Im still not a child

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Posting this again as a mod has previously told me I could as long as I "keep things civil". Ive also added bad actors who have opted not to help me to my Ignore list as I want solutions and not alternatives. Even one bad actor going out of their way to make implications that i abused my girlfriend. So new post. Here's what the old thread said as a reminder.
"Once I move out, I plan on giving myself injuries/drugs to make myself a kid again. My girlfriend already assumes the role of a "mommy" to me. (Both SFW and NSFW) She's worried about me doing something like this but I know she will love me regardless if I do it or not. Why injure myself in such a way? Simple, I hate being an adult. I would just CTB for this and tell the angels "I'm sorry but I couldn't do it" but I love her too much to put her through the pain of me CTBing and she said she would CTB if she did and I want her to live a full life if I pass away. So to compromise, I want to take away 90% of the reasons I hate existing by making myself a kid forever. I'll be naive and happier, and being disabled means I never have to work again (work being one of the many reasons I self harm). How would I go about doing this? Just pretending isn't enough."
I now live with the girlfriend in question in person. However I have not yet achieved the childlike mental state that I desire as finding a new job has been nothing but hard for me but easy and seamless for her. So with hopefully a new pool of people and an actual in person presence, I'm back seeking help with this issue that is adulthood.

 

[divinemistress36]

As a disabled person sorry but this is immature . It's absolute hell being disabled and not being able to work

 

[ihatemylifee]

As a disabled person sorry but this is immature . It's absolutely hell being disabled and not being able to work

Agreed like seriously messed people don't want to be like this why would u want to do that to urself when others would die to have what you have

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

As a disabled person sorry but this is immature . It's absolutely hell being disabled and not being able to work

I'm already disabled, I have autism. But it beats having jobs where my coworkers always seem to hate me.

Agreed like seriously messed people don't want to be like this why would u want to do that to urself when others would die to have what you have

Because others would be able to utilize it better than I can

 

[Naked Weapon]

I understand your desire to return to childhood, I really do. Your means, however, are not grounded in reality. Being a child is not marked by inability to do things, and that is a horrific correlation when you take into mind disabled individuals. Are they children forever? No, of course not. Childhood is fleeting, and people will not look at an adult inhibited through their own actions--even one with a caretaker--and think of them as an innocent child. You have responsibilities whether you like it or not, and you have left the realm of childhood whether you like it or not.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I understand your desire to return to childhood, I really do. Your means, however, are not grounded in reality. Being a child is not marked by inability to do things, and that is a horrific correlation when you take into mind disabilities individuals. Are they children forever? No, of course not. Childhood is fleeting, and people will not look at an adult inhibited through their own actions--even one with a caretaker--and think of them as an innocent child. You have responsibilities whether you like it or not, and you have left the realm of childhood whether you like it or not.

I'm not willing to accept that. I will do anything in my power to achieve this.

 

[divinemistress36]

What if your gf ends up dead or disabled? Then who will take care of you ? You could end up in a state run nursing home. Shitting yourself all day and being spoon fed by mean cnas

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

What if your gf ends up dead or disabled? Then who will take care of you ? You could end up in a state run nursing home. Shitting yourself all day and being spoon fed by mean cnas

If she passes I might just CTB tbh. But only when she passes as at that point I'll have nothing to live for

 

[theboy]

Si ella aprueba, podría hacer CTB para ser honesto. Pero sólo cuando ella muera, ya que en ese momento no tendré nada por qué vivir.

Si tan solo todos fuéramos niños para siempre

 

[vak]

I respect your choice and desire, but I'm curious if you could really enjoy or be happy with this outcome. Becoming so disabled, even without terrible side effects, might seem like a good idea only from a rational perspective which you would lose. You could end up permanently losing your connection with your partner, rendering it useless.

I don't think there's any controlled way to achieve such state, but not enough oxygen in the brain will damage it. You can't predict how though, maybe you will come out disabled in an undesired state, concious and in pain, and be stuck there permanently.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Si tan solo todos fuéramos niños para siempre

No habla Espanol.

I respect your choice and desire, but I'm curious if you could really enjoy or be happy with this outcome. Becoming so disabled, even without terrible side effects, might seem like a good idea only from a rational perspective which you would lose. You could end up permanently losing your connection with your partner, rendering it useless, with no way out.

I don't think there's any controlled way to achieve such state, but not enough oxygen in the brain will damage it. You can't predict how though, maybe you will come out disabled in an undesired state, concious and in pain, and be stuck there permanently.

I'll have to find a way to cut off oxygen without dying I guess?

 

[vak]

I'll have to find a way to cut off oxygen without dying I guess?

Willing to risk losing the ability to love your girlfriend in the process? That's a very possible outcome.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Willing to risk losing the ability to love your girlfriend in the process? That's a very possible outcome.

I just gotta be careful is all and know my limits

 

[vak]

I just gotta be careful is all and know my limits

Oh, but that's not possible with any means that are available today. Not with this level of self-harm.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Oh, but that's not possible with any means that are available today. Not with this level of self-harm.

What do you mean?

 

[Naked Weapon]

I just gotta be careful is all and know my limits

Brain damage is not something you can really control the outcome of.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Brain damage is not something you can really control the outcome of.

If it means being a child forever I'll be willing to try. I won't take no for an answer.

 

[vak]

What do you mean?

You cannot control brain damage, there is unfortunately zero way for you to predict what damage you'd cause. What if it only destroys your ability to feel love to your girlfriend but keep all the other functions intact? I don't think the risk can be worth it, is there really no way to enhance the roleplay?

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

You cannot control brain damage, there is unfortunately zero way for you to predict what damage you'd cause. What if it only destroys your ability to feel love to your girlfriend but keep all the other functions intact? I don't think the risk can be worth it, is there really no way to enhance the roleplay?

Not that I'm aware of. Nothing I can think of

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

You should buy some toys as well, like cars or lego, really delve into it all the way i say.

Watch cartoons and buy diapers

 

[vak]

Not that I'm aware of. Nothing I can think of

I would still keep looking for some options other than self-harm. Not because I think your dream is somehow wrong but because it will not work as you expect and you will come out severly disappointed.

 

[wagner2029]

I'm sorry, what you want is not possible.
What are you going to live on? Would your government pay any pension?
I remember one afternoon, it was raining, my mother was sewing, I remember so well the peace and tranquility I felt at that moment, for a long time I dreamed of feeling that again, but it's not possible, it's gone.
I don't want to encourage it, but maybe you should face your problems or ctb.
This person seems to really like you, get a job that just pays the bills and just live day to day with this person.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

You cannot control brain damage, there is unfortunately zero way for you to predict what damage you'd cause. What if it only destroys your ability to feel love to your girlfriend but keep all the other functions intact? I don't think the risk can be worth it, is there really no way to enhance the roleplay?

Agreed. Brain damage isn't something you can control or select specific traits for. Despite your certainty about your girlfriend loving you after becoming brain damaged, I don't think your relationship will actually last very long. Providing 24-hour care for a disabled dependent human being, regardless of age, is extremely taxing financially, psychologically, emotionally, socially, and physically. This immense strain often results in caregiver burnout, compassion fatigue, and worst case scenario, caregivers abusing and neglecting their charges.

And it's extremely rare for Mommies, Daddies, or Caregivers to roleplay 24/7 with a Little for long term. Again, this due to various constraints like high costs, resources, time, energy, emotional labor, ect.

I also agree with @The_spooky_name_guy 's suggestion of delving into age regression and age play through various props, attire, and activities depending on your Little age and preferences.

Have you tried hypnosis videos or sound clips for age play and age regression? How about ASMR roleplaying videos for age regression and age play? Both types of videos can be found on YouTube.

 

[theboy]

No habla español

If only we were children forever

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

You should buy some toys as well, like cars or lego, really delve into it all the way i say.

Watch cartoons and buy diapers

I'm not buying diapers, I plan on being a kid, not an infant. And I do have toys, including LEGO. And I do often watch cartoons/kid focused media. I mean my pfp literally comes from Yu-Gi-Oh.

I would still keep looking for some options other than self-harm. Not because I think your dream is somehow wrong but because it will not work as you expect and you will come out severly disappointed.

Like what? I've heard someone suggest weed before but then immediately backtrack.

I'm sorry, what you want is not possible.
What are you going to live on? Would your government pay any pension?
I remember one afternoon, it was raining, my mother was sewing, I remember so well the peace and tranquility I felt at that moment, for a long time I dreamed of feeling that again, but it's not possible, it's gone.
I don't want to encourage it, but maybe you should face your problems or ctb.
This person seems to really like you, get a job that just pays the bills and just live day to day with this person.

The problem is that simple tasks like getting a job become emotionally tasking for me. Plus my "real" parents often push me to get these "Autism services" to make things complicated. I don't wanna say what specifically as I'm not trying to dox myself but it makes things overly complicated and frankly I have emotional issues attached to these things as my parents would violently yell at me to get paperwork from these "Autism services" done. And because they were my legal guardians I had no say in any of it.

I also agree with @The_spooky_name_guy 's suggestion of delving into age regression and age play through various props, attire, and activities depending on your Little age and preferences.

I'm not apposed to that but I don't feel immersed. I want something permanent.

Have you tried hypnosis videos or sound clips for age play and age regression? How about ASMR roleplaying videos for age regression and age play? Both types of videos can be found on YouTube.

I tried doing that when someone at school spoiled Kill La Kill for me and me wanting to forget that memory. Didn't work.

 

[casual_existence]

Children are severely underestimated when it comes to intelligence. They aren't morons and while it's true that their brains are still developing, most of their growth comes from experience. This is true for all ages actually. They act like children specifically to gain that experience and as you get older you have less need for new knowledge. Well that's how our bodies see it.

I'm not saying that they can or should pay bills but it's not entirely out of their reach.
This begs the question, what specifically are you looking for? Children absolutely have a responsibility to their parents and peers which they learn to deal with. As we get older our desires get more complicated and therefore our life. Yet in order to adapt, taking on the approach of a child is much better than defaulting to prior knowledge though this is quite difficult for an organism who wants to minimize energy use.

Anyways brain damage won't get you what you want. Children aren't brain damaged.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

The problem is that simple tasks like getting a job become emotionally tasking for me. Plus my "real" parents often push me to get these "Autism services" to make things complicated. I don't wanna say what specifically as I'm not trying to dox myself but it makes things overly complicated and frankly I have emotional issues attached to these things as my parents would violently yell at me to get paperwork from these "Autism services" done. And because they were my legal guardians I had no say in any of it.

I'm not apposed to that but I don't feel immersed. I want something permanent.

I tried doing that when someone at school spoiled Kill La Kill for me and me wanting to forget that memory. Didn't work.

I'm sorry that immersion into Little Space via age regression, roleplaying, or hypnosis isn't helpful or satisfying for you. It's terrible how those "legal guardians" dismiss your disability and verbally abuse you. Most humans don't have what it takes to care for disabled individuals (particularly round the clock care), and breeders will usually ignore the possibility and severity of disability before and after procreating. To make matters worse, most of the scarce autistic services for adults are unhelpful at supporting clients. Likewise, mental health "services" often do a piss poor job for autistic adults. At best, they are useless. At worse, they abuse, neglect, and create more trauma.

Given those factors, I think I can understand your desire for a permanent childhood. Especially, a new childhood where you are treating with more patience, compassion, and acceptance, and with less stress, demands, and expectations. Unfortunately, inducing brain damage or expecting someone to care for you 24/7 for the rest of your life isn't feasible or beneficial for anyone in the long run.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

My girlfriend already assumes the role of a "mommy" to me. (Both SFW and NSFW) She's worried about me doing something like this but I know she will love me regardless if I do it or not.

You're probably going to block me and I realise nothing I say may even get through to you, but do you realise how selfish and immature this is? Just rp act as a child, imho you already act like one so you don't have to do any more damage to yourself. At least dd/m-lg/b e.g. Little Space roleplay is acceptable, more then deliberately injuring yourself to force others to look after you, when they're already doing that.

Iirc, you made a post earlier about getting mad and wanting to deliberately ctb or hurt yourself out of pure revenge because your parents wouldn't buy you an entire house to go live with your partner. A lot of people replied and said that was very entitled. You have to start considering that maybe it's not everybody else that is the problem here. I haven't seen your other posts but I'm getting that impression. You may already have blocked me but I think this is my first time replying to one of your threads, after expressing silent disapproval of previous ones.

I'm not going to read the other replies but I see the above poster already mentioned Little Space as well. I'm sure people have said a lot of reasonable things more succinctly and politely than I have, so I hope you listen to some of them. Besides divinemistress first reply, which I agree with. I will add, even from a selfish viewpoint what you suggest makes no sense, and this is important so I hope you read this far:

By injuring yourself you're only going to make your life more difficult. Learn from other people's mistakes! Don't do it. There are imo other people deserving of happiness that self-injured and now regret it and now suffer daily because of that.

I also don't think you should be hiding behind your autism dx (assuming you have one) and should take some responsibility for your actions. Autism alone doesn't explain away your actions.

I won't be checking back on this thread as I don't have high hopes for it, and that's the only advice I'm willing to give. I don't think it's even ethical to give or seek advice on how to damage yourself to force other people to look after you more, and imho that's more of a psych forums problem than a ctb problem, I don't think we can adequately deal with that here, any more than we could advise on crimes. Other than practical advice such as Little Space the heck out of everything, as long as you're not causing yourself permanent harm. All the best.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Children are severely underestimated when it comes to intelligence. They aren't morons and while it's true that their brains are still developing, most of their growth comes from experience. This is true for all ages actually. They act like children specifically to gain that experience and as you get older you have less need for new knowledge. Well that's how our bodies see it.

I'm not saying that they can or should pay bills but it's not entirely out of their reach.
This begs the question, what specifically are you looking for? Children absolutely have a responsibility to their parents and peers which they learn to deal with. As we get older our desires get more complicated and therefore our life. Yet in order to adapt, taking on the approach of a child is much better than defaulting to prior knowledge though this is quite difficult for an organism who wants to minimize energy use.

Anyways brain damage won't get you what you want. Children aren't brain damaged.

I never said children were stupid, I just felt happier as a kid

I'm sorry that immersion into Little Space via age regression, roleplaying, or hypnosis isn't helpful or satisfying for you. It's terrible how those "legal guardians" dismiss your disability and verbally abuse you. Most humans don't have what it takes to care for disabled individuals (particularly round the clock care), and breeders will usually ignore the possibility and severity of disability before and after procreating. To make matters worse, most of the scarce autistic services for adults are unhelpful at supporting clients. Likewise, mental health "services" often do a piss poor job for autistic adults. At best, they are useless. At worse, they abuse, neglect, and create more trauma.

Given those factors, I think I can understand your desire for a permanent childhood. Especially, a new childhood where you are treating with more patience, compassion, and acceptance, and with less stress, demands, and expectations. Unfortunately, inducing brain damage or expecting someone to care for you 24/7 for the rest of your life isn't feasible or beneficial for anyone in the long run.

I will make it happen. You cannot convince me otherwise

You're probably going to block me and I realise nothing I say may even get through to you, but do you realise how selfish and immature this is? Just rp act as a child, imho you already act like one so you don't have to do any more damage to yourself. At least dd/m-lg/b e.g. Little Space roleplay is acceptable, more then deliberately injuring yourself to force others to look after you, when they're already doing that.

Iirc, you made a post earlier about getting mad and wanting to deliberately ctb or hurt yourself out of pure revenge because your parents wouldn't buy you an entire house to go live with your partner. A lot of people replied and said that was very entitled. You have to start considering that maybe it's not everybody else that is the problem here. I haven't seen your other posts but I'm getting that impression. You may already have blocked me but I think this is my first time replying to one of your threads, after expressing silent disapproval of previous ones.

I'm not going to read the other replies but I see the above poster already mentioned Little Space as well. I'm sure people have said a lot of reasonable things more succinctly and politely than I have, so I hope you listen to some of them. Besides divinemistress first reply, which I agree with. I will add, even from a selfish viewpoint what you suggest makes no sense, and this is important so I hope you read this far:

By injuring yourself you're only going to make your life more difficult. Learn from other people's mistakes! Don't do it. There are imo other people deserving of happiness that self-injured and now regret it and now suffer daily because of that.

I also don't think you should be hiding behind your autism dx (assuming you have one) and should take some responsibility for your actions. Autism alone doesn't explain away your actions.

I won't be checking back on this thread as I don't have high hopes for it, and that's the only advice I'm willing to give. I don't think it's even ethical to give or seek advice on how to damage yourself to force other people to look after you more, and imho that's more of a psych forums problem than a ctb problem, I don't think we can adequately deal with that here, any more than we could advise on crimes. Other than practical advice such as Little Space the heck out of everything, as long as you're not causing yourself permanent harm. All the best.

You're right, I will block you.

 

[casual_existence]

It felt like you were implying that sorry.