How's your sobriety going currently?
I'm four days, nineteen hours and twenty-eight minutes sober as of typing this!
For the record, I'm focusing on sobriety from coke. With alcohol, I've mostly been able to keep it down to one drink a day thanks to my partner, and some days I have none. Admittedly, I've been drinking more than my recent usual. But I'm trying to focus on moderation when it comes to this, and not drinking to get drunk. It's hard because I've become so reliant on everything, but I'm happy to get off the "harder" things and work on the rest later. Although, alcohol is definitely rough on the body. I regret drinking every time, but don't really know what else to do.
for what it's worth, being touched without wanting it really sucks, so I think you're perfectly justified in how you feel (and not at all a monster!).
Thank you for this. A friend expressed similar sentiments to me today, too. I just feel horrible because of the field of work I'm in. My client is only seeking connection and it's good that they like me. I just really do not like the hand holding and hugging very much, especially when I feel so horrible mentally.
I'd say that the fact that I've managed to exist and take decent care of myself without getting completely overwhelmed & dissociatively/ depressively crashing is honestly a pretty big feat.
I agree that this is a big feat, and I'm very proud of you! You're rebuilding your life and that is not easy, but one day in the future you'll be thankful that you were strong enough to persevere through these times.
(…life sure isn't the box of chocolates!)
Haha, if life were the box of chocolates, I feel like I'm often biting into one of those dry-ass ones with the coconut filling. No offense to anyone lurking or participating who may like coconut fillings, of course.
But sometimes I get a caramel filled one, or a fruit (sans coconut) filled one, and it's like a reward. Sometimes, I want to keep going just to get a taste of the chocolates that I like again, so maybe Forrest was onto something.
I find it interesting that our recovery thread has transitioned into a discussion about selfishness as it relates to suicide. (Not a bad thing, just an observation.)
Heh, sometimes we need something a little provocative to get the people talking. But I think it can be relevant in our recovery, too; if I hadn't made it clear, I really want us to not feel terrible for the way that we are. We are not shitty, horrible, selfish human beings. In fact, our dedication to continue living despite our circumstances and feelings is a testament to how selfless we truly are. #BeKindToYourself
It's a good talk, though, and I appreciate the responses that we've shared. Ironically enough, the "selfishness" of the act is a big thing that keeps me here. By now, I have planned, and planned, to the point where I researched and left instructions on what to do with my body if it's found, how the people that know me can begin to send my body home to my family and how much it costs. In a perfect situation I wouldn't even die here, though. I never wanted to live here so it seems silly to die where I'm at right now. And I think I share a similar sentiment to most people who have grown up in my region. I would much rather live and die by the sea that I know.
But all of those procedures keep me alive. I think it'd be selfish to voluntarily leave that burden and expense on others. I think a lot of us probably feel the same, so i hope we can realize that we aren't selfish or bad people.
As an elder Gen Z, though, I don't even know if I see acceptance of suicidality happening in my generation. We are a pretty understanding and unconventional bunch, I find, but suicide is still something that people either stigmatize to the point of infantilization, or laugh at. I do share the same sentiments, though. I hope maybe that the choice will be available in some way within my lifetime. I agree with what Sadwriter has read and reiterated, having the choice and resources readily available will probably make people think twice about their own death, seeing as it would be just another option like therapy, for example, already is. And it would be heavily restricted and moderated anyway, knowing our world, but at least it would be there for the most severe and understandable cases.
And told him he wasn't a disappointment and I loved him
For what it's worth, as a twenty-something year old adult child, I think hearing this may have meant a lot. Thank you for communicating this with your son. I'm sorry that this week has been stressful, but thank you for all of the selfless acts you perform for your family. If they don't appreciate it right now, I can only hope that they will one day. I hope things have gotten better or at least calmer by now.
I tend to spend too much time on this forum when I'm depressed.
Thank you for keeping us updated. When I am doing really bad, I tend to limit my use of the forum. It's comforting to be able to read and participate in the conversations that we do, but if we are choosing to recover, it can also be difficult and triggering too. There is no shame in needing to take a break if you're spending too much time here. I hope that things will be better for you and that you won't be so stressed at work!
No updates on my part. It's starting to get pretty cold where I'm at, and if it's the same for you guys, please stay safe and warm!