I will try to get better for exactly 6 months

[elenaboo25]

I will try to get better for exactly 6 months. Not pretend, not play along. Actually try to get better, until November 13th 2026. When I joined this forum, I never thought I'd try that again. I have tried and failed to recover so many times. Countless times.

But, after having been on kind of a bender last weekend, I started chatting with someone, and now I'm in love with them. I have been honest with them, but I have not told them about this site. They said it upset them, and I didn't want to lose them, so I've agreed to try to get better for 6 months, then reevaluate. I guess this is somewhat of a new start.

 

[elenaboo25]

I already regret having agreed to try to get better, but I've gone on a walk with a dog today, managed to do some things I've been putting off for weeks, and did only drink water so far today. It's a start, I guess.

 

[SurrealCereal]

It is so wonderful that you found a reason to give yourself another chance and committing to six months of genuine effort is a huge step. I really hope this path leads you somewhere beautiful. Wishing you good luck for this new start! ♡

 

[elenaboo25]

Today was a really stressful day but now I am so happy. The guy I'm chatting to just makes me so happy

 

[Cold Mirage]

It's always nice when you find the strength to look to the future.

 

[elenaboo25]

I still can't imagine having a future beyond age 30. I haven't gone to the eye doctor in over a year. My body is already so messed up I think it will only get worse as I age and I don't want to stick around for that. But I need to keep trying to see the good things in life.

 

[elenaboo25]

It feels so pointless to keep going and keep trying to get better when I know I will inevitably get worse again at some point. At some point my body will deteriorate again and I will have to take those blood pressure medications that I don't like. I know my life will end by suicide, one way or another. Maybe I can get a few more half-decent years out of it, but I am not sure it's worth the effort.

 

[elenaboo25]

The universe is once again punishing me for even trying - poorly - to get better. I've caught a cold - it is summer here, I've not yet once managed to consistently go on walks for a week, and I've gained weight.

 

[sireb_b]

Glad that you're still out there trying, but as a little word of advice remember that getting better takes time. As someone who tried to rush things and pressure myself, I recommend giving yourself patience, room to make mistakes, despite the frustration it can give you. I understand the pain of not picturing a future, of feeling like you're gonna end it anyway, but the fact that you have some motivation to better things is super precious, and you should be proud of that. Be kind to yourself.

 

[SASU-KE]

The universe is once again punishing me for even trying - poorly - to get better. I've caught a cold - it is summer here, I've not yet once managed to consistently go on walks for a week, and I've gained weight.

Try your best,boo!