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I want someone to talk to but then I don't. Ugh I'm so confusedI'm sorry you're feeling this way. Do you need someone to talk to? And will you be at work for much longer? I hope that the feeling you're having passes, or that you can find the strength to keep it together for a little while longer, although it is completely fine to not be okay. But being in distress at work especially is really difficult, I know.
I think you're communication skill is just fine! Thank you for wishing us well, I had a pretty nice day today. I got to try a new coffee place and what I had was actually really good, I just wish it was closer to my house, haha.
Did you also have a nice day today? I hope that you did, and that you'll have a better one tomorrow, too.
I hope that you will! You definitely deserve it.
It's good that you've been having good days lately, and that you've been getting back into some old hobbies of yours. I know what you mean about the sadness that you feel when engaging in them, though. I think it's okay to grieve the things you've lost to your depression, though. I hope you can find some hope as you continue to explore your old pastimes and passions; whenever things are lost, it just makes room for the new things we will find in the future!
Thank you all for listening to me!
Acceptance may not be recovery, but I think for certain intents and purposes, it can be. I'm sorry about that realization that you and your therapist have had, but I still have hope. If nothing else, acceptance means that you are in a place where you can learn how to cope so that you can endure things for a while longer. That would be a lot harder to do if you were in denial, probably.
If it helps, until you can put yourself first, you certainly are helping all of us all you're helping your family every day with your sacrifices.
I get being confused or conflicted. You don't have to, but there will always be a space to talk here. Even if you just come here to vent sometimes, we will read it. I'm wishing you peace and I hope that you get through what you're going through.
Unfortunately people act the way that they do because of their own unchecked problems. Being disgusting gives some people a sense of power and control. I'm not surprised that he would want to hold your items hostage, it's the last piece of leverage that he has over you so he's absolutely going to use it to further abuse you. But understanding why isn't important, I think the bottom line is that he's just a rotten person and it's a good thing you're leaving him there to rot where he's at. You definitely did the right thing.
Good for you for starting your list again, and congrats on (potentially?) getting the job! Have you found out for sure yet?
Some of the issues you listed are struggles for many people, even the norms - no job, low self-esteem. But you listed several other issues they don't need to deal with - autism, anxiety, anhedonia. So don't sell your feelings short, you're deal with a lot of things.
It's a nice little meme quote - "Only you can save yourself" - but it takes support from many others to make it happen. You have to have the will power and be willing to work for it. But there are many other people, from family and friends, medical professionals and therapists, and even our support group, who can assist and support you.
Thank you for asking us, even though it seems like you're going through a tough time yourself. I'm hanging in there so I'm doing okay, although I kind of relate to what you said earlier, I'm pretty exhausted by depression right now.
I think we talk a lot about cycles in here, all of us must be stuck in one of them, one way or another. I can definitely understand the whole laziness into depression never ending whirlpool of doom thing because I go through that a lot too with cleaning and maintaining jobs.
It's never selfish to not respond to others and just vent for yourself! We don't mind if you do that at all, I'm sure everyone is just happy to hear from you and get an update. It's great that you've started your lists again, and that you've had an enjoyable Thanksgiving. The food does look really yummy, honestly! I also dislike the whole "well-meaning evangelizing of a suicide attempt over a holiday dinner" scenario and I'm sorry you went through that. At least we know our loved ones mean no harm, but it is pretty annoying to hear all the same, haha.
Yes, it is, but honestly I know that it's a slim chance and that's actually what makes me feel a little better about things. I'm expecting the rejections and just trying to get used to them. And if by some stroke of luck I get a job, even better! I was thinking about the suggestion you gave me and applied to some jobs to work with children too, so maybe I'll hear back from those sooner.
I wanna cosign this, it is really hard to manage without meds. I feel really hopeless all the time with bipolar II so I'm glad you don't have this struggle. But I also think it's interesting how hard it is to diagnose and how many people end up getting a misdiagnosis of bipolar. It definitely makes me want a second and third opinion just to be sure.
It's easier to focus on what we've done wrong or haven't done rather than focus on what we've done right. This is why I'm trying to write daily accomplishment lists (although I haven't been good at keeping up on them. I'm not declaring my inconsistency a failure tho. Making some here and there is better than not making any at all, even if daily lists are the true goal.) That you pointed out you had the energy to vent and seek support is a great sign!
People process things differently. What's easy for some is hard for others. That you have enough insight to identify your problems in the first place indicates competency, I think.
If pinpointing the origin of your depression helps you, go for it. For me it's a wild goose chase that gets me nowhere. I no longer care what caused my depression. Identifying my triggers so I can work on them as they arise and prevent future relapses is my personal focus. I cannot promise that will help you. I'm just sharing what currently works for me.
I have clinical anxiety, reoccurring major depression, bpd, and ocd. I used to have regular panic attacks but have learned to handle them enough to no longer qualify for panic disorder, though they still pop up occasionally. I also have heaps of trauma from my childhood and chronic low self-esteem. It sucks.
I'm not a professional and possibly lack the experience and qualifications to make such an assessment, but are you sure you are being realistic about your ability to overcome your weaknesses? If not, it sounds like low self-esteem would apply. That's up for you to determine though, as I do not know you. Also, social skills aren't always acquired naturally for many reasons. I'd say a lack of social skills is becoming more and more robust among the youth due to technological advancements. It's getting easier and easier to reside as a hermit these days.
This is so relatable. Do you think it's self-sabotage in your case? It mostly certainly is for me.
Kudos for admitting that!
It's the holidays, so understandable. Thank you for being dedicated enough to read our posts! I certainly don't expect you to read my massive walls of text, lol.
Thanksgiving is so exhausting. I often feel the same way, and have even as a small child. I don't have a family of my own, which I would imagine would intensify the fatigue ten-fold.
I definitely think there are some cases doctors don't know how to classify. I'm happy they're being honest and not giving you inappropriate treatment at least.
Only four drinks is great progress! I'm proud of you! ♥
I see. Being exhausted by depression sucks and is painful. Do you know what caused the depression to happen? Either way, I hope you get better from it soon and find happiness.Thank you for asking us, even though it seems like you're going through a tough time yourself. I'm hanging in there so I'm doing okay, although I kind of relate to what you said earlier, I'm pretty exhausted by depression right now.
Hmm, I get what you mean but is being an incompetent and shitty thing mutually exclusive to struggling with a bad hand I've been dealt? Sure, when I was a kid, maybe it wasn't my fault for being unable to handle things as I should have received more care from parents but, as I'm now an adult, I have to take responsibility to help myself... and I'm not, at least not actively. What I do is just passive. But, yes, I do imagine that those normies would be suicidal too if they were to experience a life like mine
There's something wrong with everybody as perfection is impossible. How can there be nothing wrong with me? I'm flawed like everybody else albeit I may have slightly more flaws than them. Though the part about having a community to help makes me feel more relieved. I think I internalised the whole "you have to save yourself" quote way too much and way too literally. Thank you all for being here and for providing support to us all
It really sucks. Even if I were to get a job, the problem now would be to maintain it. I feel like we'll always be stuck in a cycle of some sort
Hmm, I'm not even too sure if there are other reasons. Maybe I'm not motivated enough? I'm sure there is an answer I have but my mind just doesn't have access to it right now. As for the areas I need to improve in, that's more straightforward for me to answer. Short answer, I need to improve in being an actual human. Long answer, I need to improve with gaining skills for independence (such as life skills), I need to improve my socialising skills by consuming more media that I could use to talk about, by stopping being too anxious to speak, to speak slower (as I speak way too quickly for people to understand me) and to stop stuttering a lot. I also need to improve on my anhedonia and find some sort of interest that I could rely on. I also need to improve resilience as I give up way too easily, I also need to improve on my speed at how I do things. I'm way too slow in general and I'd spend 3 hours on a task that most people could easily spend just 1 hour on.
Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I can't dispute this
That... is really true wow. Do you know why we're like this? I've noticed this trend in real life too as, for example, if people had a negative experience at a restaurant, they're more likely to write a negative review but, for those who had a good experience, they'd just move on with their day. I didn't even think about it until you mentioned it. Okay.. daily lists are a good idea. I think I should start making one too
I've only partially identified my problems though. I feel like there's a lot more nuance to me than I brought out. But I'm not too sure. Maybe I'm subconsciously thinking that I got more problems than I actually have so that my issues as a whole could be valid
Hmm, I don't think I'd ever fully find out why I'm depressed. What matters now is that I am depressed. The whole trigger thing isn't applicable to me as my depression is constant instead of it going and coming back repeatedly
Wow, that's a lot to handle. Congrats on fixing, or nigh fixing the panic disorder tho. I wish I could do that too. But, yeah, it really does suck that we have a lot of mental issues to go through. But hopefully we get through it.. we're here after all
I relate to that. I think my ideal situation is where I recover early and then ctb as I'm about to reach old age where my body decays and is fragile... well more fragile than current me who is also fragile. I don't think I can recover 100% as fixing my current issues would lead to other issues arising but maybe, just maybe, I could recover somewhat. Hopefully you all recover too
Me and self awareness feels like an oxymoron. Exposure therapy does seem good but I don't even know where to start with it. It's like you said, I don't have a support network (not even family that I could rely on) so it's difficult. I've been through quite a bit of mental health worksheets that I could find online and most of them recommend to talk to an old friend or something. But I don't even have that. I hope I find a solution too though I know that it's unlikely for this solution to just appear in front of me magically. I have to actively search for it
This is one hell of a domino effect indeed. I've gave up too but I need to stop giving up and try again.. but ugh it's too difficult lol
Hmm that's a tough question to answer as some sort of ego says that I should be competent enough to overcome my weaknesses. But I don't think I- I don't know. It's more so that I think of myself as incompetent. I don't know if I actually am. Though, since I've failed to even get in a position where I try harder to work on myself, perhaps that gives an indication that I may be worthless? I don't know and I can't know until I try my best and still fail. Even if a lack of social skills is amplifying as the generations pass, I still think their social skills are better than mine. I mean, at least the majority of them makes friends or acquaintances with one another during school. I never made an irl friend or acquaintance during my entire life. It's why I never used social media such as instagram or snapchat yet
Self sabotage, hmm? Yeah, I think it is. It's more like of a self fulfilling prophecy
Relatable. This is where the daily accomplishment list could help
I deserve to recover but I also deserve to ctb whenever I want to as my body belongs to me in the end. I don't know why I'd believe that I don't deserve to recover. I deserve recovery because I can't think of a set of criteria or scenarios in where somebody doesn't deserve to recover
I've indulged in self acceptance as, once again, there is no reason not to. People in the world are cruel and there are only a few kind people around like you and everybody else here. I have to be kind to myself because logic dictates so. Nonetheless, unlike the "deserve to recover" thing above, this is easy to not abide to as I feel shitty when I'm behind on studies again and I feel like I'm pathetic for not studying. Studying is just an example that occurred to me recently, there are others too of course. Impermanence is fine. But when I miss out weeks of studies or spend weeks not improving myself, it becomes less impermanent and more of a concern, so much so to where i feel shitty again for not working on my issues earlier. Hmm, this question feels strange but just how long is impermanence anyway? If you were to quantify it, what would you say?
Precisely. It's just surviving and it sucks
I have. I'm currently referred for therapy but, like you said, waiting times are super long. I'm actually therapy critical tbh. I don't think that this outside help would help. But, hey, since I'm already referred to them, I may as well do it and then it'd be apparent that they don't really help. I'm in the UK and, well, the mental health services here are absolute shit. I have to get better without relying on them
I don't even know if the UK has a vocational rehab. Also, I don't even know if I can get a seasonal position to begin with. As of right now, I don't think I can as I got no work experience as well as no skills either
I see. Being exhausted by depression sucks and is painful. Do you know what caused the depression to happen? Either way, I hope you get better from it soon and find happiness.Thank you for asking us, even though it seems like you're going through a tough time yourself. I'm hanging in there so I'm doing okay, although I kind of relate to what you said earlier, I'm pretty exhausted by depression right now.
Hmm, I get what you mean but is being an incompetent and shitty thing mutually exclusive to struggling with a bad hand I've been dealt? Sure, when I was a kid, maybe it wasn't my fault for being unable to handle things as I should have received more care from parents but, as I'm now an adult, I have to take responsibility to help myself... and I'm not, at least not actively. What I do is just passive. But, yes, I do imagine that those normies would be suicidal too if they were to experience a life like mine
There's something wrong with everybody as perfection is impossible. How can there be nothing wrong with me? I'm flawed like everybody else albeit I may have slightly more flaws than them. Though the part about having a community to help makes me feel more relieved. I think I internalised the whole "you have to save yourself" quote way too much and way too literally. Thank you all for being here and for providing support to us all
It really sucks. Even if I were to get a job, the problem now would be to maintain it. I feel like we'll always be stuck in a cycle of some sort
Hmm, I'm not even too sure if there are other reasons. Maybe I'm not motivated enough? I'm sure there is an answer I have but my mind just doesn't have access to it right now. As for the areas I need to improve in, that's more straightforward for me to answer. Short answer, I need to improve in being an actual human. Long answer, I need to improve with gaining skills for independence (such as life skills), I need to improve my socialising skills by consuming more media that I could use to talk about, by stopping being too anxious to speak, to speak slower (as I speak way too quickly for people to understand me) and to stop stuttering a lot. I also need to improve on my anhedonia and find some sort of interest that I could rely on. I also need to improve resilience as I give up way too easily, I also need to improve on my speed at how I do things. I'm way too slow in general and I'd spend 3 hours on a task that most people could easily spend just 1 hour on.
Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I can't dispute this
That... is really true wow. Do you know why we're like this? I've noticed this trend in real life too as, for example, if people had a negative experience at a restaurant, they're more likely to write a negative review but, for those who had a good experience, they'd just move on with their day. I didn't even think about it until you mentioned it. Okay.. daily lists are a good idea. I think I should start making one too
I've only partially identified my problems though. I feel like there's a lot more nuance to me than I brought out. But I'm not too sure. Maybe I'm subconsciously thinking that I got more problems than I actually have so that my issues as a whole could be valid
Hmm, I don't think I'd ever fully find out why I'm depressed. What matters now is that I am depressed. The whole trigger thing isn't applicable to me as my depression is constant instead of it going and coming back repeatedly
Wow, that's a lot to handle. Congrats on fixing, or nigh fixing the panic disorder tho. I wish I could do that too. But, yeah, it really does suck that we have a lot of mental issues to go through. But hopefully we get through it.. we're here after all
I relate to that. I think my ideal situation is where I recover early and then ctb as I'm about to reach old age where my body decays and is fragile... well more fragile than current me who is also fragile. I don't think I can recover 100% as fixing my current issues would lead to other issues arising but maybe, just maybe, I could recover somewhat. Hopefully you all recover too
Me and self awareness feels like an oxymoron. Exposure therapy does seem good but I don't even know where to start with it. It's like you said, I don't have a support network (not even family that I could rely on) so it's difficult. I've been through quite a bit of mental health worksheets that I could find online and most of them recommend to talk to an old friend or something. But I don't even have that. I hope I find a solution too though I know that it's unlikely for this solution to just appear in front of me magically. I have to actively search for it
This is one hell of a domino effect indeed. I've gave up too but I need to stop giving up and try again.. but ugh it's too difficult lol
Hmm that's a tough question to answer as some sort of ego says that I should be competent enough to overcome my weaknesses. But I don't think I- I don't know. It's more so that I think of myself as incompetent. I don't know if I actually am. Though, since I've failed to even get in a position where I try harder to work on myself, perhaps that gives an indication that I may be worthless? I don't know and I can't know until I try my best and still fail. Even if a lack of social skills is amplifying as the generations pass, I still think their social skills are better than mine. I mean, at least the majority of them makes friends or acquaintances with one another during school. I never made an irl friend or acquaintance during my entire life. It's why I never used social media such as instagram or snapchat yet
Self sabotage, hmm? Yeah, I think it is. It's more like of a self fulfilling prophecy
Relatable. This is where the daily accomplishment list could help
I deserve to recover but I also deserve to ctb whenever I want to as my body belongs to me in the end. I don't know why I'd believe that I don't deserve to recover. I deserve recovery because I can't think of a set of criteria or scenarios in where somebody doesn't deserve to recover
I've indulged in self acceptance as, once again, there is no reason not to. People in the world are cruel and there are only a few kind people around like you and everybody else here. I have to be kind to myself because logic dictates so. Nonetheless, unlike the "deserve to recover" thing above, this is easy to not abide to as I feel shitty when I'm behind on studies again and I feel like I'm pathetic for not studying. Studying is just an example that occurred to me recently, there are others too of course. Impermanence is fine. But when I miss out weeks of studies or spend weeks not improving myself, it becomes less impermanent and more of a concern, so much so to where i feel shitty again for not working on my issues earlier. Hmm, this question feels strange but just how long is impermanence anyway? If you were to quantify it, what would you say?
Precisely. It's just surviving and it sucks
I have. I'm currently referred for therapy but, like you said, waiting times are super long. I'm actually therapy critical tbh. I don't think that this outside help would help. But, hey, since I'm already referred to them, I may as well do it and then it'd be apparent that they don't really help. I'm in the UK and, well, the mental health services here are absolute shit. I have to get better without relying on them
I don't even know if the UK has a vocational rehab. Also, I don't even know if I can get a seasonal position to begin with. As of right now, I don't think I can as I got no work experience as well as no skills either
This is actually a great idea for us long posters! Haha, I'm always mobile though, I would probably fuck it up every time.
I'm happy that you realize that it was wise to take a break! Hopefully you won't be so hard on yourself. What's important is that you're trying to get things back on track now.
I thought about it but I'm really scared to do that. What if it's really a debt collector? I did Google the number and it wasn't linked to anything I applied to, thankfully. It may just be something to do with a bill or a banker trying to get me to reopen my account, lol.
I see a lot of people who have borderline are misdiagnosed with bipolar II at first and I honestly think that makes sense. I wouldn't be surprised if I went to get a second opinion and this ended up being the case for me too. The only thing is that when I was on medication for bipolar, it actually worked really well. So maybe my old psychiatrist was onto something, but then again those meds were used to treat other disorders as well.
I want to add onto this and say that in my opinion, social skills are never naturally acquired. While some of us are certainly more naturally inclined to have better social skills, I think overall it's impossible to learn those skills on your own. It would go against the nature of being social if you did. Someone else is always going to have to teach you and it's a skill that you're always developing through interactions with others.
So many things lol. I think it's a combination of things that happened to me throughout my life. Life itself for me hasn't been so bad and in a lot of ways I'm very lucky and privileged but the way I learned how to process things and deal with things is messed up, I guess because of the stuff I had to endure up until now and even some things I have to endure now. I don't think I really know how to be happy so the depression has just always been a thing for as long as I can remember. I think it's what I deserve sometimes, honestly.
Both of these are things I should consider, so I want to rephrase. There may be something wrong with you, but not in the sense that you are beating yourself up for. The things that are wrong don't make you shitty or incompetent, at least not in my book.
I think you already have a decent list of goals here! And if you're waiting to work with a therapist then that's even better, I hope that you get someone that is actually good and can help you. I struggled a lot with talking fast but I'm slowly starting to work on that by making a conscious effort to speak slower when I do speak. It's easier to say than do though. I also have problems with resilience but I'm trying to battle that by putting myself out there little by little and working on the art of trying something again if it didn't work the first time. That is also a lot easier to say than to do but I've made a little progress and I'm doing a little better in those areas than I was a year ago.
It's okay if you don't see the steps right away. Just reaching out was a step that you took without even seeing it, so I think the others will come to you as well with some time and a lot of effort.
I would recommend that show to you (and anyone else) if you're interested in watching things and haven't watched it already. Bojack Horseman is such a good show honestly and it's really interesting because there's always a character that everyone can relate to. I'm thinking of a character that you may be able to relate to from this show but I don't really know you so I couldn't say for sure.
Hi @Night_Crew, welcome back! I'm sorry to hear that you've had a bad week. I also tend to feel really horrible and hopeless around my birthday so I get what you mean there, too. Are you going to do anything at all to celebrate?
Tough question, haha, I also want to know the answer to this. Technically I've been doing this but I don't really know how. I just hold out on the little bit of hope that I have. As long as it's there I won't think that it's time to give up. On a subconscious level and much to my own annoyance, I think I just kept collecting more things to hold onto so that I'll be less motivated to give up; I have a relationship to stick around for, stories that I've committed myself to finishing with others, plants that would die without my care, children that I want to see grow up, shows I would never see the end of. Sadly when things feel hopeless none of these really matter to me, I could drop them all whenever I wanted to if I wanted to, but now there are so many that at my worst I can convince myself that it's worth it to see what the future is like.
I'm with you as far as this line of thinking towards myself. Earlier today I was thinking about the fact that the mental health issues I have aren't my fault and that I'm largely mad at myself for things that I can't control, but at the same time, I can still be justified in disliking the person that I am even if I deserve as much self compassion as anyone else. I guess that's a little different from what you're saying, but regardless. It's true that it's your responsibility as an adult to do things for your recovery, but giving yourself some grace and taking responsibility for yourself are also not two mutually exclusive things! It sounds to me like calling yourself an "incompetent and shitty thing" is a bit meaner than what's accurate, too, and that there's room to give yourself a break. (I know how hard it is not to beat yourself senseless and call yourself names, though, and I was doing pretty much the same thing a mere few hours ago.)
I think there's some sort of psychological/ cognitive bias relating to why people fixate on negatives rather than positives, one that's definitely even worse in people with mental health issues. I'm kind of frustrated that I can't remember enough to elaborate more than that, but I heard this either from my therapist or in one of the psychology classes I took earlier in college. I'm too lazy right now to look into this further rather than just throwing out an "I think I heard this once" statement without any citations, so you'll have to forgive me for that, lol! Point is, it's true for all of us to some extent!
This is a very wise mindset to have!
I've had moments like before for sure. Sometimes the little moments with the people you love end up being more enjoyable than the things that are supposed to be a big deal. I can definitely say that I had more fun with my younger brother in the couple of days before and after Thanksgiving than I did during the Thanksgiving holiday itself. As good as the food was, and although the day itself was not actively bad in any way, I spent most of it feeling extremely overwhelmed.
I thought of you when I was writing the previous post, @UsagiDrop, since I know you mentioned having bipolar II, but I didn't name you specifically since I didn't want to call you out, lol! But it definitely sounds like a good idea to get a second opinion on your diagnosis to be safe if you have the resources for it given how often it's misdiagnosed.
I'm wondering how I'm going to do this myself at this point, in the event that the future continues to go the same way that the last few years of my life have been. I think that @UsagiDrop has a pretty good answer with the idea of sticking around for the little things, though it takes a lot of those smaller things to keep a person going. I'm still figuring out how to get my little flame of hope back, but honestly, in the meantime, the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I can't come up with a rational reason to end my life. As far as my own personal situation, I know that it's possible for me to get better, even if not "better" to the extent of being like a non mentally ill person then better than I am now, so ending my life at any given point right now would just be acting on transient emotions, at least until I reach any sort of plateau and the state of my mental health seems to be truly permanent. It's not the most fun mindset to hang my entire state of alive-ness on, but it's what's preventing me from CTB for the time being, no matter how shitty I feel at any given point in time.
Yeah, this is largely what's keeping me going as well– well said. (I missed it when I was catching up on posts apparently!)
If social skills are not naturally acquired, how is it that most people (particularly neurotypical people) understand social skills but most neurodivergent people don't? Also, there aren't lessons on social skills. If I remember correctly, schools don't teach lessons regarding social skills
The whole idea of life not being bad is subjective tbh. Though I do wonder what you mean when you talk about the way you process and deal with things
I feel like there's a misconception here caused by the wording of "shitty" and "bad" that I didn't consider. When I used those words, I used it to describe at how I function as a human and how I function in terms of mental health. I didn't mean to describe myself synonymously with actual assholes in the world. If I were to be describing myself synonymously with assholes, then yes being incompetent at being a functional human doesn't inherently make you shitty (i.e. an asshole). However, being shitty (at being a human) is linked to incompetency making you.. be shitty at being a human.
I won't lie, I really don't want to work with a therapist. I'm insanely therapy critical and I don't believe that it'd work on me for various reasons. But I'm sort of forced to do it as I am awful at being independent and taking control over my life on my own. I really need some external help if I need a shot at this and if the mental health industry was as developed (and still developing) as quickly as technology is, I'd be more inclined to accept therapy but, in its current state, I can't. Anyways, about speaking slower, I then get worried that I speak too slowly if I try to speak slower. I just don't know the perfect balance
That's a good idea and, while I knew that this us what I have to do, it's far relaxing to see somebody else suggest this to me instead of suggesting that I just talk. It's pointless to sell myself if there's nothing to sell. Interests are needed to sustain friends. Also, at university, nobody really approaches me. Not a single person
Not really. I don't have anything I want to try and, even if I do, having this massive urge to keep it as hidden from my parents as much as possible makes it far harder to actually do stuff freely. Maybe I should force myself to do something after all
I hope so
I see. Maybe there's something I could force myself to do
Damn my condolences. Hopefully you can come back and finish that semester once you recover
The idea of what's bad or not is subjective tbh. Though I see what you mean
this.. is all so true
The human brain sure is complicated. It's sort of hard to give grace to myself when my future and overall wellbeing is contingent on needing immediate results
For all I know, the things I've listed could just be surface level things too. You never know. I don't know in which areas I'm still self aware in and which ones I'm not.
it's okay, the reason can wait. The phenomenon itself is what interests me right now
You haven't been redundant at all tbh. Thank you for your compliments btw
Damn my condolences. Hopefully you can come back and finish that semester once you recover
The idea of what's bad or not is subjective tbh. Though I see what you mean
this.. is all so true
The human brain sure is complicated. It's sort of hard to give grace to myself when my future and overall wellbeing is contingent on needing immediate results
For all I know, the things I've listed could just be surface level things too. You never know. I don't know in which areas I'm still self aware in and which ones I'm not.
it's okay, the reason can wait. The phenomenon itself is what interests me right now
You haven't been redundant at all tbh. Thank you for your compliments btw
I'm so glad you still exist, and we love you too. I hope you'll be okay soon!
Maybe not formal lessons, but I still think you learn social skills from parents, guardians, caretakers, teachers and/or other influential adults or figures in media as a child. We wouldn't know what language to speak if someone wasn't already speaking to us in it, for example. We literally wouldn't know which words meant what if someone didn't show us or tell us. We wouldn't know who mom or dad was, or what the difference between them was, if those figures in our life didn't act those roles out and tell us who was who (presuming we have both figures, or even one). We would know how to scream and cry but we wouldn't know when it's appropriate or okay to do that, nor would we know when it would be appropriate or okay to cheer and laugh (according to a society's standards), if someone didn't tell us when those times were. And often times the people that teach us these very things fuck up and we learn in the hard ways how to best navigate socializing with others when we go and socialize with others.
This is true, and I don't mean to say this is my perspective of life as a whole. It's just for my life, I feel like I objectively haven't had it so bad. There were some horrible experiences but for the most part they're things I can brush off. But because those things occurred, I don't think I function and think normally anymore. I'm empty all the time, I don't have a lot of confidence in myself and my own judgments, I can't communicate in effective ways, I don't allow myself to be happy, I'm directionless, and honestly all of the bad experience have just culminated in a mood disorder anyway so things are kind of fucked no matter how I flip it.
Ahh, I understand now, and I'm sorry for misunderstanding you! That does make sense when you put it that way.
Yes, I do believe this. I think I'm incompetent in a few ways that I can't really recover from, or I don't see myself recovering from. But I also don't think that this fact alone has to be the end of the world. It's like you said, nobody is perfect. Therefore, there isn't a single one of us that can do it all. We will all probably suffer or be incompetent in some areas but if we're willing to work then we can make up for it in other ways. It's up to an individual to decide if they want to work or not, or if living with a certain incompetency is even worth it, though. If they decide that they can't go on like that or don't want to work then it's also fine.
I can understand your reluctance, the mental health industry doesn't have a great rep and it is true that a lot of professionals don't care as much as they should about their clients for various reasons. But sometimes we do need outside help despite our best efforts, and there's nothing wrong with that. I really hope you can find someone that works well with you and will actually help you in the long run, and most of all I'm just happy that you're open to giving it all a try.
In my experience there is no right balance. I was lucky enough to have a few people that I could afford to embarrass myself in front of sometimes but even at other times when I practiced to myself, I had to be willing to sound really silly and speak super slowly just so my words could be clear.
It was really embarrassing and hard but I had to brute forceI'm sorry to hear that, but that's fine too. It just means you have more time to focus on gaining some skills first and you might have less anxiety in the process.
Until I reach any sort of long term plateau of shittiness, I have reason to believe that I'm capable of recovery.
[spoiler/]
Interesting. I never heard of parents teaching their kids social skills (or even their parents teaching their kids anything; I've heard all they do is just make their kid watch some stimulating youtube videos and that's their parenting done). But, hey, if people have learnt social skills from parents or teachers etc, at least I can blame someone else for my lack of social skills. Nonetheless, it's only up to me to rectify my flaws as best as I can
I've watched others but I haven't really interacted with anybody other than the teachers for my entire academic life (I'm not counting university group work btw)
That's valid. Some people go through hell in comparison to others. Though I personally judge things on how bad they are by looking at how the events or experiences affect you, not the actual experiences themselves. That's not to say that somebody who went through a shitty experience and didn't get affected by it isn't severe as it is but the point is that I believe that those who even went through comparatively mild experiences yet came out with depression or dysfunction due to that has had it bad too. I say this because the way we perceive and handle suffering is subjective. Though it's valid to not think that way.. in fact it kinda is hard to when people talk about extremely shitty experiences
Do you think you'll have to rely on this forever? I'm asking due to curiosity
The being incompetent in a few areas thing is relatable. Also, yeah, I do admit that we're all incompetent somewhere. I just think it's unfair that some people have to work harder than others because of how severe their incompetency is. Also, yeah, those choosing to not continue anymore due to their massive flaws is valid. It's relieving to have people here with views like yours instead of believing that people should continue no matter what suffering they go through
I admit that I do need outside help but I find it annoying that therapy is the best version of outside help that society has to offer in this day and age. No offence to those taking therapy but I just see it as something that needs to be developed a lot to help those with complicated issues or those whose issues aren't merely due to an irrational cognition. Also I've noticed that therapy is based off the therapist convincing you that their views of life are true and that any other views that deviates from that is irrational. I need help but, no offence, I just don't think therapy is enough for me. What I think I need is someone by my side irl to teach me things without judgement and holds me accountable for my actions. This is what my parents should be doing yet they would refuse to.
I wish I had that luck. But.. maybe I do? I guess I could practice in therapy. Just gotta wait, uh, like half a year or something for thatIn my experience there is no right balance. I was lucky enough to have a few people that I could afford to embarrass myself in front of sometimes but even at other times when I practiced to myself, I had to be willing to sound really silly and speak super slowly just so my words could be clear.
my pacing sometimes.
Sorry but I don't see how people not approaching me means that I got more time to gain skills. Could you elaborate?
