Discussion If I had_______ ,I would choose to live

[faust]

Money to pay for surgeries so that I can transition and support from my family and friends.
I hate that since I came out, almost all the people I knew, even the ones that I considered my closest friends, turned their back on me, now I'm all alone

This is unbelievable! You did nothing bad to them, you just had to improve your health. You were looking for support from them and they disappeared. Honestly, they weren't even friends to you then, maybe the life just showed you the people around you are wrong. Sending you my warmest hugs!
@BearNoMore I got you and I respect your choice. Also I can tell you for sure that giving up the thing you have been doing for so long is a bad idea. I was doing calisthenics and long-distance running myself for a while, but I regret stopping that. Now just don't feel any pleasure and it is horrible.
Concerning travels, I can suggest you another option. If you want to travel, but still want to take care of your body, you can simply buy a ticket and rent a flat (not on airbnb of course) somewhere outside the city center and close to the gym. I cannot see your location, but there are often cheaper countries where rent is not so high and you can get a decent place to live. Plus you can try to find a job in another country so that it would be enough money for all your needs. Also, there are many local "Work and Travel" things in which you can participate. I don't actually remember the website, but I have seen a huge list of vacancies in many different places. For some people volunteering may be fine, but the accommodation is likely to be in a remote area. Maybe my message seems too obvious and you would prefer not to work while traveling, but I found it necessary to write some info.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Kids

 

[Lostandfound7]

close friends who care about me and talk to me and spend time with me

Yes..well we might not b "close" to u on this site but we care about u, n are always here for u-no judgement

Kids

Agreeeeed!! My reason too

 

[Lostandfound7]

@Lostandfound7 In a few words, it is a state of a very good mood, high energy and sometimes euphoria which is typical to those who have bipolar. With mania (more likely to be hypomania) you can get some very nice surprises like you don't have to sleep much, you do not get tired and it seems that there are no limits for you. I did not have much of drawbacks, but sometimes you can get annoyed easily, if mania is severe can be psychosis and many other unpleasant things

Wow! I've never heard of that before!! Ty for that info! I think I'm gonna research that some more...*hand over face*

Money to pay for surgeries so that I can transition and support from my family and friends.
I hate that since I came out, almost all the people I knew, even the ones that I considered my closest friends, turned their back on me, now I'm all alone

Hey my Love..sorry to hear that..that is absolutely horrible that they have turned their backs on u. It's possible that the new info is just too much for them to grasp right now.give it a lil time n if those "friends" still don't come around n love n accept u for who u r, then they were never really friends. Ur body is only a shell.so whoever knows n loves u, is loving u as person-not ur bodybso whatever "form" u choose, should not affect ur friendship..n if those "friends" don't come around, then ur too good for them..sending my love n a BIG hug! ..

 

[faust]

@Lostandfound7 It's okay, I was living with it and had never known about that

 

[Lostandfound7]

So what would ppl say about ur personality with mania? That ur the life of the party? Crazy? Hyper??

 

[Lostandfound7]

No severe anxiety

I don't suffer with anxiety, but the few times I have been anxious, were horrendous.I can't even imagine living like that on a regular..I'm sorry

There isnt a single thing that could fix it really. I suppose a reset would work though i would have to have the mind i have now.

Imagine a "reset" button we could press everyone we went thru something unpleasant n traumatic in our lives! Or maybe better yet, a "DELETE" button!!

 

[faust]

So what would ppl say about ur personality with mania? That ur the life of the party? Crazy? Hyper??

I don't have mania since 17. But I was in love with cuddles then and could hug everybody!
P.S. Living in anxiety makes the life almost unbearable for sure. You cannot do most of the things you want to do. And it is like you are constantly on the edge

 

[Lostandfound7]

My wife and dog back

Two very painful losses..I'm sorry

 

[BearNoMore]

@BearNoMore I got you and I respect your choice. Also I can tell you for sure that giving up the thing you have been doing for so long is a bad idea. I was doing calisthenics and long-distance running myself for a while, but I regret stopping that. Now just don't feel any pleasure and it is horrible.
Concerning travels, I can suggest you another option. If you want to travel, but still want to take care of your body, you can simply buy a ticket and rent a flat (not on airbnb of course) somewhere outside the city center and close to the gym. I cannot see your location, but there are often cheaper countries where rent is not so high and you can get a decent place to live. Plus you can try to find a job in another country so that it would be enough money for all your needs. Also, there are many local "Work and Travel" things in which you can participate. I don't actually remember the website, but I have seen a huge list of vacancies in many different places. For some people volunteering may be fine, but the accommodation is likely to be in a remote area. Maybe my message seems too obvious and you would prefer not to work while traveling, but I found it necessary to write some info.

That actually is great advice. I know some friends that have done things like teach English abroad etc. and they enjoyed their experience. I'll try to look into the "work and travel" programs a bit. Ideally I would work temporarily while exploring and saving some money and then take a little adventure with the saved funds.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I don't have mania since 17. But I was in love with cuddles then and could hug everybody!
P.S. Living in anxiety makes the life almost unbearable for sure. You cannot do most of the things you want to do. And it is like you are constantly on the edge

Interesting about the hugging in mania..ty again..yes! I have anxiety every now n then n it def sux...

If I had a great mental and physical health, I wouldn't want to kill myself. Although everything was absolutely perfect in my life just a few weeks ago, my depression and illness came back out of nowhere and I realized that it really doesn't matter anymore whether I'll get well again because I'll get inevitably worse again and I'm so, so tired of this seemingly neverending, stressful rollercoaster. I just want to run away from everything for ever and find my peace. Hope you all find yours, too❤

Same here kinda..I never suffered with severe depression ever in my life, until last yr. N it hit me so severe that I started researching suicide, which I have also never entertained the thought much..I'm really afraid that now since I have entered into depression that this will b my new "norm"..

 

[faust]

That actually is great advice. I know some friends that have done things like teach English abroad etc. and they enjoyed their experience. I'll try to look into the "work and travel" programs a bit. Ideally I would work temporarily while exploring and saving some money and then take a little adventure with the saved funds.

Oh, right, I forgot about that. You can get a decent pay rate working as an English teacher while on program.
@Lostandfound7 I prefer panic attacks. You get a storm for a few minutes and after it stops you feel okay again. But if overdose caffeine while you are sensitive to it, you cannot even move because it causes panic. So you have to stay in bed all day after general panic attacks disappear.

 

[Lostandfound7]

If I had my sleep back I would live.

Wow..sleep is def a precious commodity..

 

[Lostandfound7]

Oh, right, I forgot about that. You can get a decent pay rate working as an English teacher while on program.
@Lostandfound7 I prefer panic attacks. You get a storm for a few minutes and after it stops you feel okay again. But if overdose caffeine while you are sensitive to it, you cannot even move because it causes panic. So you have to stay in bed all day after general panic attacks disappear.

Wow..

This may seem silly to other people, but fitness and nutrition have been a core component of my life the last 8 years (I am 27) and that has made my travel more based on comfort. I don't actively compete in competitions, but would consider myself a bodybuilder. The discipline, structure, and health benefits of it have honestly been part of what has allowed me to keep fighting this long.

That limits my options pretty severely. I would have limited nutrition options on a budget and not have access to gyms (sure I could run and do calisthenics and things but it's not the same). That has been what has held me back from traveling on a budget with camping and/or hostels and living off cheap local foods and such. I'd go from working out for an hour and a half with equipment and eating a very specific diet to no equipment and relying on what was available and cost effective.

Maybe it's worth giving up that aspect of my life and trying to travel that way to see it provides me more fulfillment. I just don't know if I can give that up or if I would feel okay if I did.

Great advice from @faust !

 

[HannahB]

I dont know. See I've accomplished many things in my lifetime I even built my own home, but theres this saying "no matter where you go that's where you are". It counts for time too no matter where I go I will always be what I am. Some things will go bad and some things good. The path I take is irrelevant because the thing I'm chasing isnt real, Its non tangable, it's an idea not an object. The second law of thermodynamics is energy cannot be created nor distroyed only change form. I can change my form over and over I can live or die it really doesnt matter because I cannot distroy what I am only my recognition of what I am. So I guess the answer to your question is nothing.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I dont know. See I've accomplished many things in my lifetime I even built my own home, but theres this saying "no matter where you go that's where you are". It counts for time too no matter where I go I will always be what I am. Some things will go bad and some things good. The path I take is irrelevant because the thing I'm chasing isnt real, Its non tangable, it's an idea not an object. The second law of thermodynamics is energy cannot be created nor distroyed only change form. I can change my form over and over I can live or die it really doesnt matter because I cannot distroy what I am only my recognition of what I am. So I guess the answer to your question is nothing.

Hey Love..I hear u..this is where I believe that if the external things can't "change" the way u feel, then its a mental issue. now it's not a matter of the external so much, now it's the internal. Some ppl here have said $, physical health,or a mate will help them to wanna live. Those r the externals. For some, their issues r mental/internal. I think that's y we can see celebrities that have so much $ n live such lavish lifestyles, still ctb..no matter what they have, their suffering mentally so nothing they buy can help..mental illness sux

 

[Read123456788]

My husband. He passed away suddenly and before that absolutely loved my life.

 

[GinaIsReady]

Long term financial security.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Long term financial security.

Ditto!! Stress the loooooong term..$$

My husband. He passed away suddenly and before that absolutely loved my life.

Wow so sorry to hear that..my bestie just lost her husband to cancer. Devastation is putting it mildy..It's one of those things that unless u have experienced it, no one can understand.I hate when ppl say they understand with grief/death n they haven't lost the same...Sending u love n hugs..

 

[Cave Johnson]

A lack of severe depression, and anxiety. Also if I'd been born female. Even if I still had my physical problems, without all the mental baggage I think I might be able to handle it.

 

[Lostandfound7]

A lack of severe depression, and anxiety. Also if I'd been born female. Even if I still had my physical problems, without all the mental baggage I think I might be able to handle it.

 

[BabyYoda]

someone who truly loved me for who I am. unfortunately I don't have this kind of privilege

 

[hatelife]

Beauty :/

Not to be dramatic. It would just make up for all the other shit and make it maybe bearable.


I'm sorry you lost your best friend. Can really hurt.

people would not treat u for u but for how u look, would u really want this? would u want a man to marry u for your looks and then maybe u get into a fire and have your face destroyed for him to leave you? I have thought about this alot and think God is actually protecting me from this evil things, shallow things u know

 

[ghostspace]

Physical and mental health and financial security. I don't want to be rich or anything, just able to live a quiet, comfortable life.

I wish more than anything that I didn't have BPD. Then I wouldn't have to isolate myself so much.

 

[lostangel]

A family that could care about my well being. Instead of making me suicidal.

 

[sangfroid]

Any hope of being able to lead a relatively normal life and support myself

 

[Lostandfound7]

someone who truly loved me for who I am. unfortunately I don't have this kind of privilege

I'm so sorry to hear that..we r here for u

 

[maka]

A loving family. The closest thing I have to a mother is my teacher, amd I cherish every moment I spend with her. I want parents who tell me good job when I do something good, who tell me they love me back instead of telling me to go away, and who actually listen to me instead of dismiss me. I want parents who I can talk to and confide in, not ones I fear. I want parents who want the best for me and not the worst. I wanna know what true, honest, deep and undeniable love feels like.

 

[Lostandfound7]

A loving family. The closest thing I have to a mother is my teacher, amd I cherish every moment I spend with her. I want parents who tell me good job when I do something good, who tell me they love me back instead of telling me to go away, and who actually listen to me instead of dismiss me. I want parents who I can talk to and confide in, not ones I fear. I want parents who want the best for me and not the worst. I wanna know what true, honest, deep and undeniable love feels like.

I'm sorry that u even have to ask for that..

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Money. I would still probably kill myself, but it would definitely delay it, maybe even for a couple of more decades. The financial stress, current job loss and the trouble finding employment now because my brain is terrible is really the thing that is making it all so unbearable right now. It won't solve everything, but it would make life way more comfortable to where I would be able to stick it out longer.