I will try to get better for exactly 6 months

[elenaboo25]

I will try to get better for exactly 6 months. Not pretend, not play along. Actually try to get better, until November 13th 2026. When I joined this forum, I never thought I'd try that again. I have tried and failed to recover so many times. Countless times.

But, after having been on kind of a bender last weekend, I started chatting with someone, and now I'm in love with them. I have been honest with them, but I have not told them about this site. They said it upset them, and I didn't want to lose them, so I've agreed to try to get better for 6 months, then reevaluate. I guess this is somewhat of a new start.

 

[elenaboo25]

I already regret having agreed to try to get better, but I've gone on a walk with a dog today, managed to do some things I've been putting off for weeks, and did only drink water so far today. It's a start, I guess.

 

[SurrealCereal]

It is so wonderful that you found a reason to give yourself another chance and committing to six months of genuine effort is a huge step. I really hope this path leads you somewhere beautiful. Wishing you good luck for this new start! ♡

 

[elenaboo25]

Today was a really stressful day but now I am so happy. The guy I'm chatting to just makes me so happy

 

[Cold Mirage]

It's always nice when you find the strength to look to the future.

 

[elenaboo25]

I still can't imagine having a future beyond age 30. I haven't gone to the eye doctor in over a year. My body is already so messed up I think it will only get worse as I age and I don't want to stick around for that. But I need to keep trying to see the good things in life.

 

[elenaboo25]

It feels so pointless to keep going and keep trying to get better when I know I will inevitably get worse again at some point. At some point my body will deteriorate again and I will have to take those blood pressure medications that I don't like. I know my life will end by suicide, one way or another. Maybe I can get a few more half-decent years out of it, but I am not sure it's worth the effort.

 

[elenaboo25]

The universe is once again punishing me for even trying - poorly - to get better. I've caught a cold - it is summer here, I've not yet once managed to consistently go on walks for a week, and I've gained weight.

 

[sireb_b]

Glad that you're still out there trying, but as a little word of advice remember that getting better takes time. As someone who tried to rush things and pressure myself, I recommend giving yourself patience, room to make mistakes, despite the frustration it can give you. I understand the pain of not picturing a future, of feeling like you're gonna end it anyway, but the fact that you have some motivation to better things is super precious, and you should be proud of that. Be kind to yourself.

 

[SASU-KE]

The universe is once again punishing me for even trying - poorly - to get better. I've caught a cold - it is summer here, I've not yet once managed to consistently go on walks for a week, and I've gained weight.

Try your best,boo!

 

[elenaboo25]

I have forgotten this website exists for over a month now. Some good things have happened. I am allowed to go to a trial period for a school/educational programme that I am interested in. If I pass the trial period, I can start studying in January. I am still fat and ugly and my body is fucked, but I'm trying my best to get better.

 

[SASU-KE]

I have forgotten this website exists for over a month now.

Boo,how could yoo?

Kidding. I'm happy things have gotten better for you.

 

[orangecrush]

I have forgotten this website exists for over a month now. Some good things have happened. I am allowed to go to a trial period for a school/educational programme that I am interested in. If I pass the trial period, I can start studying in January. I am still fat and ugly and my body is fucked, but I'm trying my best to get better.

from the perspective of a fellow fat and ugly person with a fucked body--if this is too toxic-positive than just tune me out--you should choose to view yourself with kindness. yes you can't change the reality of your body and yes it feels stupid to try and counter the reality but like, practically you're just going to make yourself suffer twice for something you only need to suffer once from. it might just continue to get worse, i won't lie, but you only need to suffer once. let your ruminating brain get a bit of a break once in a while. call yourself beautiful every day and see how it feels.

about the programme- hell yeah! happy for you, that's awesome, good luck!
i hope you continue to forget about this website! even if you never read my message, ill be happy for you :)
take care.