Venting i just want peace, just for a minute

[listless]

i recently went up to two sessions of therapy weekly instead of one. im trying to get back on my medications. im trying to get a job. im trying to be good to the people who are good to me. but im so tired. it feels like i never stop trying and i never have any rest. even when i lay down to sleep at night talking to my loved one on the phone im still fighting my demons just to try and sleep. i can sleep for 12 hours at a time yet i am never rested. because as soon as i wake up again im burdened with being me and living as who i am. even when im happ y or content im tired. it takes so much out of me to just stay afloat much less feel anything good for any amount of time. i hate who i am. i hate who i was born to be. i try so fucking hard every day just for the bare minimum and it doesnt matter how hard i try i still piss everyone off and hurt them and disappoint them. i give my all every moment of every day for nothing.

 

[FuneralCry]

There certainly does seem to be no peace from suffering in this world and that is the cruel, unfortunate reality. I really do think that temporary sleep could never offer any real relief as long as the chance of waking is always there but anyway best wishes.