• If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
  • Hey Guest,

    If you would still like to donate, you still can. We have more than enough funds to cover operating expenses for quite a while, so don't worry about donating if you aren't able. If you want to donate something other than what is listed, you can contact RainAndSadness.

    Bitcoin Address (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt

    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9

    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8

S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
good morning
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: Life Is My Coffin, BurgundySnap, HighFlight and 2 others
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
@lita-lassi beautiful photos! Did you capture them recently? GL with your therapy appointment tomorrow.
everything i've posted has been taken in just the last couple months, most within just a few weeks, one was last night

@HighFlight sorry to hear dads day got you down đź«‚
good morning
very early mornin
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: BurgundySnap, HighFlight, Praestat_Mori and 1 other person
P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,944
everything i've posted has been taken in just the last couple months, most within just a few weeks, one was last night
That's great! I found photos of "burning clouds" from last winter. It's rare here anyways. (Photos are out of mobile phone cam, no manual image processing).

Burning Cloud02
Burning Cloud01

@HighFlight I'm sorry fathers day wasn't a great experience, I don't even know if there's a fathers day, where I live (idc, luckily I'm not a father). But on that day (and on mothers day) parents should be honored. I rarely (or never) did that myself although they really would have deserved it- shame on me.
 
  • Like
  • Love
  • Wow
Reactions: BurgundySnap, fleetingnight, lita-lassi and 2 others
Tesha

Tesha

Life too shall pass
May 31, 2020
690
@HighFlight as a mother, I know Mother's Day is just one commercialised day in the entire year. It can be shite, so try to focus on the other good days.. you appear to be a compassionate father.

Keep the photos coming… it's selfishly cheering me up a bit…

So, I'm not sure if this really counts as 'recovery'… I've moved into quite a dark place at the moment. I'm still asking for help - I'm on the waitlist for an admission as an informal patient, but my team are signalling they may push for an assessment and formal admission.. why… ? Because when my kids aren't with me, I'm using 'substances' to cope with my flashbacks and feelings.

I'm embarrassed about it and I do not do it when I have the kids with me…. But I'm risk taking and it wouldn't bother me if I went too far.

I've spent my life going through and surviving different adversities, but not killing yourself, when your mind and body is telling you to, is the hardest thing I've been through.
 
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: BurgundySnap, HighFlight, lita-lassi and 1 other person
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
That's great! I found photos of "burning clouds" from last winter. It's rare here anyways. (Photos are out of mobile phone cam, no manual image processing).

View attachment 142944
View attachment 142945

@HighFlight I'm sorry fathers day wasn't a great experience, I don't even know if there's a fathers day, where I live (idc, luckily I'm not a father). But on that day (and on mothers day) parents should be honored. I rarely (or never) did that myself although they really would have deserved it- shame on me.
these are gorgeous, thank you :)
20240323 194351 20210727 062341 20211124 064131 20220305 173546
therapy went good but i got into a pretty intense conflict with my current dude over substance use and i had to leave the car being rather scared of his temper. not for my safety but moreso not knowing how to think clearly when both of us get so heated. idk where we go from here :/ also, anyone know how to hire a lawyer? lol
 
Last edited:
  • Love
  • Hugs
  • Wow
Reactions: BurgundySnap, fleetingnight, Tesha and 2 others
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
good morning
went for a walk
i try to pick to times when there is no one around, I try to be polite and go out of my way to avoid anyone, but sometimes thats just imposible and i get looked at like a spider to be crushed
 

Attachments

  • 20240618_143410.jpg
    20240618_143410.jpg
    994.5 KB · Views: 0
  • 20240618_143826.jpg
    20240618_143826.jpg
    717.6 KB · Views: 0
  • 20240618_143910.jpg
    20240618_143910.jpg
    298.5 KB · Views: 0
  • 20240618_143919.jpg
    20240618_143919.jpg
    280.6 KB · Views: 0
  • 20240618_162530.jpg
    20240618_162530.jpg
    188.7 KB · Views: 0
  • 20240617_173705.jpg
    20240617_173705.jpg
    480.1 KB · Views: 0
  • 20240618_135634.jpg
    20240618_135634.jpg
    529.5 KB · Views: 0
  • Love
Reactions: MsHelena, BurgundySnap, HighFlight and 3 others
P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,944
@stillunemployed and @lita-lassi gorgeous photos!! I love them!
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight, lita-lassi and stillunemployed
arnxxx

arnxxx

Experienced
Mar 8, 2024
247
Good Morning

Been a while. Today is torture. I dont want to live anymore. Couldn't stop crying this morning and afternoon. This depression must be going better anytime soon or I don't know what else....

I will start doing very low effort volunteering work in a local government sponsored place. I hope from the bottom of my heart this will do me any good. I really do.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight, lita-lassi, stillunemployed and 1 other person
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
good morning
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight, lita-lassi and Praestat_Mori
trappedinthislife

trappedinthislife

Member
May 13, 2024
84
Hope its ok to ask for help for my situation here.

I just had ICL surgery. Right eye done, left eye 7-10 days from now. Doc have said it won't hurt but the surgery just freaks me out (and it does hurt a bit). So I am worried af about the second time. Im asking here since the other communities have been unhelpful.

I can describe how it's like to the best of my memory - I and many others get transported to the surgery area of the clinic (its cold af there, they said its to keep the equipments in good condition). Then its a long long wait. They give me a lil vial with a butterfly needle injected into my hand in case of allergy reactions. Then the scariest part is the operation itself - the room is even colder than the waiting room, and the whole time I have to stare at this bright af light when the doctor is doing some things I have no idea (and I should not know about anyways). After a while he told me to stare at my nose to help him calibrate the lens and then its done

I know Im showing good signs on my right eye, yet im still worried. I was so worried I cried on the night after the surgery lol. I know it's gonna be pretty scary again.
 
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: HighFlight, houseofleaves, lita-lassi and 2 others
arnxxx

arnxxx

Experienced
Mar 8, 2024
247
I feel completely full of despair. Nothing helps me anymore. I am becoming suicidal. I just rot away. This torture has had its way with me for over a year now. It won't leave me alone no matter what I try.

All i want is peace but the only thing giving me peace are alcohol and drugs. And that's only temporary.

I seriously am beyond desperate.

What the fuck should i do
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: HighFlight, lita-lassi, Praestat_Mori and 1 other person
Tesha

Tesha

Life too shall pass
May 31, 2020
690
I know it's gonna be pretty scary again.
It sounds like a horrible operation, I'm sorry you're having to go through them. Objectively it sounds like the first operation has caused you to suffer from acute stress. This can be a precursor to PTSD if it isn't managed effectively. Do you have access to someone you can talk to about the impact of the first operation. Could you delay the second operation until you feel more comfortable about it?

What the fuck should i do
I don't have the answer. I'm in the same boat and it's got to the point in my life that I either kill myself (deliberately by my method or accidentally via drug misuse) or get admitted. I don't want to rot away in a chemical induced nothingness, so I've got nothing else to lose (except my dignity and pride); so I've asked for one final inpatient stay. If it helps, then great. If it doesn't I'll be off.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: HighFlight, houseofleaves, lita-lassi and 2 others
arnxxx

arnxxx

Experienced
Mar 8, 2024
247
Does inpatient stay mean a mental hospital? I've been there twice but it didn't help me.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: HighFlight and Praestat_Mori
Tesha

Tesha

Life too shall pass
May 31, 2020
690
@arnxxx yes, it's a psychiatric hospital. I've been a number of times over recent years. I don't really find them psychologically therapeutic, but I do find them useful for managing my safety risks.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: HighFlight and Praestat_Mori
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
good morning
went for a walk
i try to pick to times when there is no one around, I try to be polite and go out of my way to avoid anyone, but sometimes thats just imposible and i get looked at like a spider to be crushed
i like your photos :)

@trappedinthislife it sounds like just some time to make sure the healing goes well and processing and telling yourself that "yes its fine and everything went how it was supposed to and my healing was successful (if it is)". maybe reading statistics on success rates could help? are you able to wear anything besides a gown into the surgery room? (sorry if im misinterpreting how this works for you) could you bring some warm sweaters or sweats to keep yourself more physically comfortable during the procedure? if you cant wear your own you should at least be able to request blankets or something from the staff, theres no benefit to you being freezing cold and uncomfortable during a simple eye fix. call the clinic and ask them ahead of time whats allowed in surgery if youre unsure, they should be willing to accommodate patients.

@arnxxx im sorry youre having such a hard time đź«‚ besides substance use to cope, what things help relax you? media/gaming? walks? nature? animals? making stuff? cooking/baking? reading? any small simple joys, even ones that may feel like a chore now from depression, can help ease some of the mental burden when an accomplishment comes through. if none of this is in any way helpful to read or think about, i apologize :/ i hope youre able to find anything to help yourself feel better. maybe trying something new, if you feel capable, could jump-start some good feelings. i hope you dont find any of this dismissive, but have you had any success in the past with any therapy exercises/methods? just throwing out what i know đź–¤

photos from last night:
20240619 203912 20240619 204343 20240619 210437 20240619 205436
 
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight, BurgundySnap, Praestat_Mori and 2 others
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
good morning
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: HighFlight and Praestat_Mori
trappedinthislife

trappedinthislife

Member
May 13, 2024
84
It sounds like a horrible operation, I'm sorry you're having to go through them. Objectively it sounds like the first operation has caused you to suffer from acute stress. This can be a precursor to PTSD if it isn't managed effectively. Do you have access to someone you can talk to about the impact of the first operation. Could you delay the second operation until you feel more comfortable about it?


I don't have the answer. I'm in the same boat and it's got to the point in my life that I either kill myself (deliberately by my method or accidentally via drug misuse) or get admitted. I don't want to rot away in a chemical induced nothingness, so I've got nothing else to lose (except my dignity and pride); so I've asked for one final inpatient stay. If it helps, then great. If it doesn't I'll be off.
Hmmm. I have a therapist. Currently we're "pausing" sessions so basically im not seeing her for a few months, but I think I can set up an appointment before my next. I could delay it but my two eyes having different vision sucks lol. I thought I would just tank it and get it done for good.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: HighFlight, stillunemployed and Praestat_Mori
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight, houseofleaves, Praestat_Mori and 2 others
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
hell yeah trees
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Yay!
Reactions: HighFlight, houseofleaves, stillunemployed and 1 other person
BurgundySnap

BurgundySnap

Sick of being sick
Jul 19, 2023
69
Hello again all,

It seems as if I keep dropping off of the face of the earth and returning every blue moon! Although, every time I am not here, I miss this site and the people I have come to know. There is so much that has happened since the last time! So many new people, new things! I also see that some people have gone, and I wish everyone nothing but the best if it is an alright sentiment to share. It is always saddening to come back and see that there was someone you never thought to say goodbye to in some form, however I suppose that is just how some things are.
@Praestat_Mori , @lita-lassi , @stillunemployed , wonderful pictures you've shared! (I am sorry if others have shared, I see the most recent pictures is all). The outdoors are truly very beautiful...I'm going to read back for messages I've missed in the past, it always feels a place beyond awkward coming back after a time.

Take care
 
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: lita-lassi, stillunemployed, HighFlight and 2 others
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
good morning
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: lita-lassi, Praestat_Mori, HighFlight and 2 others
HighFlight

HighFlight

Global Mod
Jun 28, 2023
565
Hope its ok to ask for help for my situation here.
It is always OK to ask for help here, although there's never a guarantee. However, it looks like you've received some feedback already and as usual, I'm a little late to the show. I have gone through a significant number of surgeries in my lifetime, including LASIX for vision correction. It seems to be standard operating procedures to keep the rooms cold. (I asked about this once and there is a medical reason. It just escapes me at the moment.) My recommendation for you is to be open and honest with your health care providers. Let them know that you were uncomfortably cold, that it was painful, and that you are very anxious about the next round. When you have these conversations, bring someone you trust without and let them help you navigate your way through.

The medical teams tend to be focused on performing the task to the best of their ability and moving on to the next patient. It's not that they don't care; it's their focus is on the physical/medical aspects. Speaking up, making your voice heard, will make things better for you and actually earn their respect.

When I was in the hospital with a heart attack, it was very apparent that they had their protocols in place. The small room was full of 10-12 technicians, nurses and doctors all trying to prepare me for a procedure to open my block arteries. To me, it looked like complete chaos, but to them, everything was normal. However, about 10 minutes before, an intern was sent to the pharmacy to get a different medication for me and returned with the wrong stuff. I had no idea what the medication was or how critical, so I had no choice but to interrupt their protocol and tell the lead doctor that I wasn't ready to go until they double-checked everything. While he seemed taken back a little, he stopped everyone and they went over all of the medications again.

The point is, there should be ways they can help you with each of our concerns. You, or an advocate needs to make sure your concerns are heard.

I wish you all the best, and hope you can get may years with your better eyesight!

it always feels a place beyond awkward coming back after a time.
I understand how your feeling, but i really wish you wouldn't You are welcome here anytime. And it's always great when old friends stop by to say hello. You've noticed we're in a picture phase right now, as a few of us enjoy the solitude of a walk through the woods.

So keeping with the trend, here are a few new ones (and one really old one).


20240619 174000 20240618 180257 20240618 180243 20240405 0921500
 
  • Love
Reactions: lita-lassi, Praestat_Mori and stillunemployed
P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,944
Gorgeous photos @HighFlight

I don't have such amazing nature near me to have a walk in nature.

I captured the full moon yesterday.

Moon20240621
 
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: Adûnâi, lita-lassi and stillunemployed
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
@Praestat_Mori whoa thats amazing! what camera do you use? coincidentally a few years back on one of my solo hiking trips i managed to catch the moon rising through my telescope lens, it took so many attempts to hold my phone perfectly still
20211019 182515
20211018 181700
some other stock from my file:
20210419 122530 20210515 160506
20210727 062341
 
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: Praestat_Mori, stillunemployed, HighFlight and 1 other person
Adûnâi

Adûnâi

Little Russian in-cel
Apr 25, 2020
863
Since the last time I was here, my future gf has abandoned me. So I won't have a handholding experience in December (imagine my shock). But on the flipside, she did try to harm me - and I didn't even break my promise not to skip a day talking to her. (I was banned for a day on Discord, came back at midnight writing a few lines with her offline, then the next day I was sleeping during the day and she left me - I was about to come back online in the evening.)

So she would kill me if she met me in real life, but then again, am I not going to kill myself anyway? At least, before December I can afford feeling better because these pseudo-talks with her were often depressing (they didn't feel that bad in the moment, but the overall picture did depress me). But what then? She was my last chance at stopping being an incel. Now it's gone. And AGI might never materialise. (And my mom probably doesn't have 20 USD a month to afford spending on AetherRoom, when that comes out.)
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Praestat_Mori, stillunemployed and HighFlight
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
good morning
20240622 123633 20240622 115621 20240622 123514
 
Last edited:
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight, lita-lassi, Praestat_Mori and 1 other person
P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,944
@Praestat_Mori whoa thats amazing! what camera do you use? coincidentally a few years back on one of my solo hiking trips i managed to catch the moon rising through my telescope lens, it took so many attempts to hold my phone perfectly still
I only have a DSLR + Tele-Zoom lens rn. Your photos are amazing as always but what is a telescope lens? A real telescope? You can connect DSLR cams or special cams with T2 adapters. That will bring the best results with the focal length available and it also needs a very stable mount. If u want we can PM?

The 2 loving flowers:

The 2 flowers
 
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight and stillunemployed
luneylonegirl

luneylonegirl

Lonely betrayed girl ready to die
Jan 31, 2024
68
Almost jump in may 20th. My bf come back to me make me feel strong. I tried recovery even my body give out (lab test come with liver function worsening, cholestherol, etc).

I hope i could do this. This is the last time i live for someone i loved.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: HighFlight, Praestat_Mori and stillunemployed
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
264
20240623 111847 20240623 130106
i think im in love with these trees
20240623 140216
 
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: HighFlight, lita-lassi and Praestat_Mori