I'm planning to ctb soon and I've been listing the people that I'll write to as well as something to leave them with (a gift) and after I'm done, I realized that it's pretty plenty.. but for me, it's really not a "reason" to stay. I think the brain chemicals really did some damage to me because these people would have given me the reason to stay months ago.
To this day, I still can't believe how much depression affects my life, I was struggling my whole life but I had hope and I kept finding reason to stay. Not anymore tho, I'm leaving this world for good.
It does make me feel guilty thinking about the people I'll be leaving behind but I know the world will not stop spinning just because I'm gone so they'll have to move on one way or another, even if it takes a lot of time.
I have this irrational thought tho that once I'll start writing letters for these people, I would think twice about ctb. I hope I won't. This is my first time planning properly and I don't want anyone or anything to stop it.
To this day, I still can't believe how much depression affects my life, I was struggling my whole life but I had hope and I kept finding reason to stay. Not anymore tho, I'm leaving this world for good.
It does make me feel guilty thinking about the people I'll be leaving behind but I know the world will not stop spinning just because I'm gone so they'll have to move on one way or another, even if it takes a lot of time.
I have this irrational thought tho that once I'll start writing letters for these people, I would think twice about ctb. I hope I won't. This is my first time planning properly and I don't want anyone or anything to stop it.
