gemstar
New Member
- Jul 26, 2026
- 3
hi everyone I wanted to share something I've been thinking about for some time now and maybe I can find people here who would understand me or help me with this
the thing is i sometimes get very bad moods, I get anhedonic or sad or hopeless or feel like a burden etc and when that happens I'm unable to believe that anything other than suicide is a good fix for me
but then some days it's as if my mind became clear and I'm okay, I'm not suffering mentally and I'm able to have hope that things will get alright eventually and that there are ways to fix my life and be happy
but then I start remembering all the thoughts I had when I was not okay and some of them make sense even when I'm not in my depressed thinking state and it leads me to not work on bettering myself
to make it more understandable I'm going to give an example: during my bad moods I've been thinking about how life is such a terrible thing for all people and I must never have kids because I would not be able to live with the fact that I forced life onto someone,, when I'm feeling okay I think okay if I get better and eventually I'll fall in love again and then I'll change my mind about having kids and I can't let that happen so I must never get happy
idk if I'm making sense at all but if anyone here has similar experiences please let me know
the thing is i sometimes get very bad moods, I get anhedonic or sad or hopeless or feel like a burden etc and when that happens I'm unable to believe that anything other than suicide is a good fix for me
but then some days it's as if my mind became clear and I'm okay, I'm not suffering mentally and I'm able to have hope that things will get alright eventually and that there are ways to fix my life and be happy
but then I start remembering all the thoughts I had when I was not okay and some of them make sense even when I'm not in my depressed thinking state and it leads me to not work on bettering myself
to make it more understandable I'm going to give an example: during my bad moods I've been thinking about how life is such a terrible thing for all people and I must never have kids because I would not be able to live with the fact that I forced life onto someone,, when I'm feeling okay I think okay if I get better and eventually I'll fall in love again and then I'll change my mind about having kids and I can't let that happen so I must never get happy
idk if I'm making sense at all but if anyone here has similar experiences please let me know
