i’m dying right now . i’m actually dying. sn

[_elliott]

thank you everyone. i'm trying my best to be okay today, but i think the failure is setting in, and i feel worse than ever. i think it's finally setting in that i failed, and the pain today, though i'm hanging out with a friend, i can't ignore it. all i want to do is try again. i feel disgustingly sick today. very mentally unwell.

thank you everyone. i'm trying my best to be okay today, but i think the failure is setting in, and i feel worse than ever. i think it's finally setting in that i failed, and the pain today, though i'm hanging out with a friend, i can't ignore it. all i want to do is try again. i feel disgustingly sick today. very mentally unwell.

update. left my friend. i couldn't handle it anymore. it was too overwhelming. i might sleep or cry the rest of today away. i don't know what to do. therapy isn't until another week. i am just. this isn't working. i'm really sick.

 

[deathgripsme]

I'm so sorry about that horrible experience. Ngl it has made me a bit worried, I do have meto though and proponol (however you spell it) Do you think the meto would have stopped you being sick?
So sorry again, please get some rest and take care.

 

[marinekiwi]

thank you everyone. i'm trying my best to be okay today, but i think the failure is setting in, and i feel worse than ever. i think it's finally setting in that i failed, and the pain today, though i'm hanging out with a friend, i can't ignore it. all i want to do is try again. i feel disgustingly sick today. very mentally unwell.

update. left my friend. i couldn't handle it anymore. it was too overwhelming. i might sleep or cry the rest of today away. i don't know what to do. therapy isn't until another week. i am just. this isn't working. i'm really sick.

Give yourself some rest. You really need time to think about your options. Never rush another attempt.
I'd suggest to wait a few days. Maybe until you can see your therapist.
A failed attempt causes so much stress, its only logical that you want to be alone now.
Please take your time now buddy. One step at a time.

 

[_elliott]

I'm so sorry about that horrible experience. Ngl it has made me a bit worried, I do have meto though and proponol (however you spell it) Do you think the meto would have stopped you being sick?
So sorry again, please get some rest and take care.

meto would've helped me succeed, yes.

Give yourself some rest. You really need time to think about your options. Never rush another attempt.
I'd suggest to wait a few days. Maybe until you can see your therapist.
A failed attempt causes so much stress, its only logical that you want to be alone now.
Please take your time now buddy. One step at a time.

thank you. i'm going to take a big nap and hope it heals my heavy heart.

 

[Koppite]

meto would've helped me succeed, yes.

thank you. i'm going to take a big nap and hope it heals my heavy heart.

So apparently SN is supposed to make you pass out before you stop breathing. Did you feel sleepy at all? I know you threw up before it reached fatal levels but it seems like there was no real loss of consciousness during the experience - and definitely no *quick* loss of consciousness, before the physical suffering kicks in - which is what (I think) most of us are looking for.

Tbh your experience has made me reevaluate SN as an option. I don't fancy lying there for 45 minutes with a headache, racing heart and suffocating.
From my point of view (a terror of suffocating) it sounds like one of the worst ways to go, rather than one of the 'best methods'.

 

[sandalphon]

So apparently SN is supposed to make you pass out before you stop breathing. Did you feel sleepy at all? I know you threw up before it reached fatal levels but it seems like there was no real loss of consciousness during the experience - and definitely no *quick* loss of consciousness, before the physical suffering kicks in - which is what (I think) most of us are looking for.

Tbh your experience has made me reevaluate SN as an option. I don't fancy lying there for 45 minutes with a headache, racing heart and suffocating.
From my point of view (a terror of suffocating) it sounds like one of the worst ways to go, rather than one of the 'best methods'.

She did not follow the regimen. Her experience is the exception, not the rule when people use SN.

 

[Koppite]

She did not follow the regimen. Her experience is the exception, not the rule when people use SN.

But isn't the problem that she couldn't keep it down because she hadn't prepared properly? Presumably even if you don't vomit, you experience the tachycardia, headache and suffocation, no?

 

[_elliott]

But isn't the problem that she couldn't keep it down because she hadn't prepared properly? Presumably even if you don't vomit, you experience the tachycardia, headache and suffocation, no?

i experienced all three of those symptoms, yes.

i think i did pass out for a little while but the headache made it hard to stay like that. i would say it was a back and forth into being conscious and unconscious.

i wouldn't describe it as exactly feeling "sleepy" more or less exhausted. not a peaceful kind of tired. i felt like i was dying and i needed to pass, but the pain i was experiencing just kept me half there. no matter what i did i just couldn't fall asleep, like my body was already gone and my brain was just waiting to die out.

 

[Dot]

i experienced all three of those symptoms, yes.

i think i did pass out for a little while but the headache made it hard to stay like that. i would say it was a back and forth into being conscious and unconscious.

i wouldn't describe it as exactly feeling "sleepy" more or less exhausted. not a peaceful kind of tired. i felt like i was dying and i needed to pass, but the pain i was experiencing just kept me half there. no matter what i did i just couldn't fall asleep, like my body was already gone and my brain was just waiting to die out.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

you're welcome. if anything my failure can at least help other people. it helped me a little bit, too.
seriously though. i need a pistol or something. i'm genuinely immortal to all these fucking overdoses. what the hell?

I know right! I tried multiple ODs and I didn't even get hurt.. it sucks. SN is my last bet though..

Hope you are alright!

thank you everyone. i'm trying my best to be okay today, but i think the failure is setting in, and i feel worse than ever. i think it's finally setting in that i failed, and the pain today, though i'm hanging out with a friend, i can't ignore it. all i want to do is try again. i feel disgustingly sick today. very mentally unwell.

update. left my friend. i couldn't handle it anymore. it was too overwhelming. i might sleep or cry the rest of today away. i don't know what to do. therapy isn't until another week. i am just. this isn't working. i'm really sick.

From one bpd warrior to another one - hang on there, it hurts but the bad times can pass. Sending you healing thoughts..

 

[_elliott]

hey everyone, update on my mental mood:
i'm a little rocky today, but overall doing my best. working on a zine about my feelings, ect. wrote a letter to my ex bestfriend/partner, that i don't think i'll send, but it was a great way to word my feelings and relieve myself.

i'm eating for the first time in two or so days.

though my panic attacks have been very hard today. i have up to twenty a day, and i've already had five or so since waking up. i'm hoping they improve.

i might try to learn more guitar today, and maybe apply for a job. i have one, but the ride is too far now due to me having to move.

please wish me luck, love you all. thank you all again for the kind wishes.

edit: oh, and for any SN side effects : they're all gone. no taste of it, and my skin has completely gone back to normal. no headaches, and no hungover feelings. i have a lot of nausea, but i'm pretty sure it's a side effect of the lexapro i take.

cheers!

 

[VoidDesirer22]

What

painful. if i had access to proper meds, i might try it again. but honestly, i would rather try oxycodone again. that method wasn't painful at all, i just failed because the meds were expired and i got sick before they could fully set in. SN was only my second choice due to circumstances i'm in right now.

thank you. i don't know if i'm happy i'm alive, to be honest. part of me wishes i went. but at least i didn't die in a painful way. i guess it isn't my time.

Do you mean by 'proper meds'?

 

[_elliott]

What

Do you mean by 'proper meds'?

the anti-enemics recommended by stan's guide.

 

[darkwater]

So 1 1/2 tablespoons SN this would be at least 20 gramm. Without throwing up, how can you survive this? I dont say its not true but does anyone have an explanation for this?

 

[Someone123]

the anti-enemics recommended by stan's guide.

Stan's guide also reecommends an antacid, pain killers, sedatives, and possibly a beta blocker- itt is a pretty complicated protocol.

 

[darkwater]

but the SN is what should kill you, so why it didn't?

 

[Someone123]

So 1 1/2 tablespoons SN this would be at least 20 gramm. Without throwing up, how can you survive this? I dont say its not true but does anyone have an explanation for this?

In small quantities the human body can digest SN without a problem- how can a person survive 20 grams? Everyone's body is different, some people may process this faster. There are many posts of people ingesting several times the theoretical lethal does of certain medications without issues. Some people's bodies may be better at eliminating toxins due to genetics or just dumb luck.

 

[Lost Magic]

but the SN is what should kill you, so why it didn't?

Because the person said he/she did not take anti-sickness drugs and spewed up too much of the SN in order for it to be effective. For the love of god (everybody) please follow the proper protocol.

 

[affinity]

just so everyone knows, i'll get the timeline of events.

around 3 pm PST: i take a sip of SN. i take lexapro and hydroxozine. (i took them wayyy earlier in the morning, but i guess this is important to note.) it was literally not a big sip at all. the SN was 18fl with 3 tablespoons of SN mixed into it. i felt sick, but nothing awful.
around 3:30 i think, or maybe 4:00: i feel like shit. i have a huge, suicidal, bpd split, and decide to take more, because why not, right? since i didn't take any anti-ememics, (excuse spelling, i'm pretty loopy rn.) if i live it'll tell me i need them. if i don't it's fine. it's what i want.
then whenever this was posted: oh my god. the pain was immediate. went from feeling--eh, okay, mild headache and heart pounding, to--holy shit i can't stand. i can't move. i kept falling over. i managed to make it to the restroom with my computer and phone, because i felt like right then and there i was going to die. my SN is 99% pure.. and i drank maybe like, around half the bottle.
i pass out on and on, can barely type. schedule a suicide post for my friends online, and one on here. trying to keep everyone updated the best i can. i'm switching from; "god damn it i don't want to die," to, "oh my god finally i'm so happy," to, "i'm not actually going to die, and i'm just going to have to try again," and... yeah. you can guess which one happened.

it was genuinely really painful. passing out and the headaches was not ideal. i didn't throw up as much as i thought i was going to, in fact, the only reason i think i'm still here, is because during one of my pass-outs, i accidentally swallowed the wrong way, and it caused me to get sick, and immediately feel better. if it was not for that, i don't think i would still be here.

I'm gradually reading through this thread and maybe you or someone else responded to this, but if this is the norm for the SN, it sounds like a nightmare and could easily trigger SI (at least to me, that is a big chunk of time to pass). Would you do things differently or choose an entirely different method (edit: saw your last post, got it)? I appreciate some have made some suggestions, but man you have to have access to a lot of meds to make this work and even then it's no guarantee. I know the folks on blue light disagree, but I would be perfectly happy to pass from an opiate OD. Now it's just a matter of finding them.

Back to you OP…like I said, I'm still reading and hope you're feeling better both physically and mentally

Because the person said he/she did not take anti-sickness drugs and spewed up too much of the SN in order for it to be effective. For the love of god (everybody) please follow the proper protocol.

So I know I am about to ask the newbiest of newb questions, but what is triggering the nausea exactly? Is it the painful headaches and/or is the SN prone to causing stomach upset? Either way, this sounds like a brutally uncomfortable way to go and too much time (imho) is needed to elapse.

fasting is probably why it hit SO hard for me. i haven't eaten in two days, lol. i really do recommend ibiprofen though. jesus christ it was (literally) a life saver.

Just so I am clear (apologies if I missed this): when did you take the ibuprofen in the process?

Actually this is consistent with many failed attempts- once a person throws up too much of the sn is gone to cause ctb, and then the body is able to process the sn that is left. Often more is cleared by drinking water and vomiting more. It seems that a high percentage of cases of failing with sn are done without medical attention.

Not an expert, but just based on this thread and others (ie failed attempts via SN), it seems like folks who were convinced SN was for them are now being asked to question their decision and they're not happy with it. That's fine and I appreciate folks have seen people so called fake attempts here for a myriad of reasons, but this seems pretty consistent for a failed attempt.

 

[sandalphon]

I'm gradually reading through this thread and maybe you or someone else responded to this, but if this is the norm for the SN, it sounds like a nightmare and could easily trigger SI (at least to me, that is a big chunk of time to pass). Would you do things differently or choose an entirely different method (edit: saw your last post, got it)? I appreciate some have made some suggestions, but man you have to have access to a lot of meds to make this work and even then it's no guarantee. I know the folks on blue light disagree, but I would be perfectly happy to pass from an opiate OD. Now it's just a matter of finding them.

Back to you OP…like I said, I'm still reading and hope you're feeling better both physically and mentally


So I know I am about to ask the newbiest of newb questions, but what is triggering the nausea exactly? Is it the painful headaches and/or is the SN prone to causing stomach upset? Either way, this sounds like a brutally uncomfortable way to go and too much time (imho) is needed to elapse.


Just so I am clear (apologies if I missed this): when did you take the ibuprofen in the process?


Not an expert, but just based on this thread and others (ie failed attempts via SN), it seems like folks who were convinced SN was for them are now being asked to question their decision and they're not happy with it. That's fine and I appreciate folks have seen people so called fake attempts here for a myriad of reasons, but this seems pretty consistent for a failed attempt.

Follow Stan's guide or the PPH regimen. That's it. The OP's experience is not typical because she did this out of impulse and did not follow protocol. No need to overcomplicate things

 

[IsThisReal]

Why isn't anyone paying attention to the fact that the amount of SN was dissolved in around half a liter of water? I think this might have played a key role in the hole thing not being successful. Plus I remember reading that fasting too long can also be a factor for failure.

 

[sandalphon]

To be honest, after reading the OP's threads I have serious doubts about the truthfulness of her posts.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Why isn't anyone paying attention to the fact that the amount of SN was dissolved in around half a liter of water? I think this might have played a key role in the hole thing not being successful.

Good point. I didn't notice 'cause it was fluid ounces which I am unfamiliar with.

 

[Someone123]

but the SN is what should kill you, so why it didn't?

You would need to read Stans Guide- it's not that long, maybe a couple pages. The anti-emitic helps prevent vomiting, the antacid may help absorption, a sedative is recommended but wasn't included.

 

[sadnurse]

To be honest, after reading the OP's threads I have serious doubts about the truthfulness of her posts.

Me too, the pictures she/he posted look like two different people….

 

[Shu]

18 fl oz is 532 ml.. maybe that explains why.. is supposed to be 50 ML they said they drank half so that is still 266 ml