Venting depression hitting different tonight

[hellstar_paradox]

I've felt like actual shit the past two days, although today is a lot worse. Nothing's hitting today, and when something makes me feel better I immediately go back to feeling bad once it's over. Like I was feeling better Monday and Tuesday, but the past two days I've been cooked. My best friend (who might be my favorite person? Idk I haven't been screened for BPD and I'm still not sure but idk) has been busy, you know, actually getting to be alive, and yk I thought I'd be fine not getting to hang out or talk to them because I thought I was getting better at the neediness but then I realized that was when I had several other people to talk to (irl and online) and over the past few months I've gone from that to only have them and one other person to chat with, and the second person has been struggling a lot so they rarely even respond to me :') which is fine and I don't hold it against them, but it's still true. And the worst part is me suddenly losing a lot of friend wasn't even my fault. One friend I had to cut off because he was being creepy towards me, which kinda caused our whole friend group to stop interacting (although we're all still friends, but everyone is so busy), and then another friend cut me off bc I wasn't as good as them in a video game and they wanted to be an asshole about it and acted like I was in the wrong for not being as good as they were and not caring about getting better.

So yea I feel like shit, nothing's appealing to me, I keep impulsively checking discord and all my socials as if there's a chance someone might have messaged or interacted with me but that's rlly never going to happen lmao :'))))). At this point I'm just waiting until my body and brain will let me go to sleep, just to wake up and feel like shit all day again. Even if people want to chat or hang out I'm still in my cycle of depression and idk if it'll get better literally ever lmao, all I want to ever to is sleep and I feel incapable of doing anything most of the time because of how tired I always am.

 

[WirelessConnections]

I keep impulsively checking discord and all my socials as if there's a chance someone might have messaged or interacted with me but that's rlly never going to happen lmao :')))))

I do this constantly lol, even late at night when I already know there's nothing.

Even if people want to chat or hang out I'm still in my cycle of depression and idk if it'll get better literally ever lmao, all I want to ever to is sleep and I feel incapable of doing anything most of the time because of how tired I always am.

I can relate to this a lot as well. I'll see a friend or talk with someone on the phone and still feel empty inside. It's a really depressing feeling. I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now. I hope you're able to have a positive moment soon.