I’m tired of not being loved

[Steamm]

That's not my main problem, but I keep thinking why I don't deserve a woman that loves me? I'm a 30 year old male with barely no experience in relationships. I've seen so many guys with less than I have(ie look, money, education) and still they get beautiful girls while I'm all alone. I think some people are just meant to be alone then.

 

[LonelyNick]

I'm 32 and I've accepted I'll be alone. I've had plenty of relationships and they're not worth it in my opinion....

 

[Superdeterminist]

I've also never been in a relationship and it affects my self esteem hugely. I do get the impression that relationships are like any other desire, in the sense that when we're not in one, we're tormented by an undying yearning for it, and then once we get it, we grow bored or find it to be disappointing in some regard. Definitely not saying that this is always the case, but it has happened to me with everything I've ever wanted and then obtained, and I hear the same from so many others as well. Honestly this is one big reason for ctb for me. What's the point if it's suffering either way? Never get it and suffer, or get it, perhaps after a lifetime of striving, and realise that it still isn't happily ever after. It might open new avenues of suffering if you're unlucky with the partner you choose, with arguments, divorce, heartbreak, and so on.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Me too man. When I break down and get past all the mental pretenses and barriers my one real desire comes down to that, completely for its own sake. It's probably the only thing that could make me sustainably happy and tolerate being alive.

It's completely my fault though. Being vulnerable with me is a death trap. Not intentionally, it's just how my fucked up mind operates. Too much fear in there that comes out as anger which then causes harm.

It's hard to find, but I can't think of many things more worthwhile. Hope it finds you, we all need a break.

 

[greebo6]

That's not my main problem, but I keep thinking why I don't deserve a woman that loves me? I'm a 30 year old male with barely no experience in relationships. I've seen so many guys with less than I have(ie look, money, education) and still they get beautiful girls while I'm all alone. I think some people are just meant to be alone then.

I sympathise. I know I'm alone forever and no one will want me. But it still hurts and it can be very lonely .

 

[Misfit72]

That's not my main problem, but I keep thinking why I don't deserve a woman that loves me?

I used to feel that way, and by the time I finally had my first relationship with a woman, I found that she loved me more than I loved her, which meant I felt trapped. At school and university I felt left out, but when I was on my own I preferred the flexibility of it, and when I first tried dating, I wasn't looking for a serious long-term relationship.

 

[TheSomebody]

Yes, some people are meant to be alone and suffer

 

[shadow7891]

I hate being alone and so want to be in a relationship. I've had several chances to be in one, but in the end it never ends up happening. I admit some of it is my fault, other times it was circumstances out of my control, but in the end I am always alone. I am so lost and confused, I don't know if there is such thing as a free will or is it just fate but whatever it is I always get screwed.

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

I agree with you, some men have the fate of being lonely I guess...

 

[Insertname1]

Yep, destined to be alone. Had a fiancee 2 months ago, then she decided to leave me and block me without a care in the world, happens every relationship, they "care" for a while then suddenly, I suppose get wise and just leave like I'm nothing

 

[Lmd]

If you just want numbers and beautiful girls its pretty easy actually. Open a tinder account o learn something from those guys who have less

 

[Misfit72]

I'd rather be valued and rewarded than loved - the lack of a career or a vocation, not just a job, is the biggest void in my life, even though I dislike it when people ask me what I do for a living as I want to be judged for being the person I am, not the job title I hold. It seems that I have the same sense of entitlement towards employers as some men have towards women.

 

[loveiz2material]

I'm having the exact same problem. I'm 30 and am always seeking fulfillment from love that I can never seem to find. 'Young love' to be specific. I've only been in a serious relationship with someone old enough to be my mother and I feel like an old man trapped in a young person body. I just want to experience the 'good years' before they're all gone. Someone my own age would be nice, 25 and female would be even better. I consider myself bi because I've had sex with several men but I'm only attracted to women. On top of that I've been raped by a family member and rejected by literally 1000's of women I like. I've been abused physically in relationships and cheated on with no sex, and I have financial problems so my self esteem is garbage and I think of women my age as being like Goddesses. I want to end my life but I'm afraid of eternal damnation and being raped by demons in hell forever. I've heard the voice of God telling me I won't make it to paradise if I give up, but nothing let's up and I never achieve the young love I desire. Did Good create me just to suffer with no healing for my pain? I love my parents and I love God, but it hurts so bad to not have the shallow desires all the other males are treated with. My jealousy eats me up on a daily basis and I often abuse drugs to help me keep pushing forward, which doesn't seem to help my financial situation and only causes temporary relief. What do I do? Does God love me? I don't want to be raped for all eternity :..(

 

[Snowdrifts1212]

This is my core problem too. I'm a female in my late 30s. The biggest thing that hurts right now, is not feeling loved and feeling incapable and undeserving of receiving the same deep, committed love I offer to those I care about. I'm not inexperienced in relationships though, it's a bit different. I am cautious of giving too many personal details about the situation in my life right now because everyone who knows me would immediately recognize it, but honestly what has really pushed me into my current desire to CTB is just a truly unshakeable realization that for whatever reason, nobody will love me the way I need to be loved in order to be happy and at peace in life. The one person who ever loved me fully and unconditionally died. And there will never be anyone else. And I really can't stand picturing going another year like this, let alone the rest of my life.

 

[_Kaira_]

nobody will love me the way I need to be loved in order to be happy and at peace in life.

I 100% agree with this. I've been in plenty of relationships. I believe most of the guys did genuinely love me at the start. Most end up either hating or at least being done with me by the end. Only ever initiated the break up with one of them. The rest? Well. Needless to say, they could never really put up with me long term. At the end of the day, I didn't deserve any of them, they should've never had to put up with my shit from the very beginning. They were kind enough to carry our relationships for the time that they did. Regardless however you feel about life, your situation, and everything else; it's never fair to expect someone to love you if you cannot love yourself. It never ends well.

 

[Futile]

Same problem, it's so sad to see so many people left behind without any care

If you just want numbers and beautiful girls its pretty easy actually. Open a tinder account o learn something from those guys who have less

Tinder as a male only works if you're good looking

 

[_Kaira_]

Same problem, it's so sad to see so many people left behind without any care


Tinder as a male only works if you're good looking

Despite this being true, Tinder is more or less mainly for hookups with no strings attached. Although I can't speak for the majority, most males and females aren't just looking for hookups. Of course I can't speak for everyone...but one thing is for sure...good looking men and women sure have better chances. That much is certain.

And as a woman myself, I just don't want to only find hookups. I am much more interested in a life long partnership with not just a lover but a best friend. Almost certain you can never find that on an app like tinder.

 

[Futile]

Despite this being true, Tinder is more or less mainly for hookups with no strings attached. Although I can't speak for the majority, most males and females aren't just looking for hookups. Of course I can't speak for everyone...but one thing is for sure...good looking men and women sure have better chances. That much is certain.

And as a woman myself, I just don't want to only find hookups. I am much more interested in a life long partnership with not just a lover but a best friend. Almost certain you can never find that on an app like tinder.

Doesn't change the fact that good looking males and females (let's be real, most women can find a partner if they want to) have it so much easier that it's just two different worlds at this point

As for the hookup vs realtionship thing, at this pint I would go with anything if that means being with someone, as I'm sure most people in my situation do

 

[_Kaira_]

@Futile

I wonder what went wrong with me then. Sure, I can find relationships. You are right, males do have to take what they can get in general. But sometimes they end up biting off more than they can chew end up up with someone like me. Then they begin to hate me, or just can't put up with my shit anymore. One of the fun things of everything I've been diagnosed with, toxic explosive anger. I like to think I'm not a bitch, but there is a stigma around people who have BPD and are bipolar. I have no grip over my emotions, and I don't blame the people who can't handle it. I've only ever dumped one dude. The rest of them left me.

I'm sure I'm not the only women who has relationship problems such as myself. We shouldn't generalize just because society in general is the way it is. Some of us truly do want more for this world and dislike the way it is. In a nicer way to put it, I was cruelly told that I'm a good sexual partner, but not the kind of girl to put a ring on. You have no idea how that feels as someone who doesn't just roll around in bed with anyone she finds cute.

I am sympathetic for people who genuinely cannot get relationships no matter what they do. But sex is just so fleeting, and will leave one feeling empty if they can't find someone who GENUINELY loves them. God knows I wish my relationships turned out to be more than just about the feeling they get out of sex.

I myself am probably average looking, I think otherwise, but I know there's people worse off. Why do people hate being with me? Because it's not my looks they find ugly. It's my mental problems. Been called crazy and insane too many times to count. It hurts, really. There are women who only want sex, and yea, it's brutal a brutal world that they reserve themselves for the better looking. I remember a few years back when I was on OkCupid, I turned down a good looking dude cause he immediately said he was not looking for a relationship. Right away a turn off. But to each their own, take what you can ever get, hopefully you don't regret it.

Sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler.

EDIT: More or less, I wish someone could tolerate me and just love me and everything I could bring to a relationship if they looked underneath what's been broken. It's hard, even if it's a different way, even people who can't get relationships should know the feeling.

 

[Futile]

@Futile

I wonder what went wrong with me then. Sure, I can find relationships. You are right, males do have to take what they can get in general. But sometimes they end up biting off more than they can chew end up up with someone like me. Then they begin to hate me, or just can't put up with my shit anymore. One of the fun things of everything I've been diagnosed with, toxic explosive anger. I like to thing I'm not a bitch, but there is a stigma around people who have BPD and are bipolar. I have no grip over my emotions, and I don't blame the people who can't handle it. I've only ever dumped one dude. The rest of them left me.

I'm sure I'm not the only women who has relationship problems such as myself. We shouldn't generalize just because society in general is the way it is. Some of us truly do want more for this world and dislike the way it is. In a nicer way to put it, I was cruelly told that I'm a good sexual partner, but not the kind of girl to put a ring on. You have no idea how that feels as someone who doesn't just roll around in bed with anyone she finds cute.

I am sympathetic for people who genuinely cannot get relationships no matter what they do. But sex is just so fleeting, and will leave one feeling empty if they can't find someone who GENUINELY loves them. God knows I wish my relationships turned out to be more than just about the feeling they get out of sex.

I myself am probably average looking, I think otherwise, but I know there's people worse off. Why do people hate being with me? Because it's not my looks they find ugly. It's my mental problems. Been called crazy and insane too many times to count. It hurts, really. There are women who only want sex, and yea, it's brutal a brutal world that they reserve themselves for the better looking. I remember a few years back when I was on OkCupid, I turned down a good looking dude cause he immediately said he was not looking for a relationship. Right away a turn off. But to each their own, take what you can ever get, hopefully you don't regret it.

Sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler.

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but when you've had literally nothing your entire life you start to envy anything. I don't remember the exact saying but better to love and being hurt than to not love at all.

I mean, here I see all these life stories with lots of relationships, breakups, friends, enemies etc. while I've spent 20 years in my room doing absolutely nothing. I just wish something would happen, even if it was a "negative" event it would still be better than this

 

[_Kaira_]

@Futile

I can see where you're coming from. But that quote is questionable. I'm not saying what you should long for, or whether your life would have quality or not. But for atleast me personally, I wish I could go back and prove myself to the person I thought for sure I'd marry that I was worth his time. It's all I could ever want. I just don't want to be destined for physical only relationships. Depresses me that I'm good enough for rolling in the sheets, but not for a genuine loving relationship. Of course relationship problems are just a byproduct of my issues. I have fought with every single one of my exes, the emotional and mental pain is so horrible. There's two sides to every coin obviously. We just wish for the opposite.

I hope better luck comes to you, for real.

 

[Futile]

@Futile

I can see where you're coming from. But that quote is questionable. I'm not saying what you should long for, or whether your life would have quality or not. But for atleast me personally, I wish I could go back and prove myself to the person I thought for sure I'd marry that I was worth his time. It's all I could ever want. I just don't want to be destined for physical only relationships. Depresses me that I'm good enough for rolling in the sheets, but not for a genuine loving relationship. Of course relationship problems are just a byproduct of my issues. I have fought with every single one of my exes, the emotional and mental pain is so horrible. There's two sides to every coin obviously. We just wish for the opposite.

I hope better luck comes to you, for real.

So you would prefer lifelong loneliness? I don't want to be rude, but I find it hard to believe

 

[_Kaira_]

@Futile

If only given the choice between that and meaningless sex, yes. I'm not a sexually driven person, and only do so cause I want to make the person I love happy. I do not seek flings, and never actively looked for one ever during my periods of being single. Whether you believe that or not, it's absolutely true. I don't like the thought of just throwing my body around at people for a temporary feeling, and at the rate things are going, I will be forever alone unless I were to start accepting anyone who wants a go at it.

I can't say much for other women who do get extreme amounts of pleasure out of it. Obviously there are tons of them. Or those who just want to use others for a meal ticket.

As for me, I go through a constant cycle of never learning from my mistakes. I fall in 'love' with people, we initially connect, but they end up not being able to handle the baggage I bring to the table. Like I said already, I'm aware it's easier for women just because they have the parts that are sought after. I never once disagreed with you. But this is purely on my point of view and experiences. I do understand there are people who have never had intimate feelings reciprocated or encounters, and can see why even just one time of skin to skin contact would be nice. But, at least in my opinion, it is nothing like the feeling of sharing that experience with someone you can see a future with. And nothing hurts worse than losing that chance due to some BS.

Please keep in mind, this is my personal take on it. None of this is meant to diminish your experiences or problems. Just another point of view, take it with a grain of salt if you feel like you have to doubt anything I say.

EDIT: I'm pretty sure I've addressed this issue in my post history.

EDIT2: Ah yes, I found it. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...se-i-hate-the-9-5-rat-race.47479/#post-914240 Pretty much explains what I would like out of life. If you care to look.

 

[Lmd]

Despite this being true, Tinder is more or less mainly for hookups with no strings attached. Although I can't speak for the majority, most males and females aren't just looking for hookups. Of course I can't speak for everyone...but one thing is for sure...good looking men and women sure have better chances. That much is certain.

And as a woman myself, I just don't want to only find hookups. I am much more interested in a life long partnership with not just a lover but a best friend. Almost certain you can never find that on an app like tinder.

'-'...I found friends on tinder. Actually I saw a lot of profiles looking only for friendship or people looking just to chat and meet people. Also I knew of people that found their partners on appdates and some of them are together since years so idk... I know the fact that a lot of people looks only sex but in my experience there are a lot of people looking for something more but I think its more a cultural aspect and here people are more friendly or idk.

If you guys are ugly just put a fancy cat or a meme of profile pic. Build your charisma instead of selling your face if you feel ugly.

 

[Sherri]

The sad bit is that people find relationships online these days, not like in my days when people would actually talk to people face to face. So eventually you would end up meeting the real person for you, school, work, bars, etc. These days people look for love online. Call me old fashion but that's not the right way to find someone.

 

[_Kaira_]

@Lmd

I won't deny that there is atleast some people on the app not only looking for flings or whatever. But the majority on specifically that app aren't looking for more. That's why, atleast from what I've seen, tinder has built quite the repetition for that kind of thing.

I don't think I'm at the point where I'm devastatingly ugly. I just have low self esteem because of many experiences. Besides that, I don't even use dating websites or apps. Can't use a cat picture in real life, but oh boy I wish that were a thing.

@Sherri

Sadly, extremely true. I found a good majority of all my relationships online. I've been told countless times that it's not the real way to do it. Sadly, my self esteem is below 0, and my phobia of social interactions is damn near crippling. I find it much more comforting to learn about people online first. But of course, there's downsides to everything I suppose. I don't go outside, so if I were to try and find someone purely IRL, well I'd be forever alone.

 

[sadworld]

I've never had a relationship, maybe it's because im alone all the time and im avoiding every human interaction. I don't want to have a girlfriend just to have one i actually want to find someone that loves me and that i love and that seems impossible for someone like me. But even if i find such a person, not even that will safe me anymore.
Sometimes im seeing my bullies and other people with really bad personalities having a girlfriend and being in a relationship, im wondering how it can be possible for them to find someone...

 

[Amumu]

If you guys are ugly just put a fancy cat or a meme of profile pic. Build your charisma instead of selling your face if you feel ugly.

Yeah the charisma of a depressed person. With a meme. That's cute.
At least the tears are real I guess
Personally people don't find me ugly now but after years of bullying I feel ugly as fuck.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

This is exactly why I'm going to CTB when I'm 30 if no one has decided to love me this way by then. I'm already 26 so I don't have that long left. I hate how my recent experience has shown me that all I need to do is "put myself out there" more but honestly whenever I try I feel like a creep or a predator. I know people will say I'm not actually being one but I just can't shake the feeling that I am which is why any girl I have to chase after I'm immediately not interested in.

What are the odds some woman will actually be interested in me and confident enough to approach me first and be able to accept all my faults once I open up to them? Multiply that by the probability that I'm actually attracted to them too which would be hard because I'm also immediately suspicious of anyone who'd choose me.

Like, are they crazy or just unaware of the pain I could bring? At least what are the odds of someone with all that happening in my life again? And then there's the question of if they'll be just like her and find a single but important reason not to be with me...

 

[_Kaira_]

This is exactly why I'm going to CTB when I'm 30 if no one has decided to love me this way by then. I'm already 26 so I don't have that long left. I hate how my recent experience has shown me that all I need to do is "put myself out there" more but honestly whenever I try I feel like a creep or a predator. I know people will say I'm not actually being one but I just can't shake the feeling that I am which is why any girl I have to chase after I'm immediately not interested in.

What are the odds some woman will actually be interested in me and confident enough to approach me first and be able to accept all my faults once I open up to them? Multiply that by the probability that I'm actually attracted to them too which would be hard because I'm also immediately suspicious of anyone who'd choose me.

Like, are they crazy or just unaware of the pain I could bring? At least what are the odds of someone with all that happening in my life again? And then there's the question of if they'll be just like her and find a single but important reason not to be with me...

At least for me, I like the gentlemen and kind type. I find it flattering when people try to be sweet and stuff. If they overstep the boundaries, start talking sexual out of the blue, sending nether region pics or asking for them, gaslighting and getting angry that I don't change to their liking, or otherwise becoming akin to a stalker, that's a big no no and very creep like to me.

I don't know about odds really. The dice are rolled with every birth. Most of us lost a lot of said rolls. Hard to seek out those with mental stability, similar interests, and heavy tolerance to broken people. I'm usually bringing the pain to my ex's, so I can't say much on that. I have yet to find a guy who can deal with my shit unconditionally. That guy probably doesn't exist.