I'm terrified of CTB but i need to get out of my body. I genuinely don't think i was meant to live a long life. A part of me has always felt like it was missing, like somehow i was meant to be more than a vessel on earth. But it's not just that, living has been so cruel to me. My dad died when i was 14, im 18 now. I miss him so much. I was assaulted by my ex at 15, I can't stand my body now. Ive been abusing drugs on and off to try and numb the pain but nothing helps. I just want a way out. I'd much rather someone else murder me than CTB, im scared of it. I'm scared of failing and I'm scared of people thinking I did it for attention. All i want is to get out of here.
TheDog_
Member
- Feb 25, 2023
- 97
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 38,877
It's horrible how there's too much suffering in existing, existence certainly is so unnecessarily cruel and it's really understandable wishing for permanent freedom from everything, it sounds so awful what you've had to endure. But I really understand having the fear of failing ctb, that's what has kept me trapped here in this hellish reality, I certainly hate how suicide isn't easier, as humans we deserve to have the option to just leave in peace. Anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.
I'm sorry what you have to endure in your young age already it must be horrible. It's understandable to be terrified of CTB and unfortunately it's such a difficult task and the fear of failing makes it even more difficult. Did you talk about your problems with your parents? Have tried therapy or sth the like? Unless oyu really tried everything you should not ctb. I hope you can find peace and I wish you all the best!
The anhedonic one
Dead inside
- May 20, 2023
- 1,070
Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry that this cruel world has brought you here.
Fear of CTB failure is only natural.
Unfortunately our survival instincts are very powerful and therefore difficult to defeat.
I wish you the best in whatever you decide.
Fear of CTB failure is only natural.
Unfortunately our survival instincts are very powerful and therefore difficult to defeat.
I wish you the best in whatever you decide.
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So tragic that its not easier to ctb.Wish I lived in Switzerland where it is a lot more humane.I compleley relate to just wanting it all to be over.
And even in Switzerland it's not easy at all. It's just ridiculous that there isn't even one country where you could go in some kind of hospital if you choose it's enough suffering.
I have tried, therapy didnt work and my mom told me mental illness just isnt real, I'm not quite sure what im doing anymore.
It makes me angry when parents don't listen to the real problems and desires of their children they produced and then should their children CTB they are crying and trying to accuse others although they failed themselves! (rant over)
I fully understand that you are trapped in a very difficult situation. I can relate to it a bit though my problem is completely different to yours, the result is the same. This is my personal opinion: Therapy (and meds) can only cure the "mental illness" when the source and the reason causing it can be fully eliminated. And unfortunately "mental illness" is such a complex field and nothing is straightforward there that's why so many attempts to get healed are unfortunately failing.
I'm well awayre that my words may not help you right away and unfortunately I also can't come up with a solution but still I hope it helps you a bit to be able to speak freely about your problems here without being judged. I hope you can find peace and I wish you all the best!
