Venting I survived

[Stormy Raine]

I think the worst part of any attempt is waking up alive, least it is for me! I'm sorry you had a difficult time, it was definitely a difficult experience for you! The key to getting out of psych is to tell them you aren't suicidal anymore! They can only hold you so many days, weeks or whatever your insurance will allow. The best question is to decide if you want to live which it sounds like you don't or if you want to try again? I've been in psych and it's really what you make of it, they have several resources and groups you may find helpful and some you may not. I suggest you try 1 class or session a day and once you are discharged them make the final decision for yourself. You will meet hopeful some wonderful people during your stay and I hope you find your path in life or figure what's best for you. I've been there and made it out, so can you! Everyday is a challenge and not a day goes by I don't think of another attempt. Take it easy and please keep us updated if you can. I couldn't use my phone or internet so consider yourself lucky. Best wishes to you!

 

[アホペンギン]

I think the worst part of any attempt is waking up alive, least it is for me! I'm sorry you had a difficult time, it was definitely a difficult experience for you! The key to getting out of psych is to tell them you aren't suicidal anymore! They can only hold you so many days, weeks or whatever your insurance will allow. The best question is to decide if you want to live which it sounds like you don't or if you want to try again? I've been in psych and it's really what you make of it, they have several resources and groups you may find helpful and some you may not. I suggest you try 1 class or session a day and once you are discharged them make the final decision for yourself. You will meet hopeful some wonderful people during your stay and I hope you find your path in life or figure what's best for you. I've been there and made it out, so can you! Everyday is a challenge and not a day goes by I don't think of another attempt. Take it easy and please keep us updated if you can. I couldn't use my phone or internet so consider yourself lucky. Best wishes to you!

I will fabricate a story about how i'm not suicidal anymore and my life miraculously got better. Idk how i will do it yet but I will think about it.

I realized after reading your and some other SN goodbye threads, that I'll use inert gas to ctb

It is your choice but the only reason why I failed is because i suffer from horrible nausea, which is why I got metoclopramide easily. It is your choice, though. I see how my goodbye thread made you apprehensive about the method but if you have resistance to nausea then you'll be fine.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Wow, ever since your thread showed up yesterday, I've been thinking about what happened to you. I was also wondering if your extreme nausea possibly contributed to why you vomited so much. Sn is still my method though, this is just one aspect of it I learn from because not everyone's experiences will be cut and dry the same whether it's because of out own individual physiology or meds we have access to for the method etc...

I'll attempt SN again sooner or later, next time probably using more meto.

This was gonna be my 1st question to you after what you experienced because it did not sound good at all since you described what happened as it did so color me rather surprised you will try again even if I am aware that others who've failed in the past, did state they'd try again, some did and went on to succeed. I suppose this reiterates the need for Meto even if people still vomit, I personally don't think anyone should compromise in that regard however I do understand its rather difficult to get a hold of.

Doctors said I would've died if I didn't call the ambulance, some SN got in my stomach. Now I regret calling them. Stupid SI.

Interesting that the doctors said you would've died if you didn't call because to me, if I recall correctly, you took all three glasses and still vomited however again, it just shows that vomiting doesn't necessarily mean failure. Si would've gotten all of us if we were in your situation honestly but I suppose this is where I feel benzos come into play which you did say you'll get next time. In the meantime, you should look after yourself after what you've been through

sorry for wasting everyone's time and making you all really anxious and possibly apprehensive about the SN method.

I implore you to not think any less of yourself after going through something like that, every method has its drawbacks that one must contend with even with SN, I'm so sorry you feel this way to begin with because it doesn't mean anyone should be apprehensive about sn or its physical affects but rather, be more aware that it can cause some level of discomfort that should be prepared for.

This will sound incredibly selfish but I'm glad you are ok and you are still here. I'm also surprised sn is still your preferred which possibly means it wasn't as bad but I don't want to make the mistake of assuming it wasn't.

 

[アホペンギン]

Wow, ever since your thread showed up yesterday, I've been thinking about what happened to you. I was also wondering if your extreme nausea possibly contributed to why you vomited so much. Sn is still my method though, this is just one aspect of it I learn from because not everyone's experiences will be cut and dry the same whether it's because of out own individual physiology or meds we have access to for the method etc...


This was gonna be my 1st question to you after what you experienced because it did not sound good at all since you described what happened as it did so color me rather surprised you will try again even if I am aware that others who've failed in the past, did state they'd try again, some did and went on to succeed. I suppose this reiterates the need for Meto even if people still vomit, I personally don't think anyone should compromise in that regard however I do understand its rather difficult to get a hold of.


Interesting that the doctors said you would've died if you didn't call because to me, if I recall correctly, you took all three glasses and still vomited however again, it just shows that vomiting doesn't necessarily mean failure. Si would've gotten all of us if we were in your situation honestly but I suppose this is where I feel benzos come into play which you did say you'll get next time. In the meantime, you should look after yourself after what you've been through


I implore you to not think any less of yourself after going through something like that, every method has its drawbacks that one must contend with even with SN, I'm so sorry you feel this way to begin with because it doesn't mean anyone should be apprehensive about sn or its physical affects but rather, be more aware that it can cause some level of discomfort that should be prepared for.

This will sound incredibly selfish but I'm glad you are ok and you are still here.

Sorry I made you worried about me. I do understand its rather difficult to get a hold of.

Also, I suffer from severe nausea so meto is actually really easy for me to get. I have taken it before and all I have to do is ask my doctor to refill the prescription for me but obviously many people can't get it like how I do.

The doctors said some SN still got in my stomach and later in my system, a bit over the lethal amount.

 

[nicotine_goblin]

That's why I haven't done it. I'm scared my si will call the hospital. I've seen a lot of cases like op . Seemed sure wanted to ctb , then took SN , then called hospital because of si.

That happened to me once. Took 70mg of fenazepam and woke up the next morning panicking, so I called an ambulance

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Sorry I made you worried about me. I do understand its rather difficult to get a hold of.

Also, I suffer from severe nausea so meto is actually really easy for me to get. I have taken it before and all I have to do is ask my doctor to refill the prescription for me but obviously many people can't get it like how I do.

The doctors said some SN still got in my stomach and later in my system, a bit over the lethal amount.

Did they mean the lethal being between 2.6-6g of it and a little over that was in your stomach.

I suspected thats possibly what contributed to why you couldn't keep sn down for longer. In my case, Meto is easy to get but I'm well aware it may not be for others so I don't blame them moving away from this method because of that amongst other things like vomiting. Perhaps this is why those who've succeeded had some kind of a sedative to help with anxiety and si.

After all that said, why do you still choose sn as a method, was the experience not as bad to put you off like has been for others.

 

[ApparentlyNot]

I know I'm not alone in saying that I was quite worried and looking for an update. I'm both so sorry your plan didn't work, but I'm happy you're still here and that you have no lasting physical damage.

I think it's ridiculous that something like this needed to happen just so you wouldn't have to go to school. If it is that painful or difficult for you to go, no one should be trying to force you. But at least now, you will have another year without being forced to go.

Please don't beat yourself up for getting help or for "wasting everyone's time." You couldn't have known you were at a lethal dose and you made the right decision to go to the hospital. And you definitely didn't waste anyone's time here, you just shared your experience, and that's valuable information regardless of the outcome.

I also have stomach problems - they have gotten a lot better over the last year or two, but I have had stretches of years when I have vomited near daily for an unknown reason and I still have a very "weak" stomach. I've always felt quite deterred from using SN for that very reason, despite the fact that I know I could get meto easily. I would imagine people like us, with "weak" stomachs, should keep it in mind in the future and take more anti-emetic than recommended. I have briefly looked into it, and I don't see any downsides to taking extra meto.

I hope your time in the ward isn't too rough. Me and my cats are sending you hugs.

 

[アホペンギン]

Did they mean the lethal being between 2.6-6g of it and a little over that was in your stomach.

I suspected thats possibly what contributed to why you couldn't keep sn down for longer. In my case, Meto is easy to get but I'm well aware it may not be for others so I don't blame them moving away from this method because of that amongst other things like vomiting. Perhaps this is why those who've succeeded had some kind of a sedative to help with anxiety and si.

After all that said, why do you still choose sn as a method, was the experience not as bad to put you off like has been for others.

They didn't tell me how much I had left, they just said it was a bit over the lethal amount.

The only thing that made me fail was the nausea, I didn't take enough meto that time so mext time I plan to take more. I will also get some benzos too if I can which will rise the chances of success.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I will fabricate a story about how i'm not suicidal anymore and my life miraculously got better. Idk how i will do it yet but I will think about it.

It is your choice but the only reason why I failed is because i suffer from horrible nausea, which is why I got metoclopramide easily. It is your choice, though. I see how my goodbye thread made you apprehensive about the method but if you have resistance to nausea then you'll be fine.

I'm sorry it seems you may have misinterpreted my message. I was simply suggesting if your goal is to quickly get out of psych and do another attempt I was giving you heads up! The quickest way out is partially them seeing you less suicidal and getting better before they release you. I also simply stated to take advantage of the resources available while you're there. I was just trying to help but either way, I wish you the best the last thing you need is unnecessary stress, I understand and been there.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

They didn't tell me how much I had left, they just said it was a bit over the lethal amount.

The only thing that made me fail was the nausea, I didn't take enough meto that time so mext time I plan to take more. I will also get some benzos too if I can which will rise the chances of success.

Thank you for coming back and sharing this especially since it hasn't been long since things happened.

I definitely think benzos help a lot, I've seen it in deceased cases where benzos like Alprazolam or Lorazepam were found at the scene of the suicide or was detected in autopsy of the deceased.

 

[アホペンギン]

Thank you for coming back and sharing this especially since it hasn't been long since things happened.

I definitely think benzos help a lot, I've seen it in deceased cases where benzos like Alprazolam or Lorazepam were found at the scene of the suicide or was detected in autopsy of the deceased.

I found a few online benzos sources and I asked the seller if they ship to my country and he said yes but I don't think those are legit. They do have reviews showing pictures of the medications delivered but I don't believe it still. I will try getting a doctor's prescription for Xanax because its quite strong.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Hey, welcome back. I'm sorry that you had such a rough experience.
Do not worry, u have not wasted anyone's time.

I hope the people at the psych ward do not treat you in a harsh manner.

Thankfully u do not have any physical damage.
Take care and rest well.

 

[William01]

I found a few online benzos sources and I asked the seller if they ship to my country and he said yes but I don't think those are legit. They do have reviews showing pictures of the medications delivered but I don't believe it still. I will try getting a doctor's prescription for Xanax because its quite strong.

Hello, we've never actually corresponded with each other before but I have seen your posts and seen your goodbye thread yesterday. I was indeed worried about u and glad you are now OK. Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm sorry u had such a hard time. Don't mean to patronise u, but the fact you were to start college tells me you are still really young? Late teens or 20? Do you think with the circumstances the way it is now that maybe your family will back off from you a bit and give you space to work things out? Maybe it could be the start of a meaningful path where you have a good shot at recovery (or atleast give it a damm good shot).

SN I'd my method.. I'm 37. I've the meto, some benzos etc I'm afraid yes, very afraid bit atleast I know I'm on in life now, and despite failing when I was younger atleast I tried the recovery route.

Sorry if you think me patronising or rude. Glad you're still with us.

 

[Minsu]

SI seems to be the hardest part of ctbing.. I'll destroy my phone beforehand just in case.
I'm also suffering from nausea and even brushing my teeth makes me nauseous very often unfortunately

 

[アホペンギン]

Hello, we've never actually corresponded with each other before but I have seen your posts and seen your goodbye thread yesterday. I was indeed worried about u and glad you are now OK. Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm sorry u had such a hard time. Don't mean to patronise u, but the fact you were to start college tells me you are still really young? Late teens or 20? Do you think with the circumstances the way it is now that maybe your family will back off from you a bit and give you space to work things out? Maybe it could be the start of a meaningful path where you have a good shot at recovery (or atleast give it a damm good shot).

SN I'd my method.. I'm 37. I've the meto, some benzos etc I'm afraid yes, very afraid bit atleast I know I'm on in life now, and despite failing when I was younger atleast I tried the recovery route.

Sorry if you think me patronising or rude. Glad you're still with us.

I don't think my family will give me space. Last time I attempted they only yelled at me rather than comforting me and trying to help me get better. I don't have enough support and i don't really want to stay alive anyways, the world is fucked up and i'm fucked up as well.

 

[SVEN]

Good to see you, sorry it all got a bit intense and the SI kicked in. We're all happy to say hello again and still support you. Be kind to yourself.

 

[F&Inside]

Hello again mate. I'm glad to see you here again. We were worried yes, but the important thing is that you are fine. Well, whatever happens in the future, good luck.

 

[アホペンギン]

How much SN did you take?

I don't remember how much was in each glass but each one had 20-25g SN. I threw up a lot of it but some stayed inside of me (the lethal amount) but I got saved early.

 

[rationaltake]

I haven't interacted with you a lot but your posts have often touched me. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I really hope your family have a change of heart.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

i wish you well with your recovery. I hope it's not selfish, but I am relieved to see you alive. your goodbye thread was harrowing.

if they try to keep you for longer than 2 weeks against your will, I'd suggest contacting a patient advocate or at least asking staff for a brochure of your rights and relevant mental health legislation.

for my stay, I was provided legal representation at the hearing for my extended treatment. I don't know if it will be the same where you are from

 

[アホペンギン]

i wish you well with your recovery. I hope it's not selfish, but I am relieved to see you alive. your goodbye thread was harrowing.

if they try to keep you for longer than 2 weeks against your will, I'd suggest contacting a patient advocate or at least asking staff for a brochure of your rights and relevant mental health legislation.

for my stay, I was provided legal representation at the hearing for my extended treatment. I don't know if it will be the same where you are from

Thanks. I'm glad you're back at home now from your psych ward stay even though that happened a few days ago. It must be horrible staying there for such a long time against your will, hopefully I won't experience the same.

I'll see how my stay goes, if I'm forced to stay longer than usual then I'll try to do something about it.

I wish you nothing but the best. :)

 

[AllFoxedOut]

Thanks. I'm glad you're back at home now from your psych ward stay even though that happened a few days ago. It must be horrible staying there for such a long time against your will, hopefully I won't experience the same.

I'll see how my stay goes, if I'm forced to stay longer than usual then I'll try to do something about it.

I wish you nothing but the best. :)

you're too kind. I wish you the best too <3

 

[Kerrtu]

Gray cat! That is how I happily think of you, and am reminded of my own gray cat, who I re-homed to a nice young couple who moved up the street here from Portland - I want her to have a great rest of her life and it seems she is quite comfortable in her new surroundings and silently judging the new humans .

I send you a big hug

It's really good to hear from you and thank you for letting us know what happened.

I hope you take it slow and steady

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I don't think my family will give me space. Last time I attempted they only yelled at me rather than comforting me and trying to help me get better. I don't have enough support and i don't really want to stay alive anyways, the world is fucked up and i'm fucked up as well.

Damn, I'm so sorry about this, I truly do wish they would be more compassionate to your internal struggles because I bet you that they would probably want sympathy for their loss if you died in this case whilst they don't care while you were still around.

 

[アホペンギン]

Damn, I'm so sorry about this, I truly do wish they would be more compassionate to your internal struggles because I bet you that they would probably want sympathy for their loss if you died in this case whilst they don't care while you were still around.

Yeah, they think i'm healthy and apparently i'm too fortunate to ever struggle so they dismiss my problems and instead yell at me.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Yeah, they think i'm healthy and apparently i'm too fortunate to ever struggle so they dismiss my problems and instead yell at me.

Part of me is still surprised you are here, actively answering all questions as you can. Anyways, did the doctor identify anything that could lead to long term damage or were you saved enough for that not be an issue.

 

[アホペンギン]

Part of me is still surprised you are here, actively answering all questions as you can. Anyways, did the doctor identify anything that could lead to long term damage or were you saved enough for that not be an issue.

I'm trying my best to answer all of the questions, I'm really tired now but I want everyone to be informed about what happened (at least, what i can remember) and give advice. I should probably sleep right now and rest but I'm determined to answer as much as I can, especially after the outage a lot of people are feeling more suicidal I think.

The doctor didn't identify anything that would be the cause of any long term damage, like I said, the hospital is across the street so I got saved quick enough to prevent any damage being done on my body.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The doctor didn't identify anything that would be the cause of any long term damage, like I said, the hospital is across the street so I got saved quick enough to prevent any damage being done on my body.

Fair enough, it makes sense. From what I've seen, some underlying conditions will either exacerbate toxicity of sn or will cause further discomfort. This is just a reminder for me for consequences of failure I have to avoid and fortunately, I don't suffer from any nausea at all, just an arrhythmia problem.

Take care of yourself and rest as much as you can.

 

[kionu09]

Were you unconcious when they found you ? and how much time it took to reach unconciousness ?

 

[アホペンギン]

Were you unconcious when they found you ? and how much time it took to reach unconciousness ?

I don't remember what happened on that day. I will ask one of the paramedics who found me about what happened (if I can) and I'll update you on the situation once I get information.