i’m dying right now . i’m actually dying. sn

[After Life]

glad things did not get worse and you did not have to end up in the hospital . hope you get back on your feet soon

 

[fox_wannabe]

thank you for listening, and thank you for the compliment. i hope everyone has a better experience than mine, and achieves peace.
i think i'm going to head off for the night, everyone, and will check back in the morning. i assure you all the SN has entirely worn off, and i should be okay. if anyone does have a similar experience to mine, and need to get out of it without the ability to see a doctor : please, please, get sick as much as you can. you need to empty it out. then you're going to want to drink tons of water, or anything sugary. just basically flush it out of your system anyway you can. i would've called 911, if not for the fact i do not live alone.

also, please remember, the amount you drink is a very important factor to survival. i think i drank pretty close to the lethal amount for my size. (about... say.. a tablespoon and a half? i also fasted for two days.. and i am just. really, really small.)

i wish you all peace. <3

Omg you are alive! I always thought that you would not be able to write so much and so long if you were to die. So... hello!

 

[xLosthopex]

I think this is exactly how I'll be when i'm dying, panicking, thoughts racing, thinking about all the things I need to say/do… even though I know it's what I truly want
I hope you're doing ok, sending love

 

[Dot]

I think this is exactly how I'll be when i'm dying, panicking, thoughts racing, thinking about all the things I need to say/do… even though I know it's what I truly want
I hope you're doing ok, sending love

Sme

 

[_elliott]

hey everyone. just an update. yes i'm still alive. i don't know why some people don't believe me—which is fine. in terms of answering some questions:

i have no idea why i'm alive. i drank about.. a tablespoon and a half of SN? i'll estimate? maybe a little bit less or more. i fasted for two days. i did not follow the regimen as it was a very hasty and impulsive act. i was not planning to go this day, but i was so depressed i thought i would play around with death. i do this a lot. overdoses of any kind just have never worked for me. my previous attempt i took 200mg of oxycodone and still lived.

the times i took might be sketchy because frankly i was not all here and not keeping track. i felt so dissociative i just could not think.

the reason why i took the computer in with me was last minute panic. it was right when i was stumbling. after i took the computer in with me i couldn't stand at all. i collapsed onto the floor and could not move. my whole body was numb and blue. my feet, legs, and arms, were completely blue - brown, and my lips were practically silver.

breathing was impossible and my heart was racing. like i said, my head felt like it was popping out. all i could taste was the SN. i felt like there was an immense hot pressure against my skull.

i got sick once, the first time i managed to collapse. i then was stuck on the floor. like i said, i felt like i was going to go, until i swallowed the wrong way and got sick again. then i felt a lot better. drank a ton of water until i was able to stand again jusy enough to get some iced tea from my fridge and drink that. kept spitting as much as i could as i did not have the strength to keep getting sick. everything was still blue.

i don't know the rules about pictures and i am still on mobile, so i apologize if sharing them is against any regulations, but i guess since people are asking for some kind of proof, here are my lips about two hours after the attempt, plus my hands. you can see the blueness in my veins, and how grey the skin is.

i slept for a very long time and just woke up. everything is back to normal, but i still feel very exhausted.
for comparison, here is what my lips normally look like. i'm sure you can see the difference.

 

[Snake of Eden]

i felt like i was going to go, until i swallowed the wrong way and got sick again. then i felt a lot better

you said this twice and i still dont know what you mean by this. Glad you feel better though

 

[_elliott]

you said this twice and i still dont know what you mean by this. Glad you feel better though

you know when you drink water and it goes down the wrong tube and you cough instead? that.

 

[Idontmatter]

Thanks again for sharing your experience. This still makes me very anxious/nervous because now I can't stop thinking there is a chance I might survive when I do mine since I won't be able to get the prescription meds. I'm partnering up with a friend but neither of us will have any of the meds with the exception of the otc portion meds. Failure isn't an option for me.

 

[Snake of Eden]

you know when you drink water and it goes down the wrong tube and you cough instead? that.

You mean you chocked. You breathed water instead of swallowing?

 

[_elliott]

You mean you chocked. You breathed water instead of swallowing?

haha. i guess so, yes. i choked on my own spit. pretty dumb way for my body to wimp out of an attempt.

i choked on it, started coughing so hard i got sick, essentially. sorry for not making it clear.

 

[Dot]

Cld c tht ur s.n. ws in 18fl oz wtr. MayB dilutn mnt tht lss ws absrbd cmbind w/ mre chnce 2 vomt

 

[_elliott]

Thanks again for sharing your experience. This still makes me very anxious/nervous because now I can't stop thinking there is a chance I might survive when I do mine since I won't be able to get the prescription meds. I'm partnering up with a friend but neither of us will have any of the meds with the exception of the otc portion meds. Failure isn't an option for me.

all i can say is at least get ibuprofen. you can still pass even if you puke. like i said, though i puked at the start of my attempt, if i didn't get sick again near the end, i don't think i would've made it. try to follow the regimen the best you can. i didn't drink that much, so if you drink a ton you will probably have way better chances. if the taste is too bad: try drinking over a long period. it sets in faster than you think it does, and it'll prevent early failure. you can still CTB if you puke, and you can still CTB if you don't follow the regimen all the way. i'll word it like this: if i continued to drink the sn somehow in the middle of my attempt, i would've gone. it's a poison. i was definitely still pretty poisoned. take my failure as a miracle, not a standard of what is going to happen.

Cld c tht ur s.n. ws in 18fl oz wtr. MayB dilutn mnt tht lss ws absrbd cmbind w/ mre chnce 2 vomt

from what i understand of your post: yeah. maybe if mine was less/more absorbed could've changed what happened. mine was pretty absorbed though. it had a very heavy salt taste, but no crystals or anything. the water wasn't intensely murky, but not clear.

 

[Idontmatter]

all i can say is at least get ibuprofen. you can still pass even if you puke. like i said, though i puked at the start of my attempt, if i didn't get sick again near the end, i don't think i would've made it. try to follow the regimen the best you can. i didn't drink that much, so if you drink a ton you will probably have way better chances. if the taste is too bad: try drinking over a long period. it sets in faster than you think it does, and it'll prevent early failure. you can still CTB if you puke, and you can still CTB if you don't follow the regimen all the way. i'll word it like this: if i continued to drink the sn somehow in the middle of my attempt, i would've gone. it's a poison. i was definitely still pretty poisoned. take my failure as a miracle, not a standard of what is going to happen.

Well I'm glad you are ok. I have really bad anxiety so my brain automatically thinks about everything that could go wrong. I'll have plenty of ibuprofen and tagament for the antacid.

 

[After Life]

would you describe your experience as painfull or painless . would you try it again

 

[kurisutinabestgirl]

I am glad you're still alive, looks like it's not your time yet. I am very sorry that you had to go through all this, and I am also very thankful to you because you provided so much info about the effects of this method.
Take care : )

 

[_elliott]

would you describe your experience as painfull or painless . would you try it again

painful. if i had access to proper meds, i might try it again. but honestly, i would rather try oxycodone again. that method wasn't painful at all, i just failed because the meds were expired and i got sick before they could fully set in. SN was only my second choice due to circumstances i'm in right now.

I am glad you're still alive, looks like it's not your time yet. I am very sorry that you had to go through all this, and I am also very thankful to you because you provided so much info about the effects of this method.
Take care : )

thank you. i don't know if i'm happy i'm alive, to be honest. part of me wishes i went. but at least i didn't die in a painful way. i guess it isn't my time.

 

[Eddypaddy]

Will you try SN again? What do you think of SN as method now? Why didnt you prepare 2 SN drinks for your attempt? Why didnt you want to continue drinking SN? Was it too disgusting?

 

[After Life]

painful. if i had access to proper meds, i might try it again. but honestly, i would rather try oxycodone again. that method wasn't painful at all, i just failed because the meds were expired and i got sick before they could fully set in. SN was only my second choice due to circumstances i'm in right now.

thank you. i don't know if i'm happy i'm alive, to be honest. part of me wishes i went. but at least i didn't die in a painful way. i guess it isn't my time.

well i am glad that you are back on your feet agian , do think if you had taken meto it would have made a differance

 

[plough22]

Yeah, but he's still alive :D

Thought me a lesson not to jump, look at all the posts

 

[_elliott]

Will you try SN again? What do you think of SN as method now? Why didnt you prepare 2 SN drinks for your attempt? Why didnt you want to continue drinking SN? Was it too disgusting?

i think i'll try it again in the future. with my research i thought even without the heavy prep i would be able to die. it was pretty gross to keep drinking, but i think the main reason was i just didn't have the strength to get up and continue drinking it. i was pretty paralyzed.

well i am glad that you are back on your feet agian , do think if you had taken meto it would have made a differance

yes. i would've died if i took meto. getting sick was the only thing that saved my life.

 

[After Life]

i think i'll try it again in the future. with my research i thought even without the heavy prep i would be able to die. it was pretty gross to keep drinking, but i think the main reason was i just didn't have the strength to get up and continue drinking it. i was pretty paralyzed.

yes. i would've died if i took meto. getting sick was the only thing that saved my life.

thanks for the info, so you mean if you would had taken meto the experience would have been painless ? was it the headache that was painfull or the puking ?

 

[_elliott]

thanks for the info, so you mean if you would have taken meto the experience would have been painless ? was it the headache that was painfull or the puking ?

it was the headache that was painful. puking actually wasn't that bad. it didn't hurt much at all, to my memory. so i'd say with meto, and proper painkillers, i would say the method would be pretty smooth. or--at least a lot better.

i'd also say the being unable to breathe was painful in terms of fear. you're basically paralyzed. it was very conflicting mentally. i could feel myself dying. it didn't hurt psychically, but mentally it was a struggle.

 

[After Life]

it was the headache that was painful. puking actually wasn't that bad. it didn't hurt much at all, to my memory. so i'd say with meto, and proper painkillers, i would say the method would be pretty smooth. or--at least a lot better.

so meto a few benzos and it would go smoother

 

[flagmaster]

Hope you're doing okay.

Seems like this method hasn't been very successful lately. Attempting and failing would devastate me, personally. Must be exhausting to get to that point and then commit, fail and wake up again.

This ain't my method. I'll only ever want one attempt when I'm ready… if I'm ready… I'll do what I can to see it through.

Also OP, you don't need anyone else to believe you here. You know what's true. You don't need to try and convince people. You are free to express yourself here. Take care

 

[_elliott]

Hope you're doing okay.

Seems like this method hasn't been very successful lately. Attempting and failing would devastate me, personally. Must be exhausting to get to that point and then commit, fail and wake up again.

This ain't my method. I'll only ever want one attempt when I'm ready… if I'm ready… I'll do what I can to see it through.

Also OP, you don't need anyone else to believe you here. You know what's true. You don't need to try and convince people. You are free to express yourself here. Take care

thank you. it was just weird being questioned, and i'm just sitting here like.. why would anyone fake this lol?
i wonder why it hasn't been so successful. i guess people just haven't been following the guide? (like me).
i'm still conflicted whether or not i'm happy, ect, that i failed. still just tired. i'm more glad that no one found me. that's a relief.

 

[Toonloon]

Ignore everyone whose saying you're fibbing. Too many mental health assholes, "normals" and trolls give us hell. We don't need to give it to each other. I attempted few times. I know how it happened and what went wrong. I never had to convince anyone else.
Just learn from what happened.
And people who have to pick fights are just Total losers who get joy from attacking.

 

[After Life]

thank you. it was just weird being questioned, and i'm just sitting here like.. why would anyone fake this lol?
i wonder why it hasn't been so successful. i guess people just haven't been following the guide? (like me).
i'm still conflicted whether or not i'm happy, ect, that i failed. still just tired. i'm more glad that no one found me. that's a relief.

you should not worry about people not believing you , the main thing is that you are ok right now it could have been worse, you could have been in the hospital like you said a good thing no one found you and you dont have to feel embarrassed in front on anyone that could have been worse . focus on geting som rest if you are tired get some sleep.

 

[waterstrider]

I'm so sorry you had such a dramatic experience! Hopefully you are able to get some rest now and enough sleep and hydration.

Don't try anything this rushed again without taking the proper meds as stated in Stan's guide.
It's not worth it, gambling with your health :(

Stay safe, Op.

 

[cambrai33]

thank you. it was just weird being questioned, and i'm just sitting here like.. why would anyone fake this lol?
i wonder why it hasn't been so successful. i guess people just haven't been following the guide? (like me).
i'm still conflicted whether or not i'm happy, ect, that i failed. still just tired. i'm more glad that no one found me. that's a relief.

Yep seriously who gives a flying fuck what they think or not. You put yourself out there and explained what you could the best way that you could.

It just looks like this wasn't your time for whatever reason be it physically or mentally. Perhaps an opportunity to reevaluate if this is your destiny and if it is then plan and prepare more throughly but if not then to take each day as it comes and try to put your mind in a better place if you can

You have been through both an emotionally traumatic time but also pushed your body to its extreme, both these things will take a bit of time to process most probably, either way try and be good to yourself if you can

 

[Someone123]

hey everyone. just an update. yes i'm still alive. i don't know why some people don't believe me—which is fine. in terms of answering some questions:

i have no idea why i'm alive. i drank about.. a tablespoon and a half of SN? i'll estimate? maybe a little bit less or more. i fasted for two days. i did not follow the regimen as it was a very hasty and impulsive act. i was not planning to go this day, but i was so depressed i thought i would play around with death. i do this a lot. overdoses of any kind just have never worked for me. my previous attempt i took 200mg of oxycodone and still lived.

the times i took might be sketchy because frankly i was not all here and not keeping track. i felt so dissociative i just could not think.

the reason why i took the computer in with me was last minute panic. it was right when i was stumbling. after i took the computer in with me i couldn't stand at all. i collapsed onto the floor and could not move. my whole body was numb and blue. my feet, legs, and arms, were completely blue - brown, and my lips were practically silver.

breathing was impossible and my heart was racing. like i said, my head felt like it was popping out. all i could taste was the SN. i felt like there was an immense hot pressure against my skull.

i got sick once, the first time i managed to collapse. i then was stuck on the floor. like i said, i felt like i was going to go, until i swallowed the wrong way and got sick again. then i felt a lot better. drank a ton of water until i was able to stand again jusy enough to get some iced tea from my fridge and drink that. kept spitting as much as i could as i did not have the strength to keep getting sick. everything was still blue.

i don't know the rules about pictures and i am still on mobile, so i apologize if sharing them is against any regulations, but i guess since people are asking for some kind of proof, here are my lips about two hours after the attempt, plus my hands. you can see the blueness in my veins, and how grey the skin is.

i slept for a very long time and just woke up. everything is back to normal, but i still feel very exhausted.
View attachment 78834for comparison, here is what my lips normally look like. i'm sure you can see the difference.

During the attempt you posted things where this may not be the best decision for you- you do look young and one big factor is that young people have a lot of potential time, opportunities, and energy for turning things around- very often it's just a matter of finding or seeing these opportunities. If a person is uncertain whether they want to ctb then I think that trying some volunteering, especially to help animals, is one way that can be helpful to make a person want to continue. This attempt is similar to some others I have seen - impulsive attempts with SN especially seem to not work out, and this applies to a lot of other methods as well.