"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[lita-lassi]

ty venin

 

[sadwriter]

Best of luck, venin!!

 

[UsagiDrop]

I'm stressed out about my employment prospects and my financial situation.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're stressing over this, I'm definitely at this point today too. Luckily I managed to hold myself together.

I hope that you're feeling better by now or at least more at ease. I still have my fingers crossed that things will work out for you. And you're very welcome for the kind words!

Do you think you'll have to rely on this forever?

If my diagnosis of bipolar II is correct (and I feel like it is), I don't think it will be possible to not rely on medication or therapeutic behaviors/practices for the rest of my life. I'm always going to have to manage myself and my moods, particularly when I'm hypomanic. Being medicated made me feel the most "normal" and my behaviors when my condition was unknown and unchecked got me into a lot of trouble, hurt me a lot, and endangered not only myself but other people many times. Even though I'm better at managing myself now, I still feel like a ticking time bomb without meditation.

And if I'm correct about having something else to worry about on top of the bipolar, then I'm probably even worse off.

Also I've noticed that therapy is based off the therapist convincing you that their views of life are true and that any other views that deviates from that is irrational.

I never really thought about it like this but this is true. I've experienced this while looking for someone that would work well with me and I might experience it again. When I found my psychologist, one of the reasons I liked them so much is because they didn't try to make me adopt their mindset. They didn't even ask me to be more positive. It was more like how can I better accommodate the way that my brain is already set up, how can I find healthier practices and behaviors and how to think outside of myself. I was allowed the space to have my beliefs and they weren't challenged but they were working on trying to help me accept and consider other perspectives.

Sadly sometimes we have to parent ourselves or seek out professionals that can make up for what our parents/guardians did not teach us and I'm sorry that you're having to do this yourself. A therapist ideally won't be showing you right from wrong, they won't tell you what to do or how to think, but they will give you the tools to be able to differentiate between what the right and wrong things are, if that makes sense.

Could you elaborate?

Sure! I mean that you won't be stressed out about building relationships while you're going through the process of learning, so you'll have more energy and time to spend on doing that work yourself. It's possible to learn as you go along but some of us do better when we take time learning the theory before hopping into applying it practically, if that makes sense.

I was meant to have a phone appointment to discuss support and stuff regarding therapy but they delayed it for a week ugh.

I'm sorry that they've been delaying this process so much for you, it really sucks that we have to work so hard and wait so long for help.

I hope everyone will have a decent week this week! I'm pretty sad these days and that is my update. I'm trying to hold out, too, but it's getting kind of hard.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

@UsagiDrop I'll reply to your message later. I'm too drained of energy to reply now

How is everybody here doing?

 

[ve.nin]

@UsagiDrop I'll reply to your message later. I'm too drained of energy to reply now

How is everybody here doing?

I'm happy rn

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm happy rn

Omg, that's so amazing :3. I'm glad that you feel happy rn. Though, if I may ask, do you know the reason for that happiness?

 

[ve.nin]

Omg, that's so amazing :3. I'm glad that you feel happy rn. Though, if I may ask, do you know the reason for that happiness?

Yes, I quit smoking and also had some unexplainable hopefullness yesterday

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I quit smoking and also had some unexplainable hopefullness yesterday

Wow, talk about 2 massive events. Congrats on quitting smoking. That must have been hard to do. Also congrats on the unexplainable hopefulness and I hope that it serves you well. This is genuinely amazing news and is also the first time I smiled today

 

[ve.nin]

Wow, talk about 2 massive events. Congrats on quitting smoking. That must have been hard to do. Also congrats on the unexplainable hopefulness and I hope that it serves you well. This is genuinely amazing news and is also the first time I smiled today

I'm really happy to hear thaaat

Thank you for your words

Are you on the discord channel?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm really happy to hear thaaat

Thank you for your words

Are you on the discord channel?

I tried to join the discord channel at one point but the link didn't work for me for some reason. It just took me to the google play store instead even though I already got discord installed

 

[ve.nin]

I tried to join the discord channel at one point but the link didn't work for me for some reason. It just took me to the google play store instead even though I already got discord installed

Let me try again

Discord

also, my other dudes, we have different channels there like:

Safe place - general chats

Memes - this is the new one

Things worth sharing

Feeling awful, venting

Positive venting - also new

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Let me try again

Discord

also, my other dudes, we have different channels there like:

Safe place - general chats

Memes - this is the new one

Things worth sharing

Feeling awful, venting

Positive venting - also new

The link finally worked. Thanks for letting me join

 

[ve.nin]

The link finally worked. Thanks for letting me join

My pleasure

 

[Alwaysdreaming]

Yes, I quit smoking and also had some unexplainable hopefullness yesterday

Seriously congrats on quitting smoking. I quit for 9 months the first month was rough. It's really nice to feel unexplainable hopefulness. Also thanks for starting this thread this sums up how I feel. I haven't been on this site for a long time now and needed to come somewhere supportive.

 

[sadwriter]

How is everybody here doing?

I had a bit of a weird day emotionally speaking, but I'm feeling pretty calm now. I meditated again for the first time in a few days, which brought up a lot of stuff (ie: anger etc that I'd been pushing down), but that was a while ago and I've recovered since, haha. How are you, @ijustwishtodie? Hopefully less drained than when you last posted?

@ve.nin Congrats on quitting smoking! That's awesome news.

@Alwaysdreaming welcome to the thread!! (But also sorry that you've found yourself back on this site, assuming it's for the reason most people come here here...) You've definitely come to the right place if you're looking for somewhere supportive on here. This thread has helped me get through a really rough couple of months recently. I hope you'll stick around!

Best wishes to everyone else! This is one of the shortest posts I've ever made, lol. For once I don't feel like writing a very long winded update because I've already done a lot of journalling today/ otherwise checking in with myself (which is progress?!).

 

[ve.nin]

Seriously congrats on quitting smoking. I quit for 9 months the first month was rough. It's really nice to feel unexplainable hopefulness. Also thanks for starting this thread this sums up how I feel. I haven't been on this site for a long time now and needed to come somewhere supportive.

Thank you for your encouragement

Glad you found your space

 

[HighFlight]

Wow! It has, in reality, been a few days but this thread grew a couple pages over the weekend. It's great to see this thread so active, and with meanful conversations. My apologies for getting so far behind, and there's no way I can realistically catch up with everyone in this one post.

(And if I misstate or repeat something, I gonna play the elderly card. )

@ve.nin - congrats on quiting smoking! That is a major accomplishment you should be proud of.

@ijustwishtodie - welcome! It looks like you have been have some great conversations in this thread. I read through them, but need to go back and get a better understanding.

@Cloud Busting - congrats on the Productivity lists. I need to start keeping lists and writing things down. Also thank you for all your thoughtful responses.

I've been slowly looking at UU, and found a couple locations locally. I just have too much on my plate right now, but not forgotten.

@UsagiDrop - somehow I completely missed a post about a wedding. CONGRATS!!! <3.

Being a little behind in the thread, I'm not sure if this would be helpful for you, but my therapist recommended a card game to play with your partner to help share responsibility. It's called "Te Fair Play Deck" and you can get them on Amazon. But you can save by watching a documentary on Netflix about the game, or even some YouTube vids.

@lita-lassi - I'm glad you still exist. I know justice moves slowly, but hope you are hanging in there and making a little progress each day. You deserve to get your stuff back and put this a$$hole behind you.

@sadwriter - thank you for checking in. I'm sorry to see that your recovery had a few bumps in the road, but am sure you've got this. You come so far since leaving uni a couple months ago.

Although im not sure how I feel about the thread's hashtag changing from #BeKindToYourself to #ICanAlwaysCTBTomorrow.

I'm sure there are many people and details that I missed in this short post. I'm sorry.

As for myself, I'm feel like my life is stuck in a whirlpool, with no real hope of getting out, at last in the near future. Recovery-focused Therapy is pretty much over, and we're focusing on just keeping my head above water. So, I guess, no real change since my last post.

I will try to do better keeping up with this thread, no promises. Please know that this thread is one of the main reasons I'm doing much better than last summer. It's also one of the reason I took a mod position. As a result, I'm thinking of all of you on a daily basis and wishing everyone success, regardless of how you define that.

Peace

 

[time2fly47]

Yes. It's a decision. Not a easy one

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Just wondering, wha

If my diagnosis of bipolar II is correct (and I feel like it is), I don't think it will be possible to not rely on medication or therapeutic behaviors/practices for the rest of my life. I'm always going to have to manage myself and my moods, particularly when I'm hypomanic. Being medicated made me feel the most "normal" and my behaviors when my condition was unknown and unchecked got me into a lot of trouble, hurt me a lot, and endangered not only myself but other people many times. Even though I'm better at managing myself now, I still feel like a ticking time bomb without meditation.

I see, I get what you mean now. Bipolar II sure makes things complicated, doesn't it? I hope that I don't have to rely on medication (specifically antidepressants) too as I've read on the side effects and I'd rather avoid that altogether. Though unfortunately there isn't much that makes me do stuff so I might have to rely on them after all

And if I'm correct about having something else to worry about on top of the bipolar, then I'm probably even worse off.

True..

I never really thought about it like this but this is true. I've experienced this while looking for someone that would work well with me and I might experience it again. When I found my psychologist, one of the reasons I liked them so much is because they didn't try to make me adopt their mindset. They didn't even ask me to be more positive. It was more like how can I better accommodate the way that my brain is already set up, how can I find healthier practices and behaviors and how to think outside of myself. I was allowed the space to have my beliefs and they weren't challenged but they were working on trying to help me accept and consider other perspectives.

I wish I could find a psychologist like that but they unfortunately sound like they're rare instead of being the norm. If I were to have someone like that though.. just maybe getting better to some extent is possible after all

Sadly sometimes we have to parent ourselves or seek out professionals that can make up for what our parents/guardians did not teach us and I'm sorry that you're having to do this yourself. A therapist ideally won't be showing you right from wrong, they won't tell you what to do or how to think, but they will give you the tools to be able to differentiate between what the right and wrong things are, if that makes sense.

That's true. I wish that I could at least try to parebt myself properly but all I do is rot in my room or study. I don't do other things that I should be doing

Sure! I mean that you won't be stressed out about building relationships while you're going through the process of learning, so you'll have more energy and time to spend on doing that work yourself. It's possible to learn as you go along but some of us do better when we take time learning the theory before hopping into applying it practically, if that makes sense.

Oh, I see. I can see that kinda. Though I don't even bother spending the time on learning the theory as either I'm too lazy or I'm too depressed to

I'm sorry that they've been delaying this process so much for you, it really sucks that we have to work so hard and wait so long for help.

Oh, it got delayed even further as the session that they allocated was during a mandatory university lab session which will be graded so I couldn't miss that. This sucks

I hope everyone will have a decent week this week! I'm pretty sad these days and that is my update. I'm trying to hold out, too, but it's getting kind of hard.

My week was basically the same. The same old monotony I have to go through time and time again. It sucks. Hopefully you feel better today than you did when you wrote that message but, if not, that's valid too

 

[sadwriter]

@HighFlight glad to see you around again, and with another new profile picture no less! (I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the wise looking old guys... But the clouds are cool too, and they kind of match the shirt I'm wearing today.)

I'm sorry that you're in this place of having to put recovery on hold. It can be near impossible to do the work to recovery when you're already in a state of stress and overwhelm about your day to day life– I know that firsthand– so it makes sense sometimes to just stick to maintenance mode, but it sucks to have to wait to make things better. I hope that things in your family and work life will become less complicated in the medium-term at the very least, if the short-term is too much to wish for, so that you can eventually transition more of your focus towards yourself and getting better.

Although im not sure how I feel about the thread's hashtag changing from #BeKindToYourself to #ICanAlwaysCTBTomorrow.

Also, this made me laugh out loud in a dark sort of way I seriously need to remember #BeKindToYourself, though. I have very much strayed from that initial vow that I made back in September.

@sadwriter - thank you for checking in. I'm sorry to see that your recovery had a few bumps in the road, but am sure you've got this. You come so far since leaving uni a couple months ago.

Thank you. I'm honestly embarrassed at how bumpy my emotional road has been lately/ how much my mood has been swinging these past few weeks. A lot of my issues have been exacerbated in the past by being in denial of my emotions, because I've always seen having strong emotions as silly/ a major weakness/ pathetic (and still do when I'm the one having the emotions). As it turns out, though, denial does not fix the underlying problem. Who would have thought!?

I wish I could find a psychologist like that but they unfortunately sound like they're rare instead of being the norm. If I were to have someone like that though.. just maybe getting better to some extent is possible after all

It does really suck how hard it is to find a good therapist, in the sense of both the financial barriers and the fact that so many therapists aren't equipped to handle more difficult mental health struggles... I hope that you're able to find someone good eventually, though.

Sadly sometimes we have to parent ourselves or seek out professionals that can make up for what our parents/guardians did not teach us and I'm sorry that you're having to do this yourself. A therapist ideally won't be showing you right from wrong, they won't tell you what to do or how to think, but they will give you the tools to be able to differentiate between what the right and wrong things are, if that makes sense.

I missed this until ijustwanttodie quoted it, but this is so true!! I'm recognizing some of this stuff firsthand in myself at this point...


On my end, I think between the fact that I'm reading more/ doing more good things for myself instead of being glued to my screens dissociating like a motherfucker, and the fact that I'm trying to come up with ways to avoid feeling isolated and depressed in the short term once I'm back in my home city, I'm currently feeling better that I was in earlier this week, at least for now. The same issues and doubts still stand, of course, but I'm trying to focus on tending to the smaller things in the immediate present rather than looking at the top of the mountain hopelessly.

And worst case scenario, #ICanAlwaysCTBTomorrow

 

[HighFlight]

with another new profile picture no less

Apparently, still in the middle of an identity crisis...

 

[D1byRam3n]

Today was my bad days... wish everyone have a nice days...don't becoming a stupid person just like me...that's all
Im feeling the same way too

Apparently, still in the middle of an identity crisis...

 

[sadwriter]

@D1byRam3n sorry you're having a bad day… I've honestly been in the middle of an identity crisis lately too, so I feel you both. I hope you feel a little better soon.

I'm ridiculously early to therapy, so I'm gonna check in from this random coffee shop where I'm having hot chocolate lol. I've made it back to the city where I live (for this weekend at least)!! My anxiety was apparently unnecessary, because I'm feeling pretty nice & peaceful being back home. This is very good news considering the fact that I haven't stayed at my place by myself for any length of time since before my half assed CTB attempt two months ago, making this a pretty big step in my process of crawling out of the pit I was in. As hopeless as I was earlier this week thinking about my return to my usual life, I have a bit more hope now that I'm not thinking about things from afar and completely projecting the past onto my vision of the future. I shouldn't assume that my future will be sunshine and rainbows like I used to, but it's also overly pessimistic to assume that I'll for sure continue to fuck up as badly as I used to since I have a better understanding of my issues now & how to handle them.

I hope everyone has a good (or at least an ok) day!

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Hey, how's everybody doing here?

 

[D1byRam3n]

Hey, how's everybody doing here?

Thanks for asking...for me I feel like a shit everday...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Thanks for asking...for me I feel like a shit everday...

I relate so much. Life is so difficult. Either way, I may not know exactly what you're going through but I hope you do find peace or happiness soon

 

[HighFlight]

Hi @D1byRam3n and @ijustwishtodie - I'm really sorry to hear that you're both going through some tough times. Remember, you're not alone, and we are here for you. Wishing that you both may find a few moments of peace and happiness.

@sadwriter - I'm glad to hear that you're finding some peace in being back home. I know you were anxious about returning but it sounds like things are going well so far. Taking things one step at a time is a great approach, and acknowledging your progress is a significant achievement. Wishing you continued progress and good days ahead.

 

[sadwriter]

Hey everyone!

I've had quite an eventful 26 hours since I last posted, full of a lot of really good things, and I'm sad that I have to leave tomorrow. This trip home has definitely made me realize that I'm ready to take the next step in my ascent out of the pit and plan to come back and start slowly living my life again in the near future. I know better than to rush into it all at once, but I'm thinking that if all goes well, I'll be ready to return home for good and start job hunting shortly after the holiday season. In the meantime, I'm gonna plan another slightly longer trip back later in December to organize my apartment so I can get it to a livable state. I'm glad that I'm able to see a path forward for myself again after spending so much time in a state of hopelessness and despair.

How is everyone else doing? @D1byRam3n and @ijustwishtodie, I hope today wasn't too rough for you guys.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Hey everyone!

I've had quite an eventful 26 hours since I last posted, full of a lot of really good things, and I'm sad that I have to leave tomorrow. This trip home has definitely made me realize that I'm ready to take the next step in my ascent out of the pit and plan to come back and start slowly living my life again in the near future. I know better than to rush into it all at once, but I'm thinking that if all goes well, I'll be ready to return home for good and start job hunting shortly after the holiday season. In the meantime, I'm gonna plan another slightly longer trip back later in December to organize my apartment so I can get it to a livable state. I'm glad that I'm able to see a path forward for myself again after spending so much time in a state of hopelessness and despair.

How is everyone else doing? @D1byRam3n and @ijustwishtodie, I hope today wasn't too rough for you guys.

Congrats on all the good things happening to you. I hope that it continues to be that way and that your recovery goes well.

Unfortunately, for me, today was worse for me but that's just part of my life I guess

 

[HighFlight]

@sadwriter, how was the rest of your weekend? Did you make back ok?

@UsagiDrop, how did your week go? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, but I'm wishing you all the best.

Hoping everyone has a week that's better than last. Remember, #BeKindToYourself