed terribly hard to me. Exhausting mentally and emotionally. But I do need to care for my son for about two more years. Then I hope to find peace.

Oh, and please tell me I'm not the oldest person here. You all seem so young. I feel for you. So many lovely people feeling awful. Know that care, and I'm here to chat if my age isn't off-putting.

Hope this isn't too long.
you're almost there - 2 more years to go after all those years of suffering

i don't think i'll be able to ctb anytime soon unfortunately, so i hope i am able to push on like you did - cheers, mother :heart:
 
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she

she

one day at a time
Apr 9, 2023
54
Hello there, everyone. I'm new here.
I won't be sharing my real name, but here I go by She.

I'm 21 years old and transgender, and I'm from Florida.
I really enjoy playing Chess, VR Games, and writing.
I've joined this site to learn more about various suicide methods.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you all, as well as to being a part of this community.

Much love.
 
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AshClouds

AshClouds

In time I started growing inward.
Apr 10, 2023
304
Hi,

I've been depressed since I was an adolescent, and lately it has been getting worse.
I'm bad with words, so apologies in advance.
I found this site while looking up a defunct community that was the precursor to SS, called ASH.
I feel like I'm running out of options and if I can't make things better, there might be only one way out.

I've been in some deep pain in the past few months and I'm just so fucking tired now.
I promise that I'll explain further in a future thread, but for now I'll just give you a sense of who I am.

I am male adult above the age of 25(I'm going to try to keep personal details at a minimum to maintain my anonymity)
STEM major, artistically inclined
Depression, Anxiety and ADHD have rode with me for a very long time
more often than not those disorders have negatively impacted my life in some of the most profound ways.
(again I'll explain more later in a future thread)
Well there you have it,

nice to meet you all :)
 
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