
Draxolotl
jagged teeth
- Aug 24, 2023
- 11
missed checking in yesterday, was working overtime.
cried at the doctor's office and suddenly she was significantly more compassionate in care, so a plus, but embarassing..kind of tears that well up and spill without sobbing.
Haven't slept since sunday. was hallucinating last night; shadow figures passing my doorway and hearing voices and music. Really distressed. Gunna lay down and order groceries so I can eat later.
accidentally trauma dumped on a friend, though it seemed to really put things into perspective why "All days come to an end. Good ones and bad. But when the bad ones end, they pave the way for good ones. Just gotta do what you can, keep on rolling, and the good days will come sooner then you think" isn't particularly inspiring to me.
like, i live in extreme isolation. sometimes go 3 or more days without seeing another human physically, and it's been proven to cause significant damage to the psyche, and then i have the disabled shit on top of it.
started developing negative symptoms of schizophrenia at 13 years old.
first was flat affect. i was physically unable to make facial expressions. I didnt learn how to smile until I was 22
but at the same time, I'm just so fucking burnt out from having to be disabled every single day.
this isnt fun or very cool or like uwu special, and I'm REALLY kinda fed up with folks treating mental health like a magic power or gift.
I do not "see angles uwu" or "hear the guiding voices of my ancestors" I'm tired and cranky and see distressing visions that act more like a nuisance because I understand they're not real because I'm not stupid nor brainwashed by local religion.
It's a chore.
cried at the doctor's office and suddenly she was significantly more compassionate in care, so a plus, but embarassing..kind of tears that well up and spill without sobbing.
Haven't slept since sunday. was hallucinating last night; shadow figures passing my doorway and hearing voices and music. Really distressed. Gunna lay down and order groceries so I can eat later.
accidentally trauma dumped on a friend, though it seemed to really put things into perspective why "All days come to an end. Good ones and bad. But when the bad ones end, they pave the way for good ones. Just gotta do what you can, keep on rolling, and the good days will come sooner then you think" isn't particularly inspiring to me.
like, i live in extreme isolation. sometimes go 3 or more days without seeing another human physically, and it's been proven to cause significant damage to the psyche, and then i have the disabled shit on top of it.
started developing negative symptoms of schizophrenia at 13 years old.
first was flat affect. i was physically unable to make facial expressions. I didnt learn how to smile until I was 22
but at the same time, I'm just so fucking burnt out from having to be disabled every single day.
this isnt fun or very cool or like uwu special, and I'm REALLY kinda fed up with folks treating mental health like a magic power or gift.
I do not "see angles uwu" or "hear the guiding voices of my ancestors" I'm tired and cranky and see distressing visions that act more like a nuisance because I understand they're not real because I'm not stupid nor brainwashed by local religion.
It's a chore.