Incurable neuro problem leading to my suicide…

[fantastic_unicorn]

Hello all,

Never been suicidal… until 7 months ago. Crazy how one thing can change your life. I was on an airplane when my face felt like it exploded. Severe nerve & head pain. Then severe body burning once on the ground. Ever since then I've been living in some neurological nightmare with symptoms that are truthfully unbearable. Absolutely nothing has shown the fuck up on any test. Something really fucking weird happened to me. I had a great life, career, friends, boyfriend, family. No history of anxiety or depression. No complaints. I was very happy. Now, I am in an untenable body without a moment of peace. I've been to the hospital 8x, multiple doctors, Mayo Clinic, and no answers. Being youngish (29) and a woman has its drawbacks. But even with the support of my family, no one has found what is happening to me.

Have tried multiple drugs but nothing is helping. Sleep - even with the help of Xanax - is almost impossible. I had a rapid onset of 10/10 pain, floaters, excruciating tinnitus with Hyperacusis, muscle twitching, feeling like I'm wading through cement, blurred and jumpy vision, exhaustion, hot and cold; severe right side head pain, a static sensation on my head, eye issues .. honestly the list goes on. I am miserable 24/7. I have trauma from being medically gaslit and the extreme way these symptoms came on. Lost it all. I find Joy in nothing. My body is withering away.. I am skin and bones. People called me 5th gear before and now I can barely leave my bed. I needed to vent. I'm getting worse and I have no reprieve - last night I almost threw up from the burning pain in my back. I'm over it and I need to get out of here before I lose more of my dignity. Mayo thinks it's a virus reactivated but in my soul it feels much worse and permanent. It's a horrible feeling. This is not a way to live. I can barely tolerate each day without spiraling into a complete mess before I become someone I'm totally not. I've got to go but I wish it wasn't so complicated inert gas seems to be the way to do it but so much prep and I am so weak ..

 

[escape_from_hell]

Sounds unbearable and frustrating. I have mild chronic pain but that is enough to never have a moment's peace without some kind of drug/stretching/meditation/distraction so I can only imagine how bad it must be for you the way you describe it.

I hope you can find peace. Has it gotten better or worse over the 7 months?

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

Sounds unbearable and frustrating. I have mild chronic pain but that is enough to never have a moment's peace without some kind of drug/stretching/meditation/distraction so I can only imagine how bad it must be for you the way you describe it.

I hope you can find peace. Has it gotten better or worse over the 7 months?

Sorry about your chronic pain. Any chronic pain is horrendous.

It has gotten worse. Initial pain happened late September, then November on another plane ride (I travel for work). November incident was 10x worse. Ended up double dosing on Gabapentin out of desperation in December which messed me up even more. Now I just chronically feel sick too. Just misery. Thank you

 

[strangelife]

I'm so sorry for you, I really understand you. I have a similar situation, 4 months ago I was a healthy and joyful person, but then after a small neck injury I started having serious neurological problems, there are already many doctors and a number of hospitals and no one can help me. I have severe weakness and pain in my legs, it's hard for me to walk, I'm in bed almost all the time, my upper back hurts along with my neck, it's terrible.
The fact that it started on the plane indicates a vascular cause, because the pressure changes on the plane. I really hope that you will be able to get rid of the torment. SN seems to be not so complicated

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

I'm so sorry for you, I really understand you. I have a similar situation, 4 months ago I was a healthy and joyful person, but then after a small neck injury I started having serious neurological problems, there are already many doctors and a number of hospitals and no one can help me. I have severe weakness and pain in my legs, it's hard for me to walk, I'm in bed almost all the time, my upper back hurts along with my neck, it's terrible.
The fact that it started on the plane indicates a vascular cause, because the pressure changes on the plane. I really hope that you will be able to get rid of the torment. SN seems to be not so complicated

The human body is so fragile. I'm so sorry to hear about your problems too. I really hope you get answers.

So frustrating going from doctor to doctor to doctor and no answer or worse - not being believed. Yes, I agree. Planes have been in my life for 8 years. They are my passion too. It is heart wrenching having this happen doing what I love. Wish I knew what triggered this. Best of luck to you.

 

[strangelife]

The human body is so fragile. I'm so sorry to hear about your problems too. I really hope you get answers.

So frustrating going from doctor to doctor to doctor and no answer or worse - not being believed. Yes, I agree. Planes have been in my life for 8 years. They are my passion too. It is heart wrenching having this happen doing what I love. Wish I knew what triggered this. Best of luck to you.

Do you feel any hope of a cure? Are you no longer able to work and do household chores?
I also loved airplanes very much and traveled a lot, but now nothing pleases me anymore

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

Do you feel any hope of a cure? Are you no longer able to work and do household chores?
I also loved airplanes very much and traveled a lot, but now nothing pleases me anymore

I don't feel any hope unfortunately. If I saw any kind of improvement - I'd be hanging in there. But there hasn't been. I am sticking around for the sake of my poor parents who seeing them so helpless alone makes me so upset. It is really hard to hang on with this body. My career is under a microscope for health so I'm unable to work (and unable to go back to work with how my job works and medical history). I have a hard time just leaving the house either way physically. I can do household chores still but goals are small each day. Are you similar with day to day life?

 

[strangelife]

I don't feel any hope unfortunately. If I saw any kind of improvement - I'd be hanging in there. But there hasn't been. I am sticking around for the sake of my poor parents who seeing them so helpless alone makes me so upset. It is really hard to hang on with this body. My career is under a microscope for health so I'm unable to work (and unable to go back to work with how my job works and medical history). I have a hard time just leaving the house either way physically. I can do household chores still but goals are small each day. Are you similar with day to day life?

It is very difficult for me to be upright, I am in bed almost all the time, I only walk around the house a little. I can do my work and chores on the computer, but I feel so bad that it makes it very difficult to concentrate on business. It's good that one of the businesses is already working on its own without my participation. I clearly understand that if nothing changes for the better, then I will not accept such a life and the thought of CTB calms me down a little

 

[the_fail_man]

Hello all,

Never been suicidal… until 7 months ago. Crazy how one thing can change your life. I was on an airplane when my face felt like it exploded. Severe nerve & head pain. Then severe body burning once on the ground. Ever since then I've been living in some neurological nightmare with symptoms that are truthfully unbearable. Absolutely nothing has shown the fuck up on any test. Something really fucking weird happened to me. I had a great life, career, friends, boyfriend, family. No history of anxiety or depression. No complaints. I was very happy. Now, I am in an untenable body without a moment of peace. I've been to the hospital 8x, multiple doctors, Mayo Clinic, and no answers. Being youngish (29) and a woman has its drawbacks. But even with the support of my family, no one has found what is happening to me.

Have tried multiple drugs but nothing is helping. Sleep - even with the help of Xanax - is almost impossible. I had a rapid onset of 10/10 pain, floaters, excruciating tinnitus with Hyperacusis, muscle twitching, feeling like I'm wading through cement, blurred and jumpy vision, exhaustion, hot and cold; severe right side head pain, a static sensation on my head, eye issues .. honestly the list goes on. I am miserable 24/7. I have trauma from being medically gaslit and the extreme way these symptoms came on. Lost it all. I find Joy in nothing. My body is withering away.. I am skin and bones. People called me 5th gear before and now I can barely leave my bed. I needed to vent. I'm getting worse and I have no reprieve - last night I almost threw up from the burning pain in my back. I'm over it and I need to get out of here before I lose more of my dignity. Mayo thinks it's a virus reactivated but in my soul it feels much worse and

permanent. It's a horrible feeling. This is not a way to live. I can barely tolerate each day without spiraling into a complete mess before I become someone I'm totally not. I've got to go but I wish it wasn't so complicated inert gas seems to be the way to do it but so much prep and I am so weak ..

You poor poor soul
I have M.E. and I'm ready to ctb any.day. Now. I understand your pain with no answers. It sounds like you probably have a condition called Trigeminal neuralgia. I don't know the treatment implications just thought I'd throw that out there. Love.

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

It is very difficult for me to be upright, I am in bed almost all the time, I only walk around the house a little. I can do my work and chores on the computer, but I feel so bad that it makes it very difficult to concentrate on business. It's good that one of the businesses is already working on its own without my participation. I clearly understand that if nothing changes for the better, then I will not accept such a life and the thought of CTB calms me down a little

I really resonate with you. Your situation sounds so much like mine. I can't accept this to be my life either. CTB also calms me down.

You poor poor soul
I have M.E. and I'm ready to ctb any.day. Now. I understand your pain with no answers. It sounds like you probably have a condition called Trigeminal neuralgia. I don't know the treatment implications just thought I'd throw that out there. Love.

Thank you. So sorry you have M.E.
& Yes, I was diagnosed with TN. It is awful. But manageable compared to other symptoms. Wish it could all go away

 

[strangelife]

I really resonate with you. Your situation sounds so much like mine. I can't accept this to be my life either. CTB also calms me down.

Thank you. So sorry you have M.E.
& Yes, I was diagnosed with TN. It is awful. But manageable compared to other symptoms. Wish it could all go away

I really hope that you can still be helped or the condition will stabilize itself, I am very sorry that you have to suffer so much too. Have you already seriously thought about CTB? Or maybe we should wait and see what happens?

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

I really hope that you can still be helped or the condition will stabilize itself, I am very sorry that you have to suffer so much too. Have you already seriously thought about CTB? Or maybe we should wait and see what happens?

I hope the same for you too. I have but only since November.. now very seriously since my last Mayo visit a few days ago without answers. I see myself going down this path of Xanax, weed, Percocet, Ativan .. etc etc just to keep going and I feel like I'm doing a disservice to my body. Almost feels disrespectful. I'm not sure the word. Never did any kind of drug before and I feel like I'm pumping air into a shredded tire. I am hanging around for right now. But I'm thinking of a timeline of how much I can tolerate until enough is enough.

 

[strangelife]

I hope the same for you too. I have but only since November.. now very seriously since my last Mayo visit a few days ago without answers. I see myself going down this path of Xanax, weed, Percocet, Ativan .. etc etc just to keep going and I feel like I'm doing a disservice to my body. Almost feels disrespectful. I'm not sure the word. Never did any kind of drug before and I feel like I'm pumping air into a shredded tire. I am hanging around for right now. But I'm thinking of a timeline of how much I can tolerate until enough is enough.

Do all medications help to get rid of pain For a while? I have always valued my health very much and then such a situation happened, to be honest, as soon as it started so much, I immediately began to think about ctb and the further I go, the more confident I am that there are no other options left, I really love life but I do not want to tolerate this kind of life.

 

[nner]

I totally understand.
I'm dealing with severe tinnitus, hyperacusis, and hearing loss, for 8 years now. It only had gone worse through the years. I managed to adapt some times, but it keeps worsening, so I don't know what else to do, I'm totally desperated.

I think that this health related issues feel different than other ones. We want to live, but this forces us to think about CTB because of the low quality of life. It sucks. I totally understand you.

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

Do all medications help to get rid of pain For a while? I have always valued my health very much and then such a situation happened, to be honest, as soon as it started so much, I immediately began to think about ctb and the further I go, the more confident I am that there are no other options left, I really love life but I do not want to tolerate this kind of life.

The Percocet helped me sleep last night with my back pain. But tonight.. not able to sleep again.

The tinnitus, water type feeling down my face and body, muscle twitching, and neuropathy is what will do me in since nothing touches that. Only break is sleeping. I love life too but it is not sustainable in a body like this

I totally understand.
I'm dealing with severe tinnitus, hyperacusis, and hearing loss, for 8 years now. It only had gone worse through the years. I managed to adapt some times, but it keeps worsening, so I don't know what else to do, I'm totally desperated.

I think that this health related issues feel different than other ones. We want to live, but this forces us to think about CTB because of the low quality of life. It sucks. I totally understand you.

Yes.. exactly. I do not want to go but I can't continue on like this. Awful. I had hyperacusis severely in November for about a month. My muscle kept twitching in my ear and I felt like I had a cold knife stabbing in it. It went but the blaring tinnitus didn't. I can't imagine 8 years.

 

[Endisclose]

Hello all,

Never been suicidal… until 7 months ago. Crazy how one thing can change your life. I was on an airplane when my face felt like it exploded. Severe nerve & head pain. Then severe body burning once on the ground. Ever since then I've been living in some neurological nightmare with symptoms that are truthfully unbearable. Absolutely nothing has shown the fuck up on any test. Something really fucking weird happened to me. I had a great life, career, friends, boyfriend, family. No history of anxiety or depression. No complaints. I was very happy. Now, I am in an untenable body without a moment of peace. I've been to the hospital 8x, multiple doctors, Mayo Clinic, and no answers. Being youngish (29) and a woman has its drawbacks. But even with the support of my family, no one has found what is happening to me.

Have tried multiple drugs but nothing is helping. Sleep - even with the help of Xanax - is almost impossible. I had a rapid onset of 10/10 pain, floaters, excruciating tinnitus with Hyperacusis, muscle twitching, feeling like I'm wading through cement, blurred and jumpy vision, exhaustion, hot and cold; severe right side head pain, a static sensation on my head, eye issues .. honestly the list goes on. I am miserable 24/7. I have trauma from being medically gaslit and the extreme way these symptoms came on. Lost it all. I find Joy in nothing. My body is withering away.. I am skin and bones. People called me 5th gear before and now I can barely leave my bed. I needed to vent. I'm getting worse and I have no reprieve - last night I almost threw up from the burning pain in my back. I'm over it and I need to get out of here before I lose more of my dignity. Mayo thinks it's a virus reactivated but in my soul it feels much worse and permanent. It's a horrible feeling. This is not a way to live. I can barely tolerate each day without spiraling into a complete mess before I become someone I'm totally not. I've got to go but I wish it wasn't so complicated inert gas seems to be the way to do it but so much prep and I am so weak ..

Jeez.. I've had terrible chronic pain from a cervical disc bulge down my right arm and shoulder for the last 4 years and it has been hell I can tell you.. But reading your account, I feel like ever there was ever a case for emergency euthanasia there's a good chance yours would qualify for it. I am so sorry for your situation.. .

 

[strangelife]

The Percocet helped me sleep last night with my back pain. But tonight.. not able to sleep again.

The tinnitus, water type feeling down my face and body, muscle twitching, and neuropathy is what will do me in since nothing touches that. Only break is sleeping. I love life too but it is not sustainable in a body like this

Yes.. exactly. I do not want to go but I can't continue on like this. Awful. I had hyperacusis severely in November for about a month. My muscle kept twitching in my ear and I felt like I had a cold knife stabbing in it. It went but the blaring tinnitus didn't. I can't imagine 8 years.

The feeling of water on my face and body is interesting, it's like a feeling through the muscles from the inside, I feel something similar in my back and legs and it's hard for me to even describe it. And there is a burning sensation and back pain on the skin of the back. I take it your illness concerns the brain? Do they find anything on your MRI?

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

Jeez.. I've had terrible chronic pain from a cervical disc bulge down my right arm and shoulder for the last 4 years and it has been hell I can tell you.. But reading your account, I feel like ever there was ever a case for emergency euthanasia there's a good chance yours would qualify for it. I am so sorry for your situation.. .

So sorry about your pain this has completely changed my perspective on life and how we all struggle so deeply. I wish it was easy to find a way out.

 

[Linda]

Did the initial incident happen when the plane was in level flight, or when it was descending for landing? I'm wondering whether a change in pressure might have triggered it. I once got dreadful pain in my head when a plane was descending, and it was obviously a result of the change in pressure. (The pain went away after we landed.) By itself, knowing the trigger wouldn't fix the problem, but it might give some clue to what has happened, and that might help your neurologist get to a proper diagnosis, which in turn is the first step towards looking for a cure

 

[Catch-22]

Hello all,

Never been suicidal… until 7 months ago. Crazy how one thing can change your life. I was on an airplane when my face felt like it exploded. Severe nerve & head pain. Then severe body burning once on the ground. Ever since then I've been living in some neurological nightmare with symptoms that are truthfully unbearable. Absolutely nothing has shown the fuck up on any test. Something really fucking weird happened to me. I had a great life, career, friends, boyfriend, family. No history of anxiety or depression. No complaints. I was very happy. Now, I am in an untenable body without a moment of peace. I've been to the hospital 8x, multiple doctors, Mayo Clinic, and no answers. Being youngish (29) and a woman has its drawbacks. But even with the support of my family, no one has found what is happening to me.

Have tried multiple drugs but nothing is helping. Sleep - even with the help of Xanax - is almost impossible. I had a rapid onset of 10/10 pain, floaters, excruciating tinnitus with Hyperacusis, muscle twitching, feeling like I'm wading through cement, blurred and jumpy vision, exhaustion, hot and cold; severe right side head pain, a static sensation on my head, eye issues .. honestly the list goes on. I am miserable 24/7. I have trauma from being medically gaslit and the extreme way these symptoms came on. Lost it all. I find Joy in nothing. My body is withering away.. I am skin and bones. People called me 5th gear before and now I can barely leave my bed. I needed to vent. I'm getting worse and I have no reprieve - last night I almost threw up from the burning pain in my back. I'm over it and I need to get out of here before I lose more of my dignity. Mayo thinks it's a virus reactivated but in my soul it feels much worse and permanent. It's a horrible feeling. This is not a way to live. I can barely tolerate each day without spiraling into a complete mess before I become someone I'm totally not. I've got to go but I wish it wasn't so complicated inert gas seems to be the way to do it but so much prep and I am so weak ..

I'm not sure if anyone have mentioned this because I'm too sick to read everyone's reply but look up Lyme disease and Co infections. I have everyone of the symptoms you talk about. I've been sick with them for decades.. Decades of hell. They can cause all kinds of neurological problems. Western medicine will get you nowhere.. you're still young and have a chance. Go on FB and join a support group tell them your symptoms and they will lead you in the right direction. I never remembered being bit by a tick... I was diagnosed with all kinds of things including fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome but there is a root cause to everything.. found out my root cause last year. Just a thought..

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so incredibly hellish and torturous, it truly is so horrific how there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this existence. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[persimmon]

Hello all,

Never been suicidal… until 7 months ago. Crazy how one thing can change your life. I was on an airplane when my face felt like it exploded. Severe nerve & head pain. Then severe body burning once on the ground. Ever since then I've been living in some neurological nightmare with symptoms that are truthfully unbearable. Absolutely nothing has shown the fuck up on any test. Something really fucking weird happened to me. I had a great life, career, friends, boyfriend, family. No history of anxiety or depression. No complaints. I was very happy. Now, I am in an untenable body without a moment of peace. I've been to the hospital 8x, multiple doctors, Mayo Clinic, and no answers. Being youngish (29) and a woman has its drawbacks. But even with the support of my family, no one has found what is happening to me.

I'm in a similar situation – physical pain doctors can't properly explain destroying everything – so have huge sympathy with you. Sending love your way.

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

The feeling of water on my face and body is interesting, it's like a feeling through the muscles from the inside, I feel something similar in my back and legs and it's hard for me to even describe it. And there is a burning sensation and back pain on the skin of the back. I take it your illness concerns the brain? Do they find anything on your MRI?

It's very hard for me to describe too. Neuro thinks I have inflammation in my head since I have this ridiculous crunching/static noise that I can hear move around my head and hit a pillow. It's audible and . MRI doesn't show any results though. Makes me spin. Friend told me to read "brain on fire" - I very much relate to it.

I'm not sure if anyone have mentioned this because I'm too sick to read everyone's reply but look up Lyme disease and Co infections. I have everyone of the symptoms you talk about. I've been sick with them for decades.. Decades of hell. They can cause all kinds of neurological problems. Western medicine will get you nowhere.. you're still young and have a chance. Go on FB and join a support group tell them your symptoms and they will lead you in the right direction. I never remembered being bit by a tick... I was diagnosed with all kinds of things including fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome but there is a root cause to everything.. found out my root cause last year. Just a thought..

I can't imagine decades. I will take a look. Thanks!

 

[callincards]

Hey just wanted to reach out I'm in the same spot as you with suicide I got Covid 3 months ago n ever since I have this crazy sensation all throughout my arms and legs 24/7 with no relief I can't do anything with any joy because it's all I feel and think about 24/7 there's no hope of getting better doctors don't know what's going on n in only 24 with a husband and son but now I'm gonna end up dead literally cause I can't live like this I just don't know how to do it sad part is all I want is to live but it's not realistic can't live like this

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

Hey just wanted to reach out I'm in the same spot as you with suicide I got Covid 3 months ago n ever since I have this crazy sensation all throughout my arms and legs 24/7 with no relief I can't do anything with any joy because it's all I feel and think about 24/7 there's no hope of getting better doctors don't know what's going on n in only 24 with a husband and son but now I'm gonna end up dead literally cause I can't live like this I just don't know how to do it sad part is all I want is to live but it's not realistic can't live like this

a lot of my symptoms go along with long covid issues. They are awful. I know exactly how you feel.. I can't live in this body I've been treading water for 7 months. I'm tired

 

[callincards]

a lot of my symptoms go along with long covid issues. They are awful. I know exactly how you feel.. I can't live in this body I've been treading water for 7 months. I'm tired

Me too girl me too can't live like this it's impossible if you would like message me !

 

[hopeforafterlife]

i can't message anyone, but i need to go too bc of severe nervous system damage also. how serious about suicide are you? do people on here suicide together?
i'm planning shooting self in head, almost did it this past week, but didn't, i'm scared to go alone. but i will because i'm already dead. central nervous system damage is permanent bc it doesn't regenerate. it's horror beyond comprehension for me. i need to kill what's left because all that is left is unnatural evil tbh and suffering

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

i can't message anyone, but i need to go too bc of severe nervous system damage also. how serious about suicide are you? do people on here suicide together?

I am actively looking for ways that are from self-love. The way I've been having to treat my body to keep going is disrespectful and unfair. I've thought it through, read books, carefully considered the consequences to my friends and family but my body is unfit for this life and will not give me a moment of peace. I drove from Florida to Montana.. had to sleep in my car cause I was too weak to leave it but finally got to see the mountains up there. I did my rally & I'm ready. I'd rather go sooner than drag this out and stoop down to levels I don't want to know exist. I'd say you can msg me but…

 

[Final_Choice]

I also have a terribly painful neurological problem. I get this immense pain in the back of my head as if it got struck by lightning or if I got hit with an axe in the back of my head. It's horrifically painful, never felt anything that hurts more than that, and causes me to go blind, dizzy, pass out, feel severely cold and hot, have a major headache afterwards and have an increased heart rate. Overall I still don't know what exactly causes it. It started when I was a teenager playing in a trampoline and has been happing regularly since then.

Since I started getting that I've been going to doctors almost all the time and still don't have a specific reason for why it happens. Doctors found a benign tumor in my head and I've been diagnosed with a few heart, immune-system, and auto-dysfunction illnesses and they think that it's all (or some of these things) are working together and causing this to happen. But everything that they've tried that commonly works for those individual illnesses does not seem to actually make it happen less or make it hurt less either, so I don't really know if it does have something to do with my other diagnoses or if it's something else entirely.

I completely understand why you'd want to CTB due to this because it's my main reason as well. It's such immense pain, happening a few times a day to the point that it makes doing anything at all incredibly painful. Living itself is torturous.

 

[hopeforafterlife]

i wanted to live too. but ths is not life. it's something else. i didn't want to end this way. it's cruel.

I am actively looking for ways that are from self-love. The way I've been having to treat my body to keep going is disrespectful and unfair. I've thought it through, read books, carefully considered the consequences to my friends and family but my body is unfit for this life and will not give me a moment of peace. I'd rather go sooner than drag this out and stoop down to levels I don't want to know exist. I'd say you can msg me but…

how many messages do i have to post before i can message you? does anyone know? i want to talk privately with people like me

I am actively looking for ways that are from self-love. The way I've been having to treat my body to keep going is disrespectful and unfair. I've thought it through, read books, carefully considered the consequences to my friends and family but my body is unfit for this life and will not give me a moment of peace. I drove from Florida to Montana.. had to sleep in my car cause I was too weak to leave it but finally got to see the mountains up there. I did my rally & I'm ready. I'd rather go sooner than drag this out and stoop down to levels I don't want to know exist. I'd say you can msg me but…

are you in MT now? that is where I live. honest to god. what are the odds.