Help do i have any other options?

[hopelesscore]

maybe you've read my other (and only) thread, but if you haven't, to summarize: my father won't let me go to college unless i wear a religious clothing (that i won't specify for reasons). i promised that i would wear it, and i started going to college last month. he said that if he caught me lying, he'll stop my college funds and i have to go back home.

fast forward to now, i basically only wear it when i go to classes or campus area. i don't wear that piece when i hang out with friends. last night i was walking home from a hang out with my friend WITHOUT that religious clothing. apparently my dad was here for a surprise visit and caught me (while i was vaping, to top it off) near my dorm. he got very mad at me and told me i'm going home this weekend, and that i will never go to college again.

i don't want that. i know i'm in the wrong here, i should've been more careful... but still i worked hard to get into this college. i impulsively tried to attempt and called my lover and my best friend (big mistake, i know) last night, they both begged me to stay so i couldn't do it (not to mention my method was veeery faulty lol). i also called my bio mother (her and my father are divorced since i was small), but i was so scared and felt bad to tell everything out of the blue to her so i just told her i need money for food.

now i'm stuck and confused. as i've mentioned in my last thread, i've been staying with my father's family for basically my whole life. but right now they're going to take away my education, something i worked so, so hard for, and i don't want that. i really want to tell my mother about this, but i'm afraid she'll make it into a huge commotion and i'll be burdening everyone again. not to mention their divorce and fight over me and my sibling's custody was super messy back then. i don't want to repeat that again. i just need my mother to fund me for a while until i get my scholarship, but again i'm just too scared to tell her.

i'm thinking of trying to ctb again, but i don't have a better plan yet. i don't want to do it in my dorm for obvious reasons, and i don't want it to be a burden to someone else (like jumping on a rail track). i can buy a rope, but i don't know where to hang. and i can't do sn or something complicated becasue i have to ctb before the end of the week if i'm really gonna do it. if anyone has an advice or recommended plan for me it would be appreciated.

but honestly? i still want to live. i don't want to die like this. i still want to meet my lover and my friends. i still want to make new friends in college and make new memories. but right now i just feel so stuck. if you were me, would you try contacting your mother just so you could continue living, even knowing that it will definitely cause a huge trouble and feels like a betrayal to your father and the family that raised you? right now i'm still debating the pros and cons of staying vs ctb.

i know this whole messy thread just sounds like i'm being selfish, and you can just tell me that. any response would be appreciated. thank you.

 

[N@te]

are you able to get loans or a part time job maybe? Or maybe you could take a leave of absence while you sort out your finances? If you don't want to ctb you probably shouldn't. And you killing yourself would probably disturb your family more than you asking for money

 

[Serena 2026]

Hello. I am still baffled by these religious impositions (which I respect), but I find the situation devastating for the people who have to submit to them. Religious attire—or anything else you wear—doesn't define who you are as a person, nor does it change what is in your heart. We know that in some countries, women suffer atrocities because of these religious issues, which is truly lamentable. Well, my advice is this: if you are still young, healthy, and have dreams, fight for your choices. Talk to your mother—it is high time she supported you in something in life. Insist on that support, find a way, get your education, and go be happy... You can do it... believe in yourself... I'm rooting for you and hoping everything goes well!

 

[N@te]

maybe you've read my other (and only) thread, but if you haven't, to summarize: my father won't let me go to college unless i wear a religious clothing (that i won't specify for reasons). i promised that i would wear it, and i started going to college last month. he said that if he caught me lying, he'll stop my college funds and i have to go back home.

fast forward to now, i basically only wear it when i go to classes or campus area. i don't wear that piece when i hang out with friends. last night i was walking home from a hang out with my friend WITHOUT that religious clothing. apparently my dad was here for a surprise visit and caught me (while i was vaping, to top it off) near my dorm. he got very mad at me and told me i'm going home this weekend, and that i will never go to college again.

i don't want that. i know i'm in the wrong here, i should've been more careful... but still i worked hard to get into this college. i impulsively tried to attempt and called my lover and my best friend (big mistake, i know) last night, they both begged me to stay so i couldn't do it (not to mention my method was veeery faulty lol). i also called my bio mother (her and my father are divorced since i was small), but i was so scared and felt bad to tell everything out of the blue to her so i just told her i need money for food.

now i'm stuck and confused. as i've mentioned in my last thread, i've been staying with my father's family for basically my whole life. but right now they're going to take away my education, something i worked so, so hard for, and i don't want that. i really want to tell my mother about this, but i'm afraid she'll make it into a huge commotion and i'll be burdening everyone again. not to mention their divorce and fight over me and my sibling's custody was super messy back then. i don't want to repeat that again. i just need my mother to fund me for a while until i get my scholarship, but again i'm just too scared to tell her.

i'm thinking of trying to ctb again, but i don't have a better plan yet. i don't want to do it in my dorm for obvious reasons, and i don't want it to be a burden to someone else (like jumping on a rail track). i can buy a rope, but i don't know where to hang. and i can't do sn or something complicated becasue i have to ctb before the end of the week if i'm really gonna do it. if anyone has an advice or recommended plan for me it would be appreciated.

but honestly? i still want to live. i don't want to die like this. i still want to meet my lover and my friends. i still want to make new friends in college and make new memories. but right now i just feel so stuck. if you were me, would you try contacting your mother just so you could continue living, even knowing that it will definitely cause a huge trouble and feels like a betrayal to your father and the family that raised you? right now i'm still debating the pros and cons of staying vs ctb.

i know this whole messy thread just sounds like i'm being selfish, and you can just tell me that. any response would be appreciated. thank you.

also even if you drop out of your college you may be able to apply for readmission or apply for some other university

 

[Praestat_Mori]

if you were me, would you try contacting your mother just so you could continue living, even knowing that it will definitely cause a huge trouble and feels like a betrayal to your father and the family that raised you?

They put beliefs over your well-being? Really? They force you to wear a religious dress that you don't wanna wear? They destroy your future in the name of religion ... No words.

What's wrong with the decision to live with your mother?

You deserve to go to college and get a good education. I'd consider moving to mother.

 

[hopelesscore]

are you able to get loans or a part time job maybe? Or maybe you could take a leave of absence while you sort out your finances? If you don't want to ctb you probably shouldn't. And you killing yourself would probably disturb your family more than you asking for money

oh i wish i could, but i don't think i could manage a part time job while being in my major... i'm really bad at managing time. and a part time job in my country still wouldn't cover up all my living expenses and tuition, so really my mother is my best bet. i think taking a leave of absence would be the best choice until i sort this out.

i know they'll be disturbed, that's selfishly part of the reason why i have to ctb this week if i can't find a way out. i want them to know that in the end, my life is still in my hands.

Hello. I am still baffled by these religious impositions (which I respect), but I find the situation devastating for the people who have to submit to them. Religious attire—or anything else you wear—doesn't define who you are as a person, nor does it change what is in your heart. We know that in some countries, women suffer atrocities because of these religious issues, which is truly lamentable. Well, my advice is this: if you are still young, healthy, and have dreams, fight for your choices. Talk to your mother—it is high time she supported you in something in life. Insist on that support, find a way, get your education, and go be happy... You can do it... believe in yourself... I'm rooting for you and hoping everything goes well!

thank you so much for your kind words :( unfortunately my family is part of the problem that thinks women should wear specific attire to have more "worth", or atleast that's what they expect of me.

i will try calling my mother after this. hoping everything goes well for you too

They put beliefs over your well-being? Really? They force you to wear a religious dress that you don't wanna wear? They destroy your future in the name of religion ... No words.

What's wrong with the decision to live with your mother?

You deserve to go to college and get a good education. I'd consider moving to mother.

even i'm baffled. they're not even THAT religious yet they impose it this much on me. i know its out of worry or whatever, but damn.

unfortunately my mother lives abroad, so i can't exactly move with her. but i'll try getting her support after this.

also even if you drop out of your college you may be able to apply for readmission or apply for some other university

i know i could just take another test next year, but who knows how i'll perform. and i'll feel like i wasted my chance here if i don't fight for it. but again i don't want to cause any trouble either :(

 

[cptsdfugue]

maybe you've read my other (and only) thread, but if you haven't, to summarize: my father won't let me go to college unless i wear a religious clothing (that i won't specify for reasons). i promised that i would wear it, and i started going to college last month. he said that if he caught me lying, he'll stop my college funds and i have to go back home.

fast forward to now, i basically only wear it when i go to classes or campus area. i don't wear that piece when i hang out with friends. last night i was walking home from a hang out with my friend WITHOUT that religious clothing. apparently my dad was here for a surprise visit and caught me (while i was vaping, to top it off) near my dorm. he got very mad at me and told me i'm going home this weekend, and that i will never go to college again.

i don't want that. i know i'm in the wrong here, i should've been more careful... but still i worked hard to get into this college. i impulsively tried to attempt and called my lover and my best friend (big mistake, i know) last night, they both begged me to stay so i couldn't do it (not to mention my method was veeery faulty lol). i also called my bio mother (her and my father are divorced since i was small), but i was so scared and felt bad to tell everything out of the blue to her so i just told her i need money for food.

now i'm stuck and confused. as i've mentioned in my last thread, i've been staying with my father's family for basically my whole life. but right now they're going to take away my education, something i worked so, so hard for, and i don't want that. i really want to tell my mother about this, but i'm afraid she'll make it into a huge commotion and i'll be burdening everyone again. not to mention their divorce and fight over me and my sibling's custody was super messy back then. i don't want to repeat that again. i just need my mother to fund me for a while until i get my scholarship, but again i'm just too scared to tell her.

i'm thinking of trying to ctb again, but i don't have a better plan yet. i don't want to do it in my dorm for obvious reasons, and i don't want it to be a burden to someone else (like jumping on a rail track). i can buy a rope, but i don't know where to hang. and i can't do sn or something complicated becasue i have to ctb before the end of the week if i'm really gonna do it. if anyone has an advice or recommended plan for me it would be appreciated.

but honestly? i still want to live. i don't want to die like this. i still want to meet my lover and my friends. i still want to make new friends in college and make new memories. but right now i just feel so stuck. if you were me, would you try contacting your mother just so you could continue living, even knowing that it will definitely cause a huge trouble and feels like a betrayal to your father and the family that raised you? right now i'm still debating the pros and cons of staying vs ctb.

i know this whole messy thread just sounds like i'm being selfish, and you can just tell me that. any response would be appreciated. thank you.

You're not being selfish at all, you're seeking help and advice! Now I might be a bit late but personally I'd stay and try my best to live - killing yourself/CTB is a huge decision you can't take back and it clearly looks like you still have quite a lot to live for… your friends and education and lover… you asking your mother isn't embarrassing it's just you needing help. It might feel like a betrayal but if your education is something you truly value, even over that feeling of "what if I'm betraying my father," I would definitely talk to your mom.

Maybe college will change things. I was more depressed and severely suicidal before college, of course I still am but I've felt healthier and happier than I've ever been. To me suicide is an option only when I've exhausted all other possible routes, and I still have a route as you do too.

I wish you all the best. You deserve a happy life with a lover and lots of friends and people who actually care for and adore you