yes. money absolutely buys happiness, freedom, and peace. i have desperately needed my own safe, stable, comfortable housing all my life and never really gotten it. first thing i would do is find a nice apartment with huge windows. ive grown very fond of wandering the streets for hours like a ghost, especially in the dark. who knows how many years i could amuse myself with that alone. it would feel amazing to be able to truly make the world a better place as well. i could give things to the homeless such as socks that they always need. i could offer, instead of a joint or a can of beer, a microdose of a pill with just a good amount of thc to help mellow things out. they are legal here. i am very creative, i could make cool little care packages.
i would also, if possible, buy a two bedroom with two baths in order to properly be able to offer up a guest room free of charge to a homeless youth in dire need, to honour my own past and provide guidance, wisdom, support, love, understanding, and help in an area i am all too familiar with. i just started watching a documentary on homeless youth and i couldnt stop sobbing, so i am still working on finishing it.
the neverending screaming inside my body would finally end.
i would get top surgery, which isnt covered by ontario for non binary people. i would also try to fix my fucked up eyebrow tattoos and possibly get proper healthcare in order to facilitate regrowth. i would somehow fix my dandruff and get excellent skincare to fix my skin.
i would get my whole damn body tattooed instead of just the one hand.
nobody really understand how awful the neverending fear is unless theyve experienced it. money or death can free me and nothing else.