a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
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Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
Yup! $$$$ would Def help in my situation..love the old truck n house by a lake..sometimes it's just the simple things in life that can give us joy and peace ..
Smashingairwaves
misery factory
- Nov 15, 2018
- 193
A shit ton of money so I could sort my self out
LastRide
Specialist
- Jan 23, 2020
- 369
LOVE. Real, unconditional love, not the kind where you're being judged by certain standards all the time.
And better health would help too.
And better health would help too.
Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I think I am so damaged, nothing can fix it. I would have to start life again at age 4.
When life was so horrible for so long, one single thing can fix it. Turning back the clock 2 months and if I prevented my love from CTBing, him being here wouldn't have fixed my PTSD and medical illnesses from 9/11. We would have to turn back the clock and prevent that from happening.
Turn back the clock to prevent the loneliness, abuse, molestation, and everything else that has happened since age 4.... where you can take away the Herpes given to me after my brother molested me.
Sometimes there is just too much damage for one single thing if it happened to fix. The good thing is just a band aid. It only fixes things temporarily.
When life was so horrible for so long, one single thing can fix it. Turning back the clock 2 months and if I prevented my love from CTBing, him being here wouldn't have fixed my PTSD and medical illnesses from 9/11. We would have to turn back the clock and prevent that from happening.
Turn back the clock to prevent the loneliness, abuse, molestation, and everything else that has happened since age 4.... where you can take away the Herpes given to me after my brother molested me.
Sometimes there is just too much damage for one single thing if it happened to fix. The good thing is just a band aid. It only fixes things temporarily.
If I had good looks,money, and means of retaliation against the people who have destroyed my life , I wouldn't be suicidal anymore.
WhiteEyes
always late
- Jan 20, 2020
- 67
There isnt a single thing that could fix it really. I suppose a reset would work though i would have to have the mind i have now.
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
Only if the gf came back from the dead. That's not gonna happen, and there's nothing else that's going to keep me here.
Enough money to not have to work and to be able to pay my large (for me) debts. I would still be depressed and regretful over 'lost' years, but having money would mean I'd be lucky enough not to go to some shit job 40-50 hours a week to pay creditors and rent etc. I had to move back in with my parents recently. As it is I'll probably be working until I die, which is my fault. I could also be fired in the near future which might mean bankruptcy. I've got no friends really anymore, and haven't had a relationship in over 15 years. I'm a good example of a middle aged loser. I would probably withdraw from most of the world, maybe go travelling very occasionally. I'd just indulge in immature/consumption habits such as gaming as well as surfing the internet and maybe reading again (too stressed/can't concentrate for that atm) in peace.
I'd also hopefully reduce my heavy drink and light drug use, coping mechanisms, to better my appearance and get in shape, I tend to look unhealthy and don't like looking in the mirror and hide from all photographs, although I've never really liked the way I look. For example, my body looks like shit too, despite not being overweight. Get on testosterone maybe and maybe even see a hooker afterwards. Mid life crisis mode. I'm already in my mid-late 30s so I've got older years to contend with and if I felt like CTB I could do that at some later if needs be.
Or a time machine.
All of this is all pie in the sky thinking and escape fantasies. Maybe nothing would change.
I'd also hopefully reduce my heavy drink and light drug use, coping mechanisms, to better my appearance and get in shape, I tend to look unhealthy and don't like looking in the mirror and hide from all photographs, although I've never really liked the way I look. For example, my body looks like shit too, despite not being overweight. Get on testosterone maybe and maybe even see a hooker afterwards. Mid life crisis mode. I'm already in my mid-late 30s so I've got older years to contend with and if I felt like CTB I could do that at some later if needs be.
Or a time machine.
All of this is all pie in the sky thinking and escape fantasies. Maybe nothing would change.
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My prime looks(I use to be drop dead gorgeous) back and longer youth so I could do it again. With a sincere loving relationship with a man . Yea it sounds shallow but it would help me not to want to ctb just a lil longer
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mathieu
Enlightened
- Jun 5, 2019
- 1,090
Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
Wow @Jean4 ..I'm at a loss for words..I can't even imagine. N then the recent loss of ur partner/soulmate..I just can't..ur so strong..sending u love, hugs, n kisses
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I take one second at a time to get through the day.... putting one foot in front of the other.Wow @Jean4 ..I'm at a loss for words..I can't even imagine. N then the recent loss of ur partner/soulmate..I just can't..ur so strong..sending u love, hugs, n kisses
Quarky00
Enlightened
- Dec 17, 2019
- 1,956
Midnight
Beyond solace
- Jun 30, 2018
- 624
Love .. and if not that then boatloads of money to cope.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,957
If I had the ability to enjoy my hobby the way I want, on my own terms and to the extent that I am hoping for (including meeting my self defined goals, and then some more), then it would really help stave off CTB for me. I don't think (in the grand scheme of things) that I would ever reach a point of never CTB'ing realistically speaking, because there is almost always something that will push me there; the only difference is a matter of 'when' rather than if.
Also, just general basic needs met, food, shelter, clothing, utilities, and what not, then not having to worry about survival that would help as well too.
Also, just general basic needs met, food, shelter, clothing, utilities, and what not, then not having to worry about survival that would help as well too.
Kikoo Loool
Enlightened
- Feb 25, 2019
- 1,128
If I had married my first love, instead of convincing myself I should not for stupid reasons.
issyishere
Goodnight and always remember that’s life
- Nov 5, 2019
- 441
if i had perfect health. being diagnosed with chronic issues and pain at 20 really did a number on my brain. my love of life was extinguished that moment and i've never been able to find it again.
helpmehelpme
self and collective help
- Jan 25, 2020
- 76
k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
...the ability to go back in time and refuse the surgeries that destroyed my life. There are a lot of things wrong now, but everything traces back to that.
R_N
-Memento Mori-
- Dec 3, 2019
- 1,442
porfin1234
Arcanist
- Dec 26, 2019
- 476
Make that 2001 for me. By god, how I wish I could experience life without chronic illness again.
Banquo501
Experienced
- Feb 6, 2020
- 259
If I had my health, some money, and the woman I love then I'd probably be fine. I don't have any of those things though, and unless theres a miracle, I won't have them either.
If I had a great mental and physical health, I wouldn't want to kill myself. Although everything was absolutely perfect in my life just a few weeks ago, my depression and illness came back out of nowhere and I realized that it really doesn't matter anymore whether I'll get well again because I'll get inevitably worse again and I'm so, so tired of this seemingly neverending, stressful rollercoaster. I just want to run away from everything for ever and find my peace. Hope you all find yours, too
