I have found love and have a loving partner. She is amazing and I hate the fact that I'm not happy. She throws so much love and care at me but it just goes right through me. It's a horrible feeling. I can't give the same back. Not even able to acknowledge it
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BlackMoon
Peace-seeker
- Oct 30, 2023
- 190
No. I would still be depressed but not suicidal anymore.
Sadly it's absolutely impossible to happen.
Sadly it's absolutely impossible to happen.
mortuarymary
Enlightened
- Jan 17, 2024
- 1,363
Very similar. But I love him, so I won't CTB. Well not for a long time. He's put up with too much shit from me and he's still here. Guy needs a medal lol
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ijustwishtodie
I have finally found my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 5,796
Yes, I'd still want to ctb because my issue is existence itself. Not even love is enough to make me want to voluntarily continue living
That's really sweet. I wish I had that mentality. She's kept me here for years. But fuck me it's getting unbearable
mortuarymary
Enlightened
- Jan 17, 2024
- 1,363
I get it. So close in the summer to CTB. But I resisted, plus I've a 13 year old three legged dog. I can't leave him.
Fulminare
Read Thomas Szasz!
- Feb 20, 2022
- 227
pthnrdnojvsc
Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
- Aug 12, 2019
- 3,474
I'm so beyond that bs .
The mind is everything what you think you become
My Non-existence is what I love. I love my shotgun that can actually help me escape this hell.
The mind is everything what you think you become
My Non-existence is what I love. I love my shotgun that can actually help me escape this hell.
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Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 21,383
Absolutely not. My inability to find the love of my life due to her not existing is really the main cause of me wanting to CTB in the first place. I say it's impossible for me but really my odds are ""only"" around 1 in 14,000,000,605. I have a better chance of losing all my hair during a total eclipse on Arbor Day while listening to the Marine Corps Band playing 'Home on the Range' and watching a Badminton match between two guys named Ichabod than at finding such a person though.
But yes, if by some sheer miracle I do manage to actually find the love of my life and succeed in romancing her, I suppose then and only then would I finally feel free to renounce my need to CTB. That is unless of course, life finds a way and decides to take her away from me somehow whether by death or infidelity. After that the urge to CTB would make my current urges now look like child's play.
But yes, if by some sheer miracle I do manage to actually find the love of my life and succeed in romancing her, I suppose then and only then would I finally feel free to renounce my need to CTB. That is unless of course, life finds a way and decides to take her away from me somehow whether by death or infidelity. After that the urge to CTB would make my current urges now look like child's play.
nembutal
everything will be okay in the end
- Jul 14, 2022
- 334
It would be enough. That said I don't think I am good enough for this to truly happen.
Malaria
If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead
- Feb 24, 2024
- 1,084
I am in a relationship and I still think about suicide almost everyday. It's nothing to do with him, he's really a sweet and caring person, I just have way too much trauma and mental disorders that makes me want to escape my pain.
If i still find the love of my life i'd probably find a way to fuck things up due to my fucked up mind.
Happened a couple of times in my life, had the opportunity to met wonderful womens and always found a way to deteriotate eveything.
In other words, i'd still CTB as planned.
Happened a couple of times in my life, had the opportunity to met wonderful womens and always found a way to deteriotate eveything.
In other words, i'd still CTB as planned.
leavingthesoultrap
(ᴗ_ ᴗ。)
- Nov 25, 2023
- 1,212
Such a thing is rare. Love comes and goes. Not interested in that bs anymore
Final_Choice
Mage
- Aug 3, 2023
- 542
Probably, I more than likely would not let myself get to close to anyone in such a way because I want to CTB and that might end up hurting them in the long run. So if I met someone like that I might think of the possibility, maybe it would be enough to at least lower my desire to CTB for some time, but overall not worth it if it means I might end up doing so much damage to someone I care about, when instead I can just not get close to them.
TDF
Meh might as well die
- Jun 24, 2023
- 474
No, I would live. But I have no idea how to achieve that. I want enduring love based on mutual understand and acceptance and commitment not just some temporary infatuation. So far no cigar sadly, even a 10 year marriage turned out to be built on lies 
.
.
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reisen
the game was rigged from the start
- Jul 3, 2023
- 2
probably yes, i feel like love always causes trouble and would make me wanna ctb more and at the end of the day im still me, and im the problem
wanttodie
Enlightened
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,827
Dliena
𝚂𝚂 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝙽𝚘. 43,53?
- Dec 22, 2023
- 1,888
Yes but I don't think I'm finding any type of love on this planet not like I'd bother anyway too much trials and errors won't always work out IMHO.
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JezebelDuLioncourt
Member
- Feb 23, 2024
- 81
I have met the love of my life. We spent eleven years together on this planet. They had been the happiest years of my life. She is now in the afterlife, where I will be joining her in a couple of months. No better reason to leave this earthly body than to be with my soulmate eternal.
InAgony
To insanity and beyond
- Feb 19, 2024
- 132
nature
lost cause
- Mar 2, 2024
- 38
I agree, I always feel any kind of normal love i may get isn't meant for me and id reject it. All i can imagine a short lived future with is one with the same thoughts and feelings of the world that will die early on with me at peace. Love is one crazy thought:
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 21,383
I retract this painfully childish answer. This foolish dribble was unwittingly spilt by a naive young fool in his 20s. I am now 30 and therefore wiser thanks to being reminded of this scene from Rick and Morty.
Basically even in the rare 1 in 14,000,605 chance that I did find someone, I might still constantly want to CTB from all the fear I have of losing them, which would ironically likely drive them away, which would bring me right back where I am now. This unconquerable fear I have inside will always persist and be there to destroy me.
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xmissellax
Need My Peace
- Feb 25, 2024
- 113
Yes. I have the love of my life. And I still want to CTB. Love cannot fix everything and we can't expect it to. We can't expect ordinary people to have the tools to significantly help depression/suicidal thoughts/OCD/Autism and ideation. He deserves better than what I can provide for him and I don't want him to be basically like my carer, mentally and sometimes physically with my chronic health conditions, for the rest of his life. Luckily he understands or is coming round to fully understanding. He wants to live, I want him to live and experience his life and urged him to do so.
AnxietyHangover
Global Moderator
- Aug 20, 2022
- 243
sserafim
they say it's darkest of all before the dawn
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,012
bettertosleep
Member
- May 3, 2023
- 12
i have finally found him, he's perfect in every way. but i still feel like something is missing. we're online so hopefully once we meet up things will get better for the both of us
lita-lassi
let me spell it out for you: go to hell
- Sep 25, 2023
- 585
falling_snow
Mage
- Aug 9, 2023
- 528
id like to find it, but i really think that it doesnt exist.
but if he does, maybe id stay for him
but if he does, maybe id stay for him
