"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[stillunemployed]

another morning

 

[HighFlight]

@stillunemployed, Good morning to you too!

As with the rest of my current existence, I've been absent from this part of the forum for a while. Opened this thread, realised there's been several weeks of everyone's updates, got a bit overwhelmed so didn't read any…

We knew from your last post your were going inpatient, and I hadn't expected a reply from you. I'm happy to hear that your are sticking with the program, and not doing anything that might change the voluntary treatment to involuntary.

Got to keep trying for my kids. At least a bit longer.

You are a good parent! Despite what others on the site might think, parenting in an important job and is really hard work. I've seen your responses to some of those threads, and hope that you can make peace with the reality that many people here blame their problems on their parents. But that doesn't mean all parents are bad. And in reading your posts, you definitely sound like one of the good ones.

I can speak with confidence on this subject as I have seen both sides of the parenting debate first hand. Grew up with an abusive (verbally) alcoholic father, and am now the father of two children (young adult) who both suffer from their own issues. I see one of my kids in many of the stories from the 18-22 crowd on this site. My father had his own mental health issues, but it was a time that those things weren't talked about. And of course, I have my own demons to fight as well...

Just an observation, but we hear about how much worse the world's mental health has become over the past few years. I believe part of that is simply because we are able to talk about it openly in more cases.

23, gf left, fired from job, grandma died, agoraphobic, therapy not working etc.

Welcome to the thread, although I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much at this moment in time. Over a lifetime, I've been in each of those situations (except agoraphobia), and all of them are difficult on their own. It must be particularly tough to have them happen all at once. Please realize that you are not alone. If there is no one irl to listen, you are always welcome to dm me. (This goes for anyone on the site.)

i've calmed down a bit.

went for a walk. tried some running.

Walking is a great way to get away, and get some exercise at the same time. I'm glad it helped you calm down a bit and loved the pictures you took. It inspired me to take a couple on my last walk.



Peace, and remember to Be Kind to Yourself.

 

[stillunemployed]

And it's

Wednesday

.!

Been a good week, actually.

Had a few interviews. Made a good impression yesterday, so I've been selected for another round of interviews next week.
Also, I have an interview at a nursing home today and truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuly desperate for staff.

Hopefully I didn't just jinx my good streak right now.

 

[Life_and_Death]

"do you want the drugs more or me?"

you!!!!!
but youre asking this when i dont even have you. we're not "together", its never going to go anywhere...im never going to get to marry you....

 

[stillunemployed]

overslept today, but its a thursday. no one cares about thursdays

 

[arnxxx]

Good Morning.

I'm anxious and afraid like every day.
I will get one last rTMS session and then we quit. It didn't work. Didn't do anything to cure my depression.

ACT therapy teaches to accept the depression. How can I accept something that destroyed my life? Something that makes me feel anxious, sad, depressed every single f*cking day. I hate it so much. I don't want to be alive because almost all day I need to feel like this. Why why why why why?

So now rTMS didn't work now the question is what next? ECT might be an option but again I need to get my psychiatrist to agree with me.

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[Tesha]

Morning all. So I'm still an inpatient, currently looking at my bathroom door with a wedge cut out of the top, so you can't hang from it…. That's enough to maintain my suicidal ideation…

I'm waiting for a funding decision to see if I can go to a specialist trauma clinic… yesterday I found out that even if I get the funding, my team here don't want to discharge me until I'm more stable. I also agreed to try another drug (my 25th psychotropic or similar over my lifetime…..). It's made me rattle and appears to be increasing my ideation… I've not told anyone yet, as I want to see if it subsides.

@HighFlight, hope you don't mind me saying, but you're coming across as a very compassionate and decent human being. Thank you for supporting this forum.

 

[Life_and_Death]

"hey you can have this place!"
"cool can i move in?"
(silence)

youre vibing like you dont trust me to move in and take care of the place. if you dont trust me why fucking offer it to me!!!????


HOLY FUCK "FAMILY".
some legit family that knows how to use their words would be nice

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[fleetingnight]

good morning

Good morning, how are you doing?

 

[stillunemployed]

Good morning, how are you doing?

fine. went for a walk, but got caught by the rain, so everything was muddy. Could not stop cuz the trails were full today, for some reason and everyone was extra cranky. Kids and teens dragged for EA on a Saturday.

Got an invite for a another interview, now I need to figure out how to get there.

And you? How are you doing?

 

[HighFlight]

Good morning, @stillunemployed! Glad to hear you got called back for a second round interview. Hopefully, you can resolve you transportation problem. Good luck on this round!

So now rTMS didn't work now the question is what next?

Have you tried ketamine treatments? I'm currently trying micro-dosing ketamine daily. It's only been a few weeks, but am feeling a little better. I also tried ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, which provide some insights but didn't really help.

HOLY FUCK "FAMILY".

Hopefully your visit is almost over.

@fleetingnight, welcome to the thread. I see by your posts that you haven't chosen your path, and that's OK. Know that you are welcome here regardless of your destination. Also know that if you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to dm me.

@Tesha, thank you for your kind words, and your welcome. Although, in my opinion, it is all of you that keeps this thread going.

I've been in a unique position to have seen many sides of the mental health spectrum. In my mind, fnding your life's purpose is key to recovery. Like you, right now I am trying to recover because my kids need me to be here. I hope everything works out for you, and that things are settling down for you with your new meds.


And remember, take some time to be kind to yourself.

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[fleetingnight]

fine. went for a walk, but got caught by the rain, so everything was muddy. Could not stop cuz the trails were full today, for some reason and everyone was extra cranky. Kids and teens dragged for EA on a Saturday.

Got an invite for a another interview, now I need to figure out how to get there.

And you? How are you doing?

It's a shame about the rain, but I'm glad you got another interview! Good luck, I hope it goes great!

Today was pretty bad for a while, but I'm finally starting to feel better now. My pain gets worse with stress, so after getting some things off my chest here, I rested and made dinner, which took my mind off things. The pain has faded a lot now. I think I'm gonna take a break for the rest of the day.

@fleetingnight, welcome to the thread. I see by your posts that you haven't chosen your path, and that's OK. Know that you are welcome here regardless of your destination. Also know that if you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to dm me.

Oh, I'm glad it's not too weird to go back and fourth on my plans like that, that's a relief. Thank you, it really means a lot. Every time I think I've finally decided on what I'm working towards, something happens that changes my mind again. I'm glad that's alright, though. <3

 

[HighFlight]

Oh, I'm glad it's not too weird to go back and fourth on my plans like that, that's a relief.

I think this is quite common. Not weird, just human. The only guidance I will give you is to be sure, before going down the one path. I don't know your circumstances, but ctb is final - no changing your mind later. It's OK to be unsure. And feel free to stick around with us until you are.

 

[eatantz]

Another sad morning, woke up in pain and too early. Its frustrating being an idiot I can never understand what people mean and now I'm panicking over a comment someone left on my profile. I don't think its worth being so anxious, I should just delete my profile post. I feel like a fool when I vent. I have a natural talent of upsetting people without even realising, I wish I had the ability to understand people so I could be a better person.

Today feels like another bed rotting day, I need to focus on recovery but I'm just too sad and tired to do any of the wellness stuff today. I hope other people are having a better day than me!

 

[Life_and_Death]

Hopefully your visit is almost over.

it was over at the time of writing that. im waiting for a response on if i can move in. and after dropping off the map after last time i needed something huge (money for my cat dying) im a little sketchy about him not answering me on this

 

[fleetingnight]

Good morning. I'm so sleepy today. Still in pain, but in a few hours, I can FINALLY take an edible for it, thank fuck. I'm excited for that. I have to catch up on housework and stuff, but I'm sorta looking forward to it, I'm glad I'll be able to do it

 

[HighFlight]

Its frustrating being an idiot I can never understand what people mean and now I'm panicking over a comment someone left on my profile.

SaSu is intended to be a safe space for anyone struggling with thoughts of ctb. Your profile post is a way you can share your thoughts, and you should not have to second guess them. And you're not the idiot, their message was cryptic at first and then just inappropriate for a profile post.

Please don't hesitate to hit the "Report" button if you feel someone posted something that may be inappropriate. Or let me know, and we can figure it out together. Know that you don't have to go through this alone.

 

[stillunemployed]

morning. Overslept on a monday

 

[Tesha]

Psychotropic number 25 officially stopped. It was increasing my ideation and irritability. Arse.

The discussion is now focusing on esketamine or Auvelity (which isn't yet licensed in my country).

My trauma clinic funding decision should come over the next few days… I'm trying to stay pessimistic, as being positive and then not getting it will be much worse for me.

In other news, the Consultant has stated that suicidal ideation isn't always due to a mental health condition, but can be environmentally driven. He believes this is the case for me. No shit, Sherlock… that's what childhood abuse does to people… still, at least he's open to suggestions and didn't instantly say no to my enquiry about writing a letter for a VAD clinic (as my plan C, D or E…).

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[arnxxx]

Good morning, @stillunemployed! Glad to hear you got called back for a second round interview. Hopefully, you can resolve you transportation problem. Good luck on this round!


Have you tried ketamine treatments? I'm currently trying micro-dosing ketamine daily. It's only been a few weeks, but am feeling a little better. I also tried ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, which provide some insights but didn't really help.


Hopefully your visit is almost over.

@fleetingnight, welcome to the thread. I see by your posts that you haven't chosen your path, and that's OK. Know that you are welcome here regardless of your destination. Also know that if you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to dm me.

@Tesha, thank you for your kind words, and your welcome. Although, in my opinion, it is all of you that keeps this thread going.

I've been in a unique position to have seen many sides of the mental health spectrum. In my mind, fnding your life's purpose is key to recovery. Like you, right now I am trying to recover because my kids need me to be here. I hope everything works out for you, and that things are settling down for you with your new meds.


And remember, take some time to be kind to yourself.

I would like to try esketamine treatment but the waiting line is 6 months. I want ECT (only 10 weeks) but my fucking psychiatrist won't refer me. What is his problem?

Having a shit day btw. Been crying and smashing things the last hour. Called a depression support hotline for the first time. She asked some questions and I explained my situation but that was about it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i got pissed off at the tv so im watching mary poppins

context, thanks to my life im really sensitive to "a certain topic" and because of that i avoid a lot of tv. its physically uncomfortable and unsettling. im watching dinsey+, i have it set to PG and its still showing this shit!!!! what the hell are we letting kids watching these days!!! and that aside....how the fuck can i feel safe...?(what can i do...)

 

[lita-lassi]

slept through therapy, been drinking and high for over a week straight and did acid for the first time this year, life is looking grim

good morning

 

[fleetingnight]

Morning. I need to figure out how to get more energy. I went to sleep early last night, but I still feel exhausted today.

I have a lot to do, and I'll do my best to focus on it, but I've already had a few cups of coffee and a few hours to wake up and I still feel half-dead. I'll try stretching and meditating in a bit, I just really hope it doesn't make me even more tired. I think I eat pretty well and I take a lot of vitamins, I even dropped my anxiety medicine since it makes me drowsy (and yes I have been more anxious since then) I don't really know what else to try

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning
i have a real want to start my exercise routine with really loud music and piss off all my neighbors

 

[lita-lassi]

exercise bike while drinking wine, life is about dualities