It's great that you got some self-care done despite being under the weather, thank you for taking care of yourself! I think just getting those tasks done can be classified as productivity. Fingers crossed that you can do something tomorrow (today?) that's productive, but if you can't, that'll be okay too! There's always the next day.
Reminding myself that there is always the next day is so important. I find if I don't, I get stuck in a trap of beating myself up for what I didn't complete. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein I believe I'm a worthless, lazy piece of shit. I focus on what I didn't do, which leads me to believe I'll never be productive, and in turn creates a self-sabatoging, procrastinating cycle. It's so hard to remind yourself of the little things you did accomplish, but I think it helps when you can remember to congrat yourself for them.
@ColorlessTrees
I'm sorry you haven't found much relief from antibiotics. ): how many doses do you have left? It sucks your shortness of breath has worsened. That doesn't sound fun. I second Usagidrop on getting another consult if possible if you still don't find relief once you've completed the full course.
Duties and obligations piling up due to being fatigued/bedridden is my least favorite part of being sick. It's so stressful! Never forget the little things you've tackled tho, no matter how small! For me that's the biggest motivator to recover. It doesn't sound like much, but in your situation, getting caught up with self care is huge!
Also breaking things down into chunks and keeping my to-do list realistic is helpful (tho a challenge for me because I'm a perfectionist lol.)
I hope you feel better soon
I think that your vow is beautiful, too. It sounds like it could help correct your thinking about yourself and the things that you do, and I know that you can stick to it.
Thank you. The core reason I attempted was because I hated myself and thought I deserved to die. This is why working on my low self-esteem has become a top priority.
It's very devastating that I've been falling back into my old habits. I was really motivated and getting stuff done before, but I'm back to sleeping and eating irregularly, isolating myself, and spending most days in bed. I am hoping shifting focus on what I've been doing right instead of wrong will help. If I was productive before, I can be productive again.
I'm hoping posting here will motivate me to stick with my vow.
I've read some of your threads and posts around here and I think that your perseverance and perspectives are inspiring.
Thank you! I appreciate your posts on this forum and the pms we have had as well (and don't feel obliged to reply btw. I'm the queen of not responding to pms.
lol) There is one post of yours I read wherein you were honest about not entirely recovering, and primarily sticking around because you felt obligated. In a world of toxic positivity, I find that sort of honesty and transparency refreshing. I love how you remain optimistic without providing false hope or shying away from ugly truths.
Recovery isn't easy, we have great ups and absolutely terrible downs, but I'm very proud of you for choosing something that works for you and deciding to commit to it, to stay true to it.
Recovery is hard af. I often feel alone in my journey. People seem to view recovery as some linear processes wherein you go to therapy and take meds and realize suicide is selfish and you're all better. It's not, but people don't want to hear it. Its nice to have a space where I can open up about having a shitty day and not be told I'm not trying hard enough or whatever.
I'm not sure if writing down my accomplishments every day will help. It's an experiment. I notice I do better when I focus on my accomplishments rather than my mistakes or what I "should" be doing. I'm hoping writing them down throughout the day will make it easier to stick with, as I haven't been great with this habit lately.
Also I'm definitely not always good at utilizing what works. I've already sabotaged my sleep and exercise routines and have been eating like shit and haven't been going to church for like three sermons in a row
Your words will definitely be helpful in this thread, so I don't think anyone will mind if you post here daily. I just wanna say, though, that if there's ever a day that you feel like you can't do that, you definitely don't have to! It's okay to take breaks, and to not post daily and just lurk. I hope we get to hear from you more often, too.
You're too sweet.
Tysm!
Update: My three day weekend starts and I'm starting to just feel a little numb to it, even though my worries about money persist. Tomorrow, I hope I can get some cleaning done and that's really my only goal. But I'm sure I'm just going to sleep the day away. The week's almost over, so I hope the last few days are kind to you guys!
Do you work a four ten schedule?
Money is so stressful aaaaa! Especially in this economy.
I hope you enjoy your weekend! If you sleep the day away, you probably needed the rest. I hope you get some cleaning done tomorrow too, but try not to stress if you don't. You have a whole three day weekend to work on chores after all.
@cheese.out I'm glad therapy has been helping somewhat! Good luck with meds if that's the route you choose. Definitely update us on whatever you decide to do!
I've only been in recovery for two months, but I find myself falling into a dark hole still too. My goal is to be able to cope with dark times rather than eliminate them.
Hey guys. Venin here. Couldn't reactivate the other account so I made this one. Dropped by to say that unfortunately, it went south for me and I don't wanna live in this fucking hellish life anymore. In a couple of days I will be bus riding.
When I came back from a brief hiatus, I noticed your name was crossed out. Good to see you're still with us, even if it's not on good terms. Sorry you're struggling so much. Wishing you peace my guy.
I'll be forever grateful you created this thread and offered me peace in my goodbye thread. I decided to work on recovery instead of attempting again. It's rough and I can't promise I'll stick with it, but I'm gonna try. Thank you for standing up against the bullies in my thread.
Also I haven't deactivated my old account either, and I hope to keep it that way. Sometimes it's nice to start anew.
Anyways, I would be making use of this thread myself but I'm just terrible at venting. Whenever I try to put my feelings into words, I end up writing myself into dead end because there are simply too many things I don't feel comfortable sharing with strangers on a public forum. Yes, Discord would offer a more private setting but I don't like the chat format at all. The conversations there tend to become dull and monotonous very quickly because you're always expected to respond within short intervalls which kinda takes away the ability to reflect and meditate on someone else's post before giving them a proper response.
I'm glad you find this thread refreshing. Feel free to lurk. There's no pressure to post. As long as you're getting something out of it, that's all that matters.
If that is what would help you, please feel free to post daily. The original concept of the thread is that we would each make a vow and update the group daily. Life happens and as a result, daily updates don't for most of us. Feel free to journal your thoughts, good and bad.
I can't promise I will post my lists daily. I just think it'd hold me accountable if I made a goal to post them here. I wanted reassurance I wouldn't be spamming the thread with annoying shit if I did is all.
@Rack.- You're not a burden. Opening up is what this thread is for. We're here to support each other. If you ever decide to vent, feel free. If not, happy lurking. You're welcome here.
Boy, the one day that I'm not on my laptop a ton this thread suddenly starts blowing up. I'm feeling major FOMO
Be back to catch up soon! I just had therapy and am completely emotionally shot...
Responding to all of these posts on my phone was quite the task…
Can't wait to hear from you when you are able! Is therapy usually emotionally draining for you or was it this session in particular? Todays therapy took a lot out of me too. It's sucked. I hope it's worth it in the end. Fortunately my therapist is actually p cool
——————
Got back from therapy, folded all my clothes, then went on a weird self-hating spiral and didn't even call Medicaid like I was supposed to then took a nap. Haven't even finished jotting down my list today. I'm doing great with this vow